Can We Get A Pet?

Chapter 6

The next day went fairly well, considering Farf was avoiding Schuldig, Schuldig was avoiding Nagi, and Nagi was avoiding both of them, and all three were keeping the animals apart. It wasn't that bad, as Nagi kept Swift in his room while at school, but curtly reminded Farf to let her out for a while at lunch. Nagi had gotten home, taken Swift for her walk after threatening to kill Sasha for another of her uncouth outbursts. Farf brought Alice out to the living room to read while the dog was out. After about fifteen minutes, the door opened.

"Welcome back," he said without looking up at the grumbling Crawford. He turned a page and went back to petting Alice as the rabbit was falling asleep on his stomach.

Crawford glanced at him. "Put the book down, put the rabbit away, and help me with my bags."

"Nice to see you too. What did you bring back for me?"

"Farfarello..."

"Fine..." He set the book and rabbit down on the chair and grabbed a bag Crawford handed to him. "Where?"

The precog didn't answer, just looked around the living room. "Farf, there is something wrong about this room. Can you tell me what it is?"

He paused, and followed Crawford's gaze. "The anoles haven't been fed yet today. Schuldig usually does that, but doesn't want to leave his room." Farf went over to drop a couple crickets into the tank.

"Incorrect. The problem is that there are anoles in the living room. And a parrot and a rabbit." Then he muttered, "Like I'm one to talk..."

Farf looked at him curiously, but he just picked up the rest of his things and carried them to his room, except for a box. Shrugging, Farf followed. "So you don't like anoles? Or parrots?"

"We can't keep pets. We don't have the space-" He stopped. "Why is there a cat on my bed?"

"Ashes! There you are! How did you get out of my room?" Farf dropped what he was carrying and picked up the cat.

Crawford took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. A sure sign that he was aggravated. "So Schuldig is in his room?" Farf nodded to this. Crawford put his glasses back on and looked at him. "And where's Nagi?"

"Walking the dog."

"The dog."

"Yes."

"Why do we have a dog?" His glasses flashed.

"Because Schu and I liked her, but she likes Nagi, so he takes care of her."

Taking a calming breath, Crawford turned his back to Farf. "Get Schuldig, and go wait in the living room. If Nagi comes in soon, tell him to stay in there, too. I'll be out shortly."

Not liking the tone of Crawford's voice, Farf put Ashes back in his room and got Schu, who had Maus on his shoulder again. They sat on the couch, waiting, Farf picking up Alice again and holding it. They waited about ten minutes, occasionally hearing an odd scratching sound, like a rodent scraping at cardboard. Nagi came in then.

"What's going on?"

Schu didn't even look at him, just ran his hands through his hair, reveling in the silky feel. Farf gave an annoyed little huff, and turned to look at the kid. "Crawford's home. Wants to talk to us."

Nagi smirked. "I guess it's time to get rid of the animals, then."

Farf's eye widened, and Schu tried to hide a flinch. "No," said Farf. "No, we can't get rid of them! I won't give up Alice or Ashes!"

Ignoring him, Nagi went to put Swift in her crate, then went back out to the living room. Just as he sat on the floor next to the couch, since Schu and Farf were both taking up as much room as they could on it, Crawford came out.

He got right to the point. "Give me an entire list of animals we have here."

"I've got the dog in my room," Nagi said.

"Touch my cat and rabbit, and they'll never find your body..." threatened Farf.

"What about your snake?" reminded Nagi.

"What animals?" Schu asked innocently, despite the fact there was an anole tank and parrot cage being kept in the living room and he had a hooded rat perched on his shoulder.

Crawford's glasses looked like they were glowing. Apparently, he was mad. "So we have a dog, a cat, a rabbit, lizards, a bird, a snake, and rats."

Farf was about to bring up Schu's latest pet, when the telepath broke into his thoughts. 'If you mention the tarantula, Crawford will hear about your fear, and you will be finding said tarantula every time you turn around. Got it?'

Farf gulped, and looked at Schu from the corner of his eye. His jaw clenched for a second. 'Got it...'

Schu smirked and told Crawford, "Yeah, that's about it."

"So we have about eight things to get rid of."

"Eight?"

"I'm referring to the rats as one animal, and the anoles as one."

"That's still seven," Nagi pointed out.

