Chapter Six

It seemed to Ryan as though he had woken up every day recently with a cold dread in the pit of his stomach and today was no different. He didn't normally envy Seth but this particular morning he did. Today he wanted to be just a normal high school student. He wanted to ride his bike to school, be bored in his classes, play pool at lunch break and go to soccer practice at the end of the day. He didn't want to go to a meeting with his mother and persuade her to give him up.

When Ryan had agreed to the adoption in principle, with the Cohens, he hadn't considered for a minute that at some point he would need to face his mother. He'd kind of assumed that it could all be taken care of without him actually having to see her. It would have been a lot easier. Neither of them would have to deal with how the other felt about it and it would be a whole lot less painful.

Last night Sandy had sat him down and explained carefully the process they needed to go through and the legal points that he needed to know. Before the adoption could be considered, both biological parents would need to indicate their willingness to give up their parental rights or have their parental rights terminated forcefully by a court. Sandy explained that in the case of Ryan's father they would need to petition the court that his rights be terminated. They must be able to prove that Ryan had been abandoned by his father and that terminating his rights would be in Ryan's best interests. As his father had been in jail for the last eight years with no prospect of freedom in the near future, and as he had made no attempt to contact Ryan in all that time, this should not be difficult, Sandy reasoned. Dawn was more problematical. If they petitioned the court for her legal rights to be terminated, they risked aggravating Dawn unnecessarily. Although she had had only sporadic contact with Ryan in recent months, it was quite possible that she could argue successfully that her rights should be upheld. Sandy advised Ryan that they should try and set up a meeting with Dawn, face to face, where they could all explain their reasons as to why they wanted to adopt Ryan and how he felt about it.

"I know that won't be easy Ryan," Sandy had warned. "Telling your mother you don't want her as a mother any more, at least on paper, is brutal. But I think we all stand a better chance of this going through smoothly if we have Dawn's agreement."

Ryan understood what Sandy was saying. If they petitioned the court without even bothering to discuss it with her first it would hurt his mother. This way he had a chance to explain to her why he wanted this, that it didn't affect how he felt about her and that he wanted her to be happy with it. If she wasn't happy, then he wouldn't do it. To Ryan it was that simple.

He dragged himself out of bed and headed into the bathroom. The sooner this was over the better. Sandy had managed to contact Dawn and got her to agree to a meeting this morning. He had explained to her briefly that there were some legal issues relating to their continued care for Ryan that he needed to sort out with her. Ryan stepped under the warm jets of water and let them wash over him as he stood contemplating his mother's reaction. Would she be pleased for him? Relieved? Jealous? He had no way of knowing. Dawn's moods changed like the wind and were usually dependant on how much alcohol she'd consumed the day before. He thought back to the last time he had actually seen her, that day outside the pool house, when she'd left in the cab. She'd been certain then that leaving him with the Cohens was the best thing for him, for his future. But would she think the same thing now, eighteen months on?

Ryan switched off the shower and toweled himself dry. Well, he'd know soon enough.


They arrived at Child Services, a drab tatty department housed in an imposing dour building in the center of Newport, a little after ten. As they walked along the corridor towards Marlene's office, the first person Ryan spotted was his mother, hunched up on a bench, nervously twisting the edge of her blouse around her index finger. She looked up as she heard their footsteps, her face pinched with anxiety. Ryan hesitated momentarily and then, as she stood up to greet him, the pair embraced awkwardly.

"Hey kiddo, it's good to see you…."

"You too Mom…."

Kirsten watched as mother and son pulled apart, each unsure as to what to say next. Dawn's eyes were overly bright; unshed tears hovering near the surface. Kirsten's heart sank as she contemplated what they were about to ask this woman. She felt like the bully in the playground, picking on the weaker kid, knowing she could get them to do what she wanted because she was bigger, stronger and this case richer. Before guilt engulfed her completely, she reminded herself why they were doing this, that all they wanted was for Ryan's future to be secure. Surely Dawn would want that too?

Sandy's voice broke into her thoughts.

"Ryan, why don't you wait out here while we go through some things with your mom, OK?"

Ryan nodded, relieved that Sandy was taking charge. He gave his mother a small wave as she headed into Marlene's office with the Cohens. She smiled back at him anxiously.

"See you in a bit sweetie…"


Ryan paced the corridor for several minutes. He read all the posters on the walls; posters reminding parents of the importance of immunization, posters encouraging couples to consider fostering, posters listing signs to look out for if your child is sick……He flicked through the leaflets piled in fan shapes on tables; booklets listing play schemes, advice for parents of kids on probation, addresses for where to get legal assistance. He visited the bathroom a couple of times. Eventually he sat back down and began to chew his nails.

