I do not own Splinter Cell or any of it's characters… Ubisoft and Tom Clancy does… with that said… On with the show…

My life as a Middle Aged Jagged NSA Agent

In a remote place in the world...

The weather is so hot in this place; thank goodness my cheap superhero suit has temperature control. As I roll around this stupid, narrow ventilation shaft, I wonder, why didn't I become a teacher...? I could have had a quiet job in a University or something, but NO... Sam Fisher being a professor... Never. Stupid Fisher, very stupid. As I reach a small exit I hear the voice of Lambert in my head. I swear the Colonel sometimes scares the living hell out of me... Specially when he says "Phenomenal work...'

"You've reached your Turning point Fisher... You need to go up to the 25th floor and bring us the box in the safe... It is of extreme importance that you retrieve that package... The future of Third Echelon depends on it..." He says pretty determined.

"Yes Colonel... All I need to know is where is the Surveillance room, so I can shut off the cameras..."I say as I see a few girls in Belly Dancing clothes walking by underneath me... their belly jewels shimmering in the light. I wonder if this mission could wait a few hours.

"...Fisher?"

"Yes, Colonel?"

"Are you paying attention to my briefing?" Lambert seems mad, I think I am in for it, but don't blame me... this forced celibacy is getting the best out of me. Or away, however you like it.

"Yes Colonel, third floor... Surveillance, Motion sensors in the cameras about 20 guards in the 2nd floor only..."I don't know if that's what he said, but I surely hope it is.

"Well done Fisher... I leave you to Grim now... she has some important information for you..." Ah, not the girl that opens her mouth and makes me feel like I am standing by my grave. She thinks I am old... one of these days I will show her what old can do.

"Sam... it's Grim... I uploaded a map of the building to your OPSAT and possible points of Security glitches... Try not to loose your dentures in there..." She says with a nasty chuckle.

"Ha ha... Very Funny, Go check if you need a diaper change..." I say as I climb down the ventilation shaft and walk silently to behind a column that seems pretty dark to this time of the night.

"Ouch... Harsh, Take care Sam... Over and Out..."I am finally left with some peace and quiet, sometimes I like rather to hear the nonsense ramblings of the terrorists than to listen to Grim and Lambert on my head. I take a quick look around the hotel's entrance, this is a service area hallway, there is only one way out. I carefully check there not to be any one of my buddies the AK 47s. It seems the coast is clear. I crawl out of my little corner and on to the next door at the end of the hall, there is a light switch right above me. I turn it off and use my camera to see if there is someone in the other side. There seems to be nobody, maybe the Belly dancers are performing... and I am missing it, DAMN IT! Get a grip Fisher. I go out of the hallway and down the hall to my right is the elevator, which has a security camera right above it. I take out my pistol and take my lucky shot, a security guard just lost one of his eyes. I make my way to the elevator and press the button, but just when it opens some of my Buddies the terrorists enter the hallway.

"This is weird... Why is the light off?" One of them, a raspy voiced one says.

"Let's check out..." The second one says. I enter the elevator and invade my favorite corner, the elevator shaft.

"Let's go to the surveillance room..." They enter the elevator and I take my toll and shoot them both, nothing is going to interfere with my mission. As the elevator stops in the third floor, I take my guess and shoot the camera right out the door. Checking my map in the OPSAT I make sure where I am, the security office is just a few steps to my right. I look with my camera underneath the door, still considering the possibilities of using it in the Women's shower room in Third Echelon, and see that there is only one Asshole, I mean, only one respectable hard working man, snoozing in a chair before all the camera monitors. I crunch down and close the door, the guy moves around. I hope he doesn't wake up. I don't like the Crunching Fisher Hidden Ammo thing.

"Who's there...?" The guy asks... I chuckle, as if I was going to answer.

"I will find you..." The guy says walking around. I highly doubt it... I think as I put my hand in my mouth to cover it before I break into laughter. Who does he think I am, Snake?

"It must have been nothing..." The guy says as he sits down again. I start my slow motion towards him and when I am right behind him I grab him by the neck and squeeze him a bit.

