Never Say Never
Chapter 24
The last few months have been hell for Lorelei. Stephanie was almost six months pregnant now, and Lorelei was sick of her invading every aspect of the life she and Paul had built. The frustration and stress caused Lorelei to again retreat to her sanctuary of the library more often than not lately. She knew that it wasn't helping the situation any, but it was taking all she had in her to not push the woman down the stairs or something equally violent. It wouldn't help her any if she did something that insane.
She knew that, despite their history, there wasn't anything physical going on between Paul and Stephanie, but it wasn't helping calm her that much. When Paul came to check on her like he did every so often he seemed almost happy to be away from Stephanie and whatever was going on in her head to get him back.
"Paul, we have to do something. This just isn't working," Lorelei told him one evening. Stephanie had gone out of her way to get on Lorelei's nerves that afternoon for the millionth time. It was getting too much. Nerves can only be frazzled so far before they break and cause someone to so something totally insane. "I can't keep going this way. She will drive me insane."
"It's only for a few more months and everything will calm down," Paul reassured his wife. He hoped that she would believe that. He didn't really have too many words of encouragement to offer her because honestly he was feeling the same way she was, only he couldn't do anything about it. Stephanie was going to have his baby. He couldn't change that as much as he wanted to do it.
"That's easy for you to say. It's like the woman wants me to be the bad person, and I can't do this anymore. She wants me to hurt her or the baby so that I'll be a monster in your eyes. I will literally go crazy if things don't change. I know that you're trying to be the nice guy and everything, but something has to give. I feel like I'm sharing this marriage, and I'm losing," Lorelei told him. She'd considered just leaving since she had so places she could go on such short notice, but decided to give Paul a chance to see what he would do about the situation.
"I'm trying to do the right thing, and I know this hasn't been easy for you. Hell, it hasn't been easy for me either. The woman drives me insane, too. I know that you're doing your best to keep whatever little bit of sanity that I haven't taken yet," Paul said. "If you need to leave for a while then I would completely understand." He knew that he would be hurt, but seeing her hurting the way she was right now hurt him more. He knew he would also be jealous. He was just that type of person and the two most likely people she would go with were Randy or Mike. He wasn't thrilled with either prospect. In fact there wasn't anything aside from her leaving at all that he cold be less thrilled about.
"I don't know what I'm going to do, but staying here doesn't look to promising right now either," Lorelei said. She had hoped that he would be just a little more sensitive to her needs than what Stephanie claimed to need. It was so infuriating that she felt like she was losing the man that she loved to a woman who wanted nothing more than the power and privilege that he could bring to her. She was using him and the only thing more infuriating than that was the fact that he as totally falling for everything that she was telling him. He was inadvertently taking her side over his own wife.
"I don't know what I can say to change your mind," Paul said. "But if I did know I would say it in a heart beat."
Lorelei knew that, that was supposed to comfort her, but it didn't. She was feeling even more depressed and crazy knowing that he had no idea how to make her stay. He was supposed to know her better than anyone else in this world. He was supposed to love her and protect her and honor her. He was supposed to put her needs about anyone else's. Those were all things that he had willingly entered into when they got married. "Paul, I can't stay. I'm leaving in the morning," Lorelei said. She felt like she was going to cry. She just left the room to get some stuff packed and find a place to stay. And she would probably end up crying somewhere where he would never find out that she had shed a tear over him
--------------
Paul didn't know how he was supposed to feel. He knew that Lorelei's decision to leave was based a lot on the fact that he wasn't willing to change anything to accommodate her, but honestly he hadn't changed that much to accommodate Stephanie either. He didn't understand what she was feeling. He wasn't sure what she was even thinking these days, and it wasn't due to lack of trying either. He had spent many nights awake just trying to think of things from her point of view. It wasn't working to well.
He knew that Lorelei was emotional and he didn't want her to do anything that she would regret later. That's why he wasn't going to argue with her when she said she was leaving. He knew that it was probably stupid, but hoped it would make things better in the long run. He knew that nothing he said now could change her mind anyway. She was just as headstrong as he was.
He was honestly getting sick of Stephanie himself, but he couldn't leave her alone. What if something happened and the baby got hurt? He would never be able to forgive himself. He'd explained all this to Lorelei before, but obviously she was having just as much trouble imagining herself standing in his shoes as he was standing in hers. He knew that if asked almost anyone she knew would take her in and keep her as safe as possible. The person would probably be beyond pissed at him, but he could deal with that when the time came.
Now he just had to figure out how to deal with Stephanie without having his away time to talk to Lorelei in the library. He needed her more than she realized. He needed her more than he realized.. He wished just telling her he didn't want to leave would help. He figured it was worth a shot.
"You know how I said I wouldn't mind if you decided to leave?" Paul asked entering the master bedroom.
