1Chapter Four: Alucard Strikes Back

The 'meeting' with Seras could have been the end of it. But Alucard had other ideas. Oh, he was going to make his fledgling pay for her little tantrum. But he had to abide by rules he had set for himself. Like, he couldn't physically set out to injure her. Not anything grave anyway. But he was going to make the name 'Alucard' feared once again in the Hellsing Manor.

Alucard wandered into the common room of the manor, and plopped down in front of the tv. He picked up what was called the 'remote', and tried to turn it on. But after a few minutes of vain attempts pressing random buttons, he just tossed the useless piece of junk away. He snapped his fingers, and the tv came on. He continued snapping his fingers, flipping through channel to channel.

Then he sighed and stopped. Looking around, he saw Walter ironing one of his master's suits. Then a light flickered on in the back of his head. He turned from Walter to the tv, then back to Walter. A grin slowly formed on his face. Then he began to laugh.

He got up and began to search out the things he would need. Walter heard the laugh, and looked at the tv. He shrugged, wondering what Alucard thought was so funny about surfing.

Seras felt better after attacking Lui. He was really more mad at her now than scared, but she didn't think he planned anything. She didn't plan anything either. Being vibrated and jerked in a rather small coffin while on top of a washing machine wasn't fun. And even after it stopped, she couldn't get in a position comfortable enough to sleep. She waited, her fury growing, until someone came and opened the coffin.

She wasn't really meaning to attack her master, he was just there. But she had freaked out both Alucard and Lui that for the next few nights they stayed as far away as possible. She found the fact satisfying.

As she walked by Sir Integra's office, she didn't notice Alucard behind her, holding an ironing board.

Until he grabbed her, set the ironing board down, threw her onto it, and aimed it down the stairs. With a triumphant laugh, he yelled, "Do you like surfing police girl?"

Then with a hard kick, he sent his fledgling screaming down the stairs on the ironing board. She was yelling incomprehensible sounds as she hurtled past the library and she had to throw her weight to the side to turn from hitting a wall.

Then she saw an open doorway approaching. With a small bump between it and the hall.

"Oh my-"

She never finished the sentence as she hit the bump, sending her and the ironing board flying into the kitchen, smashing into just about every breakable thing in the kitchen.

Lui stared in shock at the carnage through his camera. He had figured Alucard would exact his revenge, but he never thought he would come up with something this creative or this awesome. He had followed just behind Seras the entire way, and had caught every last shrieked profanity as she flew to her eventual crash.

Then realizing that she might be hurt, he ran into the kitchen, asking, "Seras? Are you ok?"

There was a huge pile of broken and cracked plates. And in the center of it sat a very confused Police Girl, "Where am I? Wait..."

Alucard desperately hoped Luis had got all of that. He had to admit, this was some of the most fun he'd had in centuries. As he laughed, an honest to God normal laugh, he was cut off by a voice from Sir Integra's office.

"ALUCARD!"

Alucard grudgingly followed Walter to the garden shed. He felt so cheated.

"What? All I did was put soap on the bottom of Walter's thing and give Seras a little push on it."

"You destroyed half of our kitchen you idiot! Some of our most precious china was destroyed by your little antic!"

Alucard prepared himself for pain when he saw his master draw her pistol, but then his master smiled sadistically, "Wait... Two can play this game Alucard."

The No-Life king didn't like the sound of that.

So he been ordered to do yard work. And first on today's list, mow the lawn. Alucard, the most feared vampire in probably the entire world, being degraded into a simple manual laborer.

"Now Alucard, pay attention."

Alucard stopped sulking, and looked at the monstrous hunk of metal Walter had his hand on, "Walter, what is this?"

"This is the Super Cutter Mx 3000."

"Ok. What is it?"

"The most powerful lawn mower available on open market. Now listen up, as this is a delicate piece of equipment. You turn this key here clockwise one half inch to start it. You control your speed with this lever, the wheel is the steering, and that pedal is your brake. You have to keep the blades at two inches above the ground, you control that with this lever. These are everything you would need to know about what is going on with the mower. Fuel gauge, if goes down to E you have to fill it up again, temperature, speed, blade speed, battery power, wind speed, range finder, stick detector-"

"Can I just burn the grass?"

