Chapter 10 Choice

After Rin went out, followed closely by Haru, there was a strong silence in the café. Only jazz spilled out from the speakers above. Faces cast glances at us, and a murmur rose up.

Momiji dropped his ice cream, which was dripping, and came over. My face was lowered, excess water still on my face. My face and throat burned; tears prickled at my eyes. Embaressment and sorrow didn't mix well.

Haru's word's was right. I hid like a coward in Hokkaido, and I didn't even wrote a letter back. I was silent, hiding far, far away from it all. I was pathetic, a coward. But I did not enjoy the life there at all.

Momiji's form shaded part of the glances from the people inside. A small hand rested on my shoulder, then his child-like voice sounded softly.

"Yuri-chan?"

The tears flowed and mixed with the water. I opened my mouth to answer him, but something similar to a croak came out. My throat was still burning and my voice wavered, almost intangible. Momiji's hand still rested on my shoulder. I raise my finger to brush away the tears and forced a smile.

"Let's go, Momiji." I whispered.

When I stood up, faces immediately turned to me. The murmur faltered a bit, and I saw a woman muttering to her husband behind her hand. The sound of my shoes hitting the floor seemed to make the loudest noise, apart from the jazz music. I scanned the faces briefly when I walked. Most of it wore an expression of curiosity. Others looked on with a blank, unfriendly face. After that, I stared straight ahead of me, trying not to look at those faces.

The journey home was accompanied by silence. Momiji had a sullen look on his face and he looked at the ground. Although my eyes was on the road, I felt like a dummy walking, a hand behind my back controlling my moves and speaking. The road was a hazy window I looked out from the inside, wallowing in the feelings of self-worth and patheticnes.

When we stepped inside the house, Momiji turned to me with a bright smile.

"Nee, Yuri-chan, I have to go for my violin lessons now. After that I will take you to a fair that only came yesterday. Okay? Nee, please say yes!!" He pleaded.

I smiled faintly.

"…I'm sorry, Momiji-kun, but I think I can't go with you today." The feelings in me were too hard to beat down, and even if I went, it will continue to haunt me. Momiji's face fell for a second, but lightened up instantly.

"Jaa, we'll go tomorrow then, neh?"

"…maybe."

"Saa, I have to go now or the teacher will scold me. Matta neh!!" he waved, but I only smiled in return. He bounded off in the direction of his room, and I was left alone in the grounds of the house. Turning around, slow and dead-like, I ambled towards my room.

Crying? You're crying? Don't you dare cry in front of me.

Just as the door slid shut, the tears that I so unwillingly want came out. I closed my hand over my mouth and buried myself into the futon. Even the act of covering myself under made me feel pathetic. It felt like hiding; hiding and crying from the world.

All the words I said about Akito…I didn't have the right to say that…when I was such a coward, hiding…

I stayed like that for the rest of the day—in the dark, wallowing in my self-created depths of self-pity and utter hopelessness.


What happened next day did not made my life in the dark room any happier. In fact, it made me even worse, conflicting between my purpose here and my own feelings.

The evening after I declined Momiji's offer to the fair, Mother came in to my room. I was sleeping on my futon, my back to her and a crumpled tissue in my hand. I felt a hand shaking me gently. My eyes fluttered once, twice and I turned over, rubbing my eyes.

"Yuri…I don't know what you did this time…" she whispered softly, worry evident.

My stomach gave a sickening lurch at her words. A sort of rigidness went up to my head, and my eyes were clear and alert.

You know the ending for naughty girls, don't you?

"…what is it? I haven't done anything wrong?" Oh no…what did I do?? What have I done??

"Hatori-san wants to speak with you. He said he will be waiting at his room until you can come up and see him." Mother was frowning in worry.

"…Huh?" I remain in a blank state for a while.

"Hatori-san wants to see you." She repeated, the frown still on. I suppose she hasn't forgotten the last time I got summoned into Akito's room. Though this was Hatori-san…

"I'll go, Okasan." I said, throwing my covers back and getting up. She followed my movements and by her expression she was going to protest.

