Introduction: Ana's Song (Open Fire)
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Looking back, I see how naïve I was. How stupid, how ignorant, just how friggen screwed I was in the head.
It's all my parents' fault. But wait… If I do that, then I have to go back to it being Darren's fault, and then I go back to the Cirque, and then before that, to that bloody flyer…
No. It was my fault. My fault for being such a stupid, stupid little girl.
Look where it's left me now.
I hate it when people blame everything else when, in reality, it's their fault, not the fault of others. Like if a child is abused when they're young, and grows up to become a murderer, some random intellectual comes up and says 'We should blame society'. If they hadn't noticed, they are part of society – even the kid. So are they just being contradictory? Or am I being contradictory?
And yet… and yet…
If only Steve hadn't left. If only I hadn't gone to his place. If only I hadn't found out the truth. If only Dermot and Angela hadn't died. If only Steve hadn't come back. If only Steve and I had listened to what Perri told us to do. If only we hadn't followed her.
If, if, if, only, only, only, there's too many of them!
No. It was me, it was my fault, it was just plain stupid dumb luck, or destiny, or fate, or coincidence, or whatever you want to call it. Either way, I can't deny what happened.
I can't take it back, either.
I wish I could. Oh, how I wish I could.
Star light, star bright, wish I may, wish I might, have this wish, I wish tonight…
It doesn't work. No matter how hard I try, that little star up there that twinkles down on me doesn't grant my wish. Maybe I'm asking the wrong star.
Damn. Stupid Sirius. He had always been my favourite Harry Potter character and he let me down there. He's not even reliable as a star.
Damn you Sirius. Bloody dog star.
There's no going back, no matter how hard I try. There are times I doubt what I swore to do. There are times I want to kill myself, before something happens.
Before what Destiny said was to come.
But like I said, I'm stuck. Can't go back, can only go forward. Forever forward.
Maybe I could change my path. Screw Mr. Tiny. I remember, only a few months ago, though it feels like years, swearing that I would always be determined. I'm determined now. I won't let anyone else control me.
It's my life – my destiny, thanks very much Tiny – and I will do with it as I please.
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A.N
FunkyDonkey – Hehehe! FMA and AKFG rule! And noo, I'm not half-japanese, though I am half filo. Hehe!
Retlor – Thankyou!
Itchan – I haven't read the last book yet, but I really want to! DAMN YOU AUSSIE PUBLISHERS!
Thankyou all!
And this is the last chapter that is going to appear for a while… certain events have to occur in Steve's diary before this one can continue… ehheehehe….
And now…
Previews!
Next Chapter:
One: Forests
"Who are you?" I breathed, backing into the tree behind me. He cracked a smile, a horrible, evil little smile.
"Oh, that doesn't matter at the moment," he said, stepping forward as well. He flipped the lid of his little watch shut and slipped it back into his pocket. "What is important, however…" He reached forward, touching my stomach. My shirt, ripped and torn, was thin, so I could feel his dry, cold hand. I felt sick.
His smile spread.
"Ah yes. Just as I expected."
I shuddered, pressing myself further against the tree. Before I could stop him, he reached forward and grabbed my arm roughly to look at my hand. I quickly yanked it back, but he had seen it. He knew.
"Who are you?!" I asked again. His evil smile spread once more.
"Some call me a monster. I, however, prefer Mr. Tiny. Mr. Desmond Tiny."
