Author's Notes: Thank you so much for all your reviews. This chapter is a lot of conversation and back-story, so I hope it's not too boring. I didn't realize until after I had written it how I recorded my own struggles in dealing with people who have been unkind in my life. Hope you like it.
Chapter Twenty-Two
"I can't believe you're really here," I said, finally able to loosen my grip on my mother enough to look at her. I glanced around the infirmary, but Professor Dumbledore had quietly left.
"The headmaster is probably talking with Cornelius Fudge," My mother told me. "After your incident with Ron, Molly Weasley immediately reported you to the Ministry of Magic. Fudge has been talking to witnesses all morning. You gave everyone in the Great Hall quite a scare last night. Don't be upset if some of the students avoid you for awhile, or if you hear crazy rumors that you serve the Dark Lord."
"Oh no," I moaned. "What's going to happen? Is Mr. Fudge going to arrest me?"
"No, Professor Dumbledore assured him that it was an accident. But Fudge has to write a report, and you'll need to register your wand. I think he's more concerned about appearing to do his job more than anything. Since he's so impressed with pure bloodlines and money, he'll probably end up offering you a job with the ministry before it's all over," She said a bit sarcastically. "You are lucky that Professor Dumbledore was there to stop you. Baby, there's a reason why Mirror-Magi never perform curses or acts of violence."
"Because then the unicorns wouldn't come near us anymore?" The idea was a terrible one.
My mother nodded. "Your familiar would reject you. There's a magical bond between us that's taken centuries to develop. The unicorns provide us with their blood to make our mirrors, and they look to us for help and protection. When your grandfather and I were no longer in Britain, the unicorns here became prey for those involved in the Dark Arts, even for the Dark Lord.
Baby, unicorns aren't just magical animals. There have always been powerful myths about them in both the Muggle and the wizarding worlds. There's an ancient Jewish folklore about unicorns. When Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden, the unicorn was given a choice- he could stay in paradise or leave with them and enter the world of pain and suffering. The unicorn watched Adam and Eve as they left, then followed after them, becoming a symbol of mercy, hope and strength. For this act of compassion, the unicorn was forever blessed. Although this is a Muggle story, it illustrates how the wizarding world views unicorns, as well- as living symbols of healing and mercy. The Mirror-Magi were seen as their guardians for centuries. We were supposed to live out mercy and encourage others to do the same. I suppose that it's the closest thing to a sacred calling that exists in the wizarding world."
Just the thought of the foal turning away from me as she had from my uncle and Professor Snape made tears come to my eyes. It would have felt like being evicted from paradise. "I didn't realize that I was about to curse Ron. I really hated him for that moment. I felt so lost when you died. Your funeral was at St. Elizabeth's, in the chapel... some of the nuns from school were there and everything." I stopped, too choked up to continue.
"I am so sorry that I had to put you through that," My mother said. "Deceiving you and knowing what it would do to you was the hardest thing I've ever done. The only thing that drove me was the desire to keep you safe, and even then I kept questioning myself."
"But how did you do it?" I asked. "The coroner's report said you had died of a drug overdose. I thought that Karl had murdered you. You never had anything to do with drugs until he showed up."
My mother sighed. "Our conversation in the mirror broke through much of my denial about Karl. Since Sr. Angela works with homeless people at the shelter, she knows the streets of New Orleans better than anyone. I asked her to investigate a little for me. She discovered that Karl had quite a reputation he had hidden from me. He had a few other 'businesses' on the side, including drugs and prostitution. Some of his girls who had displeased him had died from drug overdoses, but of course, the police could never prove anything. He had become increasingly violent and controlling of our business, and after my discussion with you, I realized that I was soon to be his next victim. Soon he was trying to push more and more drugs on me. In the end, Sr. Angela helped me to fake my own death."
"Sr. Angela?" My mouth fell open. I suddenly recalled that she and my mother had spent a lot of time together before my mother's 'death.' An image of the short, stocky nun with white hair came to mind. She was ruthlessly practical, and the funniest person I had ever met. She usually had everyone around her laughing hysterically. It was hard to imagine her doing anything that grim. "What could she have done?"
"She is a Muggleborn witch. She turned her back on the wizarding world years ago, the first time that the Dark Lord came to power. She found the wizarding world to be cold to Muggleborns in many ways. At the homeless shelter that she ran, a poor girl had died of a drug overdose, and Sr. Angela helped me to obtain the potion that would transform her body into mine."
I covered my mouth in shock. Karl's confusion when my mother had 'died' must not have been an act. It must have been strange for him, to have been intending to kill my mother, only to have her die without his help.
"It wasn't too difficult to buy. It is similar to the polyjuice potion, only it works on the dead. What I did is not something I'm proud of," My mother whispered. "The girl had told the sisters at the shelter that she had no family, but that still doesn't make me feel any better about the whole thing."