"It's okay." The same words uttered by her a few years ago, seem so long, bringing back blurry memories. When she said this to Rin then…she came back unharmed.

I wonder if it will work this time?


I came out of the storehouse sweating and tired. The whole afternoon and yesterday's work…only a small fraction cleared.

The Sohma storehouse was…big.

My head spin with the lack of air inside and layers of dust in the cropped up room. Opening boxes and crates, searching through musty documents and files, all turned up to be futile. Not one mentioned the curse, or even a remote connection to it. My long black hair stuck to the side of my face along with the sweat and I tucked it behind my ear. Now, walking through the Sohma grounds, gladly breathing in the crisp fresh air and being cooled, I saw a black-haired figure turning around the corner.

Quickly, I turned back and ducked behind a wall. I peered out of the corner. Yuri looked at the spot which I presumed where I was before. I forgot that she lived here too. Her gaze turned and I laid myself flat against the wall.

The next time I peered, she was walking again, her back to me and shaking her head. She came up to a room and paused, announcing herself first. A while later a man in white overcoat slide open the door. Yuri bowed and Hatori stood aside to let her in. The door slide close, locking the two people inside in their own secret meeting.

The Sohma ground was silent, devoid of any people.

Quietly, I sprinted over the distance and arrived at his door. Masking my presence, I raised my knees and my hands on the floor beside, leaned and listened.


"I know why you came back here."

"...I always come back for the summer holidays." I replied. If anyone observed me and Rin's relationship closely, it wasn't hard to figure it all out. But known to a Jyunishi, except Rin, could mean disaster. All he had to do was open his mouth to Akito, and the cycle will begin again.

Hatori gazes at me steadily a while. I did not meet his eye and kept quiet. The silence was unnerving; an ice wall separating each other from each's mind.

"…I know the reason why you quit the boarding school at Hokkaido."

I closed my eyes.

"Let me give you a piece of advice. Abandon your purpose here; it will all be fruitless." He said dully, both hands in his white overcoat's pocket.

My eyes opened and I realize I had stopped breathing. I exhaled a breath and sucked in. My fingers flexed beside me.

"…Will you tell Akito?" With or without the advice, this was the most important thing of all.

"That depends on your decision. As far as I'm concerned, Akito does not know anything of this." The answer came naturally, as if he had expected this all along.

This sounds like he's blackmailing me...the thought popped into my head automaticlly. Was Hatori-san this kind of person?

"My purpose here isn't even half-way through…how do you know it will not succeed?"

"I have seen enough to be able to predict it. Take my advice: it is hopeless. Outsiders simply cannot understand the world we Jyunishi's are in…or of the curse we have. Meddling will only bring unnecessary trouble."

Hatori's words were chillingly close to Akito's.

"…demo…if I go back—" my voice choked, and I swallowed before continuing. "If I go back, I will live the life of a coward." I blinked back my tears. "I don't want to live that way. I don't want to leave."

Unruffled by all this, he looked away. The only sound audible in the room was my sniffing.

"Sometimes…it is better to be a coward than to be a dead hero." I heard a sound and raised my head. I finally meet his eyes.

If what I felt was a prick of a needle, what I saw in his eyes was the pain of losing. Hope did not seem to exist in there. We were fighting a losing war, an endless cycle that we couldn't break. And the worse thing was that we knew it, and were not hoping anymore. Hope was simply an illusion of the mind. Looking into the only eye that was visible, it was proof of his words.

I couldn't bear to see anymore. I broke off and looked at the floor.

I heard the ruffling of fabric and Hatori sat down on his swiveling chair.

"You may go now."

I felt his eyes staring quietly as I bowed and left.


A/N: thinking of it now, this whole story is full of angst, maybe too full of it, don't you think? it's just a thought...anyway, the end is coming for this story. i don't expect it to be more than 5 chapters. Thank you all for your support!