"Don't tell me you're taking it back because I'm still leaving. I don't have anything to stay for," Lorelei said. "You're too wrapped up in Stephanie's needs to do anything about what I need. I can't do this anymore. I know that I said I would stand beside you, but I can't; it wasn't realistic. I wasn't a realistic promise to make. I'm sorry that I can't keep it, but I really did try."
"I will still understand if you leave, but I don't want you to go," Paul said. "I know that Stephanie's been running our lives right now, but when the baby comes it will all change. Things will slowly begin to revert back to some semblance of normal."
"I can't wait that long Paul. I've waited for months. I've spent too much time waiting for a miracle that isn't going to come. If I don't leave now, I'll end up doing something that you could never forgive me for, and something I would never be able to forgive myself for," Lorelei said. "We've already made it through more than most couples would ever dream."
"So now you're giving up? I'm sorry that I haven't always made things between us easy, but you haven't exactly always made it easy either," Paul said. "I know I've done more to destroy what we have than any one person would be able to fix, but at least let me try."
"All you are any more is pretty words. Reassuring words. Words that you think that I want to hear. Reassuring words won't help keep my sanity. Pretty words won't undo what has already been done. What I want to hear isn't always going to happen no matter what we do to try," Lorelei said. "As I told the princess, you don't just rip someone's heart out then expect them to gladly hand it back to you."
"I don't expect to have you hand your heart back to me. I want to win it back," Paul said. "You're the one that's making it impossible to move past this all the time. I don't know what you want me to do."
"I want you to prove to me that I'm your wife, not her. I don't feel like you love me at all. Most of your free time is spent with her and aside from making sure I eat and sleep you don't do anything with me anymore. You hardly speak to me more than a few words. You don't even just sit with me the way you used to," Lorelei said.
"I can't make Stephanie leave. She's going to have my baby and I want to be there for my baby. It will know," Paul said. He knew that everything was going to be placed on him like it had so many times before. He admitted to himself that he deserved most of the blame, but he wasn't sure why Lorelei decided to come back if she couldn't put this all behind her.
"As long as Stephanie's here I can't stay. I know this is going to sound incredibly selfish, but right now I need to think about my wants and my needs. Paul, as much as I want to and as much as I love you I can't stay," Lorelei told him. She knew shew as practically giving him an ultimatum, but she didn't care at this point. She wanted either Stephanie to be out or her. She wasn't going to talk it any other way.
"Then at least tell me where are you going?" Paul said. He didn't like this, but he wasn't going to give her up without a fight.
"It doesn't matter where I'm going. When you decide what you want and what you value then you can come find me," Lorelei said. "I have things that I need to pack. I'm leaving first thing in the morning."
"So it doesn't matter that I don't want you to go. It doesn't matter that you're my wife. The one that I have gone to bat for more than once. Lorelei, I wasn't the only one who went into marriage vows willingly."
"Willingly? If I remember correctly, you were the one who bought the right to marry me from my father without my knowledge. Then you alienate me from everything that you do until suddenly I can help you out of a bind with none other than Stephanie. The first time one of my friends needs me more than you, you go behind my back. You were the one who said our marriage vows weren't worth anything," Lorelei told him feeling her temper rise. "I'm the innocent one in this whole mess. I refuse to be part of this wacked out triangle anymore."
"What if I don't want you to be out. I want you in my life. I need you more than I need water," Paul said.
"Again pretty words. Your words don't mean anything to me Paul. You've told me more words than I can count and they're just that words. You don't do anything to back them up. You told me that we would make it through this when we first found out, but you go and invite Stephanie to stay here until the baby is born. Actions speak louder than words," Lorelei said. "I deserve someone who won't play me second fiddle so to speak."
"Fine, you know what? Obviously I can't make you happy, so just go. I don't to be with someone who feels forced to be with me," Paul said.
"That didn't stop you when we first met, but it doesn't matter what you want," Lorelei told him. "What matters right now is what I want." Lorelei didn't give him a chance to respond before she when to get her things together.
-------------
Stephanie knew that Paul and Lorelei were fighting over her presence in their life. She knew that the tension that could be cut with a knife was her handy work. She wished that she could be more proud of it, but she was actually again facing the inner battle that seemed to be more persistent that ever before.
She blamed it on the hormones that were running through her system right now. She was doing what was best for Paul, the baby, and her. She had to keep telling herself that she wouldn't break down and just leave. She knew that Paul wanted to honestly be part of their baby's life. She also knew that Lorelei had taken more than any one woman should ever be able in the name of love.
Things would end up the way they were supposed to be, and if Paul was just letting Lorelei leave than he didn't love her as much as he though or as much as Lorelei obviously thought.
-----------
Review please.
