Harley and Ivy
Chapter 2: The One Where Harley Has Fun With Cocktail Sauce
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to DC.
Shout Outs-
Randomnimity- Yeah, I've heard of the Gotham Girls web-toon, never seen it though. Don't you worry; Harley and Ivy will get up to lots of fun.
Showstopper- You can bet that Brucie will make many more future appearances, in one form or another. (Wink, wink.)
Shany94a- Yup, Harley's a loony alright.
Agent-G- Harley maybe a ditz but she's not dumb. I love Harley-centric episodes too, they're frickin' nuts.
Harley and Ivy's Gotham apartment-
Ivy walked into the apartment from her trip to the plant store. She looked around to see any sign of her blonde roommate but found none. She sighed in relief, as she would be able to get on with her experiments. Ivy carried her purchases into the spare room that she used as a lab. Unfortunately, the lab was already in use. Harley was submerged upto her neck in a bath tub full of cocktail sauce.
'You're not still making those monstrosities, are you?' Ivy groaned.
'Those ain't monstrosities, Red. They're art' Harley replied as she indicated several of her 'masterpieces' on the wall. There were butt prints, boob prints, finger-painted stick figures and a couple of random blotches where Harley had just thrown buckets of cocktail sauce at a canvas. 'Be a doll and roll out that canvas, would you? I'm gonna make a full body print. I'm thinking of calling it... The Evolution of Man! Cool, non?'
'What has a full-body print with cocktail sauce got to do with evolution?' Ivy asked sceptically.
'Nothin' at all.' Harley replied. 'You gotta give yer work pretentious names if yer gonna be a real artiste. Remember that piece called 'The Frailty of Religion'? That was just a lump of doggie do on an old sneaker.'
'I'll leave you to work.' Ivy sighed as she left the room.
'Bring some nachos in while you're at it.' Harley called after her. 'I need something to dip into this stuff!'
Gotham Art Gallery-
Harley's latest piece was behind a curtain waiting to be unveiled. Harley herself was mingling with the guests. Ivy was there to, damn her loyalty to her best friend!
Ivy was sipping champagne when she heard an all too familiar squeal.
'BRUCIE!'
'Oh God, what now?' She groaned, dreading what Harley was up to now.
Sure enough, Harley had her arms wrapped around Bruce Wayne in a rib-breaking hug.
'Hello again Miss... Quinn.' Bruce winced.
Unseen by Harley, Bruce shot a pleading glance at his companions, a certain be-spectacled newspaper journalist and Amazonian princess (Clark Kent and Wonder Woman, for those of you who can't take a hint.)
Clark and Diana just turned their backs to hide their obvious amusement at Bruce's dilemma.
There was a quick flourish of music from the stage and Harley promptly let Bruce go.
'Oops, gotta get going, I've got art to showcase, you know.'
Bruce breathed a sigh of relief as he slowly regained the use of his lungs again.
Up on the stage, Harley was about to introduce her artwork.
'Ladies and gents, let me introduce you to what I like to call 'Rhapsody in Cocktail Sauce...'
A round of applause rose form the assembled art snobs. Harley smiled madly and gave Ivy a double thumbs-up. Ivy just shook her head in disbelief.
'Don't be shy, c'mon shower me with your love...'
The applause was abruptly shattered by a burst of gunfire from the entrance.
'Geez, everybody's a critic.' Harley sighed.
'Riddle me this... When is a painting not a painting?'
The assembled snobs gasped in horror as the Riddler and a gang of thugs made their way inside.
'You'll have to forgive me for not using my best material but I'm just popping in.' The Riddler said as she scanned the crowd for any worthy pickings. He signalled to the thugs and they went about their business of appropriating stuff that wasn't theirs. 'Kindly deposit any and all wallets, purses, gold, diamonds, credit cards, cell phones, and other miscellaneous pretty things into the bags provided and we will out of your hair before you can say...'
'Hey Eddie, heads up!'
'I was going to say, is that your final answe...'
The Riddler was cut off in mid-speech as Harley picked up a severing tray and threw it like a discus, hitting the Riddler on the head.
The Riddler rubbed his head and took out a gun from inside his pocket.
'Okay, here's an easy one... What's full of holes and red and...'
WHAM!
The Riddler was cut off once more as Ivy swiftly kicked him in the face.
'Survey says... uh, boys?'
The thugs took the signal and leapt in to attack the two women. Harley and Ivy were both ready for the gang of thugs. Harley leapt onto a thug's back and repeatedly bashed him on the head with another serving tray. Ivy cut herself with a small sliver of glass and pressed her wound against a nearby pot plant. The plant reacted to ivy's hybrid blood and started to grow bigger. Roots sprouted out from the pot and grabbed several thugs by the legs. Before the thugs knew what was happening, they had been thrown against the wall by the monstrous plant.
Harley was still battering her thug over the head with the tray.
'Nobody interrupts my art show, understood? Nobody!'
Unfortunately, Harley was so involved with battering the thug that she didn't notice the Riddler approach her with his gun. He was about to shoot her in the back of the head when something zipped past and snatched the gun form his hand.
'Looking for something?' The Flash asked as he twirled the gun around his finger.
The Riddler was about to spout another clicked riddle when...
PANG!
Harley hit him upside the head with her serving tray.
'Well that won't be used for serving anymore...' She sighed as she threw the tray over her shoulder. 'Now to get on with my art show...'
'Umm, there's one little problem.' The Flash said as he pointed towards the stage. 'Your stuff got kinda trashed during the fight.'
Harley looked around at the chaos. Wonder Woman was tying up some thugs with her golden lasso while Superman handed the rest over to the police. All this happened amongst the remains of Harley's artwork.
Harley fell to her knees and shook her fists skywards.
'Why God, why? WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME LORD?'
Then, out of the silence, a slow clap started. Harley slowly stood up and looked about her. The remaining art snobs were applauding her.
'Oh such wonderful performance art.'
'I must get her to do that in my Star City Gallery.'
'No, Metropolis.'
'You like me.' Harley beamed. 'You really like me!'
'I will give you two million dollars to take your performance art around the country.' The gallery owner said.
'Cha-Ching!' Harley replied as she pumped the gallery owner's hand up and down. 'You got yourself a deal, Mister Gallery Owner Guy!'
Ivy just shook her head and cursed the day she befriended Harley Quinn...
END...
Next: The One With The Boobies.
Harley begins her art tour. Ivy tags along too. First stop, Star City. Guest starring... The Green Arrow!
