Adopted Consequences
Chapter 11
Notes: The second part is written from Scully's point of view. Very much in her head. Hope it doesn't confuse anyone
May 23, 2005 11:27 pm
Mulder's Apartment
Washington DC
The knock at the door startled Mulder awake from his sleeping state on the leather couch. He rose and looked through the peephole before letting in a slightly drenched Skinner. Walter rubbed the droplets from his head before taking off his trench coat. "To what do I owe this honor, sir?" asked Mulder. "I hope there isn't anything of concern."
"No… well, not exactly," replied Skinner. "There aren't any pressing matters at the moment; I was just hoping we could talk about a few things. Now that you have had a few days to resettle, that is."
"I should have figured this conversation would be coming," replied Mulder closing the door. "Please come in, take your coat off and dry off," he continued with a slight smirk. He couldn't figure out why he was smiling, it was 11:00 pm on a random Monday night, and this wasn't going to be an overly pleasant conversation.
"It's obvious you know why I'm here, Mulder, so I might as well cut to the chase," he said sitting down on the couch. "I'm not going to pretend I know what went on in that hospital room before you left Telluride. But I can tell you what it's doing now."
"With all due respect, sir," Mulder interrupted, sitting down on the other end of the couch from Skinner. "But it was a two sided conversation. I may have been a little rash, but it hasn't been a joy ride on this side of the world either."
"I never said you were the only one at fault," he replied gently. "And that's why I'm talking to you now. I've spent the last week with a woman, who is normally stronger than either one of us, and have seen her reduced to a shell based on whatever it was that was said between you two. I won't see my two best agents…"
"Former agents," Mulder cut in roughly. "Former agents, sir."
"I won't see my two best former agents, and two of my best friends make one of the biggest mistakes of their life because of three short years of being apart. You two have a son together, which should say something to you."
"DON'T bring Will into this one," spat Mulder. "This is a personal situation between Scully and I. I would appreciate if it was left that way. I don't need him getting hurt by someone who doesn't want to or can't be a part of his life." Mulder stood and walked over to the window, looking out it dejectedly. "You want to know something, sir. In the twelve years that I've know her, I never thought she was farther away from me than she is right now. I've done everything right since I've had to disappear. And this is the thanks I get for it? A son, whose mother won't accept the fact that his father is still alive. And a woman who, for whatever reason, won't understand that I would go to the ends of the earth for her."
"Maybe it's not a matter of won't, but rather a matter of can't?" replied Skinner. "Like you said, it's a lot to absorb in a short period of time. Sometimes people do foolish things when they are frightened."
"I don't know, sir," replied Mulder still staring out the window. "I know Scully, and I doubt she has ever done a foolish thing in her life."
"Agent Mulder," said Skinner harshly, standing up from his position. "Don't make me pull rank on you. I'm telling you to go there and make amends. And you if you can't figure out to do that by yourself, then I'm going to order you to go there. Do I make myself clear, Agent?"
Mulder was drawn aback by the sudden change in mood of the conversation. He walked out of the room and down the short hallway to his son's room, to make sure he was still asleep and safe before returning to the living room. Wordlessly, he grabbed his umbrella off the table by the door and walked out of the apartment, nodding to Skinner as he left. It had been a few years, but the drive to Scully's apartment building seemed like second nature to him. Maybe it was the rainy weather, or the fact that it was nearing midnight, or quite possibly because he was practically ordered to go by Skinner, but Mulder had a bad feeling about the way the night would turn out.
He parked in the same spot he always used to, feeling compelled to repeat the patterns that used to be second nature to him. He stared up at the apartment building for a few moments before killing the engine and gathering enough courage to get out of the car. He walked the stairs up to her floor, using the extra time to calm his nerves and plan his words out carefully. The last thing that he needed was another blow up like the previous conversation they had had. He paused outside the door, and hesitated before knocking.
I stared at the clock on the VCR. It was past midnight, but sleep was unobtainable. Since we had returned from Telluride I hadn't slept, hell since Mulder left I haven't slept. Not soundly anyways. And I'm not just talking about this past week, I mean four years ago. It seems in his absence I have developed his penchant for insomnia. So the infomercials and the made for TV movies have become my solace at night. Not the best things in the world to be watching, but something was better than nothing.
