Chapter 10: A Lachrymose Daze


Sanosuke had decided to leave in the morning rather than let Misao see him leave. He had asked a few of his friends that weren't involved with the Sekihoutai to guard her while he was gone. They accepted without a protest, and his trust lay heavily upon them. They were loyal to the end. He knew that. They knew him as Sanosuke, their own friend and as the Sekihoutai gang member. The latter never phased them, yet they supported him whole-heartedly.

He lingered a while longer at the doorway, watching the young woman asleep in the futon across the room. She had her back to him, her hair strewn across the blanket and cushion for her head. Misao had acted strangely the previous night, staying completely silent after Souzou's departure. He felt bad for the way he had treated her, but he was shocked. Her only adopted kin was someone he had seen many times, though never attacked directly. Aoshi Shinomori was distinctly a man of danger, his attacks cold and calculating without any hesitation. To think, a girl like her is related to him somewhere along her pre-sordid life.

She turned over in her sleep, and Sanosuke took the time to take a last glance at her before departing for the bar where his gang awaited him. He wouldn't admit it, but he was insecure at the thought that if he died that night, he didn't know where she would go. Who would take over the burden?

"See ya later, weasel..." he said in a voice just above a whisper.

And with those last words, he left to face the Sekihoutai in an almost dazed state.


* * * * *


"So her name is Misao..?" I asked.

"Yes. She was Okina's niece." Aoshi confirmed with a nod.

"I see. So you cared for her?"

"Of course. She was tiny and yet, she possessed this passion to be strong. I think that's what kind of made me bring you to Kyoto." he confessed, the last part tumbling from his lips almost silently.

I sighed and hugged my knees to my chest. We had spent the day together. He improved my stance and helped me practice with my skills losing touch with everyday use. When we got tired, we would rest and I would babble on about different things, getting him to confess stories to me without him even caring. I would catch him staring at me longer than he should, or his eyes would connect with mine longer than I felt comfortable doing. It was if he were actually interested in who I was and acted strangely, maybe like a curious tiger testing its grounds before proceeding on. He was certainly very hesitant with his stories. In that day, he had told me bits of his life before Kanryu, mentioning the girl a lot. She seemed to be a very important person in her life. I couldn't help but notice his eyes with this nostalgic aura. It made me yearn for my own father and wonder how his life was faring without his daughter.

"You say Misao reminds you of me?" I perked up.

He raised his eyes to meet mine and looked outside.

"Absurd. You two are barely alike."

"Ah, and why is that? You said you cared for her like a little sister. I assume you felt the same about me..." I said innocently, oblivious of the discomfort I was providing Aoshi.

"Kaoru, the sun will go down soon. We need to get back. You have to take a bath and prepare for tonight."

I stood up immediately in a panic. I had totally forgot that Tomoe was expecting me. My own foolish quest cost me a great deal since Tomoe wasn't one on open anger. She was more of a person who made you feel the shame you deserved in her attitude. But surprisingly, when Aoshi and I returned that night, Tomoe wasn't as alert of my returning presence. She seemed to be in a daze, listening to all the girls talk before entering the main room. She seemed to be dead to them, only staring at the main room entrance. I rushed to her side immediately-after a much needed body rinse and a quick dressing.

"Tomoe-sensei, are you okay?" I asked unsure of her behavior.

"I'm fine." she curtly answered and brushed past me into the room, not even casting a glance in my direction.

I fretted over her behavior, and for the first time in a while, I couldn't see that certain luster in her eyes. I didn't know at that time that she was truly scared for the first time. She didn't fear death anymore. She was afraid of Akira. He was getting to close, and as a person who lived distantly from people, his place that was building up in her life scared her. She was afraid of change, afraid of deceit, afraid of pain...

Soon as she entered the teahouse main room, there he was, awaiting her with that smile of his that seemed to make her return it. She had to look away. And instead of going to his table like she was used to, she occupied her attentions on another table on the other side of the room. She didn't turn back to look at him this time. But if she did, she would have seen his smile disappear because that smile was only for her.


