1Chapter Fourteen: Enter the Iscariot (Darn) Part II

Maxwell's face was flushed slightly. He had been drinking wine (Strong wine at that) for the better part of the last half hour. He was hesitant about indulging himself with the alcoholic beverage for a while, but after some prodding from Integra, he had relented. And now he had almost completely succumb to it's effects.

"So Integra..." Maxwell began. Integra had seen people drunk before, and she knew he was very much under the influence, but he had managed to keep his voice clear of any slurring or distortions. Amazing, "We still haven't decided what to do about Anderson..."

Integra smiled back, pretending she too was drunk. Any sober person could tell she was faking it, but Maxwell was far from sober at that point, and didn't notice, "Anderson doesn't matter. I say let him and Alucard kill each other."

"Splendid idea." he mumbled, then he slumped forward. For a moment Integra thought he had passed out, but he shot back up, wavering slightly, "Alright, I have officially drank to much of... This... And I don't care..."

Integra giggled slightly as he seemingly trailed off one train of thought to another, "I don't know Enrico, I think you can take some more."

"You bet your pretty little Protestant behind I can take some more. I am going to drink until I forget all about Iscariot and Anderson, and all of the other freaks they send to me to deal with. And then Integra..."

Seras and Johnny nearly gasped at what he said next. He began to describe exactly what he had in mind for himself and Integra, in very profane and graphic language. Integra's jaw dropped, and her cheeks blushed. With every sentence she turned a deeper shade of red.

"And then we can go back to Rome together, and..." He never finished, much to the relief of those in the room. He finally slumped out of his chair, falling to the floor into and awkward position. He was snoring softly.

Seras and Johnny walked out of the shadows in complete shock. In his mind Johnny reviewed what they had got him to do that evening/morning/whenever it was. Drink, smoke, curse, insult the Pope (Twice. Apparently deep down Enrico had a very... Distinct dislike of the Pope Hat.), reveal his love of the movie Bruce Almighty (Johnny was sure that was a sin somewhere), eat pork, complement Integra in rather vulgar ways about her looks, various other things, and finally that last little outburst. Johnny shook his head as he turned the camera off.

"I was in the navy for two years, and I can tell you, sailors would blush in shame at some of that stuff. And for a virgin the guy has quite an imagination. Unless..." The American glanced at Seras, who slowly looked back at him, "I really don't want to taste his blood and check do you?"

Seras quickly shook her head. She was disturbed. Very disturbed. She reminded herself why she had never gotten drunk in her life.

Alucard slowly walked from the shadows. His face looked very human. In fact, the most human that any of them had seen. His face was locked into a look of stunned surprise, and he held his glasses in his hand, "I think Anderson would agree to shake my hand and join us if he ever heard that little 'confession'."

Then after the initial shock passed, they slowly began to smile. The smiles turned to giggles, which turned to chuckles, which turned to laughter, which turned to them holding their stomachs and bracing themselves to keep from falling over.

"I'm going to write that one down," Johnny told them, pulling a piece of paper and a pen out of his pocket, "Pope's hat... That's hilarious."

Seras and Integra were holding onto to each other, laughing, "I thought you were going to die there at the end."

"I thought I was going to faint." Integra told them, taking off her glasses to put her face in her other hand. She looked down at the sleeping Enrico, "God may forgive you Maxwell, but I doubt the Vatican will. Oh, it will be worth every comment he made to see him squirm when we show this to him. Johnny, go and make as many copies of that as you can."

Johnny nodded, and walked to the door. As he left, he yelled to Walter, "Mission successful, you may want to help the collect the priest and put him in his room. Pope's hat..."

Anderson was in his room, trying to fall asleep. Which was difficult considering the noise coming from next door. His eyes were bloodshot, and he was desperately trying to calm himself. That infernal vampire and his music!

Finally he got out of bed, pulled on his coat, and walked to the room next to him. Knocking on the door, he tried to compose himself.

Lui opened the door, smiling innocently, "Hey! Come to apologize to me?"

"Could you, turn down, the, music?" Anderson gritted out between his teeth.

"Oh, are you trying to sleep?" Anderson nodded angrily, "Sorry about that, I didn't think you could hear it."

Anderson walked back to his room, collapsing onto the bed. Ah... Silence.

Until a new song started playing, and could have sworn it was louder!

Stomping over, he nearly bashed the door in when he knocked. Opening it, same smile as before, Lui asked brightly, "Hiya neighbor! How you doing this fine morning?"