Suddenly the door opened and Marlene, Kirsten and Sandy emerged. The Cohens looked tired and drained.

Sandy sat down heavily next to him, sweeping his untidy hair back out of his eyes.

"We thought it would be a good idea if you and your mom had some time on your own, to discuss together what we've talked about. Is that OK with you?"

"I guess…" answered Ryan, looking and sounding doubtful.

"Your mom's waiting for you inside. You two take as long as you need. Kirsten and I will wait out here." He gave Ryan a reassuring pat on the back and Kirsten smiled encouragingly as he got up and headed towards the door.


"Where the hell is my daughter Lesley?" I was supposed to have a meeting with her this morning!"

Caleb Nichol's secretary looked down at her messages and then back up at her employer flustered.

"Oh Mr. Nichol, Mrs. Cohen left a message for you to say she had an urgent unavoidable meeting with Ryan's social worker and that she hoped to be back this afternoon…."

Caleb scowled in annoyance.

"I am sick to death of that boy's legal troubles taking preference over my business," he stormed, marching past Karen towards his office and slamming the door behind him. His secretary shook her head. She would not want to be in Kirsten's shoes this afternoon.

Caleb stared contemplatively out of the window towards the ocean. He felt as though the perfect weather outside was mocking him, reminding him that while you can live in a place with a near perfect climate, you cannot always have the perfect life. He had hoped that his comments to Ryan last night might have scared the boy enough into refusing Sandy and Kirsten's offer. Obviously this was not the case. As Ryan was now off probation there could be only one reason why Sandy and Kirsten had such an urgent meeting with Ryan's social worker.

Caleb walked over to his desk and called Lesley on the intercom.

"Lesley, I want you to find me a lawyer, one who specializes in adoption law…"


"Mom…"

"Sweetie, come and sit down…"

Ryan sat down at the desk, opposite his mother. It was patently clear that she had been crying. Her eyes were red rimmed and sore and the thick mascara she always wore was smudged and streaked. Ryan avoided his mother's face as she reached out and took his hands in hers.

"Is this really what you want sweetie?"

Ryan lifted his head and looked directly into the eyes which mirrored his own.

"Mom, they've been so good to me, they treat me like I'm really their son, they treat me like Seth…"

"That doesn't answer my question…."

Ryan sighed. There was no way to avoid saying it.

"Yes, it's what I want…" he whispered.

"Then why do you look so worried about it?"

Ryan moved his chair closer to the desk, wanting to make it clear to his mother how he felt.

"Mom, they've become like my family. But they aren't you or Dad or Trey..." He shifted uncomfortably.

"I don't want you to think I don't care about you, that I don't want you as my mom…."

Dawn gripped his hand tighter and smiled at him, her eyes bright.

"Honey, I'll always be your mom. Nothing can change that. Especially not a piece of paper…but before I sign that paper I want to make sure this is what you want…"

Ryan swallowed, trying to remove the lump that was lodged, throbbing painfully, in his throat.

"They want to show everyone that I'm part of their family and.that really means a lot to me, that they think so much of me, you know? I want to be part of their family because they want me to be." He shrugged, "I don't know…. I can't explain it very well."

Dawn leaned forward earnestly, her hand tipping her son's chin up to face her.

"Ryan, these people can give you a whole better life than I can. I always knew you were the smart one, but that wouldn't have been much help to you stuck in Chino with me. I don't have the money to send you to college. Now you've got the chance to do something with all those brains. Take this chance kiddo, I'm not going to stand in your way."

Ryan looked at his mother in silence. He knew she wanted the best for him but she just didn't get it. It wasn't about the chances the Cohens could give him. It wasn't about the fact that they were rich and Dawn was poor. It was about being part of a family and living in a loving stable environment. And that was the one thing that Dawn had never been able to give him.

Dawn sat back, suddenly composed.

"So, I need to arrange with Sandy and Ms Johnson about the signing of these forms…"

"What about Dad?" Ryan asked, chewing his lip.

Dawn's lips tightened grimly.

"Sandy said that the court should hold no objections to terminating his rights as your father, but that the whole process would slow everything down. You leave your father to me kiddo. I'm going to go visit him. He's done nothing for you your whole life, he can at least do this…"


Kirsten and Sandy stood up abruptly as Ryan and Dawn emerged from the office. Their eyes darted quickly from mother to son, desperately wanting to know what they'd decided but the whole awkwardness of the situation preventing them from doing so.

Dawn turned to Sandy.

