Chapter Nine: Failure

Her head hurt, Maren's head really hurt, and the sorry dog-romper shouting, "Land ho! Port Royale!" didn't help.

Smacking her lips, Maren's mouth tasted like dust and had the moisture consistency thereof. Her head kept spinning like a hurricane complete with the most insignificant noise striking like thunder in her ears. Numb thoughts inquired to why she had worn her satin dress, the ill-fitting attire now unbearable tight, to bed, but answers were not forthcoming and concentrating on them gave her headache an unpleasant jolt.

Wobbling on stiff legs, she hauled herself over to the vanity, gratefully gasping when the cool water from her washbasin soothed some of her more prominent symptoms. She drank some water, the fresh liquid smothering her dry mouth. Very sore, she grunted appreciatively, stretching and cracking her back and neck, thankful to discover some of the tension of her hangover was receding. Appalled at her mass of snarled hair still partially braided, Maren attacked it mercilessly with a comb until in hung from her head like a flawless golden waterfall.

Unfortunately, she was finishing her long braid when it hit…every single lucid detail of the night prior spawned into her memory, overwhelming and ruthless. "Oh god," she squeaked meekly, veiling her pale face in her hands. Her stomach tightened into an aching knot of mortification, had she eaten breakfast, she most definitely would have retched it up from sheer embarrassment. 'Kristiiieee!" Maren sent what was the equivalent of a psychic screech and with her gift, sensed Kristy's speedy approach.

She had thrown herself at him, wanton and waiting, like a harlot under the pier, lifting her skirts to flaunt the goods to the customers. What a hypocrite she was! No better than the adulterous wife, proclaiming her virtues on the streets, but spreading her legs in the closet. Ashamed, Maren feared what Kristy might think, sure the ghost prostitute was always teasing Maren to have a little fun, but deep down, hidden in her soul, was a begging, a secret prayer, "Please Maren, please don't be like me, aint no price worth yer dignity." All that pride, Kristy had painfully instilled in her, defeated by what? A bottle of champagne, a bag of chocolates, an opium pipe,…and him!

A red-hot rage boiled in her heart, burning to ash any sentiment there had been for Jack. She knew it! Since the very first moment she suspected that his seemingly permanent inebriation was actually a queer form of eccentric intelligence, she knew his clever tongue and nimble hands were playing a perverse game with the world around him. And she, the medium barmaid, was his latest game piece, the newest acquisition!

He had orchestrated her like a symphony, every pitch, every note, even the tempo. The entire event was an elaborate scheme! The opium, her attempted resistance, the tiara, the dance, hell, Maren didn't put it past him to have concocted the whole sword-through-the-shirt-episode to trick her. And oh god, what a fool she'd been then! Swooning towards him, actually weeping with grief, while he just twiddled his mustache and plotted her downfall. Jack was seducing her and she, even in the height of her fury, knew she was powerless to stop it. A terrible twisted part of her wanted to be used by Jack, for Jack, to Jack…all for Jack. The guilt was cruel and she had to escape it!

"Maren!" Kristy phased through the ceiling, "Mother o' God, what is it!" She expected from the urgency of the summons, or at least its volume, that Maren was fighting for her very life. Irritation replaced panic, when Kristy saw Maren safe and sound, if not fuming under the collar, "I half thought ye was witherin' in the grip o' Satan hiself for all that noise! Do'n be doin' that 'gain, less it be an emergency, ye hear?"

'What happen'd last night?' Maren snipped, coldly.

"Ye tell me, ye littl' dragon chaser," playfully, Kristy rubbed her index fingers together, "Can smell that poppy a mile away."

Briefly, Maren flashed back to childhood, when Kristy would catch her lying about washing her face before dinner, but she chased the memory away. She wasn't a girl anymore! So what if she smokes opium? Kristy certainly didn't seem to mind. 'I meant,' she communicated concisely, 'How did I get back in here?'

"Jack," Kristy pointed from door to bed to Maren, "Carri'd ye like a bride and toss'd ye on the bed. Even took off yer shoes and tuck'd ye in. Quite gentlemanly of him really, considerin' ye did'n even get him off, judgin' by that stiffer he was packin'!"

