"Yuri-san?"
I jerked and at once stood up properly from my position on the school gate. Honda-san's looked at me questionably with Yuki and Kyo beside her.
"Honda-san! I heard from Kagura-ah!-How is Rin?? What happened at Shigure's house??" I bombarded the poor girl with questions urgently.
"Yuri-san…" Yuki's voice floated above softly. I turned to him pleadingly. Kyo scratched his head.
I followed them inside the school compound. We sat in a shady bench, and Honda-san answered all my questions truthfully. I was dimly aware of Yuki sitting calmly beside her and Kyo standing, still scratching his head.
After a moment of silence, I finally spoke.
"Sou….I'm such a useless sister." I smiled sadly, shaking my head ruefully. One hand came up to finger my hair, a habit I had when I didn't want people to see. I didn't want them to see the tears blurring my eyes now.
"…I'm such a useless sister…I wasn't there when it all started…and now I'm not even there when this happened…" I laughed, and that made the tears gush down.
"This is so pathetic…hahahaha…"
Nobody said anything. Yuki was silent, turning his head away, his bangs covering his eyes. Honda-san stared straight ahead of her. I couldn't see what Kyo was doing, but his figure was still.
"…what's the use of crying now? If you want to be a good sister for once, then go and see her."
Huh? I raised my head up to look at Kyo, who didn't look at me.
"…Kyo-kun…" Honda-san mumbled. Yuki did not move, but his slight turn of head suggested that he was listening as well.
"If you think you're pathetic, then do something about it. Don't just sit there and whine and cry. That won't change anything at all." He said, his back to me.
"I know that." I cried, trying to defend myself. "I know that, but—" I waved my hands in utter hopelessness.
My purpose here isn't even half-way through…how do you know it will not succeed?
I have seen enough to be able to predict it. Take my advice: it is hopeless.
She was being kicked out by her own parents, and where were you?
Fuck off! Why should you have a second chance??
Kyo moved as he turned his head partly to face me.
"…don't listen to what they say. Just tell them all to shut up."
I stared at him, open mouthed. So did Honda-san, who looked completely memerised.
Just tell them all to shut up.
Is it possible? To believe in myself?
"…Rin-san…is always pushing herslf…she is always acting strong…to protect others…" she paused, and she smiled softly. She beamed as she looked at me.
"I think…that is very brave of her."
I looked back blankly at her.
"Sou da ne," Yuki chipped in with his usually soft voice. His bangs lifted to reveal lavender eyes.
"Rin is like this…she has a bad mouth, so she will say a lot of cruel things in order to push people away…" His eyes lowered ever so slightly. "But she doesn't say words to protect herself…"
Go back to your warm, loving family and go live your happy life. Leave mine fucking alone.
She was saying those…to protect me?
Then it all dawned upon me. If Rin only said those words to protect me, then what she really wanted was to keep me away. From Akito. That means that I still had a chance.
But by getting close to Rin would mean…feeling Akito's wrath upon us.
Just tell them all to shut up.
The wind blew my dark hair across my face, my eyes wide and almost unbelieving.
Shut up, Akito!
Suddenly everything seemed to be alright. The sun never seemed brighter and warmer. I knew what I had to do.
I jumped up from the bench so quickly Honda-san was started and started to rise also.
"Arigatou, minna-san." I said to the surprised Honda-san, a slightly shocked Yuki and Kyo who huffed. I flashed a smile at them and ran down out of the school compound.
You can't push me away, Rin…you have to believe me…and in yourself…
I trailed behind Honda-san and the neko after Yuri-san's departure. Wind blew the leaves and my hair, while I was lost in thought.
If you think you're pathetic, then do something about it. Don't just sit there and whine and cry. That won't change anything at all.
Since when was he an expert in this? Did he knew what was patheticness? Did he felt it himself?
But in a way, he is right. It is no use sitting down there crying and blaming others for all the bad things in your life. But other than that, what could you do? Memories of staying in a dark room for ages, with no one to talk to, only loneliness whispering in your ear…and the feeling of worthlessness that wells up in you…
Don't listen to what they say. Just tell them all to shut up.
I narrowed my eyes slightly. A rash way of handling things…the typical advice the baka neko would give…I wondered if I would have the will power to do that. Words are just as fatal as a sharp knife.
Oddly, I never thought of things in this way before. I snorted softly. What do you know, maybe the baka neko isn't as baka as he seems…
"Yuki-kun?" a sweet voice rang out, breaking my train of thoughts.
"Hai, Honda-san?"
"What are you thinking about?" I smiled at her innocence. How adorable.
"…it's nothing. I was just day dreaming." I said, glancing at the neko.
"What?" he said, catching my gaze.
"Nothing. Can't I look at somebody?" I shot back.
"Why you little—" he shouted, enraged.
Honda-san looked at us bewilderedly before smiling cheerfully.
It's a miracle that the baka neko's ass wasn't already kicked when we got home.