* * * * *


Soujirou paused as the last of Shishio's men rounded the corner of the hallway, and then cringed at the pain he had been enduring since the battle with Aoshi and his dastardly men. He had been limping when nobody was around, and in front of his peers and his superiors, he would bare the pain with a smile. He resumed walking and emitted a hiss, unfortunately, just as Kamatari rounded the corner. The feminine male was appalled at the sight and clutched his mouth before he could make an outburst. Soujirou straightened up with his hand on his sword instinctively, but it was too late. Kamatari had seen his weakness in that sheer moment of his lost composure. He quickly ran to the young-looking assassin with this pure concern of his well-being.

"Stop." Soujirou whispered hoarsely, "This is of no consequence to you. Leave me be."

"Sou-chan...that's horrible..." Kamatari pouted as he fretted over his leg.

"Kamatari-san, it's quite late. You should be having something to eat."

"As well as you. How long have you had these wounds?"

"It's none of your concern."

"It is my concern, Soujirou!" Kamatari shouted.

Kamatari had rarely called Soujirou his full first name, and never had he seemed so emotional.

"I want to help you like you helped me...that night." Kamatari's voice almost dropped out entirely when he spoke the last part as if hesitance took him over.

Soujirou let his companions hands grip him tightly and take him to his own chambers. There, Kamatari sought out the first aid while Soujirou reclined against the wall as he sat on the floor. It didn't take long for the feminine henchman returned with bandages and the time period's cleansing materials in arms. Soujirou smiled through it all, showing not a sign of emotion that would indicate he wasn't at all not pleased with anything that Kamatari was doing. His true concern was somewhat comforting in the disturbing life Soujirou dealt with in his short life span.

"Sou-chan, you're very strange." he muttered as he cleaned the flesh wound on his upper leg.

Soujirou was confused but asked anyway, "Why is that?"

"You never stop smiling, even when you're in complete pain or you've met a worthy opponent. You always hide behind this cheerful mask-a pretense that makes you hard to predict in battle."

"I just found it was easier to smile, then to go through all that trouble of making different facial expressions."

"When did it start? I mean, you probably looked angelic as a child doing that. But if you were a teenager doing it, I'd think you were insane." Kamatari commented and smiled softly as he took a hold of a cloth to dry the wound.

"It's strange. I hadn't realized how long I had been doing it. It's been done so long, it becomes habit, you see."

"Yeah, I see." Kamatari said as he looked at Soujirou's lips turned upward still even as he winced at the touch of his wound, "Were you doing this even before you met Shishio-sama?"

The young assassin's eyes dropped to his lap.

"If you are weak, you die. If you are strong, you live..." he murmured.

Kamatari stopped his hand on the bandages behind him when he heard Soujirou speak. He turned to him with incredulity.

"Those words...you keep saying them. What do they mean?" Kamatari inquired with intense interest.

Soujirou raised his eyes to meet his companion's with an unknown blank expression in his eyes.

"Shishio-sama taught me life, and I live by his words for I truly believe them. They are what kept me alive now and then."

"What do you meet 'then?'"

Soujirou looked at him as if it were the first time he had ever seen the henchman-like he was a stranger and lost in a world of sympathetic memories. The words escaped his lips as if he weren't speaking or in a trance of one's own accord. Yet they were his words-strong and vivid. Those words was his own account of the past he had not revealed to anyone really, but only admitted to himself when they would occasionally appear in battle or his dreams. They were bitter reminders of the weak that wouldn't have prevailed if he had not become strong enough to endure the death that threatened to take him.