"And now there's this." Crawford went over to the box he'd left out there and opened it. A furry little grey head poked out. "Our employer has decided that Schwarz is a bunch of idiots who need to get real lives, and insisted on buying us a chinchilla."

There was dead silence for a minute. "It's cute," said Farf. "Can I have its pelt?"

"No."

"Oh, so we have to follow your word and not your example, huh Brad?" said Schu. "We can't get pets but you can? Well, then, I'm not letting you do anything to my animals. I'm keeping them."

"Schuldig..."

"No way. I'm keeping them. All of them. And you have no right to talk since you went back on your word and got a pet yourself."

"Schuldig, I did not buy that thing! And as soon as we can find homes, all the animals will be out of this apartment!"

"You're scaring Alice." Farf held the little rabbit close. He got up and headed to his room.

"We are not done here, Farfarello."

Farf just closed his door, not saying anything to Crawford's remark. Nagi blinked. Schu stretched and got up. "Looks like we're done to me." He followed Farf's example, and went to his room, locking the door behind him.

"Should we put an ad in the paper?" asked Nagi, getting up off the floor. He watched as Crawford dropped into a chair muttering about insubordinate subordinates.

"Yes. That might be a good idea." Crawford took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose again. "While we're at it, we should put an ad in for those two."

Nagi smirked. "Tempting. Very tempting..."


It took a while to find something to keep the chinchilla in, before they finally settled on just putting up a gate and keeping it in the kitchen until they could get it a cage or a home. Farf also decided to name it something random. He came up with calling it Purple because it was grey. This made no sense to anyone else, and apparently, not even to him, but he didn't care.

With the other animals in Schu and Farf's rooms and the gate across the kitchen door being waist-height, Nagi let Swift out again. As far as he was concerned, she was top priority, as it would be harder to find the right home for her. But until then, might as well let her get used to this new person. Crawford's first reaction to the dog was similar to his.

The precog stared down at the large but very cute puppy, staring back up at him, her eyes big and curious but still shy. "That's a dog...?"

"Yup." Nagi patted her on the head while reading the next chapter for lit class.

"It's going to be a large dog."

"Yup."

Crawford continued to stare at her. Swift yawned, and curled up at his feet to take a nap. Shaking his head, Crawford walked off to finish unpacking. "Get off my bed, cat!" He attempted to pick up Ashes.

And immediately had all her claws and teeth embedded in his arm. The growling cat didn't like the idea of giving up the bed. "OW!" He tried to pry her off, but she wouldn't let go.

Schu and Farf looked out of their rooms, and Nagi looked up from his book as the apartment was filled with swearing in English. "Wow," said Schu. "I don't think even Sasha knew that word."

As if in response, the bird let out a string of swears that almost, but not quite, rivaled what was coming from Crawford's room. "Shut up, Sasha!" Nagi snapped at her.

"Farf! Get in here and get your cat!" Crawford worked one pawfull of claws from his arm, and she tightened her grip with everything else.

Glancing at Schu and quietly stepping back into his room, Farf mouthed to the telepath "soundproof cell" and shut the door.

'Um, Farf? Maybe you should help him out there. It is your cat.' Schu watched his door for any reaction.

'He wants to get rid of her. So I'm just gonna let her kick his butt like she did with the dog. Crawford gets taken down by a cat, he has no right to get rid of any of our pets.'

'Good point.' Schu moved and stood in the doorway to Crawford's room to watch. Ashes now had all her front claws in his other arm, and was trying to kick with her hind legs. Her teeth were sunk into his sleeve, put not flesh anymore. "You look like you're having some trouble there, Brad."

"Either keep quiet or get this thing off me!"

"Well, if you're going to snap at me, I don't see why I should help."

Crawford was about to mention Schu's paycheck, but the cat let go of his arm, and went for the throat. He got the arm the cat had first attacked up just in time to block her, and knocked her back to the bed. He glared down at her.

Ashes sat there, her tail lashing and one nicked ear twitching, and cleaned a paw. She had blood all over her claws and was leaving bright red prints all over the comforter. Crawford moved to grab her again, and she stopped licking her claws clean and stared at him with olive-gold eyes. She seemed to be daring him to try again. He backed off.

