Chapter Four
Jordan made her way back into trace…away from Woody. She leaned against the wall and let all the emotions wash over her that she felt when she saw him again. She assumed that after nearly a year apart, she would have handled things better.
She assumed wrong. It was as if he had never left….as if it were only yesterday he had told her he was tired of chasing her…and cut her off and left before she could apologize for how wrong she had been…and tell him that she loved him. She had lost a good man that day. She had lost her heart, too. He still had it, whether he realized it or not. But if he truly was through with her, he didn't need to know that. Just like he couldn't know about Max's cancer…at least until her father was ready to tell him.
Pulling herself together, she picked up the clipboard with the report she was working on. With a little luck and some concentration, she'd be finished by noon and could go home. Cook her father dinner…finish the laundry…and maybe get to bed early.
He had watched her leave…and watched her slump against the wall of trace for a few minutes. Woody knew she was trying to pull herself together and go on…like she had hundreds of times before when the deck was stacked against her.
I can't. That's what she had said. I can't tell you what is wrong. She wasn't in any trouble…and she was fine, or at least she appeared so. So what could it be?
Woody had to have some answers. And he needed them now. Jordan wasn't going to be forthcoming, so he'd switch tactics. With a determined look on his face, he strode into Nigel's office.
"Nige…I need to talk to you."
"What is it, Woody?"
"It's about Jordan. I saw her this morning."
"Oh…" The look on the criminalist's face clouded for a moment.
"What's wrong? She said she can't tell me…maybe you can?'
"I can't, Woody. Really. It's not my place. Jordan will tell you when she is able to … I'm sure."
"I can't wait that long…" Woody surprised himself at those words. For a man that was definitely out of a relationship with Jordan Cavanaugh, he was acting like a person who was in the middle of one.
"Woody…I can't."
"Look, Nige…I don't know if you've noticed it or not, but whatever it is that is bothering Jordan is wearing her down. She looks positively….overwhelmed. Something I've never seen in her before. And I've never known her to take this much time off from work…ever. What's wrong?"
Nigel nodded. In truth, he had been worried about Jordan for a while now, as Max was growing sicker and sicker. More and more of the burden of caring for her father was resting on her shoulders alone…and she had no one to turn to…at least not anyone that had been through similar circumstances. Woody had been…he had watched a parent die from cancer. He could at least empathize with her better than anyone else could.
And he knew that Jordan's feelings for the detective were still running deep. He wasn't sure what it would help by telling Woody about Max…and he knew Jordan would probably ream him out over his spilling the secret, but he felt Woody needed to know for Jordan's sake….He got up from his desk and shut the door.
"Okay…She's going to kill me for this. Right now, only I know and Garret knows what's going on in her life. But that's not her fault. Max asked her not to tell anyone…he'd tell the people that needed to know when he saw fit. She had to tell us because I was going to be the one picking up most of her cases while she was on short time and Garret had to know because he is the boss…"
Woody gave Nigel a puzzled look. He wasn't following the Brit's reasoning. "Max?" he asked. "He's back?"
"Yeah… he came back about a year ago…"
"And what does he have to do with all of this?" Woody shook his head…he really wasn't following Nigel's train of reasoning.
"It's all about Max, Woody. He has cancer. The doctors have given him less than six months to live.
He had gone back to his office in a daze. That explained everything. Her overwhelmed look….her slumped shoulders…and the reason she wouldn't tell him herself. If she had promised her father that she wouldn't tell anyone about the cancer, then she would keep her word. She wouldn't tell a soul.
But he knew now, thanks to Nigel.
Jordan was going to lose her father, too. As a person who had lost both of his parents at a young age, his heart went out to her.
As someone that loved her, all he wanted to do was take away some of the hurt.
Nigel had told Woody before the detective left the morgue that the only reason he was breaking his promise to Jordan and telling Max's secret is that he and Garret were incredibly worried about Jordan…the burden she was bearing by herself. She needed someone to talk to.
She needed Woody, whether she would admit it or not.
And now he had to let her know that her secret was out … at least to him. And it was safe. He would tell no one.
But he would be there for her to talk to.
So after he got off work that night, he found himself at Max's house…ringing the doorbell…waiting on her to answer. When she did cautiously open the door, she looked incredulous. "Woody?" she asked, not really believing her eyes.
"Yeah. It's me. Can I come in?"
"Ummm, the house is kind of a mess."
"I didn't come to see the house. I came to see you."
"I don't know…I mean, I think everything that needed to be said between us has already been said. You aren't chasing me anymore…it's over….what else is there?"
''Please….just let me in for a few minutes and then I promise I'll leave without a scene." He tried to push the door open a little wider. To his amazement, she relented and let him in. He followed her into the kitchen, where she was cleaning up after cooking dinner.
There was no way to ease into this…whether he told her straight up or little by little, she was going to be angry…angry that Nigel had told Max's secret…angry that of all people, he knew. And probably resentful that of all people, he could help her the most.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he finally asked, after a long, quiet moment had passed.
"Tell you what?"
"About Max. I know about his cancer, Jordan. You could have told me."
Jordan drew in a shocked breath. "How'd you find out…."
"Nigel told me. He's really worried about you, Jordan. So am I."
"There's nothing to worry about. I'm fine."
"Look…you're talking to someone that knows where you're coming from…"
"Dad doesn't want anyone to know until he's ready to tell them."
"Then he should have thought that one through more carefully. What were you supposed to do? Who were you supposed to talk to?"
She set her chin stubbornly. "I have to honor his request, Woody."
"And in order to take care of him, you have to take care of yourself. So why didn't you tell me?"
"Why is it so important to you? You said it was over between us…why should you care about what is going on in my life any longer?"
"I said it … any hope of a romantic relationship … was over….I never said I stopped caring…or that I wasn't concerned."
"And you had a funny way of showing it."
Woody sighed. They could argue like this for hours. But the fact was, she needed someone to lean on…and he was that person. He knew it, and somewhere deep down inside, she knew it, too. "Look, Jordan," he said softly, coming over to where she was at…standing with her back to him. "I understand the pain you're in. I've felt it myself. I know how it hurts. I don't want you to go through this alone. You don't need to. Despite what has happened between us, I would like to be there for you." He gently cupped her shoulders with his hands and ran them down her arms.
And felt her sag and then crumple against him. Turning her around, he hugged her tightly as he waited for the tears to come…but to his amazement … nothing. No tears….just the emotions of her inner struggle against them. "You don't have to be so strong all the time, Jordan," he said softly against her hair. "It's just me…"
"And Dad will know if I've been crying and that will upset him," she said pulling away from Woody and going over to stand on the other side of the room. Taking a deep breath, she pushed down the feeling of warmth and comfort she had experienced in his arms…instead she said, "I think you need to go now. I appreciate all that you've said…and what you've tried to do….but….it's just not good for me to see you right now…Until Dad decides who he's going to tell and when….I've got to be strong for him. I really do appreciate it…and maybe…when the circumstances change…."
Woody felt as if she had slapped him. But the look in her honey-colored eyes reflected pure anguish and pain. He realized she was doing her best to honor her father's wishes.
But she was also hurting herself. He wondered if she was aware of that. Stifling a sigh, he said, "Okay…I understand… but if you need me, Jordan…anytime…day or night…someone to talk to …. Scream at….someone to be there when you breakdown…I'm your man."
