Disclaimer: I do not own Annie Shan, Steve Leopard, or anyone from the Darren Shan universe. They all belong to the fantabulous Darren Shan himself. Other than Dr. Kiefer Wilhelm, because he's mine and he's so extra special that it ain't funny. Oh, wait, he's not here yet. Oops. Viarmid's mine too, but you'll find out later.
I also don't own Scipio and the other little street urchins from The Thief Lord. Those munchkins all belong to Cornelia Funke. But, yet again, that's another time, another chapter, far, far away…
Oh, and beware:
Small amounts of random swearing, possible adult and drug references, and AU-ness ensue. Be afraid, be very afraid, for I am high on COKE.
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Zero: The Early Years----
Steve is in hospital. Darren's spider bit him, but Darren won't tell anyone. What if Steve dies? Then it's all Darren's fault. But if I tell anyone, Darren will go to jaul gaol jail.
I don't want Darren to go to jail.
----
Wayting is annoying. I don't like wayting. I'm wayting for Steve to wake up.
Will he ever wake up?
----
He's awake! The doctors don't know why though. They said he just sat up in the morning, all better. He's going home soon. I can't wayt to see him.
Darren's gone weird though. He looks funny.
What if he's sick too? If he falls asleep, would he wake up too? Or would he sleep forever, like Sleeping Beauty, only he'd be like Sleeping Prince wayting for a beautiful princess to come and kiss him on the lips to wake up.
That'd be funny. He'd lie in a tower all day sleeping while the princess uses her magic to fight her way up to him.
Maybe I could be the Sleeping Beauty, and Steve would be my prince. He would cut away all the thorns with his sharp sword and wake me up just by kissing me.
I'd like that.
wayt wate wait
----
Something happened to Darren, but he's not sleeping. Mum and Dad say he's sleeping, but I know he's not. How can he sleep when he's got a broken neck? I know what happened to him.
Darren died.
No he didn't.
Yes he did.
Darren is dead.
No. No!
He's lying on a table downstairs. I shout at him, scream at him, I tell him to wake up, but he's still sleeping. No, he's dead.
He's dead.
I don't want him to be dead!
I want Darren back!
----
They put him in the ground today. He's gone, gone, gone forever.
Steve didn't go. He's been acting weird again.
I don't want Steve to die too. I couldn't stand that.
If Steve dies, then so will I.
----
Dad's depressed again. That's a new word I learnt from the Internet. I looked it up when I heard a neighbour talking to my mum about it.
Depressed.
Darren died a year ago. Mum cries. Dad locks himself in his study and doesn't come out.
They don't care about what I do. They let me do what I want.
I cried too, a little bit. But then I got over it. My religion teacher says that if you're a good person, you go to Heaven when you die. Darren was a good person, so he went to Heaven. It's supposed to be nice up there, so I'm happy for him.
Why aren't Mum and Dad happy for him too?
Maybe they still miss him. I know I miss him.
----
Steve's gone weird again. He's always reading and going to the library. I hardly ever see him. Maybe if I start playing soccer, I can see him again.
Or maybe, if I start playing soccer They will notice me again.
----
It's cold. Oh so cold.
Their touch is like ice.
They don't feel me.
I still get fed, clothes, given an allowance, yet…
So cold.
----
They're still ignoring me. It's like they've forgotten me.
Well, Mum hasn't. She tries. A little. But she's just too busy. Dad, though, doesn't. He doesn't know I exist anymore. He sits and stares into space, or stares at photos of Darren.
Darren.
Darren.
Always. Darren.
Why can't they see me anymore?!
Why don't they know I'm here?!
Didn't they know I turned eleven today?!
They didn't even say happy birthday.
----
I had an idea.
It was a good idea.
If They want Darren back.
Why don't I become Darren?
I'll cut my hair.
I'll be good at soccer and geography.
I'll wear boys clothes.
I'll like spiders and horror movies and comics.
Do you think They'll see me?
Do you think They'll love me again?
----
Dermot saw me.
For a second.
He stood up, his eyes filled with light, he almost broke into a smile – but then he saw the difference. He saw past the Darren haircut, past the Darren clothes, past the Darren dirty knees and Darren comic in my hand. And then… he was like a piece of paper.
