Harley and Ivy

Chapter 1: The One Where Harley and Ivy Go To An Art Show

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to DC.

Notes- Having written several fics of different DC cartoons (Teen Titans and Justice League), I thought it was about time that I did something for Batman. So, here it is, the adventures of the best female comedy double act since... ever... Harley and Ivy! This was going to be a general femslash romantic comedy but I decided to go for the regular comedy hikinx that we know and love Harley for. Also, this is based on an episode of Johnny Bravo, I forget which one.


Gotham City-

Harley Quinn was vegetating in front of the TV watching Saturday morning cartoons. Having recently become fed up of being repeatedly caught by Batman and other miscellaneous good guys, Harley decided to give up a life of crime and move in with her friend and sometimes partner in crime, Poison Ivy. Ivy was initially wary of sharing an apartment with the ditz but soon grew to like it. Heck, what's not to like about a blonde with a, literally, killer sense of humour?

Harley didn't even look up from the TV screen when Ivy walked in with the morning's groceries.

'Harley, I'm home.' The redhead called.

No answer, Harley was still gazing at the TV screen.

'I've brought nachos.' Ivy said, waving a bag of nachos about. Not even a free bag of cheesy, crunchy corn snacks could snap Harley out of her daze. Ivy just shrugged and bounced the bag off Harley's head.

'Heh.' Harley mumbled. 'Cartoons. Funeee...'


Later-

Harley was still watching the TV but instead of watching cartoons, she was watching the morning news. Harley saw something on the screen and jumped up with a shriek.

'Rd!' She yelled. 'You'd better come see this!'

Ivy, fresh form a shower, ran straight into the room, thinking that Harley had tipped over one of her precious plants.

'What is it Harl?' She asked. 'What's wrong?'

'There'sanartshowdowntown!' Harley babbled. 'Hehavetogo. CanweRed? Huh, canwe? Pleeease?'

'You never seemed the type to be into modern art.' Ivy replied. 'As a matter of fact, you hate modern art.'

'I'm just gonna go to laugh at the art nerds.' Harley shrugged. 'Can you blame a gal?'

'I don't suppose it would hurt.' Ivy replied. 'Besides, the art museum has a nice plant display.'

'Yay!' Harley squealed as she grabbed her roomie in a huge hug. 'ThankyouRed! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!'

Ivy winced slightly at Harley's unusually strong grip.

'Feel free to let me go any time you want.' She wheezed.

Harley let Ivy go and noticed something about her roommate.

'Umm, Red. I dunno if you've noticed but yer kinda naked. I don't think that the art museum'll let you in like that. Now come on, go get dressed.'

Ivy sighed reluctantly as she turned around to go get dressed.

'C'mon Red, scoot!' Harley insisted as she gave her roomie an encouraging pat on the rear.' Those art nerds aren't gonna make fun of themselves.'


Gotham Art Gallery-

After a quick change of clothes, Harley and Ivy both made their way to the free art show. Harley was dressed in a slinky black and red cocktail dress while Ivy was wearing something similar that was green and possibly made out of lettuce leaves.

Harley looked around at the assembled rich Gothamites. One such rich person caught her eye and she let out a squeal of joy.

'BRUCIE!'

Bruce Wayne spun around just in time to be knocked to the ground by a blonde blur. Ivy just held her head in her hands and groaned at her friend's behaviour.

'Brucie baby! It's great to see you!' Harley squealed.

'Do I know you?' Bruce replied, trying to hide the fact that he was the one that was repeatedly putting her back into Arkham.

'Of course you do, silly.' Harley replied, ruffling Bruce's hair. 'We know each other from... work.' She said as she winked surreptitiously. 'You know... work?'

'I'm afraid that you may have me confused with somebody else.' Bruce replied as he brushed himself off and got up off the ground. 'Enjoy the art show.'

Harley just pouted indignantly as Bruce turned and walked away.

'Snob.' She mutters.

'Au Derve?' A waiter asked as he walked up with a plate of nibbles.

'No thanks.' Harley replied. 'But I'll have some of those tiny hotdogs you got there.'

The waiter watched aghast as Harley proceeded to stuff herself with miniature hotdogs.

'Mmm, hotdog-y.'


Later still-

While Ivy was perusing the plant-based art exhibits, Harley was trying to discern what the hell the green blobby thing was in front of her.

'Magnificent.' One art snob oozed. 'Such a perfect interpretation of the medium.'

'Most outstanding.' Another art snob said.

'Ooh, scratchy.' Harley said as she scratched her butt on one of the piece's edges.

'Do you mind?' A female art snob asked. 'That is an interpretation of moi, by the artist Jean-Pierre Goitre.'

'Looks like he didn't make you nose wonky enough.' Harley replied.

'How dare you!' The female art snob's companion gasped. 'You are addressing my wife.'

'Oh geez.' Harley winced. 'I feel sorry for you buddy, honestly I do. Ucch.'

Ivy decided to intervene before there was any bloodshed.

'Excuse us juts one moment.' She said. 'My friend here has forgotten to take her... brain medicine.'

Ivy dragged her friend to a secluded corner.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?' She hissed. 'As if it isn't going legit in the first place, you nearly ruin it by glomping Bruce Wayne and pissing up miscellaneous art snobs.'

'Aww chill out, Red.' Harley replied as she put an arm around her friend's shoulders. 'If I'm not gonna make fun of the nerds, who is?'

Ivy just shook her head and dragged Harley into a room where a random arty type was exhibiting their 'interpretation' of art.

'Eggs are life.' She said. 'Everything derives from eggs.'

Then she picked up a sledgehammer and smashed a plate of eggs, splattering yolk everywhere. The audience just 'ooh'd is appreciation. Harley meanwhile, just stared on dumbstruck at the eggy mess on stage.

'What is this chick, nuts? Geez, she makes me look sane!'

Without looking where she was going, Harley walked out of the room, straight into another waiting carrying a plate of shrimp cocktails. They collided with a clatter and a splatter as the shrimp cocktails splattered against the wall, leaving a sauce-coloured stain.

'Who did this to my wall?' The gallery owner asked.

'It was her!' Harley quickly replied as she pointed to a random art snob.

'This is wonderful!' Mister-Gallery-Owner said as he shook the random art snob's hand. 'I will give you five-thousand dollars to make more pieces like this.'

It was almost as if dollar signs lit up in Harley's eyes as she leapt up and pushed the random art snob out the way.

'Nu-uh, it was me!' She said, shaking Mister-Gallery-Owner's hand. 'It would be my pleasure to create such... art for you.'

Ivy looked on dumbstruck as Harley struck a deal to make lots more shrimp cocktail art. Bruce Wayne, who was standing right next to Ivy, was also lost for words.

'What the hell?' They both said.

TBC...

NEXT: Harley begins making her art. Will success change her? What'll happen to Ivy? Will she get jealous when the money starts rolling in? Find out next time in: The One Where Harley Has Fun With Cocktail Sauce!