AN: A mini-glossary of roughly translated English equivalents of Japanese:
hai – yes
ano – um
sumimasen – I'm sorry
iie – no
ne – 'hey' or 'right' depending on context
maa – well
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CHAPTER 2: First Night Together
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Soft breathy sighs...
The slickness of damp, warm flesh pressing against him...
Cool caresses of trailing silky hair across the heat of his skin...
Moist lips opening and welcoming upon his own....
And the aching strained feminine cry of his name....
"Shigure-san, Shigure-san...Shigure-san!"
With a jerk, he startled, his elbowing slipping off the edge of his working desk and nearly sending his weight tumbling in an ungainly heap to the floor.
Luckily, he caught himself before his face met the weaving of the tatami mats on which he sat. Heart racing wildly, he looked around in disorientation, taking in the scattered papers he'd sent flying off the table with his ignoble awakening as well as the shadowy darkness of his study caused by the setting of the sun.
He vaguely recalled trying to get a little more work done on his next manuscript after lunch but he must have fallen asleep in the midst of it and into dreams until her call had jerked him back to reality. It had been so wonderful too, he thought mournfully as fading images from his dream flashed across his mind. Although, he realized uncomfortably as he looked down at his lap, it had also created a few problems.
"Shigure-san!"
The worried cry coming from the other side of the door to his study shook him out of his thoughts as he tried to fully clear his dream-fogged mind. The task would have been easier, he inwardly reflected, if the object of his sleep-induced fantasy hadn't been the one addressing him.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Is everything alright?" came Tohru's concerned voice.
Realizing his voice was scratchy from sleep and had, no doubt, been partial cause for the present tone of worry in her words, he cleared his throat before attempting to reassure her. He was pleased at his success when his tone rang out in his usual confident manner.
"Hai," he said. "Everything is fine so there's no need to concern yourself."
"Really?" she asked, doubt still clouding her voice.
"Hai," he replied with as much reassurance that he could muster and was rewarded with her sigh of relief.
"Good," she said, cheerful once more. "Then, if Shigure-san likes, dinner is ready now."
Shigure blinked. So that was the reason she had been calling him, he finally realized. His mind never was one to function well immediately after waking, no matter if it was just a brief cat-nap or a full night's sleep.
"Ah, I'll be there soon," he replied.
"Okay."
He listened to the sounds of her retreating footsteps and sighed, clapping a hand over his face as events past replayed in his head. The dreams he had been having were coming more and more frequently lately. Though they had started, those featuring her at any rate, when she'd first moved in a few years ago, he'd attributed it to the natural lusts of any healthy adult male living in a house with only one female body to speak of. He had never claimed to be a saint, after all
Saint Shigure.
Hell would laugh while Heaven wept.
It was somewhat amusing, he supposed, though he couldn't find much humor in it at the moment. Not when he was losing so much sleep over it or, at least, in thinking about the cause behind the disturbing frequency of them.
When they'd first begun, they'd been easily ignored, for a variety of reasons. One was what he'd told himself over and over; it was because he was male so it was a given that he'd dream about the nearest accessible female, especially since he'd always been highly sexed ever since he'd hit puberty. The second reason was that, contrary to popular belief, he did possess some scruples; perhaps fewer than most others but enough that prevented him from taking immediate advantage of a high school female given the situation, even if he did happen to enjoy looking. A fainter reason was the gap in their ages that did carry some stigma in terms of appearances, especially with the vast differences between his jaded experiences in terms of hers.
And yet another was that...from the very start, she'd obviously been meant for one of the other male inhabitants of the house, either Kyou or Yuki.
He had, after all, intended it that way.
He'd never planned on getting involved with her himself, never had a truly serious thought about that when they'd first met, no matter how much he'd joked about it. He had always imagined, especially in light of the events that had unfolded since the four had started co-habiting with one another, that she would be with one of the others by this time in their lives.
He'd done his best to make it so without their realizing it.
Yes – he'd only been focused on furthering his own plots, with her as the tool, when he'd first come up with the idea of inviting her to stay on a permanent basis. That was the beginning and end of it.
Plus, they really had needed a housekeeper.
As the wonderful aroma of a home-cooked dinner wafted on the air, he closed his eyes blissfully as he absorbed the delicious scents. Food was a weakness of his and, even if events hadn't gone as he'd planned, he couldn't regret it if this was one of his rewards.
He still had nightmares of when the cooking had been left to Yuki's hands.
Of course, his own attempts had fared no better.