Still muttering all the swears he knew under his breath, Crawford stalked off to the bathroom to clean up his cat-torn arms. "That cat will be the first to go, if I have to toss it out the window..."

"You're just mad that you were trashed by a cat." Schu smirked. "You'd have to catch her before you could get rid of her. I'm not going to pick her up, Nagi won't go near her, and Farf's not going to get rid of her. If you want her gone, you're going to have to get beaten up by her again."

Crawford glared at him. He'd find some way to get rid of Ashes. He would not be beaten by a cat! Schu just chuckled, not intimidated in the least, and went back to his room. Crawford went back to dousing his hands in hydrogen peroxide. When he was done with that, he opened up the medicine cabinet only to find that there were no bandages, just a couple tiny band-aides. He frowned. The band-aides were too small for any one of his cuts. He turned to leave the bathroom, and nearly tripped over the dog.

Swift jumped out of the way in time, though. She then sat down, and stared up at him for a second before scratching behind her ear with her hind foot. And kept scratching. Crawford decided to ignore her, and moved around her.

He knocked on Farf's door. "Farfarello! Did you steal all the bandages again? How many times do I have to tell you to leave them in the bathroom."

Farf opened the door slightly. "But I ran out last night, and I needed some."

"As do I at this moment. And until we can get you your own, no cutting. Understood?"

Pouting, Farf nodded, and let Crawford push his door open more. As the madman rummaged through his closet for the bandages, Alice hopped out from under the bed, and came over to sniff the feet of this new comer. The rabbit would occasionally stop what it was doing, scratch at its ear and then clean its paws and ears. After a minute, it lost interest in him and wandered back over to the bed. It stood on its hind feet, swaying front to back for a second, sniffing the air. Then Alice jumped onto the bed, hopped over to the pillow, and sat there to finish cleaning its face. Farf finally extracted himself from the recesses of his closet and tossed two rolls of gauze to Crawford.

Dropping back onto the bed to pick up his book and pet Alice, Farf gave Crawford a little dismissive wave. "Have fun. Don't use it all in one place. Close the door on the way out, thank you."

Crawford decided he wasn't in the mood to put up with Farf's odd behavior in any form, and just left the room. He also decided it would be rather difficult to wrap both hands in the gauze by himself. He went out to the living room where Nagi was reading. "Nagi, would you help me with these bandages, please?"

Which Nagi knew to mean "Nagi, you will help me with these bandage, no excuses." Smothering a sigh, he complied. Halfway through, his eye twitched a bit.

"Is there a problem?" Crawford's tone told Nagi that if he said yes, there would be a bigger problem. His patience was shot today.

"No. Just an itch." Nagi finished wrapping Crawford's cuts, and went back to his lit reading.


Crawford insisted that Schuldig take the bird into his room when he heard her imitating more erotic bedroom noises, and understood why Nagi hated the bird so much. Schu set the cage up in his room, and then left the apartment, claiming his roommates were getting on his nerves. Crawford yelled at him not to bring home any more pets again just before the door shut, then sighed and went back to what he was doing at his desk, which was cleaning his gun. Nagi had relocated to his room, for the same reason Schu had left. That and he could listen to his music instead of hear Sasha from across the apartment.

Farf glanced out of his room, didn't see anyone, and made a break for the door.

"Farfarello, do not leave this apartment!"

"No fair. How come Schu can leave and I can't?"

"Actually, I'm about to hunt him down before he brings back more rodents." Crawford finished cleaning and loading the handgun. "If you leave, you will also become a target."

"Like I care..." Farf crossed his arms and leaned against the door.

"When I take out your knee caps and you can't walk, you will."

Farf's eye widened, and he arched a brow. "You're serious, aren't you...?"

"Yes." Crawford got up. He looked around his office to see if there was anything he'd need. Something black moving along the wall caught his attention. A rat scurried from the wall under a chair, then to the desk. Temporarily forgetting where the German was, Crawford called, "Schuldig!"

"He's out. Remember?"

Crawford blinked. "Don't talk back to me, Farfarello."

"I wasn't. I simply pointed out the very obvious, which had momentarily slipped your mind. Now I'm talking back."

