Turnip Head and Me

Ok, this is it Charlie.

Breathe.

You can do this.

Uh… let's see.

"The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout."

"Down came the rain and drowned the spider out."

Drowned?

That's a bit morbid for a baby.

He definitely didn't like my version.

He's still crying.

Bloody 'ell.

How do women cope with this?

Just keep rocking him Charlie.

Yeah that's it.

Shh, shh, quiet little turnip head.

What?

Oh no, no no, not that again!

He's still crying.

Oh God, I need help.

Claire can't see me like this.

I told her I was great with kids.

Well I am.

Or was.

Now look at me.

I can't even keep this one quiet.

Pat his head.

Nice little turnip head.

Quiet is good.

And I get…

More crying and more wailing!

What must I do?

A little pat her, a gentle rock there and you should be fine!

Oh I give up!

No don't panic Charlie.

Maybe I should sing again?

Well here goes.

"The itsy bitsy spider…"
Oh that just made him even angrier.

Bloody 'ell!

Somebody help me!