"Then what did you do?" I asked.
"I obviously couldn't stay around New Orleans. Sr. Angela promised me she would look after you, and make sure that you survived financially."
I nodded. "Sister did help me. I think everybody in New Orleans owes her favors. She helped me to get a job at the Café Du Monde. She also spoke with the guy who bought your shop, so that he'd let me stay in the rooms upstairs. She gave me a lot of food at the shelter."
"Then I left for London. Hopefully, the time I spent there waiting for you to arrive at Hogwarts got my head on a bit straighter. Maybe I'll know what kind of man to trust next time," She said bitterly. "I hate that you were around him, that you were around that kind of violent behavior. I was a complete idiot to get myself trapped like that." My mother breathed deeply. "Well, Sr. Angela asked me to give you something." She held out her wand and said, "Accio tapestry!"
To my amazement, a small package flew through the doorway of the infirmary. My mother caught it, and placed it in my lap. It looked like a rolled up piece of cloth, wrapped in layers of tissue paper. I unrolled it, smoothing out the material with my hands.
"Mama, this is beautiful," I said. It was a miniature tapestry of rich colors, and highlights of gold thread glittered throughout the scene. Adam and Eve stood in the Garden of Eden, and between them stood a unicorn.
"It's a reproduction of a Swiss tapestry," My mother told me. "Sr. Angela had it in her office at the shelter for awhile. The early Christian church also used Unicorns as symbols of redemption. She really did care about you, you know. It was very difficult for her to watch you go through all that, all the while, knowing the truth."
I outlined the little unicorn with my finger. "Sr. Angela was always trying to tell me that I should forgive Karl, that I shouldn't allow him to make me a bitter, hard person. I didn't do a very good job of that, though." I thought briefly about him that night with the Dark Lord. "He was a horrible man, but I'm not sure now if he deserved to die cursed like that. He didn't actually kill you."
"Many times people who abuse others do so because they were abused themselves," My mother said. "It's easy for me to hate Lucius Malfoy, but I don't know what formed him to be the way he is now. I don't know what kind of life, what kind of childhood Karl may have had. I don't know what makes a person do terrible things. Even Tom Riddle was driven by some kind of terrible pain to become the creature he is now. I can only hope not to judge, and perhaps forgive in time. Not because they deserve it, but because it would harm me if I didn't."
I thought about the hatred I had felt right before I attempted to curse Ron. It still frightened me to think what I had been capable of at that moment. Could I ever have become like the Dark Lord?
A sickening thought occurred to me. "Mama, what if the Dark Lord read Karl's mind? What if he knows that you're still alive?"
"Severus told me that the Dark Lord began cursing Karl immediately after Lucius brought him to Stonehenge," My mother said. "He believes that there wasn't time for the Dark Lord to discern the truth from Karl. If the Dark Lord had suspected something, I'm sure he would have questioned Karl further before killing him. I will always be in debt to Severus for the way that he helped you to survive that night."
"Severus!" I said. "He hasn't come back from being summoned by the Dark Lord."
My mother wrung her hands. "I've been worried sick about him all night. I wonder if Voldemort became angry over the potions 'accident,' when his most promising future Death Eaters had been turned into children. Professor Dumbledore asks too much from Severus, sometimes. The rest of the Order was only too willing to have Severus take that risk. Especially Moody, that harsh, holier-than-thou-"She sighed. "I'm sorry, Baby. Some members of the Order of the Phoenix are excellent Aurors, but they need to take a class in personality."
She told me how the members of the Order had reacted to her arrival. Alastor Moody had been reluctant to trust her, because of her past relationship with a Death Eater, and because her daughter was related to Lucius Malfoy. He had even made her take a magical test to prove her identity. Molly Weasley had harped on about how I had treated poor Harry. "And then, of course," she said, rolling her eyes. "There's Remus and Severus."
"What about them?" I had heard of Remus Lupin from Draco, and how he had been the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor for awhile.
"They're acting like sixteen year-olds. I'm having Hogwarts flashbacks. Remus has expressed a little interest in me, and now Severus is acting like an obnoxious, jealous, possessive ass! They weren't exactly best friends before, but now their bickering is getting on everyone's nerves. Including mine."
"Severus is jealous of you?" I asked.
My mother smiled in sympathy at the look of dismay on my face. "I think Severus would be jealous of Minnie Mouse if Remus or any of the Marauders were interested in her. Baby, you've always gotten crushes on your teachers. Severus is much too old for you. And I don't mean biologically, but emotionally. He's had a very harsh life."
"You didn't answer my question. Do you guys have a 'thing'going? "
She considered for a moment. "We are friends, of a sort. We have been spending a lot of time together, working on the project for the Order of The Phoenix. Our relationship could be more, but, well, I'm afraid that Severus has a lot of...'issues."