"I smiled when I was happy. And I was happy for a short time. My mother would disappear for nights at a time while I stayed with her friend. She was a whore, making money to support me. Little did I know, that her pale complexion was not normal. I remember the times when her warm smiles and soothing lullabies graced my ears, but they deteriorated with her health. She died coming home one day. She collapsed in front of her friend's house. After my mom's burial, my mom's friend sought out my father. He was an owner of a whole sale rice business. I knew he was insane from the moment I saw him. His eyes blazed like that of a madman and yet my mom's friend gave me up to him, having no alternative herself. He would come home drunk-mad with some unknown rage, and he would beat me up. Even after the days he'd make me carry 50 sacks of rice, he would beat me without hesitation, cursing my sinful mother for ever meeting him. And one day, the beatings just weren't the main problem anymore. He became more malicious with his treatment."

"Sou-chan, I-you don't-."

Soujirou placed a hand up to stop his attempts to speak.

"I can continue." Soujirou said softly.

Kamatari still looked to him with a sympathetic expression. He was still slightly smiling even when he told the most horrifying story about his childhood.

"I had been serving him dinner one day when he threw his cup of soup back at me. I was burned on my arm, and the porcelain was shattered at my feet. He grabbed me by my collar and shouted at me as usual. But something was different in his eyes. I had never seen such spite before...," he paused shutting his eyes and opening them to stare blankly ahead of them, "You have felt the same pain as I in the previous battle. The same happened to me that night, and it continued every night. But he wasn't satisfied because I still smiled and forced myself not to cry. He hated it. It reminded him of my mother's smile. And to me, it did remind me of my mother as well. Through all her trials, she would always come home to me with a smile, no matter how much it pained her to do so."

He seemed nostalgic for a moment, but continued on.

"That's when I met Shishio-sama. He was just a criminal back then, on the run for his murders. I witnessed him kill the police and when he went to kill me, he found me smiling. I wanted to die. So he commanded me to bring him bandages and food while I took him to my father's rice shed. My father never figured out that the reported criminal was in our shed, and life went on as normal. But Shishio-sama noticed my life as keenly as I knew he would when I would come into the shed limping. That's when he handed me his sword and said those words with such conviction, 'If you are weak, you die. If you are strong, you live.' I put the sword underneath the shed for I didn't think I could ever bring myself to murder anyone. But one night, my father had been very violent. He found his actions were not enough to wipe my mother's smile off my face. So he decided to kill me, to feign that the the escaped criminal killed me." Kamatari clung to Soujirou's sleeve with his hand as he continued, "He chased me down until we came to the shed. The rain poured down in the night upon us, both heaving from the chase. And his sword came down upon me, managing only to scrape my arm of the skin. So I ran for the sword and turned on him. His screams permeated through the air, filling my senses with his blood."

"You killed your father?" Kamatari asked, horrified from his words.

"Shishio-sama came to me and asked me if it felt good to finally kill him. I said 'yes,' but in the rain, I was crying. That's when I joined Shishio-sama, and he taught me an acute swordsmanship that not many could master. I came in his service when he decided to run businesses and affiliations, gaining many more companions along the way. Killing became easier for me as time progressed. In fact, I didn't even think about it anymore. It was just automatic-."

Kamatari crushed him in a tight embrace while he cried against Soujirou's shoulder.


* * * * *


A trail of smoke escaped a lanky henchman's lips as the carriage traveled along. The night was crisp with the smell of blossoms filling the air. The dirt road was dry, crunching underneath the horse hooves and the wooden wheels supporting the cargo-baring vehicle. Kanryu's henchman were sitting in the coach seat while the others walked alongside. It was definitely an important shipment to Kanryu. The Sekihoutai laid in wait, ready for when they came their way.

"Sano, are you ready?" Souzou inquired urgently.

The tall gangster was hunched behind a wall, looking deep in thought, and his leader took notice. He snapped out of his reverie to see his mentor with an expression of concern apparent on his features.

"Of course, I am." Sanosuke replied.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," he paused as if to ponder what Sanosuke's answer was, but quickly uttered, "Just be ready. They're almost here."

One man on the roof signaled to Souzou that they were coming through the pass. He swallowed a lump of unease in his throat as he looked to Sano. The tall gangster signaled for everyone to get down. And the Sekihoutai waited behind walls, crates, and atop the roof of two buildings. They were ready for the men to come. While Sanosuke lay in wait, he clenched his fists. He had to remember, it was all for Shishio. And in that second, he saw the men jump out from their hiding places. He found himself standing, joining his comrades in looting the carriage. He came in a flash. His speed beating those who had started attacking before him.