"Turn-the-music-down."

Lui looked at him, a look of shock on his face, "But I did turn it down."

"Then turn it down some more vampire! It's not like it needs to be loud for you to hear it!"

Lui shrugged and closed his door again. Anderson sighed and began to walk what seemed like miles back his room. He hadn't even opened his door when the music came back, throbbing in his ears now. He roared in anger, and ran to Lui's door. Kicking it in, he rushed Lui with two bayonets, trying a double overhead slice.

Lui seemed to have been expecting this, and blocked it with a weapon of his own. Throwing the paladin off a little, the vampire spun his weapon around in his hands, then stopped, showing what it was. An old musket, with a bayonet attached to the end.

Turning the music off, Lui asked, "Come by for a cup of sugar?"

"I'm going to enjoy sending you to Hell vampire!"

"And what makes you think that I'll go to Hell when I die a final time?" Liu asked cooly.

"Like God would allow a demon like you into heaven!"

"Isn't there a saying 'God forgives all'? Believe me when I say, I've had a lot more time to contemplate this than you. And I do not believe that my soul is cursed merely because of what I am."

Anderson looked at him, confused, "What do you mean you've thought about this?"

Lui laughed, "Well, now that I have your attention. I'm going to give you, most vampires now-a-days are little more than minions of evil, and probably deserve the justice you give. But don't you think that some of us are different? Don't you think that those who give it thought realize that God's wrath hangs above our heads on a very thin thread? You are the perfect example of that."

Anderson lowered his guard slightly, and began to listen. Then it occurred to him that he was likely listening to a serpent, tempting him to take a bite of the forbidden fruit. He shrugged the thought off.

"I have killed man and vampire, I admit. I feel remorse, guilt, and I ask the same God you do for forgiveness."

"God can forgive man, not monsters."

"Well then, I guess you're as screwed as I am aren't you?"

Anderson, insulted, rushed the vampire. He tried to decapitate Lui, but the vampire dodged one of the blades and blocked the other with his rifle. The American then twirled his weapon to through Anderson off balance, and then stabbed.

The paladin looked in horror at the blade that was little more than an inch from his eye. Lui was smiling in a satisfied way, "I was going muzzle to muzzle with red coats in 1778 Anderson. I've been bayonet fighting since before your great, great, great, great grandfather was born. Don't underestimate me, I was merely toying with you before."

"So then vampire, why don't you attack?"

"Because, that would make Integra mad. And then she'll sick Seras on me."

"Seras? The Draculina? Why are you worried about her?"

Lui shuddered, "You don't want to know."

Anderson ducked below the rifle, and brought his blades together in a scissor cut at Lui's knees. However, Lui jumped over it, and the butt of his rifle caught Anderson on top of the head. Dazed slightly, Anderson backed off. Indeed, this vampire was a worthy opponent.

"I take it there was something behind that comment about me being a monster?" Anderson asked, stalling to give himself time to accurately judge his enemy.

"Well, you broke your own arms to try and cut off my head. Not a normal thing people tend to do."

"True, but that doesn't make me a monster."

"Then what does make a monster?"

Anderson and Lui exchanged a flurry of attacks, and much to Lui's surprise he found himself holding the bayonet portion of his rifle in front of his neck, with Anderson's blades pressing down on it, "I don't slaughter innocents for pleasure."

Lui's face became sad, "I beg to differ."

Anderson backed off, "What are you saying?"

"You may not have personally, but members of your little group did indeed slaughter innocents. I don't know if they used the name 'Iscariot', but there were hunters from the Vatican. They killed my mother, my father, and my two sisters, who were no more than five at the time. Because I told them my name, and then didn't kill them. I show mercy, and they kill my family. Does that sound familiar to you?"

Anderson stopped. Lui looked serious, and Anderson doubted the vampire was lying. He shrugged, saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sure God had mercy on their souls. But that doesn't change the fact you are a monster that my duty is to destroy."

"What if I told you that I haven't taken a human life for blood my entire existence?"

Anderson looked doubtful, "I'm sure."

"My master was quite adamant about it. I don't drain an entire person. I take small amounts from several different people. Or at least, until humans started doing it for me."

"What do you mean?"

"Medical blood you idiot. How do you think Alucard and Seras stay alive? Do you think Integra brings in a fresh person each night?"

Anderson almost hit himself in the head for not realizing that one. So that's how the vampires had slipped under the radar so easily. "Wait, that black devil taught you to feed without killing?"

