1Chapter Six: The Dumbest Thing You Could Ever Do...

Lui woke up, feeling much better. Revitalized. Yes, he was a new vampire. And this new vampire had the sudden urge to do something. The ancient vampire half of his brain argued against it, and the bored teenager at the wheel tuned him out. He was going to...

Hey, he was going to go wake Seras up! Brilliant!

Grabbing his camera, he phased through his door. Phasing into Seras's dark room, he landed soundlessly on top of her coffin.

He gently tapped on the top of the coffin, "Seras, time to wake up my sweet."

And when that failed to produce a result, he smiled. Now for the fun part.

He stood up, "Hey cutie! Time to wake UP!" He punctuated 'up' with an extremely hard stomp on the coffin.

Then suddenly the coffin lid shot strait upwards, making him hit his head on the ceiling, then he fell to the floor.

He looked to see a very angry Seras. He then realized that the ancient vampire in him had been right, and this was a very stupid thing to do. Sadly, now it was too late. He had woken Seras Victoria up, and from the looks of it she was having a good dream.

"Lui! I'm going to kill you!"

"You have to catch me first cutie!"

He ran to the wall, and phased through it. But as he was almost through it, he felt something catch his foot. He fell head first into the ground with a loud cry of surprise. His camera landed a few feet in front of him, on it's side.

The camera recorded, uncaring as it's owner cursed, trying figure out what happened. Then he felt himself being pulled backwards.

"Oh crap."

He was slowly disappearing back through the portal he had made. He shook his head in horrified disbelief, "No."

His waist was through now. He began frantically trying to grab a hold of something so pull himself back. However, he merely scratched the floor with his fingernails. As his upper body began to disappear, he began to cry out.

"No! God help me! Somebody help me! Ahhh!" Then as his head dissapeared through to portal he screamed one last time, "NOOO!"

Then with one last effort, his hands grabbed the solid walls on the side of the portal, and vainly tried to pull himself through. But then they to dissapeared, and the portal closed.

Lui was suddenly face to face with his worst nightmare. Seras. He tried to talk his way out of it, "Hey Seras, how you feeling?"

She answered him by grabbing him by his neck and bashing his head into the wall, "How do you think I feel?"

"Very, very mad, I'm sure. So, I'll leave you to that..." He desperately tried to crawl away, but his cursed foot was once again caught by Seras, and she swung him around into the wall again. Lui felt for sure that she had broken something with that one. Not that it wouldn't heal, but that didn't ease the pain of it.

"God, do you think you're overreacting just a little bit?"

"You actually had the nerve to wake me up, even after you trapped me in that blasted coffin all afternoon? No, I'm taking it easy on you."

Still holding onto his leg, she tried to swing him back the other way. But Lui made a sudden jerk with his body. Seras, surprised, was caught off balance. He landed in her coffin, and carried by her momentum she landed on top of him.

"Well, not what I had in mind, but whatever works for you cutie." He said, smiling defiantly.

She smiled, and he wasstartled by what she said, "Yes, this works for me."

He wasn't sure what she meant before she started popping her knuckles. He sighed, knowing what was about to come. He knew all to well what happened with his mouth acted before his mind could come up with something intelligent to say.

Alucard was about to phase through the door into his fledgling's room when it suddenly burst open. And there stood a very beaten up Lui. His face was bruised, cut, and wasn't an overall pretty sight. His hair was in more disarray than usual, and his clothes looked like someone had taken a tennis racket to them.

"Luis..." Alucard said questioningly, then a smile crossed his face.

"Shut up Alucard."

Lui walked by him, and entered his room, slamming the door behind him. Alucard laughed, and entered to see Seras tossing some hair out of her face. She was smiling brightly, and stood in front of her dresser, picking out clothes to wear.

"Did you just beat the heck out of our dear friend Luis in your pajamas Police Girl?"

She turned shrugging, "He should have known better than to wake me up."

Alucard phased in front of her, "I'll remember that the next time you wake ME up Police Girl."

Johnny suddenly realized something as he sat on his coffin. He hadn't done anything to anyone in the past... Wait, he hadn't done anything to anyone since he got here! He was slacking off!

He stood up. No more. He was going to do his duty as the annoying vampire from America. He was going to...

Crap, what was he going to do?

Then he suddenly heard his brother's voice ring out in the basement, "Vampire meeting in my room! Now!"

When Seras, Alucard, and Johnny entered the room, they didn't know what to expect. It seemed a bit out of the blue. Seras thought maybe she had hit him harder than she thought.

However he seemed to have recovered from all the damage. Seras pouted inwardly, disappointed.

"Alright, if we are going to have a little prank war, I think we should lay down some ground rules.OK everyone?"

The vampires shrugged, then agreed. Alucard was intrigued. Rules, while they got in the way sometimes, made things much more interesting.

"Alright, first off, no attacking some one if they successfully prank you." Lui said, glaring at Seras, who blushed.

"Sorry about that..."