The knock on the door drew me out of my trance, because the Ab-onizer was the most entertaining thing in the world. There is only one person who would be knocking on my door at this hour. Skinner needs to stop checking up on me like this, I know what it looks like, but I'm really surviving as best I can. I opened the door, ready to protest to this invasion when instead of Skinner, there is Mulder leaning against the door frame as if he never left. "Wh… ho… what are you doing here?"
"Nice to see you can still form words around me Scully," he replied with that damn smirk that always makes me laugh slightly. How can he joke still, as if nothing has ever changed between us? How I wish I could see the world through his rose colored glasses.
"Mulder, I…" I need to stop stammering, is what I need. Maybe I should give his Cool Hand Luke act a try, what's the worst it can cause? "Come in, it's late," I say opening the door wider to allow him entrance to my apartment.
"Look, Scully," he said now shuffling his feet across the floor. Good, the cockiness is now gone from him, maybe we can have a conversation with meaning, without hurting each other. "I'm sorry for the way that I handled things the other day. I was rash, and hurtful, and said something that I didn't mean. I mean, I said something that I did mean, but said them in the wrong way. But I didn't say things I didn't mean, that were just plain wrong…. what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry, Dana," he said looking down into my eyes.
I hate when he looks into my eyes like that, like he's peering into my soul and my heart. It's an eerie feeling when he does that. It used to bring out love, and now, well now I'm not sure I know what it brings out. I break his gaze and head over to the couch, crashing down in the middle of it. "Mulder," I reply leaning my head against the back of the couch, almost inviting him to sit down next to me. "I… I wasn't the nicest person either. But the truth is Mulder… well the truth hurt. More than I thought it could have. I was just getting used to life without you in it. And then all of a sudden, you're back, wanting to be there for me again. I didn't, don't know how to deal with it."
He came over and sat down on the couch facing me. I hadn't even noticed that I was starting to cry until he reached over to wipe the few stray tears off my cheek. "Scully, the last thing I ever want to do is to hurt you in any way. I hope you know that." I nod my head slightly in response. "Dana, there hasn't been a minute in these last three years where I wasn't worried about you. Not because I felt I needed to protect you, but because I care about you so much. I love you too much to loose you."
I smile up at him at his declaration of love. Even now, after three years those words still make my heart jump towards him. But this conversation is far from over, and I need to put a leash on my emotions of love, at least until we can gain some ground on this topic. "Mulder, I don't know if I can do this. There are so many truths that have yet to be crossed yet. Half of me is screaming that I should dive back into your arms, only to be crushed when I wake up and realize that this is just a dream. And the other half is reminding me that this is insane, that too much time has passed."
"Sometimes the only sane response to a sane world is insanity," he answered, hand still lingering on my cheek even though the tears have stopped. How the hell can he come up with such vague answers? More importantly, how can he remember everything he has ever said to me? "We've fought fluke men, gypsies, aliens, carnies, hell even each other. And we've never been beaten. We've had faith in each other."
"Well, maybe faith is a type of insanity, Mulder?" I reply bitterly. I can't let him win quickly, not this easily. I know this is one battle that I will loose. We need each other too much in our lives for me to win this battle. But I need to put up the good fight. "What is there for us? A love that was put on hold because of government conspiracies and little grey men? A son who doesn't know his mother, and have her suddenly reappear in her life? Or, better yet, two ex-FBI agents pretending to be able to survive in the real world without cases to solve. Is that the life you want to live?" I look at him hoping for the answer that I want to hear. Please say yes, please say yes, my mind pleads for him.
"If it means I have you back in my life, every day, than yes it is," he answers, his hazel eyes twinkling.
To Be Continued
Note: "Sometimes the only sane response to a sane world is insanity." was said by Mulder in Episode 3.7 called The Walk. "Maybe faith is a type of insanity." was said by Scully in season 9 episode called Hollywood AD.