Flinging her plaited hair over her shoulder, Maren stuck her noise in the air, "If he would've had his way, I'd be tangl'd in his sheets right now!"

"How, in the name o' all that fucks, could that be a bad thing!"

Maren stared incredulously at Kristy for a long moment. Some decision was being weighed thoroughly, Kristy knew it. She also knew there would be no swaying the stubborn Maren once she made it and a sinking dread, told Kristy this revelation would most definitely not be in Jack's favor.

'We're leavin'!' Maren proclaimed, writing each word in stone.

Snorting, Kristy crossed her arms over her chest, "Aye, right!" but Maren's demeanor didn't change. "Ye be serious?" she asked, "But-but…how?"

'This is Port Royale,' Maren stated perceptively, 'More Brit battleships here than all the English Channel! I just got to gets off this bleedin' boat, then I can sound the alarm,' her fists clenched in excitement.

"Off this boat?" exasperated, Kristy quickly rectified, "Ship-I mean ship!" before the Black Pearl could focus her unnerving awareness on Kristy, "Ye make it sound like soddin' a fifteen-year-old boy, wham, bam, thank ye mam! Case it be escapin' yer attention, there are a mass o' dirty pirates up on deck! They aint exactly goin' to be wavin' ye goodbye, Pet!"

'Did I say I had all wrinkles iron'd out?' hands on hips, Maren turned towards the door, 'I be improvising as I go 'long here! I'm positive an opportunity will present itself, even if I has to swim to shore! The resolve and strength in her voice could carve granite, 'Now are ye with me?' she glanced over her shoulder at Kristy.

Huffing, and releasing a ghostly puff of air while she was at it, Kristy sighed, "Aye, when I ever been otherwise, eh?" trailing behind, Kristy floated as Maren tiptoed along to the deck. "It's just I thought…thought we was enjoyin' ourselves is all," she mourned regretfully, "And what about the bloomin' treasure? We suppos'd to be settin' ourselves up for life…well yer life actually, me afterlife anyway." Frustrated, Kristy was snatching at straws, anything to assuage Maren's determination.

'Yer missin' the point!' pausing Maren waited for a nearby hall to clear of its pirate occupants before scurrying down, 'I was kidnapp'd for Christ's sake, I did'n ask for this! Deal o' no deal, does'n amend the fact I be here 'gainst me will!' Maren approached the stair to the lower deck and slowly crawled up, eyes peering to the sky and ears alert for footsteps, 'Besides, it'll do the fine Cap'n good to loosen his sails a bit.'

"I like Jack," Kristy said defensively, then added, "By the way, what happen'd last night? Spare me no bawdy disgustin' detail, I want it all!"

Conveniently ignoring her, Maren hissed, 'Quite yer drabble and skip up there, will ye? Holler when the coast is clear.'

To her credit, Kristy didn't pester Maren about the suspicious change of subject, instead, raised her wraith shape upward and on deck, a knowing smile upon her lips. "Wow, lookin' very busy up here all right, as active as altar boys when Father Feeley comes a prechin'!" she called out to Maren, "Reckon ye could waltz out here stark naked and none o' these peckers be takin' notice." Questing eyes sought Jack, but to no avail, "Do'n spy the Cap'n anywhere though, could be below maybe."

'Good,' Maren affirmed.

"What we peepin' at luv?" Jack unexpectedly whispered hoarsely in Maren's ear. Somehow that pirate captain had stealthily slid behind her and was now crouching over her, mouth nuzzling her neck.

Shrieking in fright, Maren would have surely slid painfully down the stairs but Jack righted her gently, juvenilely laughing like a boy with a fake-spider, "Aint ye jittery!" he spun her about firmly to see her face. The moment he looked upon her expression, the friendly grin vanished, replaced by a slit-eyed smirk that Maren was coming to recognize as Jack's stare.