Sanosuke was the first to reach the carriage, his red bandana flying from behind him as he reached momentum and jumped, landing on the front of the carriage. The drivers stood up in indignation and launched a defense. Sanosuke was too quick for them. He took hold of one of the drivers and tossed him off the carriage while the other hopped atop his back, trying to choke him from behind.

"You've gotta be kidding me..." the tall gangster muttered and merely took hold of one of his attacker's arms.

His strength was more than that of the average man. Who was his attacker to compete? With a grip on the driver's upper arm, he eased the grip around his neck and tossed him aside. For some reason, Sanosuke's fears rose with his victory. His stomach began to churn as he felt a growing suspicion. It had been too easy, hadn't it? Why on earth would Kanryu let such weak men guard the carriage full of his goods that he sells? It was like letting a child with food go out into the streets filled with hungry people.

Sanosuke checked to see if anyone needed help, but everyone else seemed to be hitting off all right. All were handling their own and seemed to bring the bodyguards down with ease. So he sat down, taking the reins in his hands.

"Well, that wasn't so bad..." he said with a smile tugging at own corner of his mouth.

But before he could take off, Sanosuke froze. They were surrounded.


* * * * *


I had spent time with two new customers that night. My priorities were to stay very social to a future constant customer and one of Kanryu's affiliates were of my care. One man, Kanryu's business associate, was named Iizuka. He disturbed me somewhat with his friendly behavior. He seemed to kind and open for a man of his business. He drank a lot, and always asked me to refill his pipe when he needed it. He often would womanize openly, slap me on the rear, and call me "woman". But there was nothing I could do, just smile through. The other man that I altered attention to was a stray traveler. His name was Anji. He was big in build, bald by his own accord, and seemed to have roughed many struggles in his life, yet he was dressed in the finest clothes that seemed to contradict his look. It confused me so to even hear him to be so silent through the night. He would simply sip his sake and ask me for more. I always faithfully obliged. But my eyes would always wander the room. Tsunan had not come. I hadn't seen him since that night that Aoshi was in battle in front of that restaurant we were eating at. Had he not desired me anymore? Had I been foolish to go back on all my teachings by Tomoe-sensei that night?

Not seeing Tsunan, I had excused myself from the table and walked outside to get some air. It was all too much for me to bare. I left Anji's side, catching his eyes nonchalantly watching me as I departed, and something inside me made me shiver. I set the feelings aside and continued to the door. But just before I walked outside, I had caught sight of Kiyosato sitting at one table. His attention didn't seem to be with his friends or on his drink, but on Tomoe at the next table over. I had noticed her lack of response to her friend that night and found it unusual for her to give him the sudden cold shoulder.

I closed the door over the sight of the lonely Kiyosato and turned my back on the establishment. The air was crisp and filled with the perfume of spring. The soft pink petals of the cherry blossoms were scattered upon the streets, lightly going the course of the blowing wind. It was then that I heard someone join me outside.

"Are you okay?"

I closed my eyes and felt the wind bring Aoshi's words to my ears.

"I guess..."

I heard him move towards me, the petals crushed underneath his feet.

"You should be inside." he said firmly.

I didn't budge. I stood there peacefully and let him come to my side, towering above my small form.

"My father used to describe people as different types who deal with pain. Some openly cry and others hold it in within their hearts turning it as bitter as what is held back. And I wonder if that is what many of us in this teahouse are going through. Are we all just living in a daze, concealing our sad stories within ourselves, pretending it's okay? I hate that notion, but these days, I find myself questioning my own belief that I didn't agree with any of my father's words-that they weren't true."

"What are you talking about?" he asked with a raised eye-brow, marring his complete glacial features.

I turned to him this time with a serious expression; the smile was gone from my features.

