Harley and Ivy
Chapter 5: The One With The Guy In Blue
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to DC.
Shout Outs-
Drowningthoughs- Harley and Ivy certainly do kick butt! They're the most butt-kickingest duo ever!
The Drewfus- Your favourites? Wow, thanks!
Showstopper- Yeah, I like Gizmo abuse too. I don't know whether you've read it, but in one of my previous fics, I had Wolfsbane kick him in the kidneys and smash his head through a wall.
Agent-G- You'll see Clark in his civvies, as well as Superman. Bats will only appear in his 'work clothes.' Do you seriously think that he'll want to see Harley again in his civilian identity after what she glomped him, twice, in Gotham?
Metropolis Art Gallery-
Harley and Ivy were presently inspecting the Metropolis Art Gallery for the upcoming exhibition. They were presently walking hand in hand along one of the gallery corridors.
'Well this is certainly swanky.' Ivy said as she looked around the shiny chrome and plate glass splendour of the gallery. 'You wouldn't get all this in Gotham.'
'I here ya, puddin'.' Harley replied as she gently squeezed her friend's hand. 'Gotham's got that freaky gothic thing goin' on for one.'
'I thought you love living in Gotham.' Ivy said.
'Used to.' Harley replied. 'The rodent problem kinda put a damper on it.'
'Damn straight.' Ivy snickered. 'At least we won't get all that here in Metropolis.'
'Apart from that big blue boy scout.' Ivy replied. 'Although, I can see the pros of that...' She added with a faraway look.
'Okay, I won't have to fight for you, will I?' Ivy replied as she put her hand son her hips in a mock pout. 'Because I'm not big with the butch.'
'Oh, I dunno.' Harley said with a lecherous smile. 'I kinda like the idea of havin' two people fight for my hand.'
'Just your hand?' Ivy replied with an equally lecherous smile as she leant in close
'Now there's the saucy minx that I fell in love with.' Harley said as she leant in also.
They were just about to kiss when somebody cleared their throat behind them. Harley broke away with an 'Eep!' and blushed wildly.
'Can we helped you?' A rather peeved Ivy asked at the newcomers. 'We were kind of busy.'
'Lois Lane, Daily Planet. Care to answer a few questions?'
'That depends what you wanna ask us.' Harley replied with a sceptical expression.
'Just a few questions about your... ahem... art.' Lois replied.
'Uh yeah, sure.' Harley replied, as she looked at Ms Lane's companion, a rather buff man with slicked back hair and rather nerdy glasses. 'Have we met?'
'Uh, I don't think so...' The guy said. 'Clark Kent, also from the Planet.'
'I'm afraid that any questions will have to wait until after the exhibition.' Ivy replied as she looked at her watch.
'Please, just one question.' Lois said as Harley and Ivy began to walk off.
'Sorry puddin'.' Harley replied. 'We have to go, time waits for not artiste.'
Later-
It was time for the exhibition to begin and Harley was waiting backstage along with Ivy.
'Aww nuts, look at all the people out there.' Harley said as she looked through the curtain. 'You won't get that turnout in Gotham.'
'Ungrateful jerks.' Ivy muttered.
'Wish me luck, puddin'.' Harley said nervously.
Ivy stepped forward and planted a kiss on Harley's lips.
'Break a leg, sweetie.'
Harley stepped out through the curtain and started her introduction.
'Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for the turnout. I'm honoured that all you people bothered to turn up to see the kind of crap that I call art. But before I get to my stuff, I'd like to introduce you to my muse. Here she is ladies and gents, the delectable Ivy!'
The curtains were pulled back to reveal Ivy standing there looking rather embarrassed. She raised her hand uncertainly and gave the audience a little wave.
'You wanna do the honours, puddin'?' Harley asked.