All too late she attempted to correct her treacherous features. Her body was too tense, her smile reeked of panic, her eyes deliberately avoided his less they catch the guilty sheen to her irises, and even her eyebrows defied her by arching in desperation. In short, Maren could not have appeared less conspicuous had she tattooed her intentions upon her breasts.

Jack cupped her chin and forced Maren to return his gaze and again Maren was distracted by how very exotic and enticing he was. The beads clinked as he cocked his head, glints of gold shimmered in his smile, and those brown clever eyes wrapped in mysterious kohl impelled her to obey. "What ye up to Maren?" he spoke softly, but the mischievous sheen to his soul glimmered and taunted her, dared her to challenge him.

This time Maren rejected his bait, "Nothing." Her voice hitched, yet another clue to her deception, "I…I just-just was curious…'bout the ship anchorin' is all." Her vision darted straight over Jack's left shoulder, failing to meet the stare, "Thought I take a gander, nothin' wrong with that is there?"

"Pet, there be a reason whey ye a barmaid and not a actress, I've seen more convincing lies come out of drowned rats from a chamber pot," Kristy was peering over the stairwell.

For a while, Jack didn't respond, only wetted his lips and cracked his fingers with rancor. His patience was dueling with his manners, or lack thereof, and finally he decided. "Well then, lucky for ye I came to fetch ye," the cheery grin bloomed again and he dominantly grasped her by the elbow, tugging her on deck. Indeed, the crewmembers were vigorous at work, tightening sails, steadying the masts, and preparing the anchor. They waggled their eyebrows at Maren while Jack escorted her to upper deck. She glared vengefully back.

"What we doin'?" Maren asked meekly.

"Well we be bringin' in the Black Pearl to bay so we can drop anchor," Jack and Maren arrived in front of the helm, "and yer getting' the best seat in the house-or ship rather and technically ye'll be standin' not sittin'." Pinky pointed and arm dancing, Jack rambled.

Testing a docile pull against Jack's iron grip, which didn't budge or relent, Maren pleaded, "I was plannin' on watchin' from the stem." She gazed longingly towards the breast of the Black Pearl.

"Nonsense," snapped Jack, "Helm's the proper place for observations, this be a treat for ye…I insist." That 'insist' spoke volumes more than Jack had actually said. It illustrated quite clearly that, 'Aye Maren, I know what yer thinkin' and there aint no escape occurrin' savvy? Yer goin' to wait here quiet like a good littl' medium whiles I anchor me Pearl and if ye have a quarrel with that I'll be lockin' ye back in the brig faster than ye can turn me randy, which is pretty damn quick, let me tell ye!'

Grudgingly, Maren bit out, "Whatever yer whim, Cap'n."

"Oh, I like the sound o' that," surprising Maren, Jack didn't release her to stand submissively by his side, but rather steered her between himself and the helm, his arms securing the rungs, trapping her. So apparently, Jack didn't just intend to keep an eye on Maren, he intended to keep possession of her as well, "Now pay attention."

Maren watched the approaching land, still foggy in the early morning. The fog, while undoubtedly a blessing, hiding the Pearl's crafty approach, must certainly be a dilemma as well. Looming rocks emerged from the milky mist with rarely any warning of their presence. Gradually, a gigantic black mass grew outward, reminding Maren of a ravenous mouth or a massive pit, but as the Black Pearl drew nearer, it became clear it was a cavernous overhang, the perfect hiding spot. Yet, even a nautical amateur like Maren could tell parking the Pearl into a cave over the shore would be exceedingly difficult. Stunned with herself, Maren discovered she was not worried in the least, somewhere in her, there was a strong conviction, Jack, for all his other dubious faults, could do this, easily.

Absentmindedly, Jack fumbled in his jacket for his flask of gin, leaving one steady hand to steer. His eyes merrily danced upon the diminishing horizon as the hidden cove gaped ahead. One skilled finger, practiced by habit, twirled the cap off and Jack heartily gulped a hefty swig of gin, gasping an exhilarating, "Aaaahh!" right in Maren's ear. As forethought, Jack tapped her shoulder with the flask, offering her a drink.

