Harley and Ivy

Chapter 3: The One With The Boobies

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to DC.


Shout Outs-

Shany94a- That 'WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME LORD?' line wasn't meant for make Harley seem religious, she was just going Charlton Heston-y.

Showstopper- Yup, I'm gonna have the girls hit Central City and Metropolis too. Maybe a few more cities with resident superheroes (coughJumpCitycough.)

Qk- Yes, Harley is funny! Yay Harley!

Agent-G- Yeah, why do people think that crap is art? You can bet that GA will hit on the girls, I would.


Star City-

A slinky black limo pulled up outside one of Star City's most exclusive hotels. Once the car had stopped, two figures stepped out. Harley and Ivy had arrived!

'Ahh, smell that fresh air!' Harley said as she took a deep breath. 'It's nice to be out of Gotham. No over-grown flying rats for one.'

'Star City doesn't seem all that different to me.' Ivy sniffed. 'I'm going inside.'

Ivy walked inside, leaving Harley standing alone admiring the city.

'Get a load of the view, Red.' Harley said, not realising that she was alone. 'It's a beaut!'

Harley turned around to gauge her friend's reaction.

'Hey Red, where are you?' Harley asked as she spun around, trying to find her friend. 'Red? Don't leave me. I'm alone and frightened...'


Later-

Harley had finally managed to find Ivy and was lying on the bed dressed in a fluffy white bathrobe, eating chocolates.

'This is the life, ain't it, Red?' Harley sighed between mouthfuls of chocolates. 'Expensive chocolates, even more expensive champagne...'

Harley rolled on to her side and say Ivy standing on the balcony, watching the view below.

'Something wrong?' Harley asked as she brought out the champagne and an extra glass.

'I'm missing Gotham I suppose.' Ivy sighed. 'As crazy as it seems.'

'Yeah, that does seem kinda nuts.' Harley replied as she poured some champagne into the glass. 'Bubbly?' She asked as she offered Ivy the glass.

'Thanks.' Ivy said as she took the glass and had a sip. 'I feel kind of out of place here, here you are, going nationwide with your art show and what am I doing? I'm acting like a freeloader, drinking expensive champagne and staying in rooms that I couldn't dream of affording normally.'

'Hey, don't get sappy on me, Red.' Harley said as she put an arm around her friend's shoulders. 'You're my bestest friend. You've helped me out loadsa times, why can't I repay you a little?'

'Thanks Harl.' Ivy sighed as he returned the friendly hug. 'You're a good friend. Infuriating sometimes, but good friend non the less.'

'Y'know, if somebody could see us hugging here right now, they might think that we're together.' Harley said with a cheeky grin.

'Yeah, imagine that.' Ivy replied, trying to hide her disappointment. 'That'll just be silly.'

'Well I'd love to stay here hugging you all day but I have to go check out the gallery, go to see if the décor matches my art. You will come down to see, won't you?'

'Wouldn't miss it for the world.' Ivy replied with a sad smile. 'You go get ready.'

And with that, Harley skipped over to the en-suite and prepared to get ready for her inspection, leaving Ivy in the balcony alone with her thoughts.


Star City Gallery, later-

Harley was strolling along the hall where her art was due to be shown. She shook her head and tutted as she saw the state of the room.

'Nope, take that down, it's crap.' She said to the museum owner.

'But that item has been in the gallery ever since it first opened back in nineteen-ele...'

'I don't care.' Harley replied. 'It'll clash with my work, take it down.'

'As you wish.' The museum owner sighed. He waved over a worker and gave him his instructions.

'Ooh, what's this?' Harley asked as she stopped beside a red metallic container.

'That is a garbage receptacle.' The gallery owner replied. 'You use it to contain garbage.'

'I want them all over the place.' Harley said. 'It gives the place... class.'

'Very well.' The gallery owner sighed once more, growing tired of Harley's nit-picking. 'Is there anything else I can help you with?'

'Yeah, be a doll and grab me a box of donuts, I'm famished.' Harley replied. 'And I don't want none of that organic crap!'

While the gallery owner went to get donuts, Harley continued perusing the gallery. He saw Ivy standing beside display of various plants and shrubs.

'I knew you'd like this, Red.' Harley said. 'I got it brought in especially for you.'

'Really?' Ivy asked. 'There wasn't any need.'

'Aww pish.' Harley shrugged. 'I'm not totally selfish. I'm starting to think of branching into plant life. Heh. Branching out into plant life, get it?' She giggled.

'Yes, I get it.' Ivy replied nonchalantly. 'Very funny. Harl, can we go somewhere private? I need to tell you something...'

'Yeah sure, what d'ya need, Red?'

'Well, I know we've been friends for a long time.' Ivy began. 'And I was wondering, y'know, if you wanted to...'

'Omigod! Look who's here!' Harley squealed as she saw somebody walk past.

Ivy just groaned inwardly and looked towards who Harley was referring to. She presently had her legs wrapped around the waist of some blonde guy with a neatly trimmed beard.

'Ollie, you old son-of-a-thing! How are ya? You never ring, you never right!'