No, post-Tohru days in the lives of the Souma males were infinitely better on all accounts than the ones that had come before. No more digging through piles of clothes strewn on the floor to find something clean on wear, no more large amounts of money spent on always eating out or ordering food to be delivered, no more germ and insect attracting deep forest of garbage that their kitchen had become before she'd arrived.
Then there was how the general atmosphere of the household had gradually become much warmer and enjoyable to live in after she'd joined it. Despite the rocky moments they'd had to wade through, overall, he felt it was worth it.
Even if he was constantly plagued with dreams.
It was those dreams that troubled him, the content of them rather than their frequency, although that was somewhat worrisome as well. Not the sexual ones, those he found very enjoyable and quite normal considering his personality. No, it was the other dreams that often kept him up late wondering over them because they had nothing whatsoever to do with sex, unless an extremely sexually-minded dream analyst were to interpret them.
It made him anxious, those dreams, because they were so unlike what he usually had and were centered on a particular person when, before, identities had remained hidden. Perhaps he had had similar such night visions in the past, but those had been vague and unclear, lacking the vivid details his current ones possessed. Plus, they'd only started appearing rapidly these past few months.
Since the time Akito declared his ultimatum.
The nuances of the timing of the two events were not lost on him, not with his agile and capable mind. He knew full well what that implied. But the question was –
What was he going to do about it?
Was he going to follow his urges or let things lie as they were? The first option was full of risk while the latter would be infinitely safer.
He was a selfish creature whose top priority was himself.
He knew that very well about himself.
No matter how many lies he spun around others, to do so concerning himself was dangerous and suicidal...and he had never been the suicidal sort.
That's why he made it a point to be truthful to himself at the very least and made himself confront the very worst traits of his personality. Knowing himself so well made it easier for him to hide the darker aspects of his nature since he was most aware of the traits that needed to be concealed. It all worked well for him, enabling him to subtly work things to his own ends as he manipulated people without their knowledge into doing the dirty work for him.
After all, why should he risk himself when there was someone else with a similar goal to do it for him?
If things worked out, both manipulator and manipulatee would have a happy ending. If not...well, at least he would still have a shot at it. He would just have to be patient and wait until the next potential fall guy made an appearance. That was his usual mode of operation.
Only...it didn't seem to be working out that way this time around.
All of his plotting seemed to have crumbled like ash while some force within him was clamoring for a change; a change that was contrary to his customary nature of caution, cloaked by the sometimes reckless and jovial air he usually wore, borne by his selfish streak that wanted his desires met with the minimal amount of risk to himself. The urges within him seemed to be egging him forward into something where there was no guarantee of his safety. He didn't like it for it made him feel like he was the one being manipulated rather than the one masterminding the situation.
Well, he determined, no matter what urges he had, he was certain his ingrained sense of self-preservation would give him whatever control he needed to do what was in his best interests. The only problem was the issue over just how much more he wanted to be safe rather than to going after what it was that he wanted.
At the moment, he felt too divided over it to be sure.
"Shigure-san?"
He barely managed to suppress a surprised yelp as the sudden calling of his name startled him out of his thoughts. Settling down as he turned towards the closed door to his room, he wondered how long he'd been sitting there in contemplation after she'd left. However long it was, it had been a sufficient amount of time to make her anxious enough to come and get him.
"Hai," he called out before his silence worried her any further.
"Ano, dinner's getting cold."
"I'm coming, I'm coming."
He composed himself, straightening his clothes as he headed towards the entrance. He slid the door open to find her concerned eyes gazing up at him in worry. He sent her a relaxed smile to show her everything was alright and watched as her pretty features eased into a more cheerful expression.
But then her eyes flickered behind him and a puzzled frown touched her lips. He followed her gaze to see that the papers he'd scattered when awakening from his dream were still strewn across the floor and that the interior was completely dark. He'd never turned on the lights!
He turned back to her with an easy expression. "I was taking a nap," he said truthfully. "I messed up my manuscript when I woke up. Don't worry about it, I'll clean it up later."
Tohru's eyes rounded in horror. "Oh, no! It's my fault! Sumimasen!" she exclaimed with a little bow. "If I hadn't woken Shigure-san, then the papers wouldn't have become scattered! And I disturbed Shigure-san's rest when he must have needed it after working so hard too!"
He looked at her in consternation. Obviously, his mind must still be a little foggy. Otherwise he would have known better and chosen something else to say. Ah, well, he thought as he blew out a little breath. It was reassuring to know that there were some things that didn't change.