"Tell me about it," I muttered, still thinking of the incident in the dungeons.
"His father was so abusive he made Karl look like Gandhi. I think that both you and Severus may have something in common."
"What's that?" I asked.
"I think that both of you have been searching for a father, emotionally that is. Severus looked to Tom Riddle to fill a void in his life. He wanted guidance, attention, a purpose. He wanted respect for his intelligence and talents, which his father never gave him. By the time that Severus was your age, he was already a Death Eater and he had murdered and tortured Muggles. He feels so much shame about the past things he's done for the Dark Lord, that I don't think he sees himself as loveable. I think that deep inside, he grieves that he was never allowed to be innocent. He doesn't believe that he deserves forgiveness or love. He doesn't understand that the nature of mercy is that it is undeserved."
"That's so sad," I said.
"I think he eventually found his father figure in Professor Dumbledore. The headmaster has been the closest thing he's had to one, which is why I get so upset when I feel that Dumbledore asks too much from him."
At that moment I wanted Severus to be happy more than anything, even if it wasn't with me. I wanted my mother to be happy, too. "I think you should pick Severus," I murmured, becoming a bit sleepy. "Remus Lupin is a werewolf, you know. I don't know if you'd be up for that."
My mother laughed at that.
"It's all just so confusing," I finally told her, my voice fading with tiredness. "Did you really die, but then I changed things by contacting you in the Mirror of Emit? But what if I don't contact you? Would you not really be here? Would you disappear, and none of this would have happened?" There were so many questions that I wanted to ask, so many things I wanted to talk about, but to my frustration, I felt my eyelids grow heavy.
"I don't think that anyone really understands time. Not even your grandfather, and he considered himself an expert. But everything is alright. You are exhausted," She said, smoothing my hair with her hand. "When Professor Dumbledore stopped your curse from harming Ron, some of it back lashed onto you."
"Is that why I feel like I've been run over by the Hogwart's Express?" I muttered. I suddenly thought of something. "Oh no!"
"What is it?" My mother asked, concerned.
"It's Draco! He's alone in my quarters. He probably thinks I've abandoned him. Well, he's with Twinky, but she's not a very good nanny." I groaned. "He's probably running around the dungeons by now, and my quarters are probably a wreck."
"The headmaster let Hermione stay with your little fiance last night," My mother told me, rolling her eyes at her words. "As capable as Twinky is, Dumbledore believes that children need constant human contact."
I sighed with relief. Thank God it was the weekend. Maybe she would keep an eye on him until I recovered. "Hermione doesn't hate me? She was Ron's girlfriend, you know."
"Of course she doesn't! She was there, she knows what Ron was like. She knows you're not an evil person. The Weasleys have always been rather mouthy. You were under a great strain, and I don't want you worrying about that right now. I want you to rest." My mother's image wavered once again, and Professor Lovelace was in her place. "I'll come and check up on you later."
I must have slept the rest of the day. I vaguely remembered hearing Poppy shooing away the Ministry of Magic, and I think he finally left.
When I walked into my quarters later that evening, I was pleasantly surprised. The entire place was neat. Most of the toys were out of sight. I found a very clean and freshly scrubbed Draco sitting at his table, scribbling in an enchanted coloring book.
"There you are! You said you were coming back, but you didn't," He said. "That bossy lady told me that you had a magical accident. There sure are a lot of those going on around here."
I kissed his cheek. As much as I liked the little Draco, I found myself missing the teenaged version terribly. I realized that it was going to be very difficult for him after the Dark Lord had attempted to kill his parents. He wasn't going to be the 'crown prince' of Slytherin, anymore, for one thing. I wondered how he would change, without the constant pressure on him to be hostile to Gryffindors and 'Mudbloods."
"Do you smell," I sniffed his hair. "Like chocolate?"
"It's Gilderoy Lockhart's shampoo for little witches and wizards," Hermione said, walking in from the bathroom. "It smells like chocolate frogs. He included a bottle of it in that box he sent you."
"Oh, yeah," I said gloomily. I had forgotten about him. "There's no way he's going to want me to be his spokeswitch now. It's probably all over the Daily Prophet by now, that I almost cursed Ron. Hermione, I feel terrible about last night. I'm so sorry."
"Sometimes I've been so mad at Ron, I've wanted to curse him myself," she said with a small smile. "He has been getting really obnoxious lately."
"What about Harry?" I asked her.
"Professor Dumbledore explained everything to us," The girl told me. "Believe it or not, Harry understands a lot of what you feel. He's been feeling a lot of grief and rage since Sirius died. But you have to understand, Miriel, Ron has been his best friend since he arrived here at Hogwarts. Harry doesn't want Ron to be mad at him. I don't think it's likely that Harry will be spending a lot of time with you now. I hope you understand."
