Sitting in the hospital, waiting for news was killing Andy. He now knew the despair that ate away at the families of his patients while they waited helplessly for news of their loved ones. He was distracted from his reverie by Harold and Amy hurrying into the Emergency Room.
Amy looked absolutely terrified. She rushed over to him and immediately began asking questions.
"Is he okay, Dr. Brown? Do you know what's going on? What happened? Do you know anything Dr. Brown, do you know anything?" she quick-fired at him, a look of utter terror on her face.
Andy felt for her, he truly did. But he had no news. All he could do was look at her with sad eyes and shake his head.
"There was a car accident Amy. That's all I know. He's in surgery now. I have no news. I'm sorry I can't tell you anything more." Andy rubbed his temples between his fingers, trying to make the pain go away.
Amy felt complete and utter terror coursing through her body. She could not believe that this was happening again. Not after Colin and not to someone else who meant more than anything in the world to her. The look on her father's face when he had told her had been one of complete concern. For her; for Ephram; for the effect that this would have on both their lives. Now Amy was here in the hospital again. Waiting again, for news that could tear her apart. A strangled sob escaped her. Her father was behind her in a second, guiding her to a seat.
"I'll go and get us coffee" Harold ventured, before heading toward the vending machines.
They sat there, the two of them in silence, in the starchy white and bright hospital light, with life and death rushing around them, both complete detached from it all. It was only when Amy turned to look at Dr. Brown and saw him, barely there, that she realised he too had experienced this before. He too had lost another person he had loved. And now their shared grief was about to link them inexplicably together.
It was five am when the surgeon finally came to the drained and exhausted group. He motioned for Andy to step aside with him. The look on the surgeon's face told Andy that there was no good news here. He braced himself, as though for impact, to hear what the surgeon had to say. For the first second relief spread through his tired body. Ephram had made it through the surgery. But worse was to come… There was serious doubt as to whether Andy's son would make it through the next 24 hours. The surgeon had done all that was humanly possible to help Ephram but his injuries were severe and extensive.
Does being alive ever just exhaust you? Do you sit, with energy coursing through your veins, no way to channel it and feel the sheer power of the electricity running through you; draining your very soul? That was how Andy felt at that moment. Wanting to do anything to help his son, but knowing that whatever he did, no matter what force he exerted Ephram would still die. He'd die and there was nothing anyone could do about it. All the lives that Andrew Brown had saved and he could do NOTHING to help his son. A person that meant more than anything to him in the world and he was powerless to help when he needed him most. The pain in Andy's heart was unbearable and he turned to the wall, pushed forward against it with all his might and sank to his knees, his body shaking, racked with heart-wrenching sobs.
Not being able to turn to face the others, still sitting anxiously down the hall Andy took a deep breath and brought himself up to full height. Turning back to the surgeon he asked to be taken to his son. Nodding apologetically the surgeon guided Andy down the hall and into an elevator.
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Ephram was in Intensive Care. When Andy walked into the room, well, almost crept really, he thought that he had known pain. In losing Julia, in the ordeal of being here in this hospital tonight; but seeing his son lying in front of him, unresponsive and being kept alive by machinery that would not be Ephram's saviour but his end, Andy's heart exploded in a kind of agony he was sure would be the end of him. But there would be worse to come.
Moving over to be beside his son, Andy took a seat at his child's bed side. Mustering all of his energy he knew what he had to do. He had to tell his son the truth, before it was too late, if there was any chance that Ephram would know, then he had to know how sorry Andy was for all of the pain that had been caused. For the fact that Ephram was here, now, his life stolen away because of something that he, Andy, had allowed to happen. Taking a deep breath he began to speak.
"Hey there Buddy. You gave me a real scare tonight. I thought that I was never going to see you again. I was there thinking that I was going to have to let out your room and all sorts of things…." Andy continued to breathe deeply.
"You know, this is the quietest that it has been between us in years. I'm sorry for that, I truly am. I want you to be standing in my face, shouting and hollering the odds at me, telling me it's your life and I shouldn't be interfering in it. And you know what baby? You'd be absolutely right. I shouldn't have ever interfered in your life. Not like this. Look what's happened. This is where my interfering has brought us and I think that you could have handled things so much better than I have ever been able to." Tears were rolling down Andy's face now.