"Iie," he responded lightly. "Tohru-kun shouldn't worry so much about it."
"But-"
"I don't mind. Really. The mess is nothing since I hadn't gotten much done anyway." Seeing she still wasn't completely convinced, he sighed gustily, placing a hand over his heart. "It's a good thing Tohru-kun came to wake me up. Sleeping is good but it's also important to eat and keep the body healthy. And it would be such a shame to miss one of Tohru-kun's home-cooked meals that I live for. Ah, thinking of it now makes me want to eat right this very moment."
He inhaled deeply, playing up his longing as he pretended to sniff the air for the scent of food. The delicious aroma wafted to him as an unexpected growling noise was heard. He stilled as her eyes dropped to his stomach. He shot her a partially embarrassed half-smile, shrugging his shoulders loosely.
"You see? It's a good thing you came to get me." He came fully out of his room, sliding the door closed on the mess behind him, and began ushering her to where their dinner awaited. "Now, let's eat, shall we?"
"Hai," she said, smiling up at him.
Once they got to the living area where their dinner was placed in full mouth-watering splendor across the low table, Shigure couldn't help but stare as they seated themselves. The amount of rice, fish, and several varieties of pickled dishes was a lot larger than the two of them could eat and he wondered if she'd been subconsciously cooking for four.
She must really miss them, he thought with a bit of annoyance that was out of proportion for the situation. He quickly shook it off.
"Tohru-kun, it's a bit much for just the two of us, ne?"
She turned to him, startled. "Oh, I forgot to mention it! Hatori-san phoned from the station and promised to stop by after he'd taken care of some other errands."
"When was this?" he asked, a little confused. Then he remembered he'd been napping and felt silly when he just realized the reason he hadn't heard the phone ring. "Nevermind," he sighed.
"It was alright for me to invite him to dinner, wasn't it?" She suddenly looked anxious.
"Of course," he was quick to say, despite the niggling bit of disappointment that they wouldn't be alone this first night together like he'd thought. "I'm always happy to see Ha-san." He shot her a teasing look. "And I'm sure Tohru-kun wants to hear all about how Ha-san sent those two off, ne?"
She flushed but nodded in answer.
He'd expected such a response but the flash of irritation he felt took him by surprise. To distract himself, he busied himself with eating and lifted a bit of pickled daikon with his chopsticks and slipped it into his mouth. Its crispy fresh taste seasoned to perfection was testament to her culinary skills that truly were one of his greatest joys in life. Good food always went a long ways towards restoring his mood. Feeling playful, he glanced at her.
"Ah!" he cried. "Tohru-kun's cooking truly is delicious." Chopsticks danced happily in the air as he made a grab for a different pickled dish. "After eating like this for so long, I don't know what I'd do if someone were to steal you away." He winked at her. "Good thing Tohru-kun hasn't fallen in love yet, ne?"
Chopsticks clattered to the table as she fumbled, blushing hard.
He watched with interest and a little surprise as she picked them up, looking extremely uncomfortable. He hadn't expected such an extreme reaction to his playfully posed question. He thought it was unusual and it made him a little confused since, over time, she seemed to have gradually gotten somewhat used to such comments he'd made.
But because her reaction was different this time, it gave him pause and made him wonder...
Had either Yuki or Kyou confessed to her after all?
He hadn't thought so, not after they'd left without putting up a fight. He had no doubt that she'd return the affections of the one who'd confessed first since it was obvious to even a blind person that she had deep feelings for both of them. His own maneuverings had only augmented it. But he'd been sure he'd be able to pick up the signs of her relationship being cemented with one of them.
Had he missed it somehow?
But, thinking back on it, Kyou's cryptic statement to her before he'd left and the conversation between Yuki and Tohru which had been voiced too low for him to hear had implied some sort of intimacy. However, it still didn't answer the question of who it was and, if nothing else, he was one hundred percent positive that she wasn't the type to knowingly string along both Yuki and Kyou.
What if it was someone else?
It was a thought that gave him a little concern but was easily brushed aside. No, he knew very well of Yuki and Kyou's feelings, enough to realize that her interest in someone from school would be hard to hide and that they wouldn't have been able to carry on as usual if it had been true. All evidence boiled down to it being either Yuki or Kyou. Even so, he couldn't help thinking less of them if one of them had established a relationship with her only to be unable to work up the courage to try and fight to remain by her side. It was a flaw in his calculations that he attributed to having his own teenage experiences to draw back on being so far away.