"Alucard? Wait, you think Alucard is my master?"

Anderson wasn't amused by Lui's laughter, "What so funny?"

"Fledglings can only be virgins of the opposite gender of the vampire. It's weird, but that's how it works. My master is in America somewhere."

"I'll make note of that."

"Don't bother going after her. Alucard will play with you, that's how you've stayed alive, no disrespect to your skills. But she doesn't take kindly to hunters coming after her. If you ever found her at all, you have a great likely hood of ending up in a mental institution with and irrational fear of... everything."

Anderson shrugged. He doubted that last part. He had listened to the vampire, and was going to contemplate his words and ask God for guidance on it later. Some of it seemed to make a lot of sense. Now however, he readied his weapons, saying, "I must say, you have several good points. However vampire, I'm still going to fight you now."

Lui nodded, then readied his rifle, "I expected that. Come on paladin, show me what they teach you in those monasteries!"

They were about to engage in fighting again when there was a knock at the door, "Lui?"

They both hid their weapons quickly behind them as Integra walked into the room. Her eyes went wide when she saw Lui and Anderson in the room together. Her eyes narrowed, "What's going on?"

Lui used his free hand to pat Anderson on the shoulder, faking a smile, "Just having a friendly chat."

Anderson forced a smile as well, "Ya, a friendly chat. I think I'll be going to bed soon though."

"You had better." Integra warned, meaning they had better not fight anymore.

Lui sighed in relief, "That was close. It hurts when she hits you in the head with an ashtray."

"What's your name vampire?

Lui smiled, "Luis. Luis Thomson. But everyone calls me Lui."

"Well Lui, you are the most extraordinary vampire I have ever met."

"Did you ever talk to any others before stabbing them in the face?"

"No." Anderson admitted.

"Didn't think so. Go to sleep Anderson, I do believe you'll be needing it later."

As Anderson walked back to his room, he turned. "Was that a threat vampire?

Lui began to laugh insanely. Anderson didn't like it, and got back into his room quickly. Lui nodded to himself, satisfied. Two things done. One, he had finally finished that stupid assignment his master had given him to make contact with an Iscariot member, and try to convince them not all vampires are bad. And two, he had successfully freaked out Anderson with his new laugh.

He smiled, turned all the speakers in the room all the way up, locked the door to the room, and took his time picking a song. He decided on one he was sure that Anderson was going to love.

He pressed play, and quickly phased out of the room. He loved this song. But he doubted the priest would share the feeling. What was the song you ask?

Why, it was Black Sabbath, by Black Sabbath. Lui chuckled. Anderson would be freaking out about, now.

The next evening, Enrico awoke. His head was throbbing. What on earth had happened?

He remembered... Then it hit him. Everything up to the point he followed Integra into a dining room.

A butler walked in, smiling, "Master Maxwell, it is good to see that you are awake."

Rubbing his head, Enrico asked him, "What happened?"

"Oh, after talking with Integra it seems that your weariness got the best of you and on your way up the stairs you took a rather bad fall. You will be fine I think though."

Well, that explained the headache and why he didn't remember much. He got up, still in the clothes from the day before, and stretched. Walter have him a cup of tea and an aspirin, which helped his head considerably. Then with a bow, walked off.

Enrico changed into some clean clothes, and walked out of his room. He saw Integra, and gave a small wave.

Integra had to stifle a giggle, and quickly walked off. He sighed. Of all the people he had to fall down a flight of stairs in front of.

In the main hall, he watched as two younger people, a guy and a girl, walked by. They burst into laughter after he walked by. This made him frown. How many people had he fallen down the infernal steps in front of? And had it really been that funny?

Finally, he saw someone who didn't laugh at him. In fact, Anderson looked about ready to kill someone.

"Demon from hell. The vampire kept me up half the night with his infernal demonic music. And now that little witch Hellsing is demanding I pay for the stupid door! It's not my fault he locked it!"

Enrico shook his head. His headache was returning quickly, "Not now Anderson, just pay her and get on with it. I nearly cracked my head trying to get up the stairs last night and I don't have the ability to deal with you yelling at me."

Anderson shrugged, "I still say we just leave now. Oh, I figured out how the vampires have been evading us for so long."

Suddenly Anderson feet himself being lifted. He looked down, and saw he stood now on what some children at the orphanage called a 'skateboard'. How had it?

