Memory's Touch
A RK fanfiction by eriesalia: onigirichan mindspring dot com
Standard disclaimer applies.
He kissed her only briefly, her lips were as soft as he remembered them.
And then he held her, his hands stroking the damp hair that clung to her face, wondering why he had done so -- what had moved him to be impetuous.
When he had finished, she stood for a moment with her eyes closed, her expression so quiet and open that he thought that he would have liked to kiss that mouth again. He tilted his head again to press his lips to hers – but faltered when she shivered.
He had wanted to calm her, distract her, reassure her of his protection – and until now she had seemed to accept it – nestling in his arms as they rode quietly through the mountains and not protesting when he had leaned forward to kiss her, even going as far as to place her good arm around his neck.
No matter how much she had protested in Tokyo—the strange tension between them had persisted in Kyoto, and here had only intensified.
Aoshi knew his presence affected her, but now was certain why. She was still conflicted when it came to him – not knowing what to make of the intense tension and attraction that existed between them. But her wavering made him pull away reluctantly. "I should build a fire."
She touched her fingers to her lips, a confused expression on her face. "Yes. Of course."
He felt her eyes upon him, studying him as he went about clearing the debris from the circle of stones and arranging the wood and kindle that would serve to start the fire.
When it had been built, she crouched next to him and stared into it, ignoring the fact that the mud from the water and dirt was now soiling the hem of her kimono.
Finally, she sighed. She turned her head towards the open door that led outside, before boldly voicing the question he had in his own mind. "Why do we always pull away?"
He poked a stick into the fire before casting it into the flames. "Perhaps it is the past."
She frowned slightly. "No. If it were, would I even let you near me? Would I have even tolerated your presence in Tokyo or accepted your help?"
"Then –"he pondered other words she had once told him, "Is it that I presume too much about you? Or that I haven't learned enough in your opinion?"
She gave him a shaky smile. "I'd say you know me better than even I understand. I had no intention of letting you steal another kiss, Aoshi Shinomori-—but you knew how to get past every objection I had, and every trick I tried to pull in order to keep you away. But you're onmitsu – and you managed to get under my skin as easily as you would break into any fortress."
"Megumi," he pulled her to him, recognizing that she would not protest. She had just admitted her weakness for him – the same weakness that he had for her. "Even if I used every onmitsu trick I have in my possession – and learned every secret delight of yours and every detail of your life now – it would not change that I've known you longer than any person on this earth."
"That is true," she almost laughed, but did not. "So my objections to your earlier proposal were perhaps weak."
He sat, with her carefully perched on his leg, not wishing to frighten her away. "Even then, I did not always understand you, but I know you better than most – and enough now to see that you are divided."
"I suppose I am." She wavered again, her hand trembling as she touched his own. "I have been thinking much the last few days. Not just about Ken-san, but about life."
"And?"
"And," she paused. "And how I've been living it and wish to live it."
"And there is no place for someone like I—"
"No," she shook her head vehemently as she placed her hand over his heart. "I think that the problem is that there is no place for me in yours."
He paused, silenced by her bold accusation.
"Kyoto will always have its hold on you – whether you realize it or not. You will always be Oniwabanshu even now when they do not exist."
"I have left before."
"And came back," she shook her head gently. "And stayed. Tell me, why is that?"
"It was where I was needed," he answered.
She moved her hand towards the right side of his chest. "You still have your scar, don't you?"
"I bear many—"
"The one that Kenshin gave you—"
She poked his chest, drawing a wince. "Yes, it is still there."
"In fact, it still aches, doesn't it?"
He raised his eyebrow as her fingers crept inside his shirt and opened it. He would have questioned this gesture, had her face not become more clinical and detached. This was no advance of the romantic sort – but purely a medical question.
"I see," she bit her lip, her voice sounding almost disappointed and her eyes sad, sadder than anything he had seen in a long time. "It looks still new – as if it were just a year ago."
"The ultimate attack—"
"Yes," she withdrew her hand and moved away. "The ultimate attack does create great damage. But – the damage can heal, Aoshi. That much I learned from Master Hiko. I hope that for you, it does heal someday. And Kyoto, I hope, will do that for you."
He frowned slightly, wondering at the resignation in her voice. "Megumi--" He wanted her to understand the revelations he had himself the past few days – the change he wanted, and the inexplicable force that drew him to her and the desire he had for her to stay .
"Don't argue," she turned back to him and pressed her lips to his forehead. He paused, surprised by the gesture of tenderness. "I understand now. You think you know your path – but yet, you must still be unwhole. I can't help the circumstances that made you this way, and I another way. I can not take back the past that made us the way we were, and change the future that you see for yourself."
"You are perhaps too certain of what you think—"
She laughed softly. "You understand me – is it not probable that I understand you equally? That I know you, even more than you yourself?"
He considered that for a moment, before accepting it as possible. His newfound confidence could very well be faulty. "Then what would you have me do?"
"I came to Kyoto for one reason only," she closed her eyes. "And that was for Kenshin. You came here to these mountains for that as well."
"And?"
"We must go back to Kyoto and do what we initially set out to do, and not pretend that two half-formed people who are attracted to one another can really be much more than to one another. Everything until this moment , that occurred here, must be forgotten. Life will return to as it should be. Not because I will it, but because your healing depends on it."
"I would rather you stayed." He touched her face, noting her eyes shone at those words.
Megumi smiled bravely before she leaned in to kiss him, a kiss that was filled with bitterness and regret. It would be, he understood, the first and last freely given from her. He wished for her to stay, but it was clear, that she did not.
She stood then and again looked outside. Her voice was distant and detached. "The rain has slowed. We should leave now, if we're to make the Aoiya before nightfall."
Unwillingly, he looked outside.
The rain had stopped.
Authors Notes: IMHO, the woman doth protest too much, methinks – but ah.. the scar, that lovely horrible scar. A short update, meant to bridge back to reality – the normal world and dealing again with Ken-san, our symbol and our bridge. Skulks off to consider that this story has moved in a direction wholly unanticipated.
