Oh my god.
Oh my god.
What have I done?
This isn't good.
It's been weeks, months now. They….his family….think that he killed himself. They think Ron killed himself. Ah hell.
Why didn't I just tell somebody? Why didn't I just admit that I did something wrong? Is this guilt that I feel? Of course it's guilt! I killed two people!
I feel like everyone is watching me. Like they know what I did. At home, at school, during cheerleader practice….I'm not safe from this constant, horrible feeling. I think I could lose it at any second. People are asking me if I feel alright.
I blame it on "recent events". At least I'm not lying about that.
It's hard to get thru the day with this feeling of "I'm about to get caught". I look over my shoulders a lot. I haven't slept much at all. I look like hell, I bet. I don't even have the energy to give a damn.
"Hey Bonnie. Are you okay?"
Huh? What? Oh, it's just Monique. Who's Monique? Oh yeah, she was a friend of……Kim and Ron. Christ. God is just gonna remind me everyday. Great, perfect.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired." I tell her. It's true, isn't it?
"You probably don't want to hear more bad news, I guess."
What bad news? What could be worse than this?
"What news?" I ask. You know who I'm talking about, right?"
Ron's pet. Damn it! Another sweet little reminder. Wait….what could be wrong with it? It dawns on me.
"The rat died?" I ask.
"Yeah he died! I know it sounds weird, but I went over to Ron's house with Jim and Tim. They were sad and so was I, so I thought we'd just share our misery. Well, guess what, Miss Insensitive? Ms. Stoppable found him dead in his cage. I understand too, since he was probably so depressed. Plus, rodents don't live that long, but that's not the point!"
Jim and Tim. Kim's…..brothers. Oh c'mon! Stop it already! Where'd she go? She stomped off. I'm alone again.
There's no need to overreact here. It was just a rat. Sure, it had a bit of a personality, but pets don't count. I did not kill the little rodent. They don't last. They just don't last. Monique said it herself.
But it still doesn't take away from what I've already done. It doesn't erase the fact that I killed his owner. And his owner's best friend.
Will everyday be like this? Constant reminders of what I've done wrong? It sure seems that way.
So now what? What am I going to do? Will I live out the rest of my life like this? Will I ever have the courage to tell someone?
Three deaths. And they're all my fault.
Do I deserve to be forgiven?
What now?...
Ah yes, the final chapter. I know, it's short. And it may seem weird to include Rufus. But the little guy has enough personality to be practically human anyway. Thus ends my dark little story. Read, review, etc.