"Thank ye," mumbling, Maren bitterly drank some, admittedly not as much as Jack, who could drown in the stuff and still perform an acrobatic assortment, but just enough to wet her cottonmouth. 'If he belches, I'm kickin' him!' she added viscously to Kristy, before returning the flask to Jack. He rhythmically screwed the cap back on and tucked it away in his jacket pocket one-handed.

"Like ye be in any sort o' position to be passin' out threats," chiding, Kristy rocked childishly on her heels, "So how ye improvin' ye way out o' this one, Pet?"

Maren was pondering the same thing. The shadow of the overhang slowly engulfed the Pearl while she sailed under the cavernous ceiling. Behind her, Jack's breath was pulsing, not from anxiety or trepidation, but from excitement or possibly pride. If she were to lean her back into his chest, she was positive she would feel his heart pulse lively under her touch. The wind howled in the cavern, either gusting against the sails in battle or avoiding them completely, leaving the cloth lank. Spontaneous wind only contributed to the intricacy required to bay the ship and this too was Jack's element. He absolutely glowed with delight, standing like a marble statue of the god of pirating, thick hair whisking in the turbulent breeze, hat worn with all the regality of a crown, and body swaying effortlessly with the waves.

'Got meself an idea, Miss Cleverarse,' biting her lip, Maren carefully stared outward, less Jack see the spark in her face. The Black Pearl's pace remained swift, in spite of the close proximity to shore then abruptly Jack spun the helm three times around, forcing Maren to lean away cautiously avoiding a catch on the spinning rungs before her.

"Gibbs, kill the secondaries," Jack lisped his order, not bothering to turn his head or raise his voice, his authority unquestionable.

"Aye Cap'n," the first mate immediately signaled the dozen or so pirates that manned the ropes on the sister masts. Maren noticed that most of the crew was communicating through an exaggerated sign language, not speaking aloud unless they were an arms-length away. She supposed this was contributed to a sneaky advance. The two secondary sails fluttered aimlessly as more slack was permitted.

The Black Pearl creaked calmly, her motion no longer propelling her forward but towards starboard. Diagonally the deck tilted and Maren gratefully clasped at Jack's steadfast hand while he wrapped it around her waist to secure her. "That's me lady," Jack whispered adoringly and it took Maren a few seconds to deduce he was addressing his lady ship, not her. "Anchor Mister Gibbs," he finally commanded, just when it seemed he intended to beach them.

"Aye sir," another exuberant hand gesture and the clank of the release and the hiss of the chain sounded. The gigantic anchor splashed like a thunderclap in the water. It was a few tense moments before the Pearl slowed to a halt, Maren was positive they were tumbling into water too shallow to berth, but the ship smoothly stopped while Jack beamed his conceit.

"And there 'tis," bowed his head to the silent cheers and claps of the crew.

'See if a drowning rat can act better than this,' winking at Kristy, Maren was still trapped between Jack's arms and the helm. "Oh Jack!" Maren laid her clutching fingers upon her chest, huffing in shallow pants. She was facing away from him, but she batted her curly eyelashes anyway, for good measure, "That be amazin'! I'm so silly, thought we was sailing straight onto land! Should o' known better with ye at helm." Lowering her eyes to her feet, she turned her head marginally so he could see her shy profile.

"Aye well," Jack lovingly patted the rungs under his hands, "Me and the Pearl, we aim to please." The golden devil's smile lit his lips again, eyebrows shooting upward with every stroke to his incredible ego.

"It's like ye two were one, really ye were Captain!" this last word, Maren stretched out like taffy, each consonant popping from her lips, and holding the 'n' with a tempting lap of her tongue.

"Thank ye kindly Miss Attle," she conceded to the tugging of his hands at her elbows as he turned her about to succumb to his scrupulous stare, "Now if ye do'n mind me askin', why were ye creepin' 'bout me ship like a thief earlier? And why ye look like I caught ye pissin' in the well?"

Maren was prepared for this interrogation and threw herself headlong into a fraudulent monologue, "Well excuse me Cap'n Sparrow!" feigning frustration, Maren whipped around, knocking Jack with her braid in the process. Fists clutched stubbornly to her sides, Maren spat vengefully, "Beggin' ye pardon, but I've never been spurn'd before and I discover the whole situation to be mortifyingly embarrassin' for me, thank ye very much!"