"Aoshi-san, do you regret the decisions in your life?" I asked.

"Tsunan didn't come tonight." he observed.

I glowered at him, and if I wasn't mistaken, I saw a glint of something devious in his eyes.

"You're dodging my question again." I stated angrily.

I saw his eyes drift over my facial features, as if embracing them into his mind. Carefully, his hand lifted from his side, and his fingertips glided up, barely touching my sleeve. I still kept my eyes fixed with his as his own hand came to my shoulder. His thumb and index finger pinched together to pick up something off my shoulder. I turned to see him throw a cherry blossom petal off my shoulder before letting his hand rest lightly on it as if to clean me from ever being touched by the world around us. I turned back to him, my heart taking this unknown change of pace, as he bent over to me.

He stopped just before me, his bangs hanging loosely over his eyes as I saw his attention divert to behind him. He straightened and turned to see Megumi standing in the open doorway with her hand on the door frame. Her expression seemed sour and convinced of her suspicion of our strange behavior. She was perplexed as well as outraged.

"Kanryu wants to see you, Tanuki." she uttered bitterly.

"Yes, Megumi-san." I said obediently and ran inside, leaving Aoshi outside with the calming breeze and Megumi's malicious glare.


* * * * *


Misao lay asleep in the small apartment, listening to Sanosuke's friends chat away outside. She had awoken that morning only to be greeted with the cold of the new day. She rubbed her eyes once more to see if her own vision had deceived her, but it was true. Sanosuke was gone. She immediately grabbed a kimono and dressed for the day, intent on finding her captor. She had rarely spent a waking minute without Sanosuke, and to put it strangely, she was worried. She hadn't realized that she had become accustomed to his company in the long period of time in captivity. Instead of everything seeming to be restrained and uncomfortable, she had found pleasure in their outings to the bar, their bickering, and just the simplicity of life outside of the whore house. And now, she had become used to Sanosuke's role as her guard.

She tied her obi tightly and started for the door. Immediately, her eyes went straight to the crack in the door. Her eyes lit up as she saw a shadow blocking the morning light from the room, and her fingers gripped the exit. Gingerly, she slid it open only to find a thin man with his back to her. He turned to meet her with a smile. She could only find caution in a newcomer's presence. Had Sanosuke been killed? Will she be taken back to Kanryu?

"Sano won't be back for a while." the young man said softly.

She took a step back, clutching the neckline of her robes.

"Why?" she guardedly questioned.

He saw her unease and took a step back himself, which seemed to throw her off. She lifted an eyebrow as he tried to calm her.

"I'm sorry, but Sano told me not to tell you where he was going. He told me just to tell you he'd be back."

"When?"

"Forgive me, but I can't-."

She turned on her heel and slid the door with an audible shut behind her, leaving Sano's poor friend to feel guilty about his duty. Misao sulked in the middle of the room. Her hands throbbed from the pressure of her own fingers piercing into her palms. It was bad enough that she had been thrust into a life made by Kanryu, then taken into Shishio's henchman's keeping, and now, she was left in the care of another anonymous stranger. For some reason, she felt her heart speed up and clench with each passing second. She was left alone.

Her eyes drifted to a close, and her legs began to fail her. With a resigned sigh, she fell to her knees and found her tears being released once more. She had felt sorrow, and she knew not why. Instead, she clutched her chest in hopes of easing the mysterious pain. It had come all of a sudden when he had mentioned that Sanosuke was gone. She gasped in sudden realization, and maybe fear.

Had she actually thought of Sanosuke as a friend or a somewhat strange family member? No, not him. He was too brash and crass. He was her captor, the line clearly drawn between them. But it was strange. Had she grown attached to the roguish young man? In fact, her mind reeled to find a time when she was not by his side, and she found herself not wanting to remember. Misao no longer felt the pain anymore. Her thoughts seemed to ease the pain, and cast her thoughts' attention from it. How strange that he had become her closest relationship in the time they spent together. But she still couldn't place her finger on the emotion, the light heartedness she felt whenever he came to mind.