Then he saw Alucard appear, a sadistic grin on his face, "Have fun you Vatican dog!"

Alucard gave Anderson a mighty shove, sending him down the hallway at an incredible speed. Anderson desperately leaned back and forth to keep his balance. Then he looked at the gauntlet of furniture that had been placed before him. He screamed as he rocketed through the objects, quickly leaning to dodge them, then he figured out he could steer like this. While still wobbly, he felt slightly confident now. Using his vampire hunter reflexes and balance, he made easy work out of the obstacle course.

Then down the hall he saw Lui leaning against the wall, beside a window. And there was a small ramp that had been placed there.

Realizing what was about to happen, Anderson's eyes went wide and he screamed, "Mary mother of God!"

He hit the ramp, and sailed through the air. As he went by, Lui grabbed the skate board out from under his feet, then smiled.

They had placed a trampoline where they thought he would land. If he landed on it, his forward momentum would carry him onward when he bounced, and land him in a kiddie pool full of ketchup.

As it was, they were off by a few feet, and he just hit the ground. He lay there on his stomach for a while, until Johnny walked forward, and sighed.

"Darn it, physics never was my strong point." Then, not wanting the ketchup to go to waste, he picked up the kiddie pool and poured it onto the fallen paladin. He shook it to make sure most of it got out, then tossed it aside, and walked away.

Enrico was still in a state of shock from what had just happened. He looked in horror at Alucard, who said, "Did you get that Luis? I hope you did, because I never want to forget this moment. Oh, and have a nice evening Enrico Maxwell. I'm sorry to hear about you...hitting your head.", Then Alucard began to laugh.

That laugh did a lot to unnerve the priest. In fact, he would have left then and there if Integra hadn't called out to him, "Enrico, if you would come to my office please."

He eyed her suspiciously as she closed the door and motioned for him to sit. Lui pulled the curtains over the windows, and Integra turned off the lights, saying, "I want you to watch this."

Maxwell glared at her when he saw who the video was of. Then he watched in horror as he slowly got drunk on the film.

"God forgive me."

"God is the least of your problems now brother." Lui told him.

Enrico was praying incomprehensibly when he heard the second comment about the Pope. And he was nearly crying by the end of it.

Integra stopped the tape and turned the lights on. Lui put a hand on the man's shoulder, "I didn't know priests had dirty thoughts like that. Learn something new every day I guess."

"Well Maxwell, what do you have to say for yourself?" Integra asked, smiling.

"You English sow! You had this planned the entire time!" He yelled at her, suddenly enraged.

Lui raised his hand, "Actually, I had this planned the entire time."

Enrico glared at both of them, "Why?"

Integra chuckled then explained, "Enrico, you've been quite an annoyance over the years. If you never want the Pope to see this video, you are going to leave England and let Hellsing handle Hellsing's problems. Because I don't think his holiness would like to hear that comment about his hat."

Lui grabbed the stunned, terrified man, and carried him out into the hall. He set him down on a skateboard, and said, "Adios, or whatever goodbye is in Latin!" He told him sweetly, then gave him a hearty shove.

Enrico screamed like a little girl.

"Oh, and keep the board!" Lui yelled as he flew out the window, "A gift from me to you!"

Enrico was sure he was going to die. Positive of it. Until he landed on something soft, albeit squishy. He looked, and saw he had landed on Anderson. And both were covered in ketchup.

The paladin nearly threw his superior off his back. Then they noticed that a rather cute blond, a tall man in a red coat, and a young American were standing in front of a crowd of 4 dozen soldiers. All held strange new weapons.

Lui and Integra walked out, also holding the new guns. Integra went and stood beside Seras, and Lui started to address the crowd, "Alright boys and girls, it's time to test out these new paintball guns! Today's game is called, shoot the silly Catholics! I believe you all already know the rules. Lock and load!"

The two Catholic's eyes got real big as they watched the crowd prepare the weapons to fire. They slowly got to their feet, and suddenly found themselves staring down an awful lot of barrels.

"God help us."

Alright. Sorry if Anderson was a little out of character, but I think he would listen if Lui started saying things like that. After all, that's not something vampires say everyday. And if your wondering why I made Lui like that, I'm trying out a new idea on vampires. Tell me if you like it.

Oh, no offense to any Catholics. I have nothing against the Pope, old or new, and nothing against Catholic's in general.

Hehehehehe... I bet your wondering what Enrico said about the Pope hat aren't you?

I'll never tell, muahahahahaha!