Chapter Six
Dinner Conversation
"Jordan…Jordan…Jo?" Woody said, gently trying to shake her awake after he had cooked dinner.
"Hmmmmm," was her soft reply, burying her face deeper in her pillow.
"Are you hungry?"
"Woody?" So it wasn't a dream. He was there. She had really been afraid it was only her imagination.
"Are you hungry?" he repeated. She nodded and began to sit up, brushing her hair out of her eyes. He helped her off the couch and to the kitchen. "This looks wonderful, but you went to so much trouble…."
"No trouble…you need to keep your strength up." He watched her as she ate…and made sure her wine glass was filled. Finally when dinner was over, he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"
She gave him a puzzled look. "About what?"
"Your dad."
She shook her head. "No…not really. He just doesn't have long left…and I'm just trying to deal with it and understand what he wants me to do."
"Then can we talk about something else?"
"What?"
"Us."
Jordan drew in a sharp breath. In her mind, however much she still wanted it, there was no us any longer. Woody had said his peace. He wanted to remain friends and friends only. She could accept that, even if she didn't believe it. She could deal with it, even though she knew that she still loved him. But her emotions were fragile enough as it was…what little of her there was left, she wanted to keep in tact. If he rejected her again, she didn't think her fragile emotional state could take it. "Please, Woody. Can we do it some other time…later? Just, not now…not here…"
"I think we need to talk," he replied gently. "I think it would make you feel better to clear the air."
"I think you made yourself perfectly clear…You want to be friends. You were tired of chasing me…you weren't going to any longer…you just want to be friends. I understand."
"How do you feel about it, though? I never stopped to ask you that night in your office."
"No, you didn't. You just said what you wanted to and left."
"Then how do you feel?"
"Does it matter? I mean really, does it? I understand why you feel the way you do, I led you on too many years, letting you think that there might be something there and then would back off when I got scared…but I do appreciate your friendship…and everything you've done for me…" she lowered her eyes and her voice.
He took her hand, rubbing soft circles on the back of it. "But how long do you think we can keep this up? The friendship thing? How do you feel about that?"
Taking a deep breath, she said, "I…I…I don't know. When you came into my office the night of my birthday, I was ready to tell you that I wanted a relationship with you. That I was ready to overcome any doubts I had…but I don't blame you, Woody. You've had a lot of patience with me and I just waited too long. And then you left….and Dad came home…and …and…" her voice trailed off as tears became a concern again and she looked down at her plate.
Woody reached out and gently lifted her head so that she was looking in his eyes. "I wish I would have let you talk that night, Jo. I'm not sure where this puts 'us' exactly…I have a feeling that is something that only time will tell. But I do wish with my whole heart that I would have known about your father from the beginning…from the time he came back to Boston. I wish I could have been there for you."
She shook her head. "It's okay, Woody. I don't want any guilt-trip compassion…nor do I expect anything other than friendship from you."
"Can I ask you something else?" He waited until she had slowly nodded her head. "Why didn't you come after me that night I tried to give you the ring? Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you stop me?"
"You wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise that night, you needed to say what was on your mind. So I figured I didn't matter to you any longer…then you left the 19th…then Dad…then…" her voice trailed off again as she stared down at her plate. "But we're still friends? Right?"
"Is it too late for anything else? Could we be more than friends?"
Her head snapped up as her heart rate increased exponentially. But her reality…what she had facing her in the weeks and days ahead was also on her mind. "Now is not the time, Woody. I can't…we can't make a decision like that right now…Dad's just getting worse and worse…I'm too tired to think straight…and I've started having these awful migraine headaches. The doctor thinks they're due to the stress I'm under…" She got up and put her plate in the sink, continuing speaking from there. "But I don't know which is worse. The pain in my head or the pain in my heart from losing Dad…and from losing you."
Woody had followed her to the sink. Gently turning her to him, he just held her as he felt the tears begin to come again…as Jordan was still just beginning to grieve her father. He hugged her close for a long moment, finally kissing the top of her head, and saying, "Let me take you to bed, Jordan. I understand what you're feeling…I don't want to leave you alone tonight…or for the next however many hours we have left. You need someone….you need me."
And she let him. She let him lead her to her bed where He tucked her in and got in beside her, just holding her the rest of the night…letting her cry herself out…then keeping her close as she slept the rest of the hours away.
It was the first good night's sleep she had gotten in months. And for the first time in weeks, she woke without a pounding in her head.