"Weasel..."

She quickly turned to see the door slid aside, large hands clutching the frame for support. Sanosuke stood in the doorway, bruised and battered. The blood dripped down only to dry on the dirt below, mixing into a dark colored mud.

"Sanosuke!" she whispered in pure shock, her hand covering her mouth.

He couldn't even smile as he looked at her pale skinned face stare at him in horror. He felt the whole world around him start to fade. His stance faltered, and Misao rose to her feet. He could see the ground start to come closer to him as he fell forward, but the young prostitute caught him in her awaiting arms. She fell to her knees clutching the injured gangster, her fingers gripping him tightly to her body while she felt a tear escape her eye-but only one that had faded in mid-air. She used her shoulder to prop his head up to look at her, and she saw the tired face she longed to see. Her fingers brushed against his cheek, causing him to open his eyes to stare into her own.

"What happened?" she asked in a hushed whisper.

"The sekihoutai is gone..." he said softly.

She froze and searched his eyes for the answer. It was evident. He spoke the truth. The sorrow in his expression spoke volumes.

"Sano, it can't be-."

"Shishio tricked us. He told us that there weren't too many and that if we needed help, he'd have someone nearby. Someone came all right..."

"What about Souzou-sama?" she questioned desperately.

"I don't know. The last I saw of him, he was in a struggle. He told me not to question him and leave."

"Sanosuke..."

"We need to leave as soon as possible. Shishio is looking for you, and I'll be damned if he gets you after what he did to the Sekihoutai."

He pushed himself up and tried to get up. Misao did nothing to help as she stared at the sunlight in the open doorway. He was using her as revenge for Shishio. Makoto Shishio...the demon who took the Sekihoutai members' lives with a bit of deception, and turned her into an instrument of vengeance. She wanted to escape, but seeing Sano struggling with his way to the medicine box, she couldn't bare it. They would find her; Kanryu, Shishio, and Sanosuke. They would all try to find her, and she would be in more trouble than before.

"Oi! Weasel girl!"

She turned to greet his own brown eyes as he fumbled with the bandages on his arm.

"Let's end this. I'm taking you back to your Aoshi-sama. You're more trouble than I'd like. To hell with Shishio."

Misao could not look away from him. Her heart swelled, and she raced to Sanosuke's side. In mid-pounce, she leaped and enveloped him in a crushing hug. He groaned in pain, and she retreated in fear of hurting him.

"Rooster head, you're not as bad as you want yourself to seem." she said with a smile and took hold of a bowl, "I'll go get some hot water, and once we finish your bandages, we will leave."

He watched as the petite ex-ninja walk across the room. Her presence calmed him, and yet he couldn't help but feel amused that she had found a new nickname for him. He smirked, but it slowly faded as he felt the doubt reappear. In Sanosuke's mind, he could only hear one of the last words Souzou left him, only to be left in the haze of his disturbed thoughts, "The war is about to begin, Sano. Who's side are you on?"

Neither, Souzou-sama. Neither.


* * * * *


I sat before the tub of laundry, my hands soaked in the suds. The previous night, Kanryu-sama had asked me into his office for the first time since my arrival. Tomoe had caught my entrance into the teahouse that night. She watched as I retreated into the back hallway. I could only tell she was worried. Of what, I wasn't sure. But I did know that many of the women in the teahouse were also watching me. I had wondered what Kanryu was going to tell me.

I continued to dip the cloth into the tub, letting my hands rub against the scrub board.

"Kaoru, there you are..."

Kanryu's eyes were on me as I entered the room. He seemed too happy to see me, and for some reason, it had bothered me.

I once again dipped the clothes in, exerting more pressure.

The door closed immediately behind me by one of his women's doing. I was alone, and I could feel his gaze upon me, inspecting me. He stood up from his seat, stepping out from behind his desk. It reminded me so much of our first meeting. His lecherous eyes scathed every part of me, and he let his fingers brush against my cheek. I didn't feel anything in his touch, just disgust. I couldn't do anything more, but for a second I flinched. He frowned at my movement, and grabbed my arm in a tight grasp.

