1Chapter Seven: All's quiet on the Hellsing Front... In the Beginning Anyway

All of the other servants were gone. Not that the Hellsing Manor had that many. Quite honestly, Walter took care of most of it, and if he needed help he just went and got some assistance from the soldiers stationed there. However, the few others had all promptly quit (Signing oaths of silence of course) after the 'Mower from Lucifer' had crashed through the house.

Walter had convinced Integra to do the paperwork required to keep the Hellsing Organization running, but they would indeed hire one if not several others to help out. In other words, the officers stationed at the Hellsing Mansions suddenly found themselves stamping the Hellsing seal of approval along with all their military training.

However, after one particularly grueling day the officers merely wanted to be left alone. They sat at a separate table from the rest of the soldiers, desperately trying to figure out how Sir Integra managed to do all of it by herself.

"She's not human lads."

"It's not physically possible to do all of this work! It's just not..." One of the younger officers added, then sulking some more.

Then they noticed a teenager with sunglasses on enter the room. He looked familiar...

The vampire from before!

"Alright, all you slackers, lackeys, and overall snobs of Hellsing, I have an announcement." Lui yelled, gaining the attention of the soldiers. They were all insulted, but they thought that at least this vampire didn't freak them out, "The Hellsing Manor is now the staging ground for the first undead prank war! It's me, my brother Johnny, the lovely Seras Victoria, that ever loveable lord of the undead Alucard," He got scattered laughs from this, "And of course working together will be your own Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing and her butler, Walter Dornez!"

The soldiers began to chuckle, but were unsure what to do with this information, and weren't sure if it was true.

"So now, let the betting begin! Come on you British prudes, do something spontaneous for once in your tea and crumpet infested lives!"

The reaction was immediate. They all pulled out their wallets and began shouting. Lui yelled over them, "Right now the odds for who will win are 2/1 for me, 2/1 for Alucard, 3/1 for my brother, 6/1 for Seras, and 20/1 for Walter and Integra! Please purchase your betting tickets from the devilishly handsome American standing by the door." He instantly appeared by the door, and began writing out tickets for the bets being placed. Lui chuckled. American ingenuity, at it's best. He could make a buck by drawing stick figures in the dirt. And he was going to suck this place dry of any and all monetary substances he could find.

It took Alucard two days to find replacement clothes. However, he made sure he spared no expense, and was sure to bill it directly to his master. He wasn't going to sit back and let her laugh at his misfortune. It had taken him the better part of another day to scrape the paint off his beloved Jackal and Cassul. However, he was now the crimson clad lord of the night he had been before. Just a little humbled, and a bit more vengeful. He had two primary targets. His fledgling and the vampire Johnny.

Seras knocked on Sir Integra's office door, saying, "Sir Integra?"

"Come in."

Seras opened the door, and suddenly felt cold water drench her body. Then a bucket hit her in the head.

Sir Integra was laughing. She had been waiting to test her new camera out for a while. She was hoping it wouldn't be Seras, but whatever works.

Seras stood there, drenched, then stepped forward with a sigh. She should have seen that coming. She needed to get Alucard to teach her how to walk through walls...

"I'm sorry Seras, but I had to do that to someone. I'm getting to live the childhood I never had."

Seras shrugged. She pitied Integra for a moment, being the daughter of a knight gave rare opportunities for such things, but she did tell her simply, "You'll pay for that Sir Integra."

"I know it." Integra said with a grin, turning back to her paperwork. She had firmly told all of the vampires that they could not do any damage to the study, where her new office was located. If they did, and destroyed her precious paperwork... Alucard could disobey some things, but not a clear, direct order. And Integra knew how powerful he was, "What is it you wanted to talk about Seras?"

"It occured to me, that we really aren't sure the FREAKS are gone. And while I am having fun, and I'm glad Alucard isn't being his 'normal' self as much, what if they come back?"

Sir Integra sighed and stood up, pushing her glasses further up on her face, "I've thought of that to Seras. But then I realized, that our intelligence division isn't going to make any faster progresswhether we're sitting here working our butts of or not. Oh, tell the others. There will be hours that normal duties will recommence. They are posted in the main hall. But I think it is very possible to run this organization, maintain combat readiness, and still have some fun along the way."

Seras nodded, satisfied. She saluted, still dripping wet, and walked out. She closed the door behind her, then Integra heard a loud SPLASH!

"Johnny! I'm going to kill you!"

"Wait, you can't attack someone who pranks you remember!" The vampire yelled desperately as Seras approached.

"That's not a prank! That's just throwing water on me!"

Integra chuckled as she heard running footsteps go down the hall, followed by a loud shout of pain. Turning back to the document she was currently on, she had to stop and laugh it out again as she remembered the look on Alucard's face after Seras attacked him.

Alucard phased into Lui's room, finding him counting money and taking notes. Alucard walked up to him, confused, "What is that?"

"These are the bets I collected from the soldiers."

"Bets on what?"

"Who will win this little war of ours of course. Plus numerous other things. You know, people here really like soccer."

"I wouldn't know."

"No I wouldn't expect you would." Lui told him, finishing up, "Do you need something Alucard?"

"I'm going for a walk. Want to come with me?"

Lui shrugged. There didn't seem to be any harm in that, "Why not."

They phased out of the Mansion and then walked off the grounds. The London nightlife at one in the morning wasn't exactly boring, but it was no New York or Los Angeles either.

"I take it you wanted to talk about something Alucard. What is it?"

