Can We Get A Pet?

Chapter 7

"Fleas! I can't believe we have FLEAS!" Schu was stomping around the living room, fuming.

Farf ignored him, holding Alice on his lap in his usual chair, petting the rabbit calmly, managing to keep it from scratching.

"Where did the fleas come from?" Crawford wondered. Any of the fur-covered pets could have brought them in, he knew. He stared down at Swift who was scratching furiously at her shoulder and occasionally biting a leg. She was so absorbed in stopping her itching that she hadn't noticed the rabbit. "Tell me where each animal was picked up?"

Nagi thought for a minute. "Swift and Alice were from private homes or apartments, right?" Schu nodded, so he continued. "And the rats, gerbils, chinchilla, lizards, and snake came from pet stores, not that we'd have to worry about the reptiles getting this kind of parasite. The bird probably didn't have any fleas." He paused, and frowned slightly.

Three of them looked at the content-looking cat that had decided to sleep on the back of the couch, and who wasn't scratching for some reason. Farf still pretended he wasn't there. Until the others looked at him.

"Farfarello. Where did you get the cat?" asked Crawford in a calm voice. Too calm. Way, way too calm.

Farf looked at him for a minute. "A few blocks away."

"Where?"

There was another pause. "Someone didn't want her anymore."

"And did they give you the cat?"

Silence for another minute. Farf began to fidget. "Uhm... No..."

"Then where did you get it?"

Farf considered making a dash for his room, and held Alice close, refusing to leave the rabbit out here with his teammates. However, Schu was now standing between him and the hallway, Nagi was closer to the front door, and Crawford was standing over him. He was cornered. He considered putting up a fight, but ruled that out, as he didn't want to sleep in the straight jacket this week. The last time he'd needed it was during his knife-withdrawal, and he didn't plan on being forced into that canvas nuisance again any time soon. They'd even stopped making sure all the locks on his door were in place every night, for crying out loud! He wasn't about to totally jeopardize his freedom, however limited it was.

Swallowing a bit nervously, Farf looked around at them. "I found her..."

"Where?"

He answered hesitantly. "In an alley... Scrounging in a dumpster..."

They stared at him. "Eeewwwwww..." muttered Nagi and Schu.

"And it's been sleeping on my bed! Farfarello, you should know better than to pick up stray animals, especially when they are in the trash!"

"Wait a sec," Schu cut into Crawford's rant. "If the fleas came from her, why isn't she scratching while everything else in this apartment is?"

"I gave her a bath!" Farf stated proudly.

"Well, she spread her fleas before you did," grumbled Nagi.

"You're paying for getting rid of the fleas, Farf," Crawford told him.

"But I don't get paid!" He paused. "Do I get paid...? Usually I just steal money from all of your rooms."

"We get paid, Farf. I just set your money aside to pay for any damages you cause. Like the neighbors' poodle..."

"Nasty little dog..." muttered Schu.

Crawford continued. "We need to get flea medication for the animals, for now. And we might need to call someone in to spray the apartment." He sighed. "This is going to be a pain..."


Nagi decided to try keeping the gerbils in his room for the time being, but he couldn't wait for them to be gone. When he went to bed, though, he began to regret that decision. He had stuffed his head under his pillow over an hour ago, and he still heard the little rodents scurrying around the cage, chewing on the bars, scraping around in the shavings, digging in their food dish, running in the wheel, jumping, and whatever else they could do to keep him up. They were just trying to keep him awake.

He looked at the clock and groaned when he saw that it was almost three thirty. Swift whined in reply, but was actually asleep. With a frustrated cry, he sat up and shuffled out of the room. Maybe he could sleep on the couch. Once in the living room, he saw that Schu had fallen asleep watching TV again. So he turned off the TV and went back to the bedrooms. Well, Schu's bed was empty, then. He paused outside the door just in time to hear a bout of swearing. In English, Japanese, and now with some German thrown in. No way. He wasn't going to sleep in the same room as that bird. Plus, the rats were making almost as much noise as the gerbils. How could Schu sleep in there when he wasn't in a drunken stupor? So he moved on.

He glanced into Crawford's room, since the door was slightly ajar. That in itself was unusual. But the sight inside almost made Nagi giggle and run for a camera. Brad Crawford was curled up on the edge of his own bed, with barely any blankets, and as far away from Ashes as he could be. The cat was curled in the center of the queen-sized bed, and apparently hadn't allowed Crawford to have any more of it than he currently possessed. Looked like he had a couple more scratches from her as well.

Nagi backed away before he could start laughing. The only door left was Farf's, and he didn't want to sleep in there, really. His room was kinda... creepy. Like him. The lack of furnishings and some dried blood on the walls really didn't make it a good sleeping environment for anyone other than Farf. Maybe he should just sleep on the kitchen floor with the chinchilla. Who was almost as active as the gerbils... No. He groaned to himself again. It didn't look like he was getting any sleep tonight.