'Do you two know each other?' Ivy asked, trying to mask her obvious distaste.

'I'd say.' Harley replied as she elbowed the guy in the ribs with a wink. 'Isn't that right, Ollie?'

'Yes, you could say that...' The blonde guy replied. 'Aren't you gonna introduce me to your ravishing young friend?'

'I can introduce myself, well enough, thankyou very much.' Ivy replied bitterly. 'My name is Pamela Isley, most people call me Ivy.'

'Would that be Poison Ivy?' The guy asked.

'Do you know anybody else called Ivy with green skin?'

'I guess not.' Ollie shrugged. 'I'm Oliver Queen, by the way.' He said as he offered Ivy his hand.

'Yeah, charmed.' Ivy replied nonchalantly. 'Harley, I'm just going to wait outside, okay?'

'Yeah, don't miss the beginning of the show.' Harley replied.

'She seemed... nice.' Ollie said as he scratched the back of his neck nervously.

'Don't mind her.' Harley replied. 'She's been acting weird ever since we left Gotham.'

'How's life treating you as honest citizens, by the way?' Ollie asked.

'Better than most.' Harley replied. 'I've got a national tour out of some old tat that I threw together and Ivy tags along wherever I go.'

'And you don't mind her coming along with you?'

'Naah, of course not.' Harley replied. 'Ivy's cool, she's a good friend.'

'She seemed kinda... protective when she saw us together.' Ollie said. 'Don't you think that's kinda unusual?'

'What, Ivy? Naah, of course not. She's like that all the time.' Harley replied. 'She's been like that ever since we robbed our first bank together.'

'Well it's been nice talking to you.' Ollie said as he gave Harley a friendly peck on the cheek. 'I'll have to go, work stuff. Don't be a stranger.'

'Yeah, seeya round.' Harley replied as she gave Ollie a little wave.


After the art show-

Harley's tat had gone down a storm with the Star City art snobs. Not that it mattered to her though; she had tried to look for Ivy during the proceedings but couldn't see hide nor hair of her. She was starting to get worried. What if Batman had followed them from Gotham and carted her back to Arkham? Harley shuddered at the thought and set off in search of her friend.

After a quick search of the most likely places that she could have found Ivy, the only place left was the Star City Botanical Gardens. The Gardens were actually closed for the night but that wasn't a problem for somebody that up until recently was a professional thief.

Harley found Ivy standing next to a Peruvian Sunburst exhibit.

'Geez Red, where you got to?' Harley panted as she walked up to her friend. 'I've been searching all over the place for ya. I thought that Batman had caught ya.'

'I'm sorry I missed your show.' Ivy said quietly as she sniffed the Sunburst blossom. 'I've just been in here, looking at the plants.'

'I don't care about that.' Harley replied. 'I've been worried about ya. You haven't been right since we left Gotham. C'mon, what's up?'

'Promise not to laugh?' Ivy asked.

'You got my word.' Harley replied as she placed a hand on her heart.

'I think I'm in love.' Ivy sighed.

'Oh God, it isn't that bell-boy that was giving ya the eye back at the hotel, was it?'

'No.' Ivy replied. 'It was someone else.'

'That buff construction worker with the pneumatic drill outside the flower shop?'

'No, it's not even a guy.' Ivy replied as she plucked a flower from the exhibit and turned it around in her hands.

'Ohh.' Harley said in realisation. 'Was it that cute little waitress that served us breakfast?'

'No Harley, it wasn't.' Ivy replied. 'It was... you. You're the one that I love...'

Harley blinked a few times in confusion, her jaw hanging open a bit.

'And now you hate me.' Ivy sighed. 'Great going Ivy, now you've gone and freaked out the only friend that you've got.'

'I didn't say that I hated you.' Harley said as she finally managed to find her voice. 'It's quite... charming actually.'

'You're not freaked out about it?' Ivy asked hopefully.

'Now ay.' Harley replied with a playful swat on her friend's arm. 'To tell you the truth, I kinda had a crush on you. I just kept it secret cuz I didn't know if you felt the same way.'

'Does that mean that you're interested?' Ivy asked as she put the flower into Harley's hands. 'In us, I mean.'

'Well yeah.' Harley replied. 'You're a hottie. How can I not be interested in you?'

'This'll be a difficult first step, you know.' Ivy said as she took Harley's hand. 'Not everybody will be pleased.'

'And I should care because...?' Harley replied. 'All I know is that Bats is gonna be freaked when he finds out.'

'I can't wait to see he face when he hears the news.' Ivy replied with a happy grin. 'It'll be priceless.'

'You wanna make the call or shall I?' Harley asked.

'I think it would be best for you to tell him.' Ivy replied. 'It'll sound better coming from you.'

'D'ya think this makes ya my muse now?' Harley asked. 'Y'know, inspiring my art and stuff?'

'I inspire you to throw cocktail sauce at a canvas?' Ivy replied with mock thanks. 'I feel so honoured!'

'Now ya just abusin' sarcasm.' Harley groaned.

TBC...

Next: The One With The Monkey

Harley and Ivy move on to their next destination in the art tour, Jump City. Gee, I wonder who they could meet there?