"No Alucard, are you even listening to me?"

"Of course I'm listening. But a flame thrower would be so much faster."

"Sit Alucard. I'll be back to check on your progress later."

Alucard sat on the piece of junk, cursing his luck. Everyone else does something, then when he gets his turn he's the only one to get punished for it. Walter walked off, and Alucard turned the key, then after realizing it was the wrong way he cursed and started the mower. He immediately set it for as fast as it could go, turned everything on, and began racing from one end of the grounds to the other.

Seras and Lui watched, mutually satisfied. Lui was video taping it, even though nothing was happening, for no other reason than to hold it against Alucard later.

"I'm surprised how well he's doing actually. I remember when he convinced me to try and teach him how to drive..."

"How did that turn out?"

"They had to close off that street for three weeks so they could clear it of the mangled cars."

"Darn it. I don't drive that bad, and believe me, I drive pretty bad. He seems to be doing this rather well. Wait, he's stopped. I'm going in to see what's wrong."

Alucard stared at the machine. It had suddenly died, and he didn't know why. He got off, and kicked the side of it, to no avail. He then sat back down in the chair, then saw that the (Fuel Gauge?)thing was on the E. He need to fill it up again.

He went to the garage, and picked up a bright red container. It smelled about the same as what Walter had put in it. He took it and went back to the mower, and read the directions about how to refill it.

"Hmmm, unscrew cap. Place nozzle of fuel container into hole... Oh, I see where they're going with this!" He yelled, feeling proud that he had figured out how to do this without his fledgling's help and sarcastic comments. He poured in all the liquid from the container, threw it to the side, then screwed the cap back on.

Then he sat back down on it, and turned the key. Nothing happened. He turned it again, and still nothing happened. He turned the key a third time, kicking it as well, when a slow rumble issued from the engine.

"That doesn't sound like's it's supposed to happen." Alucard commented absently.

Then with a roar, flames shooting out the exhaust pipe, it shot forward at double the speed of before. Alucard, surprised, tried to hit the brake pedal, but he hit it too hard and it snapped off. The same thing happed with the speed control lever. He tried to turn, but found he had no control over it.

Lui watched in shocked delight as the mower, with an extremely panicked Alucard trying to control it, hurled strait for the Hellsing Manor. He immediately phased to follow him, and record what ever was going to happen.

Alucard watched in horror as the walls of the Manor grew closer, until only a few feet separated the insane lawnmower and the barrier.

Inside, Walter thought to himself, 'Maybe I should go and check on Alucard.'

Just then, the wall in front of the butler burst open, and he saw a blur of blue and red fly by. The roar was deafening, and one could hear panicked yells over it all.

Alucard tried to stop it, he really did. But there was no stopping it. The lawnmower had become a Juggernaut, and nothing could stop it. It went through walls, appliances, and very nearly people. Then much to Alucard's horror it started going upstairs. He made renewed efforts to keep the mower from causing any more damage, when suddenly his eyes grew wide. He new this wouldn't end well.

He crashed through the doors, and strait into Sir Integra's office. She barely had time to jump out of the way before Alucard and the mower crashed through her desk, then out her window.

Lui couldn't believe it as he watched from below as Alucard and the 'mower of doom' crashed through the window on the second floor.

Alucard took his chance and jumped off as he fell, landing on his hands and knees. He heard the thing start up again, and saw rumble begin to shift behind him. He instantly used his vampiric powers to set the pile on fire, and sighed in relief when the noise stopped.

Then with a mighty war cry the lawn mower, now on fire and seemingly really ticked off, lurched towards Alucard.

The vampire tried to turn and run, but his coat got caught by the mower, and it slowly began to drag him under. Seeing his options run out, Alucard did the only thing left he knew to do. He took out his pistols and poured blessed silver into the demonic machine.

Then finally, with a final scraping noise, it died. Alucard fell back in relief. He had killed it! He had won!

That was his last thought before the mower promptly exploded.

Hey guys, did you like that one?