He jumped when he heard a quiet knock. Then he silently berated himself. Farf's room. Farf was the biggest insomniac of the bunch. He was probably still up. Or had woken up. He padded over to the door and heard Farf's quiet voice faintly through the heavy door. "Can't sleep, Nagi?"

As quietly as he could, he threw back the three dead bolts and opened the door a crack to poke his head in. "Gerbils are keeping me up." He looked around.

Farf was on the center of his throw rug with Alice. The rabbit hopped around him and disappeared under the bed for a moment before coming back out and jumping into Farf's lap. It then sat up and placed its front paws on his chest, reaching its head up to try to nuzzle his shoulder. It was a little too small, so Farf picked it up with a grin and let it sniff his neck as he turned his attention back to Nagi, waiting for him to continue.

"I can't sleep with them in the room, and there's no where else for me to sleep. How'd you know it was me?"

"Foot steps. Only three walls are soundproofed. The one against the hall isn't." Farf looked at him like he was slow, and gave him one of his less-creepy smiles.

"What?"

"What did I say earlier?"

"Huh?"

Farf paused as Alice butted its head against his chin, demanding a nose rub. He reached up to pet the rabbit as he said, "What did I tell you at dinner?"

Nagi blinked and thought for a second. "Crawford was trying to kill Schu, we discovered the fleas, um... You told me he got me gerbils..."

"No. I said that I'd take the gerbils. I never said that he got them for you."

Nagi blinked again, and slapped a hand to his face. Duh! Farf had a tendency to be too logical or take things literally, just for kicks. "Okay. Hold on a minute." He went back to his room, and carried the gerbil cage into Farf's. "Enjoy."

"Yup." But Farf didn't seem interested in the gerbils at the moment. He was playfully ruffling Alice's cheeks. The rabbit eventually pulled back and hopped from his arms back into his lap to sleep. Shaking his head, Nagi wandered back to his own room and dropped onto his bed. He didn't even make it under the covers.


Crawford sat brooding over his morning cup of coffee, glaring at nothing over the tops of his glasses, and looking a little disheveled. He had a couple angry red scratches on his arms and one cheek. Farf smirked around a spoonful of cereal. "You look like you slept well."

The glare shifted from the air in front of his face to Farf. "I'm going to kill your cat." He took a sip from the steaming mug. "I'm going to make sure that thing is destroyed. Then I will retake my bed. You hear me, cat!" he yelled, leaning back in his chair to face the direction of his bedroom. "This is war!"

Farf hid his snicker by shoving more cereal in his mouth and chewing loudly. He watched as Crawford continued to mutter battle plans against the cat under his breath and Nagi stumbled in. The kid nearly tripped over the gate in the doorway and somehow avoided stepping on Purple. "You look like you slept well, also."

Nagi blinked at him slowly and rubbed an eye, yawning. "You know how I slept. Stupid gerbils... Why did he get me gerbils? I don't like gerbils. I don't even know if I liked them before they kept me up half the night..." He continued to mutter under his breath about how much he hated gerbils.

Nearly choking on his cereal, Farf got up and started walking out of the kitchen. Crawford was to busy plotting to notice. Nagi was out of it enough to barely notice. "Where're you going? We're still ranting, here..."

"Living room. It's just so hard not to laugh at you two." When they both stared at him, he lost it. He had to lean against the wall, and slid down to sit on the floor, wrapping one arm around his stomach, laughing so hard he nearly dropped his bowl. A minute later, he finally got control of himself and looked up to see them both glowering at him. "Uh... Bye!" He jumped up and ran from the kitchen before they could gang up on him.

Purple hopped over to the dust pan and started rolling in the powder. Nagi watched it, grumbling to himself about "stupid rodents" and Crawford went back to brooding over his coffee. He suddenly gave a small jerk, and put a hand to his head, his eyes going slightly more vacant.

"Where's Schuldig?" he quickly asked when he recovered?

Nagi looked at him. "Last I saw, he'd passed out on the couch."

Crawford leaned back in his chair again to look into the living room at the empty couch. "Farf! Is Schuldig in his room?"

"No," he called back.

Swearing quietly, Crawford looked at the clock. "Nagi, get ready for school."

"Planning Schu's death again?"

There was a pause as Crawford glanced over the morning paper's headlines before answering. "Yes."

Nagi grinned to himself and left to get his book bag and feed Swift. Since they were keeping Purple in the kitchen, he'd had to put the dog's food dish in his room. He was out the door a couple minutes later. He had to wonder though. Why was Schu's fate sealed this time? What was he bringing home? Maybe he finally started stealing animals from the zoo.