"Stand still." he commanded harshly.

I dare not move as he continued his ministrations.

"Remove your robe."

I froze.

I scrubbed faster.

"Did you not hear me? Remove your robe!"

It wasn't a request. I knew that much. But I was scared. I had never had to be totally naked in front of a man before. I slowly reached for my obi and began to untie it. I noticed his eye twitch impatiently.

"Faster."

I undid the knot and let the sash fall to the ground with the chord. I felt the robe loosen and let my fingers lie on the curve of my neck, under the collar, and slid it from my shoulder. The robe fell to the ground around my feet, I dare not look up to see his face though. I heard him murmur in approval, and he circled around me.

My hand and nails began to hurt. I found myself unable to stop scrubbing. And my breathing was becoming hard to do. Everything was too dirty.

"Lay down on the couch." he said to me.

I had the urge to let my arms cover myself. I was cold. The air pricked at my skin, and I could feel the goosebumps appearing. Reluctantly, I sat down, letting my bare rump touch the smooth, velvet material. I then laid back, me legs tightly closed. I laid my head onto the pillow, never letting my eyes close for a second. He came to my side in quick strides. I could feel my heart speed up with every passing second.

"Open your legs, Kaoru."

I didn't like the way he said my name. I could only whimper as I felt his soft hands pry my legs apart, and I shut my eyes as I felt his eyes once more. All I could do was pray that it would be done soon.

"So you are a virgin..."

I couldn't bare it anymore. The tears came quickly from my eyes, and I found myself weeping into the laundry. The memories were too painful for me. It was uncomfortable, it was defiling, but it wasn't sex. It wasn't at all. He didn't remove his clothing nor did he make me do anything to him. But the way he stared at me, the way he examined me, I just couldn't take it. It was too much for me, and I realized how innocent I was compared the other women of the teahouse. I was a child compared to them. Why was I there? And when would my innocence be taken away from me? I never expected to lose it this way. I always thought I would marry, but what of these women? Would they ever get married? Would they ever find happiness? Was that the price you pay for glamour and money?

I let the cloth slip from my wrinkled fingers and began to clean my hands. I had to get lessons from Tomoe. Something told me though that our visit would be comforting compared to the night ahead of me.


* * * * *


"Well, Kaoru, you seem to have the knowledge of a capable mistress of this house. I am very proud."

"It was all because of you, Tomoe-sensei-."

"What did I say to you? I am not a teacher to you, just someone to help you along."

"Forgive me."

The silence between us was unsettling as she prepared some tea and set it before me.

"How was your examination last night?" she asked softly.

My hands began to tremble at the inquiry. I was so unsure as to why I had acted that way.

"It was uncomfortable." I muttered and took a sip from my cup.

"At least he examined you before taking other actions."

I put down my cup. What exactly did that mean? I believe Tomoe was trying to reveal to me some of her past. Kanryu had probably lusted after her so much that without regard to her age, he had defiled her and then made her into a professional seductress. I looked to my elder with a supreme admiration. She was beautiful, wise, and strong. I could not see anything I personally disliked about her. I admired that she could stay so long in Kanryu's possession without any sign of weakness. Though I was sure at one point before I had come to the teahouse, she had found herself vulnerable and wishing she were elsewhere.

"Tomoe-san, what were you before you came here-if I may ask?"

"I was a girl, and I still am, Kaoru. Sorry to disappoint you." she said with a smile.

I blushed, and I leaned back.

"I didn't mean it that way! I was just asking what you were. Where did you come from? Was your dad a dojo owner like mine?"

"Unfortunately, no. My father was very much the opposite of a dojo owner."

"What was he then?"

"He was a drug addict."



