Did you know that "racecar" is "racecar" spelt backwards?

Ginny is to Harry as Shannon is to Malfoy.

(YES, I AAMM Shannon. And Malfoy is MINE.)

I own nothing. Not even a soul. sobs


Chapter Two: Sing a song of cheeryness, from the top of the golden mountains of potato fries, to the depths of tomato soup hell, where we all rejoice in the sport of pumpernickle while sucking on salt licks and timothy hay. All power-ful being of grasshoppers make nests amongst your armpit shavings as God stares at you in utter discontent because you suck so much. AMEN.

Peeves and Nearly Headless Nick sit outside the Great Hall, both with a look of peaceful simplicity on their opaque faces.

"I only do such terrible things because, well… my mother and father divorced when I was a young child. It was a stressful seperation. Mother never could devote enough time to me, and I never saw Daddy. So in the end, I guess all I wanted was attention."

A tear dripped down Nick's face as he listened to Peeve's heart felt confession.

"It's not your fault. Every child only wants to be loved."

"No. Every person wants to be loved."

Peeve's comment made Nick falter in his breath. He looked up at him with dead, lustful eyes, and Peeves moved closer. He grabbed Nick by the waist and their tongues met in a eternal battle to the death.

"I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, AHHHH!" screamed Nick, tears dripped from both cheeks.

Peeves ran his hand over Nick's butt and whispered in his ear, "Let's get the hell out of this prison and start a family, somewhere in the country side."

Nick wiped away the happy tears and began to speak, before his head rolled off and his see-through intestines splattered all over the walls.

Peeves prompty burst into pink and purple flames while singing "Creep" by TLC.

-:-:- DIE BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD ME TO, SUCKAS! ...

"… Its floating again, you guys!"

Harry glared at the muffin, complete with butter and jam, that sat on the plate in front of him. His eyes pratically buldged out of his head.

Ron shot him a less-than-sympathetic look, "Your muffin is not floating."

Suddenly, someone from behind grabbed Harry's shoulder. He looked behind him, to see ten or so cer-the-fied gangstuhs standing arms folded and sunglasses covering their eyes. A short red haired girl dressed in black cargos and a wife beater smiled at the pothead.

"Hey, homes."

"Oh, hey Ginny. You wanna buy some acid? I'd be willing to make you a special offer."

"Um, no, dawg, I'm straight. Akchully, I came to talks ta ya 'bout anuther sum'in sum'in."

"What's that?"

"Shorty, I really feels ya. Some days I wonder like… are you the Dre to my Eminem, the Alaina to my Haily?"

"… I WAS JUST THINKING THE SAME THING!"

Ginny's eyes moistened and she shook her head to drive it away.

"Harry… I.. I…"

Harry leaned back in his chair, so that three legs were off the ground.

"TAKE IT OFF, BITCH!"

He tugged at her shirt, and then fell backwards. He was dead before he his the ground, as Ginny had pumped so much lead in his brain that you would use his skull for a frying pan.

Ron's eyes moistened. And so did his pants.

-:-:- DIE BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD ME TO, SUCKAS! ...

" Damn, hoe, I don' know no mo'."

Ginny and Hermione sat in the back of their class, ignoring the professor. Instead, they chose to talk of much more important subjects. Like parakeets.

" Have you tried confessing your love to him while he's sober?"

"… ?"

"… What?"

" Is he eva straight?"

"…"

"…"

" I guess you could try slipping him some drugs, then taking advantage of his wonderfully sexy body while he's asleep."

" Hmmm…"

" Or put an electric collar around his neck and command him to have intercourse with you."

" You's a professional, dawg!"

" cough I know!"

-:-:- DIE BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD ME TO, SUCKAS! ...

Shannon tightly grasps an electric collar while hiding under a couch cushin in the Slytherin common room. Malfoy enters, and sits on her cushin.

" OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD!"

Panting.

" Well, hello there? Another mad fan girl come to get my autograph!"

" Oh, much more than that!"

" Oh!"

Shannon slaps the collar around him and shocks him a few times before dragging him under the cushins around, following by various animal sounds.


Comment or die. HA. How do you like THOSE apples?