"Mr. Cohen, would you send me copies of those papers as soon as they are drawn up?" Sandy nodded. Kirsten moved forward and grasped Dawn's hands.

"Thank you….for doing this…"

Dawn nodded.

"I know you'll take good care of him," she answered, "You've done a fantastic job so far…" she added regretfully, casting a look of pride at Ryan.

Kirsten winced, feeling she should apologize, apologize for being a better mother to Ryan than Dawn was.

Sandy broke in.

"I'll be in touch Dawn, just as soon as I get back from Italy…"

Dawn smiled in agreement and turned to Ryan, pulling him closely to her. He buried his head in her shoulder. She shut her eyes, stroking his bangs away from his forehead and kissed the top of his head.

"Look after yourself kiddo, you know where I am…" she whispered.

Sandy gripped Kirsten's shoulders in support as they watched Ryan cling to his mother.

Stroking his wife's hair absently, he sought to reassure her, murmuring, "This is a good thing we're doing OK?"

Kirsten nodded.


Seth and Ryan sat on the island in the middle of the kitchen, arms folded, kicking their heels and trying hard not to make each other laugh. Sandy and Kirsten's going away list of do's and don'ts, reminders, warnings and threats was growing longer by the minute.

Sandy: I've left you 200 cash to order in. Don't spend it all at once.

Kirsten: Make sure you take out the trash. I don't want the house smelling like a garbage disposal site when we get back…

Sandy: No skipping school Monday…

Kirsten: Do your homework…

Sandy: No drinking…

Kirsten: No parties…

Sandy: No girlfriends staying overnight…

"Chance'd be a fine thing…"muttered Ryan glumly.

"Dammit," cursed Seth.

Sandy looked at them both sharply, eyebrows raised.

"We're trusting you guys, don't make us regret it again…"

They both hung their heads sheepishly. Sandy never missed a chance to remind them both of past indiscretions.

Kirsten turned to them as she closed up her purse for the final time, having checked and rechecked that she had both of their passports and all their credit cards.

"OK boys, I've left all the important phone numbers on this piece of paper. The number of our hotel, our mobiles, your Grandfather's, the police, the doctor, the hospital…"

"the FBI, the President,…." continued Seth.

Ryan smirked. Seth regarded his mother as if she had finally flipped.

"Mom, we are perfectly capable of finding phone numbers in an emergency…"

Kirsten looked apologetic.

"I know, I know, I just thought it would make it easier if…"

"if you treated us like we were twelve, yeah mom, we get it!"

"I don't treat you like you are twelve Seth. And I don't hear Ryan complaining…"

"That's because he still believes he has to be polite to you mom…"

"We hope you have a really great time," interjected Ryan, "don't we Seth?" Ryan gave Seth the Annabiotics look. He thought it was sweet that Kirsten was flapping. His mom had rarely gone away when he'd lived in Chino, but occasionally she would crash at some boyfriend's house overnight and he and Trey would be lucky if she even called to let them know, let alone check they had anything in for breakfast.

Seth threw a mutinous look at Ryan, before swinging round to face his parents.

"Yeah. Seriously, have a great time and DON'T WORRY!"

"I'm a mother. It's my job to worry…" Kirsten answered absent mindedly, and then catching the expression on Ryan's face, added "I'm just one of life's worriers…"


The two boys sat slumped in front of the Play Station on Sunday night, some slightly stale bagels resting on plates beside them. Sandy's 200 had disappeared within the first twenty four hours of them leaving, after Seth had insisted on ordering enough Take Out to feed the entire Cohen house twice over. They had eaten Chinese food for dinner and then eaten more, cold, for breakfast. By Saturday night they could face no more and had thrown the leftovers in the garbage. They were now existing on cereal and tins of pudding.

"God, I never thought I'd say I'm sick of tapioca…" moaned Seth, clutching his stomach.

"Well maybe if you hadn't insisted on blowing all your dad's money in one go, we'd have been able to have something decent to eat today!" snapped Ryan. He was hungry and when he was hungry he was irritable. He should never have agreed to Seth's long list of Take Out requests. He should have been the voice of reason. Unfortunately Seth seemed to have the uncanny ability to be able to twist Ryan round his little finger, especially when Sandy and Kirsten were not there to keep him in check.

The sound of the doorbell interrupted their spat. Ryan looked expectantly at Seth. Seth looked at Ryan.

"OK Seth, don't worry yourself, I'll go!" Ryan got up, infuriated.

He ran up the steps to the door and stopped. Through the obscure glass panel were the unmistakable uniforms of two cops.

tbc