-:-Will Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter ever find true love? -:-

THIS STORY IS FOR THOSE WHO ARE CRAZY. Or for those who aren't "crazy" but are frequently accused of being crazy. coughs

This story will NOT make sense to you.

It will fill your ears with Kool-Aide powder and make you want to shoot yourself in a fit of laughter.

AHEM

I own NOTHING

If you would like a short cameo, either review or send an e-mail off to luv4keywest1828(AT)yahoo(DOT)com but be warned that your little role will be short lived and you will probably die a terrible death. In the story.

Also note that I am incredibly mean to all of the characters in this story. Except Draco Malfoy because he is the S3X and I want him ohhhhhh


Chapter One: You Suck and Your Mom Loves a Man

"Don't look now, but here comes Herpes."

Ron jabbed Harry in the ribs as they sat on the couch in the common room. Hermione was rushing over to them at about the same speed as a Dachsund chasing after a cheeto, dancing in the wind. Harry narrowed his eyes and looked away while Ron shook his head.

"Augh, Gods, why must she pick US to latch on to?"

"Harry, look at her face. She's covered in slutty-slut make-up!"

It was true; she was covered in purple glitter and sky blue eye shadow. Her hair had been straightened and she'd ditched her robes and now sported a tiny plaid mini-skirt (which her black glittery thong easily rose above) and a red bikini top. Earlier, she'd found a blue sharpie while cornering Filtch in the janitor's closet, and then proceded to write "SEX" all over her arms.

"Hey guys!" she said cheerily and slid into Ron's lap.

"HELL NO!" he screached as he shoved her onto the floor.

"OOOFMP!"

"Hermione, you look fat."

"OHMIGAWD NAH AH?"

"Yeah, maybe you should go throw up… again."

"Think so, Ron?"

"I know so."

With that, she shrieked in her slutty-slut voice and tore off to the nearest bathroom.

(Inside the bathroom: "Hey, you're a girl! You're not 'sposed to be in the boy's lavatory!" "I'm not supposed to be in your pants either!" "NOOO, PLEASE!" TACKLEGLOMP)

Harry pops something into his mouth.

"And wot was that, hm?"

"… 'Shroom."

"Bloody hell."

"I got more here, I guess I could let you have one or-."

"Do you smell that? What do you smell?"

"I smell sex."

"CHESUS CRUST IT'S DEADLY MUSTARD GAS!"

Everyone in the common room jumps out the window, the bones shattering in sickening crunches outside, the broken glass slicing through their inner organs and leaving a swimming pool size puddle of blood and poo on the ground.

-:-:-DIE BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD ME TO, SUCKAS! ...

"And does anyone know where you come from?"

Snape walks back and forth, giving each student in the front row a hard glare. No one dare raises their hand. One familiar voice rings out.

"AR-KAN-FUCKING-SAW!"

Harry crawls on top of his desk and curls into the fetal position, unable to control his laughter. His eyes are blood shot and his robes are messy and smell of weed.

"WRONG. Try your mother's penis and your father's vagina."

Herpes raises her hand.

"Actually, professor, the female has the vagina, and the ma-."

"ARE YOU A QUALIFIED SEX ED EDUCATOR, MISS GRANGER?"

"Well, yeah, I got bored last night and decided to take a class and, guess what, I passed!"

Silence. Silence. Silence. In the back of the class, a muffled voice screams, "PENIS!"

Class errupts in laughter.

Ron clears his throat, "You guys, be respectful. I'm trying to learn here."

Herpes jumps in his lap, "Don't worry, I'll give you private tutoring."

"BE GONE," he thunders as he throws her at Harry.

"Ewwww it touched me!" he squeals like a little girl and tosses her at Snape.

Snape smacks her like a volleyball, sending her out the window.

Silence.

"Now, where were we?"

The same muffled voice dances through the air.

"PENIS!"

-:-:- DIE BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD ME TO, SUCKAS! ...

ProfessorMcGonagall stared at the four students in her prescence. Harry, Hermione (otherwise known as Herpes), Ron, and sexy sexy SEXY ohmygawds so damn SEX-AY Draco Malfoy.

"What's this all about?" McGonagall squeaked, holding up a sandwich baggie of weed.

"… NOT … MINE … I swear on my LIFE," Potter sputtered, struggling to keep his eyes on the teacher.

"Pothead."

"WHAT WAS THAT, RODGER?"

"It's Ron."

"IT'S WEED! MINE! GIMME!"

Harry lept across the desk and latched onto the bag of weed, his teeth tightened on it like a Chihuahua on speed.

"Damn you Potter! You're off the quiditch team! AGAIN!"

"That's alright! I don't like your 'team sports' any-way-sa!"

"Oh?"

"That's right, McGona-slut!"

"OH!"

Herpes lifted an eyebrow, got out of her chair and straddled the Professor.

"I love you."

Malfoy got up, "Not this AGAIN," and left.

Ron and Harry silently sneaked out after.

McGonagall screamed in agony before tazoring Herpes to death.

-:-:- DIE BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD ME TO, SUCKAS! ...

FWI, there is a plot to this story. A stupid plot, but a plot none the less, and 'tis coming.