Grumbling to himself and choosing to ignore the annoying Irishman, Crawford got down to look for the rat under the desk, hoping to kill it and blame the cat. It wasn't there anymore. He looked under the chairs, and still didn't see it. He started searching the whole floor, under the desk, chairs, filing cabinet, and then moving up to look in the curtains on the window. He whirled around when he heard Farf trying not to laugh at him. "Farf, go away. Go read one of your comics or something."

"Right away, sir," he mocked, still sniggering. He reached his door and called back over his shoulder, "Fingers is on your desk, by the way!"

Crawford looked down at the desk. Sitting in the middle of it was the rat. Fingers was chewing on he edge of a paper on top of a pile, occasionally stopping to shake his head or scratch. "I just filled out that report!" He reached down to grab the rat, but Fingers dodged and ran. He jumped off the edge of the desk, and ran from the room. Crawford, gun still in hand, ran after him. But as soon as he reached the hallway, he lost sight of the rat. He frowned to himself, and stormed off to the front door. "Farf, if you can catch that rat, I'll consider overlooking whatever you do tonight! Both of you stay here, and don't do anything stupid!" The door slammed behind him, and he began his search for Schuldig.

"Me and Nagi, or me and the rat?" Farf wondered out loud. Then started snickering again.

From his room, Nagi said, "You and me, Farf. Though he should know by this point that I never even want to leave my room usually, much less the apartment, and Schuldig is the one who is most likely to do stupid things. And even that's not very often." He turned away from the homework and snack on his desk to pet and reassure Swift. All the yelling since Crawford had come home was making her nervous. A minute later, he turned back to his math problems.

Fingers was on his desk, munching on Nagi's peanut butter and crackers. Nagi cried out, and threw the rat across the room with his powers. Swift's head jerked up, and she eyed the rodent before pouncing off the bed and giving chase. Fingers scurried out of the room again, and past Farf, who was still standing by his door. The madman reached down and deftly caught Swift by the collar. "Just let her kill that thing!" Nagi yelled.

Ignoring him, Farf scooped the dog up so she was laying on her back in his arms. She blinked at him then wagged her tail, squirmed playfully, and attempted to lick his face. Grinning, Farf carried the dog out to the living room to play.

Nagi sighed. "It's going to be one of those nights, isn't it...?" He threw out what was left of his snack, refusing to eat something a rat had just been chewing, and decided to just wait for dinner. He needed to finish his math homework before hand, though. He looked at his math problems, and tuned out the sounds of Farf and Swift growling at each other out in the living room as they tried to steal the knotted rope from each other again.

He'd just finished the last problem and was looking the paper over for any mistakes when the front door opened. Nagi didn't hear Farf quietly ask something, or the hushed reply. He didn't hear footsteps, didn't feel the other person in his room, until a hand settled on his shoulder. Jumping, Nagi turned quickly, ready to knock the cocky German halfway across Japan for both scaring him and coming into his room uninvited. "Schuldig! What the he—"

"Got you a present!" Schu cut the rant short. "You're so uptight, Nagi. Almost as much as Crawford. Thought you needed something."

"Whatever it is, I don't want it. Bring it back."

"Nope. Not gonna!"

Nagi grumbled, and left the room to make himself some dinner, shoving the telepath ahead of him with his powers. Stalking off to the kitchen, he left Schu standing in the hallway. Farf left Swift shaking the rope around wildly to see what the German was up to. "Just so you know, Fingers is loose again. I would have caught him and put him back but... Uhm... Yeah, there's a huge eight-legged thing in your room. So what did you get him?"

Schu grinned, opened Nagi's door again, and went in. He had a large paper bag in one hand. Going over to the desk, he shoved the math papers to the side, and set up a wire cage similar to the one for his rats. He filled it with shavings, stuck a water bottle onto the side, and dumped some food in. Then he pulled a box out of the bag, and pulled a pair of small rodents out. They were somewhat rat-like, with long hind feet, and fuzzy tails with a little tuft on the end. "Gerbils," he finally answered. He set them in the cage, and ushered Farf out of the room, closing the door again.

Farf snickered. "He's going to throw a hissy fit. And Crawford is going to kill you. At least that was his plan when he left."

"Who cares. Let's get dinner." They headed into the kitchen, pausing in the living room to stare at Swift and Ashes who were curled up together on Farf's chair. Looked like the cat now had the dog wrapped around her paw. Shrugging, Schu made for the fridge.