"The thing is; and you have a right to know this, now more than ever; the reason that I asked Madison to leave was that she was pregnant. She was pregnant with your child. And I wanted to protect you. After everything that we, you, have been through over the last few years I wanted to protect you, because you are MY child. I wanted you to have the life that you were supposed to have. So I told Madison that I would take care of her and the baby no matter what decision she made and I asked her to leave. It was stupid and it was wrong and all I ever wanted was the best for you." It all came out of Andy in a rush of breath, with the air of a man trying to get the worst over and done with, putting his actions into words. He sucked in his breath again and taking Ephram's limp hand in his own, he continued.
"But see, see where trying to protect you has brought us. You don't get to live the life you were supposed to have. And your sister and I don't get to live in a world with you with us, like we were supposed to. But then life stopped being fair a long time ago, didn't it? We were supposed to be here with your mother. And I wish that we could have been all together, here in Everwood in the way that we have been for the last few years as opposed to living separate lives in separate worlds in New York. But that's not the way it gets to be and I'm so, so sorry."
Andy looked at Ephram hard, studying his limp, pale form for any glimmer of a response, not daring to hope and glad that he had not for all hope would have been dashed. Ephram remained motionless on the bed, the ventilator pumping oxygen into his lungs, pushing and releasing with a slow hiss. It was the only sound in the room other than Andy's laboured breathing. He knew what he had to do now. Something was pushing him on. The urge to do the right thing for his son now had never been more overwhelming. He had to gather the strength and he must.
"Baby? Ephram? I have to say something to you now and it's going to tear every fibre of my being to shreds. You know I told you a couple of years ago that losing your mother had been the worst thing that I thought I could imagine? Well now that worst thing is about to happen. I'm going to lose you too. But I'm not going to screw that up for you. I need to be strong now. For you. For Delia. For your mother. I've never been able to make you understand just how much I love you. No matter how hard I have tried, I just never seem to have been able to communicate that to you. So I have to tell you again and hope that you understand now. Because I really need you to know."
Silent tears poured down Andy's face and he gripped Ephram's hand to him tightly causing purple welts to appear across his knuckles.
"I'm going to do something I never imagined I would have to do now Ephram. I have to say goodbye to you. There are so many things that I have to do for you now, and I promise that I will be here with you again but in case you slip away I have to say goodbye to you now. Because I'm scared that I'll step away from you and you'll go in that second I'm not looking and I don't think that I could cope if I had not told you what you needed to know. I love you Ephram. Be safe. Be happy. Goodbye…"
Wiping the tears from his face with his sleeve, Andy let go of Ephram's hand and placed it gently back by his side. The boy looked peaceful almost, despite the welts down the side of his face, the dried blood caked around the stitches protruding from his bandaged head. Leaning forward he kissed him gently and stood up from the bed. What had to happen next was going to be hard, terribly hard. With one last glance at his lost son, Andy quietly left the room.
Andy well remembered how Amy had taken the news that Colin had died on the operating table. He had been there, had delivered that terrible blow to his friends and family. And he was surprised now. Surprised at the strength Amy was showing. Harold standing beside her, supporting his daughter, who stood straight and poised as Andy delivered the blow. But then he saw her eyes. He had been carefully avoiding looking into Amy's eyes as he spoke, but when he finally did he saw that their normal brown had dilated into dark pools. They were like black wells, rippling with emotion.
"Can I see him Dr. Brown? I need to say goodbye. I never… I didn't… I need to say goodbye." Amy's voice trembled with suppressed emotion. Her father was worried. Terrified that what Ephram had given his daughter back over the last year had suddenly been pulled away from her. And his heart was breaking for her. But somehow Andy sensed that Amy was stronger than that now.
"S – Sure. Harold, he's in Intensive Care. I need to get Delia here. You just go on up." Andy reached out and touched Amy gently on the arm. "Sweetheart. You know he loved you. He loved you from the first moment he saw you. I remember him telling me."
Amy looked at the man in front of her, who despite the fact that he was about to lose his son had just given her something to cling to and smiled vaguely.
"I'd like to be able to say the same. Oh, I liked him, sure. But love. Love snuck up on me when I least expected it. That's the best way I think. So that it catches you off guard and you become totally immersed. I love Ephram through to the very core of me. Thank you, Dr Brown."