Well, he thought as he watched Tohru with red still flying high on her cheeks, the only way to find out about it was through her. But she still looked so uncomfortable that he decided to approach the topic cautiously.
"So," he began, "Tohru-kun has someone she likes, ne?"
After a long pause, just when he started to think she wouldn't answer, she did. "Hai," she said in a small voice, her blush increasing dramatically.
"Maa," he said lightly, trying to lessen the suddenly heavy atmosphere, "he's lucky to be in a love-love relationship with such a wonderful person."
Unfortunately, it seemed to have the opposite effect since she only appeared to become more disheartened, eyes falling to the table as she whispered miserably, "It's impossible right now." Then she jerked, her surprised gaze meeting his briefly as if indicating that she hadn't meant to say such words before glancing away. "Sumimasen. I shouldn't have said something so depressing."
That sorrowful look on her face made him regret prodding her about it in the first place although it confirmed his suspicions that one of the two teens that had lived here until recently had claimed her affections. He felt disgust for whoever it was that had gone off and left her alone, struggling to deal with a long-distance relationship that he didn't feel she deserved.
Darkly, he thought that anyone who made someone as tenderhearted as her go through this had no right at all to her. Her misery was plain to see and he decided to subside from his questioning and causing her any further pain on the matter since it upset her so.
"It's okay," he reassured her. Then, wanting to shake the off the melancholy mood of the room, he sighed dramatically. "But I'm so jealous that someone has such an amazing person to care about him. Oh," he moaned, "if only I could be that lucky! But it must be impossible for me," he finished mournfully.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, eyes widening, as his manipulations proved successful. "That's not true at all!"
She shook her head vigorously, amusing him with her certainty on the matter and how she became so focused on the topic at hand. Having fun, he pressed the play a little further as he slid a glance towards her, putting a hopeful glint into his eye in his best adorable puppy-dog expression.
"Really?" he asked. "Do you really think so?"
She nodded her head as emphatically as she had shaken it. "Of course!"
"And what makes Tohru-kun so certain?"
"Eh?" She blinked at him.
"Why does Tohru-kun think someone could care about me that way?"
Playfulness pushed aside, suddenly, he was intensely interested in hearing her answer to his question. What did she see in him that was worthy of being loved? It was an issue that became important at that moment, for him to know how he deserved another person's affections because it wasn't something he knew how to answer himself. He stared fixedly at her as he waited for her words.
"Well," she tilted her head as she pondered the matter, "because Shigure- san has many wonderful qualities, it's hard to imagine that finding someone to care as difficult."
"Such as," he prompted, "what qualities?"
Her face scrunched as she tried to grasp a way to put it in words. "Well, for one thing, being very smart to be able to write so many books and be such a popular author. Also, having such a good sense of humor. And then there's the ability to read people's minds and hearts so well."
Shigure frowned at that last comment. "Ah, Tohru-kun, I don't really think that's a good quality."
"But it is!" She beamed at him. "I think it's amazing how Shigure-san always seems to know what I'm thinking. It's so mysterious!"
"I see," he said in amusement, torn between equal urges to either sigh heavily or laugh.
"And, also," her face softened, "Shigure-san is very kind. I was extremely happy to be able to live here when I couldn't go anywhere else. I got to stay for the past years even though I'm not a Souma or paying any rent. Shigure-san was very generous to let a stranger live in the house, really a wonderful person."
The warm smile she sent him, full of trust and confidence in him, did something odd, had his heart skipping a beat in a manner wholly uncharacteristic for him. The thought that crossed his mind then was one he'd had off an on in the past, that the truly scary one residing in the house wasn't him.
It was her...because the only times he'd ever even thought of hesitating in his actions, in his plans, was where she was concerned.
The worst of it was that she did it wholly unintentionally as she entrusted herself into his care, unaware that the dark plots surrounding her had been due to him and his machinations. There were times, such as this, when he even felt faint traces of guilt he was unused to feeling. Guilt because of the faith she had in him that he'd done nothing in his opinion to deserve.
Now, he was worried about the unusual emotions she was able to stir in him. He wondered if they would only get worse without Yuki and Kyou to act as buffers in the new living arrangements that left them sharing quarters alone. From the way things stood now, he had the feeling that they were on the precipice of something that could prove monumental and that he would be caught in the middle this time, not just observing from the sidelines as he was normally wont to do. And he wasn't sure he liked that.
Should he accept the changes that threatened to come?
Or should he resist them to the best of his abilities?