Lui smiled and dismissed it, "I knew what I was doing. You have to see the video of you dragging me back through the portal though, it's hilarious. Anyway, that's rule number one. Number two is obvious, no causing any lasting physical damage. Mainly for me and Alucard, since you can't really cause lasting physical damage to us. Third, lets try and keep damage to minimum... Wait, scratch that one. It's no fun that way. If you pull a prank, expect fully to be pranked back. And it's no mercy now. Keep vampiric power usage to a minimum. Alucard, none of your freaky illusion things. Those are just weird. And I think that covers just about everything." He glanced at the three vampires around him, "Any questions?"

They shook their heads. Seemed straightforward enough. Lui smiled and clapped his hands, "Alright! I have five cameras, so lets get as much of this on tape as possible. Let the undead prank war begin, Now!"

Seras and Johnny had to giggle, but they stifled it quickly. They couldn't afford to let Alucard know they were there. The ancient vampire was asleep, and they had a plan. Johnny had thought of it, then asked Seras for help. She had been dazzled by the brilliance of the plan, and had agreed emmediatly.

They quickly grabbed Alucard's hat, coat, and all of his clothes. They ran silently back to Seras's room, where they had prepared a swirling concoction. They threw all of his clothes into it, and began to stir. After about a minute they took the clothes out and let them dry. Then Seras had another idea, and ran into her Master's room again, and grabbed the vampire's pistols.

She was going to love this.

Integra was curious why on earth Seras and Johnny had been so adamant on her calling Alucard. She knew he wasn't up yet, and waking him up would only irritate him, but something in the two young vampire's eyes convinced her. She mentally called out to her servant.

Alucard stirred, then opened his eyes slightly. Then he closed them again. 'This had better be important' he thought. He summoned his clothes without looking, then put his guns in their holsters. He didn't have to look, he had been doing this for so long. He quickly phased into his master's office.

"What do you want Integra?"

If his eyes had been open they would have seen a human's and three vampire's mouths go slack. Lui was holding his camera, and was completely taken aback by what he saw.

It took a few seconds before they overcame their shock and began to laugh their head's off, including Integra. This irritated Alucard.

"What's so funny?" He asked, then he glanced down. Something was wrong. Then he grabbed his coat, and looked at his suit in shock.

Every single article of clothing had been dyed a tie-dye purple and pink swirl. Including his hat! The vampire lord stood there, looking at his own clothes for the longest time. Then his anger got the best of him, and he reached for his guns.

For a moment everyone tensed up, but when the guns when drawn, they went into even more hysterics. Alucard looked at his guns, giving a gasp of frustrated anger.

Both of his gun's had been spray painted hot pink.

"They still shoot though!" He shouted, and seeing the looks on Seras's and Johnny's faces, pointed one gun at each of them.

"Ah, ah, ah Alucard," Lui said, waving his finger as if talking to a small child, "Remember the rules of war."

Integra looked at him questioningly, "Rules of war?"

The master vampire gave out an intelligible shout of anger, and threw his hat onto the ground. As he phased back to his room, he told everyone, "I hope you are all ready for this, because I'm not one to forgive and forget."

Integra watched as Seras and Johnny left the room, still laughing. Then she turned to Lui, and asked, "What's going on?"

"War. Since we were going to do it anyway we decided to add some semblance of order to the chaos about to ensue, so we decided on some rules and declared a prank war on each other."

He smiled at the cold stare from Integra, "You what?"

"Don't bother trying to stop us. Even Alucard is having fun with this. Besides, it must be boring up here, alone and doing paperwork all day." he winked at the knight and set a camera on her desk, "Maybe you could find time to come and visit?"

Catching his meaning, she shook her head, "How old are you again?"

"Let's just say I was one of the Indians at the Boston Tea Party."

"That old? You act so immature."

"Would you rather me act like Alucard?"

Integra grimaced, "Good point. However, know that I am billing you for any and all damage done here."

"Don't worry, I have it all covered."

"You do?"

"Last time I checked I was a multi-billionaire, with my money spread out over a number of bank accounts. That was ten years ago though..."

As the vampire phased through the floor, the impact of what he had just said hit her. Then she shook her head. So they wanted a prank war did they?

She buzzed Walter, who entered Sir Integra's new office which was in the library, "Madam?"

"Hire a secretary, and send all my paperwork to them. I'm taking a brake."

"What?"

"I'll send over a stamp with my signature and the seal, and I'll let them take care of it for a while."

"Sir Integra, this isn't a good idea..."

"Better yet, send it to one of the other Hellsing bases."

"What has gotten into you Sir Integra?"

She smiled mischievously and held up her new camera, "It's war now Walter. The vampires have declared war, and I'm not going to sit on the sidelines."

Walter sighed. Where had he gone wrong? But then, "I'll stay with you Sir Integra. After all, they are all vampires you know. The two of us working together will be more than enough to crush them."

Integra laughed when she heard this, "Walter, you have an inner-child."

"I guess I do. I'm surprised you agreed to this nonsense though."

"Our American friends bring it out in people I guess. Look at Seras, and especially Alucard. Besides, I owe that overly-done-up vampire more thanhis fair share for all the trouble and fright he's caused me over the years."

And that is chapter six guys. Reality is slowly slipping away at the Hellsing Manor. What crazy idea will Alucard use to exact his revenge? What will Integra and Walter do to the vampires? Will anyone survive the 'Undead Prank War?' Read on and find out...