"Wh-what?" genuinely confused, Jack splayed his fingers in nervous shrug of incomprehension.

"Oh typical man!" Maren scorned ruthlessly, "Ye insensitive, blind, heartless, daft bastards, the lot o' ye!" accusingly she pointed around at the crew who ignored her for their chores were more demanding.

"What ye goin' on 'bout now, eh?" Jack chuckled a half-hearted laugh.

"Fine, pretend not to know," her assault dropped to a dangerously quiet growl, "Situations like last night must be a common occurrence for ye, I bet! Well they aint so common for a naïve twit like me, all right?"

Realization dawned upon Jack's expression, "Oh that!" he said, thrilled he had seemingly caught up with her raging mood swing.

Mixing a seasoning of remorse into her quaking voice, Maren mourned, "Aye that…the singular most remarkable night o' me pathetic life!" Jack's jaw dropped from its hinge, her bitching instantly becoming much more appealing to him, "'Twas so romantic, dancing, champagne, course the chocolates too…and then there was ye," she shamefully raised her dark blue eyes to him, even deeper as they sparkled with faugh tears. "Ye were so wonderful, so attentive, so very handsome to me. So what do I do! I simply react as any woman would have, offerin' me very soul and body for yer pleasure, desperately hoping I'd please ye!"

"Why Maren-."

Interrupting him scathingly, Maren shoved her index finger into his chest, directly over his stunned heart, "Then what happens, I ask ye? I wakes up by me onesies, that's what! Totally alone, cold, and exceedingly ashamed! How dare ye Jack Sparrow, toying with a woman's desires! Have ye no conscious?"

"Funny ye should mention that," he twiddled his hands around her, fraught to calm her tirade, "'Cause ye pass'd out, ye see, and-."

"Excuses!" she shouted and Jack pressed his frantic fingers to his pursed lips, vainly trying to hush her, "I should have woken up in yer arms with yer lips upon me temple Jack, but no, ye'd rather be tumblin' with one o' them paint'd ladies, I'm sure!" A pitiful whine seeped into her ranting, "What would ye want with a clumsy, stupid virgin anyway? Must have kiss'd ye somethin' terrible to have thrown me out in the cold like that…I'm such a fool-."

A fierce kiss cut off anymore of Maren's self-battering. It was considered chaste only in that Jack did not attack her mouth with his agile tongue. Instead, he brutally crashed his lips upon hers, grasping her face in his demanding hands that held her fast. His breath released raggedly against her cheek and he murmured, eyes closed with hers, "It seems a horrible misunderstanding has occurred between the two of us," several crewmembers glanced at the embracing couple, but Gibbs cleared his throat and they quickly minded their own business, "and I intend to rectify this mistake as soon as possible. Have no doubt, me dear medium, that I've crav'd nothin' more than to ravish ye completely and entirely since the very moment I first stepp'd into yer pub," another suffocating kiss punctuated this exclamation.

"Prove it!" Maren pried herself away from his pursuing hold, glaring hotly at him, "no more o' yer clever littl' games, o' yer cheap lies, o' promisin' kisses."

"Ye mean…right now?" dumbfounded at his luck, this time Jack's daft grin was authentic. "Must have done somethin' good in a previous life, God knows it weren't this one,"

"Unlesson ye comes up with 'nother one o' yer damned excuses!" she crossed her arms defiantly.

A shred of reservation forced Jack to begrudgingly warn, "I can only spare bout twenty minutes or so, ye positive ye do'n want somethin' a tad more…special? Not that it be makin' a lick o' difference to me mind, ends justifyin' the means and whatnot," he added hastily, "Its just, bein' yer first time and all."

"Now or never!" adamantly, Maren stated.