He just didn't know.
hai – yes
ano – um
sumimasen – I'm sorry
iie – no
ne – 'hey' or 'right' depending on context
maa – well
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CHAPTER 2: First Night Together
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Soft breathy sighs...
The slickness of damp, warm flesh pressing against him...
Cool caresses of trailing silky hair across the heat of his skin...
Moist lips opening and welcoming upon his own....
And the aching strained feminine cry of his name....
"Shigure-san, Shigure-san...Shigure-san!"
With a jerk, he startled, his elbowing slipping off the edge of his working desk and nearly sending his weight tumbling in an ungainly heap to the floor.
Luckily, he caught himself before his face met the weaving of the tatami mats on which he sat. Heart racing wildly, he looked around in disorientation, taking in the scattered papers he'd sent flying off the table with his ignoble awakening as well as the shadowy darkness of his study caused by the setting of the sun.
He vaguely recalled trying to get a little more work done on his next manuscript after lunch but he must have fallen asleep in the midst of it and into dreams until her call had jerked him back to reality. It had been so wonderful too, he thought mournfully as fading images from his dream flashed across his mind. Although, he realized uncomfortably as he looked down at his lap, it had also created a few problems.
"Shigure-san!"
The worried cry coming from the other side of the door to his study shook him out of his thoughts as he tried to fully clear his dream-fogged mind. The task would have been easier, he inwardly reflected, if the object of his sleep-induced fantasy hadn't been the one addressing him.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Is everything alright?" came Tohru's concerned voice.
Realizing his voice was scratchy from sleep and had, no doubt, been partial cause for the present tone of worry in her words, he cleared his throat before attempting to reassure her. He was pleased at his success when his tone rang out in his usual confident manner.
"Hai," he said. "Everything is fine so there's no need to concern yourself."
"Really?" she asked, doubt still clouding her voice.
"Hai," he replied with as much reassurance that he could muster and was rewarded with her sigh of relief.
"Good," she said, cheerful once more. "Then, if Shigure-san likes, dinner is ready now."
Shigure blinked. So that was the reason she had been calling him, he finally realized. His mind never was one to function well immediately after waking, no matter if it was just a brief cat-nap or a full night's sleep.
"Ah, I'll be there soon," he replied.
"Okay."
He listened to the sounds of her retreating footsteps and sighed, clapping a hand over his face as events past replayed in his head. The dreams he had been having were coming more and more frequently lately. Though they had started, those featuring her at any rate, when she'd first moved in a few years ago, he'd attributed it to the natural lusts of any healthy adult male living in a house with only one female body to speak of. He had never claimed to be a saint, after all
Saint Shigure.
Hell would laugh while Heaven wept.
It was somewhat amusing, he supposed, though he couldn't find much humor in it at the moment. Not when he was losing so much sleep over it or, at least, in thinking about the cause behind the disturbing frequency of them.
When they'd first begun, they'd been easily ignored, for a variety of reasons. One was what he'd told himself over and over; it was because he was male so it was a given that he'd dream about the nearest accessible female, especially since he'd always been highly sexed ever since he'd hit puberty. The second reason was that, contrary to popular belief, he did possess some scruples; perhaps fewer than most others but enough that prevented him from taking immediate advantage of a high school female given the situation, even if he did happen to enjoy looking. A fainter reason was the gap in their ages that did carry some stigma in terms of appearances, especially with the vast differences between his jaded experiences in terms of hers.
And yet another was that...from the very start, she'd obviously been meant for one of the other male inhabitants of the house, either Kyou or Yuki.
He had, after all, intended it that way.
He'd never planned on getting involved with her himself, never had a truly serious thought about that when they'd first met, no matter how much he'd joked about it. He had always imagined, especially in light of the events that had unfolded since the four had started co-habiting with one another, that she would be with one of the others by this time in their lives.
He'd done his best to make it so without their realizing it.
Yes – he'd only been focused on furthering his own plots, with her as the tool, when he'd first come up with the idea of inviting her to stay on a permanent basis. That was the beginning and end of it.
Plus, they really had needed a housekeeper.
As the wonderful aroma of a home-cooked dinner wafted on the air, he closed his eyes blissfully as he absorbed the delicious scents. Food was a weakness of his and, even if events hadn't gone as he'd planned, he couldn't regret it if this was one of his rewards.
He still had nightmares of when the cooking had been left to Yuki's hands.
Of course, his own attempts had fared no better.
