Chapter Five
The One Thing She Needs
Jordan closed the door of her apartment behind her and leaned against it. She needed a few hours to herself…to rest…to sleep….to regroup. It had not been a good day…and that was putting it mildly.
Max was growing worse. During the year he had been back in Boston, his fight with cancer had its ups and downs. But during the last six weeks, the downward spiral had accelerated. The doctors had done everything they knew to do. His options for treatments had run out. Jordan was doing everything she possibly could to keep him comfortable.
That's all that was left for her to do…that, and watch her father slowly fade away. It was wearing on her. She was trying to stay strong for his sake…trying to ignore the painful stress headaches she now suffered, but a part of her died a little each day along with her father. Max was all she had left in this world…and now he was leaving her, too.
She had arranged with Jennie for Max to have around the clock hospice nurses for the next 36-hours. She needed to get away….to find some kind of firm footing in the shifting sands of her world. She had gone into the morgue and after work, she came to her apartment. Wearily pulling away from the door, she decided she would take a hot shower, change into her pajamas, and go to sleep – even if it was the middle of the day. Her body was craving uninterrupted sleep that would refresh it and her soul.
At least that was her plan. A knock on the door sidetracked her intentions.
Woody stood in front of the big, red door of her Pearle Street apartment for a long time before knocking. He had followed her when she left the morgue.
Nigel had called him before Jordan had left work. Jordan had talked to him before she gone for the day…told him that she may need some extended family leave due to Max's condition. They both had been expecting this…and of course, the time off was no problem, Nigel just needed to know that she wouldn't be around to carry her work load.
But for once Nigel had seen Jordan look completely vulnerable…almost frail. And he felt completely helpless about it. He didn't know what to do, other than hug her tightly and ask her if she wanted to talk about it. She had shook her head and left quickly, just telling him she would let him know soon about the time off.
That's when Nigel had called Woody. Nigel felt Jordan might open up to the detective because of their history…and the fact that Nigel knew Jordan still had deep feelings for the detective. So he had asked Woody to follow Jordan and make sure she was alright.
And that's why he was at her door, but hesitant to knock…he wasn't sure what her reaction would be now, given their last encounter at Max's house. Almost reluctantly, he tapped on the door. He heard her soft "Just a minute," and then the door swung open.
"Woody?" How did he know where she was at?
Woody ran his eyes over her, viewing her critically. Nigel was right. She was about at the point of collapse, whether she knew it or not. "May I come in?"
She swung the door open a little wider to let him through, then shut and locked it behind him. "I know this sounds trite, but what are you doing here? I thought I told you that it was better right now that we not see each other."
Honesty was always the best policy with Jordan. "Nigel called me. He's worried about you. So am I."
Self-consciously she ran a hand down the front of her shirt and jeans. "I'm…doing okay. I just needed sometime to ….get away. Get some sleep. It's hard to do that at home now. So hospice is arranging for a nurse to stay with dad for the next 36 hours so I can get some rest."
Woody nodded. At least she knew when she had reached her limits. That was new to Jordan Cavanaugh. Of course, watching a parent die changes you forever. But Nigel had been right…she was looking frail…concern gripped his gut and he gave up the fight. He originally just planned to check and make sure she was going to be okay and then go back to work. Now he was down for the count.
"Max isn't doing well, is he, Jo?"
She turned her back to him so he couldn't see her cry. After all, he had said he was not longer interested in her. She had no desire to allow him to see her that vulnerable…..or needy.
"No…" she managed to get out. "Not at all…"
He was officially out for the count now. Walking over to her and running his hands down her arms, he could feel her crying. He turned her around and pulled her to him. "Cry Jordan. That's what you need to do. It's okay…I'm here…I'll take care of you." His arms tightened as he felt her cries turn to sobs. Without thinking twice, he picked her up and took her to the couch, holding her in his lap, until the sobs had subsided. Then he reached for a tissue off the coffee table, gently wiping her eyes, noting that even though her crying had eased, she was still holding onto him tightly, making no effort to move away. He tightened his arms around her again in response. If there was one thing she needed right now, it was to know someone was there for her the same way she was taking care of Max.