"Splendid!" clasping his hands and bowing his thanks, Jack's eyes twinkled as mischievously as his golden smirk. "Get to me cabin at once, me temptress," slapping Maren's backside, Jack either ignored or didn't notice her surprised shriek, "I'll be there momentarily." The blush painted her creamy skin again, when Jack lewdly winked and licked his lips as she scurried obediently to his quarters. This time, she didn't dare look to see the reactions of the other pirates, soon it wouldn't matter what they thought anyway.

"So," Kristy was waiting for Maren inside Jack's cabin, "Not that I be complainin' Pet, but how exactly is this," waving absently around the room, "goin' to be aidin' yer escape?"

'Watch and learn,' smugly, Maren hustled to Jack's bed. This would have to appear bona fide, the faintest hint of a con and Jack would smell her out. Her shoes and stockings were kicked off, while her sprightly fingers freed her pale hair from the braid. She splayed the blond cascade over her shoulders, wavy from its prior confinement. Crawling atop, the crisp blankets, that smelled so temptingly like Jack, that husky scent of rum and salt, Maren propped herself up on one elbow, hoisting her skirts up to show two alluring calves and her dainty feet. 'Sultry, think sultry,' she reminded herself, pushing her bust up with one arm, a beautiful heaving valley of flesh. Her other hand was raised to her temple, dreamy fingers twirling a strand of silky hair. Half-lidded eyes smoldered towards the door and thus she reclined, her lips parted in an inviting smile.

She had to wait long enough to feel foolish, before Jack burst in loudly, startling her slightly. His kohl eyes burned along her form, appraising the pretty picture of attraction she illustrated as tangible as any passionate caress. Obviously, satisfied with what he beheld, he turned around to quickly lock the door, "God bless me," he sang to himself. "I was able to buy us half-an-hour, so let's be makin' it count, savvy?" Striding to her, his boots rapping on the floor, Jack divested his hat and coat on the dining table, followed by the red sash, and set to work on his belt. A surge of panic shot Maren off the bed like a bullet, losing Jack's weapons would definitely be a wrench in her plan.

Halting any progress he was making with his belt, Maren threw herself against Jack and the pirate was all too happy to accommodate her weight. Drawn like magnets, their mouths sprang together. If prior kisses had been battles, this kiss was war. Bites mixed indiscriminately with caresses, teeth harshly trapping lips and tongues taunting flesh. Jack lapped ravenously at her mouth, Maren tasting so much like champagne and, of course, creamy chocolates to his questing tongue. Clumsy, shaking hands attempted to remove his waistcoat and having mercy, Jack broke the kiss, relishing the inaudible whine as he pulled away, then helped in the removal of his vest.

"Oh Cap'n," she moaned charmingly, eyes tracing the exposed skin under the part in his white shirt, only to be followed by nervous fingers a moment later, caressing from his throat down to his chest. All his willpower was barely enough to restrain him under her shy explorations, but somehow he was controlled and held still while she examined her first touch of the male body. Rallying her courage while standing on tiptoe, Maren pressed hungry lips to his neck, tentatively licking and tasting his sweaty skin. The growl that sounded from his mouth was so wanton and lustful, Maren was sorely tempted to abandon her escape plans and delve into the carnal pleasures Jack was offering her, but this was impossible. Maren's mind was determined and nothing ever swayed her resolve.

Continuing her ministrations at his collarbone, remembering how incredibly good it had felt to her last night, Maren's hands wandered down Jack's muscular back to his waist. Roughly, she yanked the tail of his shirt out of his trousers, grazing his flesh with her persistent fingernails. Chuckling, Jack's fingers once again moved to unbuckle his belt, his holster and sword along with it and yet again Maren stopped him by grabbing his hands and resolutely placing them upon her bosom.

"Anxious luv?" Jack squeezed her presented flesh greedily, smirking when Maren lulled her head back in an overwhelming moan. "So am I," more growling as Jack ruthlessly attacked her mouth again. One hand continuing the violent demands upon her breast, the other callously seizing a handful of her hair, pulling her head back roughly to better access that viper tongue of hers.