Author's Note: Hi! Sorry, I've been out a while. I have been trying to get extra hours at work (50 hours a week basically), and I've been reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (800-something pages!), Pride and Prejudice, and a book called The Da Vinci Code. Now, I'm reading Angels & Demons before I got on to read Age of Innocence that I am supposed to get done in two weeks for an analysis paper! I know! I'm such a nerd! Oh yeah, BTW, I'm also back in school. Plus, I've been busy personally (yes, I have a small, yet existent life. I know. Shame on me. -.-*), so I've had no time to write! I finally got to update my Tomoe story, and I FINALLY got this one done. I hope you liked the chapter. I've started to fall for Sano's character in the series now that I read more and more stories about him. You'll read more about him in the next chapter and what happened that night, but I was in a rush to get this out to you. So wait Sanosuke fans!!!! Until next time.


Reviewer Responses:


C.G * Forever is Now Oh no! I think I gave the wrong idea for pairings. What I meant by A/K is Aoshi/Kaoru and T/K is Tomoe/Kiyosato, but readers seem to think it meant Tsunan/Kaoru. Kenshin will have a role in the end...I can't give my secret away! Otherwise, it would ruin what I'm trying to do! It doesn't hurt to ask though, C.G. Thank you for your encouragement though.


Vash-chan aka Makoto Almasy – At least it wasn't as bad as Sailor Moon! Have you ever watched the show and seen how long it takes for them to transform or make an attack?! If I were the enemy, I would grab her septor, trip her, and hit her over the head with it in that time. Goodness! Anyway, I find it kind of cool to have people react when Tsunan and Kaoru have taken the first step to a relationship, especially in front of Megumi and Aoshi. With Aoshi and Kaoru's ending scene, I know she should be nervous to spar, but it's an honor that he'd even allow her to interact with him at all. Thanks for your review! Your comments are always refreshing!


Jen – I adore your reviews, so thank you!


Marstanuki – Goodness! I'm so glad that you updated your TIMELESS fanfic! I had been waiting in like forever! Anyway, yes!!! I have read "Memoirs of a Geisha"!!! THAT IS LIKE MY FAVORITE BOOK! And yes, if you can tell, Tomoe and Kiyosato are very much into each other, but life has certain restrictions on them, you know what I mean?


Saki – Sorry to disappoint you about the limited spar with Aoshi and Kaoru. Also, I don't think Soujirou will ever see Kaoru, but I could always have twists at the end, so we'll see... Kenshin is a dojo owner and has nothing really to do with Kaoru either. And Misao doesn't really think of Aoshi in that way, they're kind of more like family.


Kegoin – Tomoe will be happier soon, don't worry! But I have to show you how she suffered.


Soda-cola-pop – Thank you! That is so flattering to hear somebody read my story over again. I'm glad you're enjoying the chapter!


Angie – Aoshi does feel something for Kaoru, it's just right now, he's kind of debating on what kind of feelings though.


Aeris – I'm receiving a lot of praise for that fight scene... *.* I'm very flattered.


Svelte Rose – You don't have to say much. You're review and encouragement is all I need. Thank you.


Xen003 – Shame on you for not reviewing! *J/K!* You put me on your favorites! Thank you! I tried to update as soon as possible. Hope you enjoyed this.


Jasmine – Thanks. I like A/K, too.


Deity of death1 – I don't think Battousai will make an appearance in this fic. It's just too much for the storyline to handle. But I love him. And my lips are sealed on the ending couples...


Outtakes (I typed in a wrong letter and I just thought that it was hilarious):

I had the urge to let my arms cover myself. I was cold. The air pricked at my skin, and I could feel the goosebumps appearing. Reluctantly, I sat down, letting my bare rump touch the smooth, velvet material. I then laid back, me legs tightly closed. I laid my head onto the pillow, never letting my eyes close for a second. He came to my side in quick strides. I could feel my heart speed up with every passing second.

"Open your legs, Kaoru."

I didn't like the way he said my name. I could only whimper as I felt his soft hands pry my legs apart, and I shut my eyes as I felt his eyes once more. All I could do was pray that it would be done soon.

"So you are a Virgo."

Eh.... *face fault*