"What about you?" I asked her. "Won't they be mad at you if you're my friend?" In a very short time, I had grown to like Hermione very much.
The girl shrugged. "I'm not going to get all worked up about it," she said. "We haven't really been close for some time now. I think in a way, I've outgrown them. Ron hasn't been very happy with me since I broke up with him. Harry has become more distant and hard to talk to since last year. I was always the responsible one. I was always the one that grounded them, that thought things through for them. But I guess that's getting old. I feel, well, that I've been babysitting them."
"Speaking of babysitting, thank you so much for looking after Draco. I know that he's been pretty horrible to you in the past," I said, recalling the incident on the Hogwart's Express. "How did you get him to behave so well?"
"Being bossy is a gift, I guess," Hermione said. "By the way, while you were in the hospital wing, you've been getting mirror-calls." She picked up a small, velvet bag from one of the shelves and pulled out the small, square mirror that my uncle had given me. "It's been glowing and chiming all day."
I caught my breath. "Did you answer it?" I asked.
She shook her head. "I tried, but I think it's enchanted so that only the person that's being called can answer. Sirius gave a mirror like this to Harry before he died, so Harry never got a chance to use it."
"Oh my God. Hermione, my uncle Lucius gave that mirror to me. What if he's trying to get a hold of me, to tell me that he's not dead?" For a moment I felt a rush of happiness, but then panic began to rise up in my throat. "I can't see him again."
"What do you mean?"
"This morning, Dumbledore and Professor Lovelace told me a little about the Order of The Phoenix, and um, other stuff that my uncle shouldn't know about. Can wizards perform legilimency through mirrors?"
"No," Hermione told me. "They have to be in your presence, and have eye contact. However, I've read in 'Mysterious, Malignant, Magical Mirrors, A History of the Use of Mirrors In the Dark Arts,' that communication mirrors can be enchanted to tell if a person is lying."
"You read my uncle's book?" I asked her, surprised.
"Madam Pince got a copy for the library's restricted section," She said. "Mr. Malfoy does know an awful lot about mirrors."
It was later that night, after Hermione had gone back to Gryffindor Tower and Draco had gone to bed, that the small mirror began glowing and chiming. My heart raced. I curled up on the couch, watching it, and wondered what I should do. I wanted to speak to my uncle, but I knew he'd question me about the Mirror of Emit, and if I had found it. He'd probably put even more pressure on me since his circumstances had changed. I didn't want to lie to him. I didn't want him to find out that my mother was living, or was working for the Order of The Phoenix. What if he had enchanted the mirror as Hermione had suggested? I would only make him angry if I lied, which was the one thing that I definitely did not want to do.
The mirror would not stop chiming. I wasn't certain if it was my imagination, but the sound actually seemed to grow louder and more insistent after a time. I became a nervous wreck. Finally, I made a decision. Sliding the mirror back into its velvet bag, I placed it on the floor. Reaching for one of my boots, I slammed the heel down onto the bag. I heard the shatter of glass, and then there was silence.
Many thanks to my reviewers!!!
Ice-Princess42: Don't worry, Princess, Draco will be a teen again soon. Yeah, I miss him too.
Escaped: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to toy with your emotions (okay, I'm lying now, evil cackle) why are you reading this chapter, young lady? Why aren't you working on your NEW COOL STORY THAT EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LOOK UP AND READ?!? (That was a free advertisement for you, by the way) ;-)
Merryday: No, I'm sorry, I haven't gotten into anime. I live right now in the wild boonies of Arkansas, and I don't think they have any access to anime. I haven't read anything by Garth Nix, either. Thank you so much for your suggestions.
Kiwiblue: Hey, if you're psychic, can you please tell me when am I going to marry Jason Isaacs (or Ralph Fiennes, or Alan Rickman, I'm not picky!) Yes, poor Karl did get cursed to death by Voldie. He's symbolic of all the creepy men I've known in my life. HA! I hope that I answered some of your questions in this chapter.
Kamalakali: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. Don't fret, Draco snogging will come up again.
Shadowstar21: You are just so sweet.
Rycca Wolfbane: I hope that my explanations about Karl in this chapter make sense. I will be so happy when POA comes out on DVD and then I, too, can become an obsessed fruitcake. (Uh, that didn't come out quite right, did it?) Anyway, have you heard that Ralph Fiennes signed up to be Voldemort in the Goblet of Fire movie? Sigh. My future husband is going to play voldie. I'm so proud...
Arsinoe de Blassenville: Thank you for your review! Yes, it was tempting to curse Ron into oblivion, but I knew that poor Miriel would end up in Azkaban or something. Don't worry, though, sooner or later, he will- oops, I almost gave it away! I'm glad that you think the rationale behind keeping her mom a secret is sound, I was worried that it wouldn't really sound plausible.