The moment of truth had arrived, all Maren required was a distraction and there was only one idea that dominated her oversexed mind. While one hand urgently un-tucked the front of his shirt, the other nimbly traveled downward, to a place of fantastic mystery for an innocent such as Maren. Her fingers warily touched the prominent bulge hidden under his trousers and the gasp and groan that tore from his lips into her still seeking mouth encouraged her to grow bolder. This time she caressed with an aggressive palm, impressed with what was evidently a generous size and shape.

"Sweet siren Maren-," but that's as far as he uttered, silenced by the barrel of his own pistol pressing under his chin. Apparently while that nimble palm was extracting the most exquisite fondling of his sexual life, the other treacherous hand had moved from struggling with his shirt to robbing his holster of his gun. Sighing, he rolled his chocolate stained eyes heavenward and plainly relented, "Ye clever gel."

"Oh come on Pet!" Kristy yelled indignantly, "Things were just getting' good!" then somewhat apologized, "By the way, I always said ye should o' tried the theatre, ye be a bloomin' natural!"

"My my Cap'n Sparrow, looks like ye not the only one with a load'd pistol," sassily Maren quipped, a tormenting smirk snidely leering at Jack then at his visible erection.

"Ha ha," he laughed sarcastically, "Is this some sort o' escape attempt?" the wicked grin returned as Jack asked hopefully, "O' are ye plannin' on utterly dominatin' me, tyin' me to that bed, spankin' all the naughtiness out o' me hide, havin' ye dastardly way with me over and over and over 'gain 'till I begs ye for mercy? 'Cause I personally be inclin'd towards the latter if it's all the same to ye."

"No Jack, I be escapin'," she vehemently shoved his hands off her person.

Disappointment causing him to pout cutely, Jack forfeited, "Well we can always save that fantasy for a rainy night, I suppose."

Maren bit with mock-courtesy, "Let's get on with it, shall we? This is the deal, we strut out o' here nice and calm, we climb into a longboat, and ye'll order yer men to lower us down. Then ye'll be rowin' us to shore and escortin' me to Port Royale, savvy? And just to show ye I aint a completely cold-heart'd bitch-."

"Cold chance in hell o' that happenin'," Jack interrupted her.

She continued unperturbed, "I'll be releasin' ye the instant a British officer be in sight to run back to yer Pearl and piss off 'fore the whole King's Navy corners ye at bay."

"That's very sweet o' ye actually," Jack's eyes blinked owlishly, but a temperamental fire was hidden beneath his nonchalant attitude, "They'd hang me if they caught me ye know."

"I know," nudging Jack's chest with the pistol, she watched satisfied as he reluctantly stepped away and raised his hands casually in the air, "That's why I be grantin' ye a fightin' chance, seein' how ye were so gentlemanly with me own kidnappin', reckon I should be returnin' the favor and act the lady."

"Good plan, fine plan really," nodding Jack furrowed his brow in exaggerated contemplation, "save for two teeny weeny littl' problems, that is." Both sets of index fingers and thumbs mimed a small space between the two.

"What?" Maren snipped, glaring her wary suspicions.

"One," slurring, Jack produced a single digit pointed to the ceiling, "The pistol's not set to fire."

Her eyes widened in apprehension, debating on believing him or not, "Ye lyin'?"

"Like he'd be admittin' it if he were!"

"Think on it luv, would I carry a ready pistol in me trousers?" Jack grinned his question, "Now just pop the chamber in," Maren poked at the gun, "no, the thingy where the bullet goes," nodding when Maren touched the chamber, Jack demonstrated, "Right then, snap her in…the other way…no look at me," she obliged him, concentrating on his motions, "other side…think o' me as a mirror," a gratifying click sounded, "Good, then cock her back," another metallic clank, "There ye are! All set!"

Insulted with her own lack of ingenuity, Maren puffed up and inquired, "And the other issue?" praying she appeared threatening.

"Two," Jack performed a great act of lowering his hands, "Maren ye no killer. Face it luv, I've more to fear from disgruntl'd old ladies comin' at me with their knittin' needles than I do from ye, no offense."

Kristy interceded, "Pet, I reckon he's gone and hit the nail on the head."