He crumpled.
He cried.
He yelled at me.
He screamed.
I ran from the room.
That was a week ago.
They haven't talked to me since.
----
Steve didn't like my haircut either. When I saw him, he looked so angry that I got scared. For a second, I thought he was going to jump on me and kill me. I almost ran.
But then he relaxed. Tried to smile and joke about it.
But I know the truth.
He doesn't…..
----
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
That's really stupid. Why do girls say that?
He loves me, he loves me not – pah! Of course he doesn't love me!
Who am I? I'm just the eleven year old kid sister of his dead best friend – why would he like ME, of all people?!
I -
I love him though.
I love him.
I love him not.
No, I love him.
Do They love me?
No.
They love me not.
----
I turned thirteen, no one noticed.
I'm a teenager, yet nobody noticed.
Steve noticed. Ms. Leonard noticed.
Dermot and Angela didn't.
Steve noticed, though.
That's all that matters.
Ms. Leonard gave me a box full of cookies. Childish, but I guess I'm still a child.
He got me a pair of soccer boots. I loved him for that.
Then he told me.
He told me he was leaving. He didn't say where to. He just said something vague about searching for something…
He didn't tell me anything else.
I didn't have the guts to ask him to take me with him, though.
My heart lies broken.
I'm going angsty now.
Shit.
Wow. My first cuss as a teenager.
I feel special.
Flat, but special.
----
Despite everything, soccer's good. I'm my team's best striker and scorer – like Darren. Mr. Dalton – Darren's old favourite teacher – is even thinking of putting me onto the boys' side, because I'm too good for the girls.
I love soccer.
So did Darren.
Why does Darren always have to have something to do with it?!
Someone always asks 'Did your brother teach you before he died…?'! They always relate everything to HIM.
He's been dead for five friggen years, and yet I'm still living under his shadow. I hate it. I HATE it!
GET OUT OF MY LIFE!
----
Vampires.
Vampires.
Vampires.
Steve's been gone for almost a year. He's only rung once – the same day as Darren's bloody death anniversary. Bastard.
Oops, no, that's right. I'm trying to keep happy. Happy. Yes, happy happy, happy like the pixies and fairies in the garden that go 'skippedy-dippedy-dee!' as they dance around! Like Homer when he's in Happy Land! Like a teen taking E! Like a Care Bear eating candy!
I'll be happy, oh so happy!
I won't worry at all, I'll just BE HAPPY!
Right, that's it, I'm off the coke. As in the drink, not the drug.
…Bloody school counsellors.
Ms. L's been great. She invites me over all the time and always gives me food. I think she misses having a kid to look after. Or she thinks she failed with her own son, so she wants to make it all up by taking care of someone else's kid. Bleh.
Either way, I get to sleep in Steve's room most nights.
I get to see into his world.
I get to see what he's searching for.
It's hard to believe, really. I actually don't want to believe it, but there's no other explanation. It has to be true. I mean… it explains why HE was acting so weird those couple of days before he died…
Darren is a vampire.
He sacrificed his family just so he could become an evil, blood-lusting monster.
If Steve doesn't kill him first…
I'm going to kill Darren with my own bare hands.
----
Wanting to spit out the jarred thoughtsBecause there's no other proof of my existence
My future that I've grabbed hold is
Conflicting between 'dignity' and 'freedom'
Wanting to erase the distorted afterimage
Because I'll see my limit over there
Erase and rewrite
The pointless ultra-fantasy
Revive
The unforgettable sense of being
Rewrite
The meaningless imagination
The driving force that creates you
Give it your whole body and soulI love that song. Even though I've translated it from Jap into bad English, I love it. Rewrite by Asian Kung-Fu Generation.
I am determined to put my whole body and soul into killing him.
I will kill Darren Shan.
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A.N 'Riraito (Rewrite)' by Asian Kung-Fu Generation is the newest theme song for one of the greatest anime ever, Fullmetal Alchemist. If you like J-pop/rock, I suggest you download it. The song, not the anime – the show's some 51 episodes long, and it finished airing in Japan a few weeks ago. Poopie.