Crawford put down the paper as soon as Nagi left, and pulled a notepad and a pen from the junk drawer and began making plans on how to kill the cat. He was so absorbed in his work, that he didn't notice Farf walk in again to put his empty bowl in the sink. It wasn't until Farf looked over his shoulder, examining the notes, and said, "That won't work," that Crawford noticed him and jumped.

"Farf! Don't sneak up on me! And how do you know this won't work!"

"First off, you should have known I'd be there. Second, if you pour gas on the cat and light a match, she will attack you and you will also burn your bed, and maybe the rest of your room. Not to mention, when she jumps on you, you will also catch fire, most likely. Trust me. You don't burn enough things to know."

"Just because I can see bits of the future doesn't mean that I know everything." He paused. "How often do you burn anything?"

Farf whistled innocently, and started walking off.

"Farfarello! Do I need to add pyromaniac to your file!"

The madman ran for his room. Crawford sighed, crumpled up the page from the notepad and got up. He walked down to his office, pulled his gun from a drawer, and went back out to the living room to turn on the news channel. After about an hour and a half wait, he got up and stood in front of the door. In another five minutes, he took aim and the door opened.

"Schuldig, bring those things back to the pet store."

The German looked at the gun aimed between his eyes. "You have a problem with a turtle and a ferret?"


A note to my dear friends the readers. Wah! Sorry it's so late! I was busy last weekend so I couldn't work on it, then writer's block settled in! Just as soon as I hire a Comedy Muse, he takes a vacation! My Dark Muse, on the other hand, has decided to bug me non-stop for the last week, and insists that I start a different story even though I'm trying desperately to get this out...

Anyway, it's not quite what I was going for. I don't think I concentrated enough on the animals in this chapter. But I didn't want it to just sit on my hard drive, so I'm posting it. Draco needs a few new ideas, then maybe Steve will come back from his vacation. (steve being the comedy muse and a cute elven werewolf.)

And thanks to my reviewers!

xKokurox – Cats are great, aren't they? Especially the ones that can push Crawford around. I'd love help with the Saiyuki fics, but one is being co-written by a friend whenever we can get together, and the other doesn't even have enough written for a chapter... As for the eight-legged thing, what's going to happen is... whispers really quietly Did ya get that? Good.

A chinchilla is a rodent from the Andes Mountain in South America which is about the size of a dwarf rabbit, about 12-14 inches (30-36 cm) long and 18-35 ounces (510-992 grams) in weight. It has a bushy squirrel-like tail, and thick blue-grey fur that is about an inch thick. These cute little guys are active and clean little pets. Unfortunately, their pelts are also valued for making coats, and I shall not get into that since I don't support it at all. I like them as pets more. They sometimes sell them at my local pet store, and I always think they're cute. They look like they have decent tempers, but I'm also afraid of rodents biting me after owning Beryl the Hamster from Hell, so I don't actually know too much about them.

MalletWielderofDoom – Naruto is good. I need to read more eventually. After I get caught up on the ten other manga I'm collecting... Buddy might not be allergic to fleas, they just leave a lot of dried blood. Moe was scratching and licking so much he was losing his fur, that's how we could tell that he was.

ShadowCrow25 – Fleas are very evil. As soon as I can get a plane ticket to Japan, I'll see about taking Farfie and Schu from him. Go cats!

katzchenkitty – Oh, yes, it was so bound to happen. Yea! I wanna go to D's Petshop. Though if Schu went there, Schwarz might not last too long... Or the new pets won't.

Arileo – Yep. Bath time. No one's gonna be happy.

Seraphim Grace – Welcome to the show! Hope you're enjoying it.

Wherdatcomfrom – Horrid fleas. Don't worry, Farf won't hurt Purple, the rest of his team will see to that (and so will i). The amphibians will be here soon. Crawford's reports are becoming rodent-chew-toys! You can already thank Fingers. Killer guinea pigs. Sounds about perfect for this household.

Tsukiyo no Yume – Thank you! (looks around for trophy or ribbon) Well, nothing yet, but someday. I love animals. I want so many. Kinda weird I didn't go to school for biology or vet stuff. I'd rather waste my life with oil paints, wire, water colors, paper, pencils, markers, and Photoshop. I think Crawford and Nagi's reactions are the best.

Flea Bitten—Yea! Maus and Ater! (ater means black in latin, if you want that useless bit of info. draco ater means dragon black) Fleas are HORRID! We used to have them all the time. For the longest time, we had two cats, both of them outdoor cats, and one might have been a barn cat previously. But my little Moe Moe was allergic to fleas, so both cats needed medication. We haven't had fleas for a few years, but I still remember the little bites I always had. Really itchy, and so not fun.

Black Kitten's Dream – I aim to please. Ooh. More ides of pets are always welcome. Heh. Weiss gets pets. I'll get around to them getting something... Chaos is FUN!