'Not helping!' she retorted to Kristy, to Jack she clenched her jaw and spoke very definitively, "Want to bet?" as she stressed her straight arm toward him, clenching the pistol in her fist with an assured finger manning the trigger.

"Always consider'd meself a bettin' man," swaggering, Jack gradually approached her, oblivious to the barrel aimed at the center of his chest, "so I'll call yer bluff." Maren felt as if she was watching the scene unfold from a distance, her body had become an immobile statue, incapable of shooting Jack for untold reasons that made her silent heart ache. He snaked closer, the metal ring of the barrel touching his bare chest, forcing Maren to bend her arm, allowing him room and still he crept closer. Completely ignoring the pistol as it caught on his shirt pulling the cloth aside, exposing one coppered nipple and dark round tattoo to Maren's heated vision. The tattoo was a crest with Latin inscription encircling it and a black orb in the middle, a pearl Maren realized. Foolish, though she felt, Maren couldn't stop the blush that colored her skin or the vulgar urge to lick that taut flesh.

Slowly and surprisingly gentle, Jack pressed tender lips to Maren's forehead and firmly removed the gun from her grasp. "Bad barmaid, that's a very bad barmaid!" he scolded playfully, shaking one finger in her face and making her cross-eyed then winked before promptly spinning on his heels and strutting to the dining table. "Best be off then," he rasped regretfully while he secured his sash about his waist and thrust his jacket back on, straightening the large cuffs. "'Less ye be willin' to finish what ye start'd?" optimistically he smiled and indicated the bed.

Maren, still dazed and frustrated with herself, shook her head.

"Supect'd as much," he exaggerated a woefully downtrodden expresseion, "Not nice to tease, luv, if I was less o' a pirate I might be demandin' that treasur'd maidenhead ye just offer'd, even if it was a ploy." When he noticed the panic written upon her face, Jack rapidly furthered, "But ye lucky, I be a better pirate than most o' the scum out there and the thought would never cross me mind…'cept late at night," he rambled innocently, "by me onesies…all cold and 'lone in me bed…dreamin' o' ye…'memberin' how ye suck'd chocolate off me fingers...aye that's 'bout the time I let me mind wander."

"His balls must be bluer than Jack Frost's," Kristy pitied.

"So," Maren asked cautiously, patiently disregarding Jack's babble, "Ye not angry with me?"

"Angry?" seemingly incredulous, Jack retrieved his hat and swayed to the door, "Course not, perfectly natural ye tryin' to escape, wildcats like ye weren't meant for capture." Another thought struck him and Jack halted his exit to add dotingly, "Hell, flatter'd really. Dishonest though I am, I'd be lyin' if I did'n admit a tiny part o' me was'n entirely positive ye would'n be shootin' ole Jack, but now I know better. Ye must be very fond o' me indeed to not even attempt to maim me."

"Oh get off it," Maren snorted.

Cocking his head, Jack appraised her with a blank stare, clearly listening to an internal debate, "I'm goin' to have to lock ye in the brig, are'n I?"

"What?" she shouted.

"The brig," still thoughtful, he repeated, "We're here for two days at least and I aint have'n a security hazard on me ship with an English fort in spittin' distance. Sorry sweetheart, ye bunk in the brig, least 'til I return, savvy? Anamaria will fetch ye soon 'nough," flourishing a grand bow, then comfortably tucking the hat atop his head, Jack left quickly before Maren threw herself on the door.

"Please Jack! Not the bleedin' brig 'gain!" she pounded, stomach knotting as the ominous click signaled the door locking, "Let me OUT! Damn ye Sparrow!"

A muffled yell was her only answer, "And do'n go breakin' 'nother o' me windows o' I might make it seven days in the brig 'stead o' two!"

"Shove it where ye uncle did, ye lousy-street-mongrel-dog ye!" Maren's thudding on the door was making her fists numb, eventually forcing her to rest.

"We givin' up yet?"

'Fuck no!'

"Suspect'd as much…so what now?"

'Cap'n Sparrow seems to have forgotten just what I am!'

"Ye thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

Maren didn't answer, instead she closed her eyes and sought