"It's been half a century Luis, I thought this was what friends do when they don't see each other for a long time."

"Where did you hear that?" Lui asked, glancing at Alucard. He was curious, Alucard didn't seem the social type."

"I read it in one of Police Girl's magazines."

"You what?"

"You'll find that it becomes very boring at the Mansion. You run out of things to do."

"Hey, you don't have to talk to me about boredom. Blowing things up has begun to lose interest with me. When that becomes boring, then you know you have problems."

"I'm glad you came Luis."

"Why's that Vladimir?" Lui asked, catching a smile on the older vampire's lips.

"I haven't gone by that name in several centuries. Anyway, I'm glad you came because not only have things been more enjoyable lately, you've figured out a way to reach Seras."

"What do you mean by that?" Lui asked looking up at the buildings around them. A few cars lazily drifted by. If their drivers saw the vampires, they would probably just think it was their imagination.

"Seras used to be very subservient. She wouldn't cross me, and would never resist an order I gave her. Not on most occasions anyway. I expected that when she wasn't a full nosferatu, but it became rather annoying when she became one. You have managed to bring Seras out of her proverbial shell as it were."

"You wanted her to disobey you? That's a little weird Alucard."

"Maybe it is. But it was frustrating. When she was alive she seemed so strong and fiery, and it seemed like that died with her. Servants are boring. However, now she is calling me Master less and less, and is finally acting like she has a mind of her own. She's even insulted me, attacked me, and dyed all my clothes different colors."

"What did you do with those clothes Alucard?"

"They are still in my room. Why?"

"Can I have them?"

"Why...?"

"I just want them."

"Sure. I was going to burn them, but ok."

Lui nodded in thanks, then a thought struck him, "If you wanted Seras to go berserk on you, why didn't you just say she was hot? That seemed to set her off pretty good."

He turned when Alucard stopped walking. His eyebrow was twitching slightly, "I'm her dark father idiot."

Lui shrugged, "Not like that means much."

However, the look in Alucard's eyes made it clear he did not want to discuss the subject.

"However, since we are speaking of Seras, what do you say you help me? I have to get her back for all the pain she caused me."

Lui donned his famous, devilish grin, "Why Alucard, I thought you would never ask."

Alucard carried a bucket of ice with a blood packet. He walked into Seras's room, to find her getting ready for bed.

When she saw her pre-morning meal, she smiled, "Thanks Alucard."

As she walked over and picked it up, she noticed he wasn't leaving, "What is it?"

"Making sure you drink it Police Girl."

She sighed, putting her hand to her forehead. He did this about once every week or so. It was a burden for her at first, his way of getting her used to drinking the red liquid. But now it was just an annoyance, since she had overcome that particular hurtle a while ago. Now she was dealing with 'growing pains' as her powers started to develop more fully, "Good lord Alucard, I lose control one bloody time..."

"And put three men in the hospital. I'm not keen on repeating that particular occurrence Police Girl, since it was me who Integra blamed. Drink."

She sighed, and opened the blood packet. She had grown to realize that drinking it from a cup helped slightly. She poured herself a healthy glassful, and began to drink it.

However, she didn't swallow it. She swished it around in her mouth for a moment, realizing something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Her face turned slightly green, and she spit all of the liquid out, "WHAT DID YOU GIVE ME!"

"Why, blood Police Girl. With some red paint mixed in of course, for flavor, and some other secret ingredients so you couldn't tell the difference."

Seras flushed angrily, and threw the bucket of ice at her master, but he was already faded through the wall. She heard a chuckling to her right. She turned, her eyebrow twitching, to see Lui turning off his camera.

He looked up at her, smiling, "It was all his idea. I swear."

"I'm sure."

"Tell me, how did it taste?"

Screaming, she threw the half-empty blood packet at the vampire, but she missed him as well. His laughter hung in the room as he circled as a shadow, then he faded away.

She sighed and looked at the mess on her floor, "He made me drink bloody paint!" Then she giggled at the irony of that, and began to clean up, "Literally."

Walter put the laundry from the past week into the washing machine. He was humming happily, doing the work he had done for many years. As he finished putting the clothes in, he put in some detergent, then noticed that they were almost out.

"Strange. I thought I bought some last week." then he shrugged and continued humming. He closed the lid, and turned the washer on. Then he noticed the door was closed. He hadn't closed it behind him. He tried to open it, but found the doorknob wasn't working.

Johnny walked away from the door, tossing a screwdriver up and down. He started whistling as he walked away, watching 'Alfred' desperately trying to open the door.

Walter then began to notice that the washing machine was making extremely odd noises. He saw the water and bubbles begin to overflow, and a loud screech filled the air. Panicking, Walter started to ready his fighting wires to cut the door down.

Alucard sat, watching the old butler through the end of the camera. Finally, a machine that he could handle. He pushed the button when he wanted it to work, he pushed the same button when he wanted it to stop. Why couldn't all modern things be like that? He saw the approaching disaster, and chuckled. Walter was about to get what was about to get his due pay for last spring.

"3, 2, 1..." He muttered, phasing away.

Johnny stood ready, camera in hand. A sudden explosion rocked the house, blowing the door wide open. A tsunami of bubbles, water, clothes, and a very panicked Walter flooded the hallway, and carried everything in it a down the hall way further than expected. Johnny chuckled, "Who knew that putting in three gallons of detergent, removing all the safety features from a washing machine, and tweaking it's engine could produce such profound effects?"

Chapter seven, done. Professor Curly, out.