'I am going to kill you when we get back to the hotel.' Ivy hissed, only half seriously. She pulled back the cover on Harley's latest masterpiece to reveal it to the audience. It appeared to be a canvas splattered with some kind of cake. There were crumbs and bits of fruit spread over it in a rudimentary shape of a stick figure giving the two-fingered salute.
'May I present to you, 'Exodus in Cheesecake!' First of all, I wanna thank Metropolis Bakery for providing the cheesecake for this piece. Thanks guys, you rule! Any questions?'
As usual, Lois Lane was the first up to ask questions.
'What is it supposed to signify, if anything at all?'
'Well, Lois. As with most of my junk, it doesn't really signify anything.' Harley replied. 'It's just a load of cheesecake splattered on a canvas in the shape of somebody sticking their fingers up.'
'Is it true that you and Ms Isley are together?' Another reporter asked.
'I don't really wanna answer personal questions right now.' Harley replied. 'This is about art, not gossip about my love life.'
'Are you really going legit?' Another reporter asked. 'Is this just a con to get rich quick?'
Harley rolled her eyes at the continuing personal questions.
'Has anybody got any questions that aren't about my personal life or whether I'm legit or not?'
An uncomfortable silence fell over the audience. Somebody even cleared their throat and a random cricket chirped, amplifying the uncomfortable hush.
'Right...' Harley said as she scratched the back of her head. 'Um... Enjoy my stuff!'
And with that, she disappeared backstage with Ivy.
After the show-
Even with the lack of worthwhile questions from the press, Harley decided that her art show was a success and decided to take Ivy out for a meal. Unfortunately, they had taken a wrong turning and became lost.
'Well this is a fine turn of events.' Harley muttered. 'Our first night in Metropolis and we get lost. Just wonderful.'
'Do you know what would make the night even more perfect?' Ivy replied, her voice tinged with sarcasm. 'If Batman followed us and was actually watching us.'
'Well you know what they say about being careful what you wish for.' A voice said above them.
Harley and Ivy both cursed in anger and looked above their heads.
'Well, well, well, what brings you here, Bats?' Harley asked, trying to hide her fear with false bravado.
'Two of Gotham's most wanted women fleeing to Metropolis doesn't exactly go unnoticed.' Batman replied.
'Okay, one thing.' Harley replied as she pointed at the Caped Crusader. 'We didn't flee, this is a sponsored art tour and if you disrupt the schedule, you will be violating out contract and I will be forced to take legal action.'
'And how exactly will you do that?' Batman asked. 'It's not like the courts will admit your case.'
'You don't even know who we have as our lawyer, do you?' Ivy snorted. 'A mutual friend of ours. You might know him.'
'Dent.' Batman replied, as emotional as ever.
'Yup, ol' Two-Face is our lawyer.' Harley said with a proud smile. 'Kinda illogical that he'd still be able to practice law, bein' nuts and all.'
Before there was another word of argument, there was a swoosh of a cape and Superman appeared beside them.
'Is there a problem here ladies?'
'I should think so.' Harley replied. 'Your buddy's hasslin' us for just walking down the street. We're being victimised because of our past.'
'Don't mind Batman.' Superman said with a dismissive wave towards the Dark Knight. 'He's suspicious about everybody, even his fellow Justice Leaguers.'
'I bet that he even keeps files on you guys.' Harley snorted.
'I wouldn't be surprised myself.' Superman replied. 'Now, if I could just escort you two ladies to your destination?'
'We're tryin' to look for the Metropolis Plaza.' Harley replied. 'Any idea where it is?'
'I'll do one better.' Superman replied. 'I'll take you there.'
Harley smiled in thanks as Superman took hold of their hands and lifted them off the ground.
'Hold on tight.' He said. 'We don't want one of Gotham's most notorious artists getting splattered across the sidewalk.'
'Even if some art snob would pay millions to buy that kinda thing.' Harley replied with a snort.
TBC...
Next: The one with the monkey
The next stop on Harley and Ivy's tour is Central City. And who should they bump in to? That's right, the Flash!