No, post-Tohru days in the lives of the Souma males were infinitely better on all accounts than the ones that had come before. No more digging through piles of clothes strewn on the floor to find something clean on wear, no more large amounts of money spent on always eating out or ordering food to be delivered, no more germ and insect attracting deep forest of garbage that their kitchen had become before she'd arrived.
Then there was how the general atmosphere of the household had gradually become much warmer and enjoyable to live in after she'd joined it. Despite the rocky moments they'd had to wade through, overall, he felt it was worth it.
Even if he was constantly plagued with dreams.
It was those dreams that troubled him, the content of them rather than their frequency, although that was somewhat worrisome as well. Not the sexual ones, those he found very enjoyable and quite normal considering his personality. No, it was the other dreams that often kept him up late wondering over them because they had nothing whatsoever to do with sex, unless an extremely sexually-minded dream analyst were to interpret them.
It made him anxious, those dreams, because they were so unlike what he usually had and were centered on a particular person when, before, identities had remained hidden. Perhaps he had had similar such night visions in the past, but those had been vague and unclear, lacking the vivid details his current ones possessed. Plus, they'd only started appearing rapidly these past few months.
Since the time Akito declared his ultimatum.
The nuances of the timing of the two events were not lost on him, not with his agile and capable mind. He knew full well what that implied. But the question was –
What was he going to do about it?
Was he going to follow his urges or let things lie as they were? The first option was full of risk while the latter would be infinitely safer.
He was a selfish creature whose top priority was himself.
He knew that very well about himself.
No matter how many lies he spun around others, to do so concerning himself was dangerous and suicidal...and he had never been the suicidal sort.
That's why he made it a point to be truthful to himself at the very least and made himself confront the very worst traits of his personality. Knowing himself so well made it easier for him to hide the darker aspects of his nature since he was most aware of the traits that needed to be concealed. It all worked well for him, enabling him to subtly work things to his own ends as he manipulated people without their knowledge into doing the dirty work for him.
After all, why should he risk himself when there was someone else with a similar goal to do it for him?
If things worked out, both manipulator and manipulatee would have a happy ending. If not...well, at least he would still have a shot at it. He would just have to be patient and wait until the next potential fall guy made an appearance. That was his usual mode of operation.
Only...it didn't seem to be working out that way this time around.
All of his plotting seemed to have crumbled like ash while some force within him was clamoring for a change; a change that was contrary to his customary nature of caution, cloaked by the sometimes reckless and jovial air he usually wore, borne by his selfish streak that wanted his desires met with the minimal amount of risk to himself. The urges within him seemed to be egging him forward into something where there was no guarantee of his safety. He didn't like it for it made him feel like he was the one being manipulated rather than the one masterminding the situation.
Well, he determined, no matter what urges he had, he was certain his ingrained sense of self-preservation would give him whatever control he needed to do what was in his best interests. The only problem was the issue over just how much more he wanted to be safe rather than to going after what it was that he wanted.
At the moment, he felt too divided over it to be sure.
"Shigure-san?"
He barely managed to suppress a surprised yelp as the sudden calling of his name startled him out of his thoughts. Settling down as he turned towards the closed door to his room, he wondered how long he'd been sitting there in contemplation after she'd left. However long it was, it had been a sufficient amount of time to make her anxious enough to come and get him.
"Hai," he called out before his silence worried her any further.
"Ano, dinner's getting cold."
"I'm coming, I'm coming."
He composed himself, straightening his clothes as he headed towards the entrance. He slid the door open to find her concerned eyes gazing up at him in worry. He sent her a relaxed smile to show her everything was alright and watched as her pretty features eased into a more cheerful expression.
But then her eyes flickered behind him and a puzzled frown touched her lips. He followed her gaze to see that the papers he'd scattered when awakening from his dream were still strewn across the floor and that the interior was completely dark. He'd never turned on the lights!
He turned back to her with an easy expression. "I was taking a nap," he said truthfully. "I messed up my manuscript when I woke up. Don't worry about it, I'll clean it up later."
Tohru's eyes rounded in horror. "Oh, no! It's my fault! Sumimasen!" she exclaimed with a little bow. "If I hadn't woken Shigure-san, then the papers wouldn't have become scattered! And I disturbed Shigure-san's rest when he must have needed it after working so hard too!"
He looked at her in consternation. Obviously, his mind must still be a little foggy. Otherwise he would have known better and chosen something else to say. Ah, well, he thought as he blew out a little breath. It was reassuring to know that there were some things that didn't change.