Nagi looked up at them as they entered, trying to ignore Purple running around his feet, and glared at them. "What did you do to my room?"

Purple hopped away to a corner, and scratched at its side. The chinchilla then proceeded over to a deep pan filled with powder for a dust bath that had been set in the corner for it.

"How do you even know we were in your room?" asked Schu innocently.

The kid just rolled his eyes and dropped it. He didn't want to deal with Schu right now. While Schu pulled his plate of leftovers from the microwave, they heard the front door. Crawford stormed in just as Schu sat, and stood behind the telepath. "Schuldig..."

"Hi, Brad. Can I help you?"

In response, Crawford wrapped his hands around Schu's neck.

"Brad! What are you—AGHCK!" With his protests and air supply gone, Schu looked at the other two for help. 'Get him off me!'

Nagi and Farf just watched disinterestedly. "You probably deserve it," Nagi told him. "Check that. I know you deserve it. Especially if what you brought home for me breathes..."

'Farf! Help me, will ya!'

"Nah. It's more fun watching him strangle you." He then turned his attention to Nagi, and promptly pretended to forget about Schu and Crawford. "If you don't want the gerbils I'll take them."

"Gerbils? Why would he get me gerbils? I've heard that they're very active and can get annoying." Nagi thought for a second. "I suppose I should look at them before I decide. But I'll probably let you have them." He reached up to scratch irritably at his neck.

Farf stared at him. Crawford loosened his hold on Schu, and they both looked at him. That's when they realized:

Swift had been scratching.

Alice had been scratching.

Fingers had been scratching.

Purple was scratching.

Now Nagi?

All four of them look at each other. Three of them began swearing. Farf smirked, and said, "Fleas."


A note to my dear friends the readers. Chapter six done! I started it early, and almost didn't finish it on time. I feel that there is really no point to this chapter and it jumped around a bit, but it amused me.

Well, they now have one problem I'm glad we never have to deal with again. My poor cat is allergic to fleas, so he gets medication and I don't get itchy. But fleas are excessively annoying... (and Draco quickly enters and exits "Sanzo Mode.") Sorry. Have a couple Saiyuki fics that are currently going nowhere fast. Anyway. Fleas. Horrid little buggers.

And now Crawford's home! Goody! And he's trying to kill Schu! How many saw it coming...? No pun intended. And Schu got Nagi gerbils. Yes, they are cute, and yes, they are noisy, and yes, they will get annoying rather quickly, especially if you keep them in your room.

Out of curiosity, did chapter five not go over well, or did everyone just vanish? Thanks to Kokuro and Shadow Crow for commenting! To both of you: I can certainly understand how the "eight-legged things," as Farf put it, can freak you out. I would probably also be arachnophobic if I hadn't needed one of the little creeps to clean my room of the caterpillars that crawled out of the mouse food...

ShadowCrow25 – Gwee! Crawford's gonna let me keep Schu-Schu and Farfie! Yea! It's gonna take a while for Crawford to find out about Farf's arachnophobia. Schu's gonna have fun holding that fear over Farf's head. Never thought our little psycho could be blackmailed either, huh?

xKokurox – Oh, yes, Ashes shall dominate! Oh, yes, Ashes kicks the crap outta Crawford's ass! I shall gladly let her do it again, if you like. It was fun! Guess what? You found a story that you like with no pairings! I'm thinking of writing a separate story or two with pairings, but I have no idea for plots. I've never done pairings before, so it'll be an experiment for me. Just for you, I'm planning something for the "eight-legged thing." And thank you for the website you suggested. I am in love. And I am raiding that site whenever I have the time. You are currently my favorite person in the world for telling me about it. I give you hugs and pocky.

Tsukiyo no Yume Thank you for the sudden reviews for EVERY chapter! I give you hugs and pocky, too! I like the idea of Farf now trying to find something to scare Schu. Borzoi can be demanding dogs. I wanted a chicken at one point. Maybe I'll get them one. It's very funny when cats let you walk them on leashes. Moe does that when we take him to the vet. He walks right out to the car after, and he'll jump in when I open the door. It's like he's saying: "Yeah, I hate the car, but it's better than being back in there." Hmm. Crawford develops allergies? Oh, I love being so cruel to them!