Woody knew that was what she needed. Jordan had been caring for Max now for months on her own, pouring out all her energies, attention, and compassion on her father…something Woody knew she wanted to do, but it was leaving her empty and tired. Jordan was taking care of Max, but no one had been taking care of Jordan. Max hadn't allowed that because he didn't want his daughter telling anyone of his condition. He felt his arms protectively tighten around her again.
He knew. He'd take care of her…give her what she needed. And right now she needed to know she wasn't alone and he was there for her….in any capacity she needed him.
She had finally quieted down almost completely, and with a soft sigh had settled her head on his shoulder, still not making any effort to move away.
She didn't want to. Just his mere presence was giving her more comfort and strength than she had known in months. She didn't know when she'd ever feel this safe again.
"Hey," he softly, finally bringing her out of her reverie. "Why don't you go take a shower and then get in that nap that I know you need? Meanwhile, I run down to the grocery store and get something to cook for dinner. How does that sound?"
How does that sound? She thought. More wonderful than you could possibly imagine…"Don't you have to work?" she asked hesitantly. She didn't want to get her hopes built up and then have them let down.
"I really think they'll let me have the afternoon off. I've put in some serious overtime the last couple of weeks on the Stewart case." He smiled at her and Jordan felt her heart jump. It was a full Woody smile – dimples and all. "So…"
"That sounds really good….that is if you want to…"
He brushed the side of her head with his lips. "Good. Now get that shower and try to grab a nap. I'll take your key so you won't have to get up and let me back in the apartment."
She was sound asleep when he returned, curled up on the couch in an afghan. She had showered and let her hair dry by itself, because it was curling riotously over her shoulders. He smiled softly at her and began to put away the groceries.
He had called the precinct to get the afternoon off and then he had called Nigel. He knew the criminalist was as worried about Jordan as he was. Nigel had sounded relieved when Woody told him that Jordan was resting. He also revealed to Woody that during the last month or so Jordan had begun suffering from painful migraines, probably brought on by the stress of caring for her father. The rest and dinner would probably do her good. Nigel knew she wasn't getting enough sleep. He doubted if she was taking care of herself in any other area, either.
The headaches concerned Woody. With all she was going through, she didn't need anything else. He had a feeling that the headaches were a result of Jordan having to keep everything bottled up inside…not being able to talk to anyone.
And not just about Max. He probably had a lot to do with those headaches, too. At least that's what Nigel had indicated in their conversation. When Woody mentioned he was cooking dinner for her, there had been a long pause on the other end of the phone. "Be careful with her, Woody," he had warned. "I mean it."
Woody had been somewhat taken aback at Nigel's protective behavior. He knew Jordan and the criminalist had a long history of friendship. He doubted it had moved to anything beyond that, or Nigel would be at her apartment himself. But he had never seen the Brit so protective of her. "I will be," he answered.
"No…I mean be really careful. She's missed you….she's tried to move on, but she's grieved for you nearly as much as she has for Max. You never let her finish what she wanted to say to you before you left her office that night of her birthday. You said you only wanted to be friends, and she's tried to respect that. But I can tell you for a fact, that her feelings for you run deeper than friendship. Jordan doesn't need a broken heart on top of everything else she's going through. So if you're only going to be her friend, be very careful that you don't lead her on to believe anything else. If you want something more…then be just as careful with her…"
Woody had swallowed hard, then. Was she really grieving for him…and what they could have had? What had she wanted to tell him that night….after they had solved the case of the pregnant nun? Jordan needed him to take care of her now…and he thought she was beginning to realize that. But they also needed to clear the air between the two of them…there was a lot more left unsaid than he had realized. If they could clear up any hard feelings between the two of them… then maybe she would feel some better. He knew he would. They could at least begin healing their hearts together.
He sighed. There was a lot they needed to talk about before her 36-hour "leave" was up.