"Iie," he responded lightly. "Tohru-kun shouldn't worry so much about it."
"But-"
"I don't mind. Really. The mess is nothing since I hadn't gotten much done anyway." Seeing she still wasn't completely convinced, he sighed gustily, placing a hand over his heart. "It's a good thing Tohru-kun came to wake me up. Sleeping is good but it's also important to eat and keep the body healthy. And it would be such a shame to miss one of Tohru-kun's home-cooked meals that I live for. Ah, thinking of it now makes me want to eat right this very moment."
He inhaled deeply, playing up his longing as he pretended to sniff the air for the scent of food. The delicious aroma wafted to him as an unexpected growling noise was heard. He stilled as her eyes dropped to his stomach. He shot her a partially embarrassed half-smile, shrugging his shoulders loosely.
"You see? It's a good thing you came to get me." He came fully out of his room, sliding the door closed on the mess behind him, and began ushering her to where their dinner awaited. "Now, let's eat, shall we?"
"Hai," she said, smiling up at him.
Once they got to the living area where their dinner was placed in full mouth-watering splendor across the low table, Shigure couldn't help but stare as they seated themselves. The amount of rice, fish, and several varieties of pickled dishes was a lot larger than the two of them could eat and he wondered if she'd been subconsciously cooking for four.
She must really miss them, he thought with a bit of annoyance that was out of proportion for the situation. He quickly shook it off.
"Tohru-kun, it's a bit much for just the two of us, ne?"
She turned to him, startled. "Oh, I forgot to mention it! Hatori-san phoned from the station and promised to stop by after he'd taken care of some other errands."
"When was this?" he asked, a little confused. Then he remembered he'd been napping and felt silly when he just realized the reason he hadn't heard the phone ring. "Nevermind," he sighed.
"It was alright for me to invite him to dinner, wasn't it?" She suddenly looked anxious.
"Of course," he was quick to say, despite the niggling bit of disappointment that they wouldn't be alone this first night together like he'd thought. "I'm always happy to see Ha-san." He shot her a teasing look. "And I'm sure Tohru-kun wants to hear all about how Ha-san sent those two off, ne?"
She flushed but nodded in answer.
He'd expected such a response but the flash of irritation he felt took him by surprise. To distract himself, he busied himself with eating and lifted a bit of pickled daikon with his chopsticks and slipped it into his mouth. Its crispy fresh taste seasoned to perfection was testament to her culinary skills that truly were one of his greatest joys in life. Good food always went a long ways towards restoring his mood. Feeling playful, he glanced at her.
"Ah!" he cried. "Tohru-kun's cooking truly is delicious." Chopsticks danced happily in the air as he made a grab for a different pickled dish. "After eating like this for so long, I don't know what I'd do if someone were to steal you away." He winked at her. "Good thing Tohru-kun hasn't fallen in love yet, ne?"
Chopsticks clattered to the table as she fumbled, blushing hard.
He watched with interest and a little surprise as she picked them up, looking extremely uncomfortable. He hadn't expected such an extreme reaction to his playfully posed question. He thought it was unusual and it made him a little confused since, over time, she seemed to have gradually gotten somewhat used to such comments he'd made.
But because her reaction was different this time, it gave him pause and made him wonder...
Had either Yuki or Kyou confessed to her after all?
He hadn't thought so, not after they'd left without putting up a fight. He had no doubt that she'd return the affections of the one who'd confessed first since it was obvious to even a blind person that she had deep feelings for both of them. His own maneuverings had only augmented it. But he'd been sure he'd be able to pick up the signs of her relationship being cemented with one of them.
Had he missed it somehow?
But, thinking back on it, Kyou's cryptic statement to her before he'd left and the conversation between Yuki and Tohru which had been voiced too low for him to hear had implied some sort of intimacy. However, it still didn't answer the question of who it was and, if nothing else, he was one hundred percent positive that she wasn't the type to knowingly string along both Yuki and Kyou.
What if it was someone else?
It was a thought that gave him a little concern but was easily brushed aside. No, he knew very well of Yuki and Kyou's feelings, enough to realize that her interest in someone from school would be hard to hide and that they wouldn't have been able to carry on as usual if it had been true. All evidence boiled down to it being either Yuki or Kyou. Even so, he couldn't help thinking less of them if one of them had established a relationship with her only to be unable to work up the courage to try and fight to remain by her side. It was a flaw in his calculations that he attributed to having his own teenage experiences to draw back on being so far away.