"Tell me what I need to know..." I say as I pull him to the dark corner where I was hiding.

"Who... Are-you?" He asks...

"Nobody... how do I turn off the surveillance system...?" I ask as he moves a little desperately and I squeeze him a little harder.

"Arggg... You need to... restart it... it just gives a window of twenty minutes if you are heading for the vault in the penthouse it has an alternate security system, independent from the Hotel... If you are in the room when the Security system finishes starting, you only have to worry about the security system of the Vault..." He said as he gasps for air.

"Is that it...?"

"I... SWEAR... please don't kill me... I will not tell you are here..." I hate them when they beg; I hit the guy with the butt of my gun. That will give me an hour or so till he wakes up and goes screaming like a school girl. I walk to the control and shut down the surveillance system and it immediately initiates restart. I mark 20 minutes on my watch. I go back to the elevator and press the button for the 26th floor. I will enter the Penthouse from the rooftop. Call me crazy but I don't want to enter thought the front door. As the elevator door opens in the rooftop I see more friends. I quickly dash towards a dark corner and shoot the light.

"WHO GOES THERE?" Seriously, how many retarded mobsters do you need as security guards? I hit the Fisher-Vision… AKA My goggles and see them walk right pass me without even noticing me. What exactly is wrong with them? I see them keep their way through the rooftop and I rappel down a pipe to the balcony of the penthouse. I look inside and nobody seems to be home yet. I walk to the sliding door and enter the place.

"Fisher… it's Grim again… - Who would have guessed? - I have important information for you…"

"What do I need?" I ask as I hear some crackling in the front door. GODDAMN IT… I dash and roll down to a desk in the corner. I hold my legs hoping that whoever it is, is in for his wallet on top of the desk or something like that.

"The combination for the safe box is inside a drawer in the office of the penthouse, there would be a desk in a corner… open the drawer and retrieve the password… Grim out…" She's great giving orders. Everyone orders me around…I see a pair of high heel shoes wandering off the office.

"Where's my wallet…?" A woman and her wallet…

"Come on Dear… forget the wallet we are running late…" Says a man. Yeah, forget the wallet…. Forget it.

"But Roger I need my wallet…" No you don't…, looking to the side I see the wallet in the floor beside my legs. Now she really doesn't need the wallet, especially when it is resting beside the legs of the spy hiding like a freaked out hamster under the desk.

"See if it is in the desk… otherwise, leave it…" The guy says. I push it with my leg to the wall and hope she sees it. The woman goes, takes her wallet and the couple leave. I get out of my hideout and see the desk's only drawer is locked. I take out my picks and pick on the lock. Opening it I find a binder, a schedule and a lot of pens. How many pens a person need? Beside it there is a post ad with the number 2322. So, that's it… I stand up and walk to my right were the safe rests and press the combination. The door opens and I see a few thousand dollars and a black box. Time for me to go puff.

"I got the box colonel…." I say as I walk to the balcony and climb up to the roof.

"Well Done Fisher… Meet Junior in the basement and leave immediately….

Back in Third Echelon's HQ...

I hand the Colonel the box and expect for the details on whatever it is that I need to know. In comes Grim and Junior.

"Great… it's finally here…" The Colonel says with this creepy voice that I really hate. He opens the box and pulls out something dark… Is it Illegal gun Caps? A new kind of bomb? Then he eats it… and Grim also east one and Junior does as well.

"Great Truffles…." Says Grim biting the thing.

"Truffles?" I ask quite bewildered.

"Yeah, it was the last Godiva's tray of chocolate covered truffles…." Junior says.

"So… let me get this straight…. I went to a foreign country, killed a few men, broke the security of a hotel, almost got killed… was in the risk of being denied as a US citizen…. Just because you wanted… CANDY?" I swear my head is going to blow up.

"Lighten up Fishie… Learn to live a little…" Grim says offering me a truffle. I just take it and walk out of the office….

My name is Sam Fisher… and I am looking for a job….

(End of Transmission).

So, that was it…. What do you think? This is my first attempt at Splinter Cell Fiction… Please review… Thanks for reading once again… Toodles.