Well, he thought as he watched Tohru with red still flying high on her cheeks, the only way to find out about it was through her. But she still looked so uncomfortable that he decided to approach the topic cautiously.
"So," he began, "Tohru-kun has someone she likes, ne?"
After a long pause, just when he started to think she wouldn't answer, she did. "Hai," she said in a small voice, her blush increasing dramatically.
"Maa," he said lightly, trying to lessen the suddenly heavy atmosphere, "he's lucky to be in a love-love relationship with such a wonderful person."
Unfortunately, it seemed to have the opposite effect since she only appeared to become more disheartened, eyes falling to the table as she whispered miserably, "It's impossible right now." Then she jerked, her surprised gaze meeting his briefly as if indicating that she hadn't meant to say such words before glancing away. "Sumimasen. I shouldn't have said something so depressing."
That sorrowful look on her face made him regret prodding her about it in the first place although it confirmed his suspicions that one of the two teens that had lived here until recently had claimed her affections. He felt disgust for whoever it was that had gone off and left her alone, struggling to deal with a long-distance relationship that he didn't feel she deserved.
Darkly, he thought that anyone who made someone as tenderhearted as her go through this had no right at all to her. Her misery was plain to see and he decided to subside from his questioning and causing her any further pain on the matter since it upset her so.
"It's okay," he reassured her. Then, wanting to shake the off the melancholy mood of the room, he sighed dramatically. "But I'm so jealous that someone has such an amazing person to care about him. Oh," he moaned, "if only I could be that lucky! But it must be impossible for me," he finished mournfully.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, eyes widening, as his manipulations proved successful. "That's not true at all!"
She shook her head vigorously, amusing him with her certainty on the matter and how she became so focused on the topic at hand. Having fun, he pressed the play a little further as he slid a glance towards her, putting a hopeful glint into his eye in his best adorable puppy-dog expression.
"Really?" he asked. "Do you really think so?"
She nodded her head as emphatically as she had shaken it. "Of course!"
"And what makes Tohru-kun so certain?"
"Eh?" She blinked at him.
"Why does Tohru-kun think someone could care about me that way?"
Playfulness pushed aside, suddenly, he was intensely interested in hearing her answer to his question. What did she see in him that was worthy of being loved? It was an issue that became important at that moment, for him to know how he deserved another person's affections because it wasn't something he knew how to answer himself. He stared fixedly at her as he waited for her words.
"Well," she tilted her head as she pondered the matter, "because Shigure- san has many wonderful qualities, it's hard to imagine that finding someone to care as difficult."
"Such as," he prompted, "what qualities?"
Her face scrunched as she tried to grasp a way to put it in words. "Well, for one thing, being very smart to be able to write so many books and be such a popular author. Also, having such a good sense of humor. And then there's the ability to read people's minds and hearts so well."
Shigure frowned at that last comment. "Ah, Tohru-kun, I don't really think that's a good quality."
"But it is!" She beamed at him. "I think it's amazing how Shigure-san always seems to know what I'm thinking. It's so mysterious!"
"I see," he said in amusement, torn between equal urges to either sigh heavily or laugh.
"And, also," her face softened, "Shigure-san is very kind. I was extremely happy to be able to live here when I couldn't go anywhere else. I got to stay for the past years even though I'm not a Souma or paying any rent. Shigure-san was very generous to let a stranger live in the house, really a wonderful person."
The warm smile she sent him, full of trust and confidence in him, did something odd, had his heart skipping a beat in a manner wholly uncharacteristic for him. The thought that crossed his mind then was one he'd had off an on in the past, that the truly scary one residing in the house wasn't him.
It was her...because the only times he'd ever even thought of hesitating in his actions, in his plans, was where she was concerned.
The worst of it was that she did it wholly unintentionally as she entrusted herself into his care, unaware that the dark plots surrounding her had been due to him and his machinations. There were times, such as this, when he even felt faint traces of guilt he was unused to feeling. Guilt because of the faith she had in him that he'd done nothing in his opinion to deserve.
Now, he was worried about the unusual emotions she was able to stir in him. He wondered if they would only get worse without Yuki and Kyou to act as buffers in the new living arrangements that left them sharing quarters alone. From the way things stood now, he had the feeling that they were on the precipice of something that could prove monumental and that he would be caught in the middle this time, not just observing from the sidelines as he was normally wont to do. And he wasn't sure he liked that.
Should he accept the changes that threatened to come?
Or should he resist them to the best of his abilities?
He just didn't know.
