Harley and Ivy
Chapter 6: The One With the Monkey
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to DC.
Shout Outs-
Daryl- I'm glad you liked this, enjoy the update.
Agent-G- Yeah, I liked Hush too. I love Jim Lee's work, especially his X-Men stuff. I don't remember the Riddler saying that. Damn, I guess I'll have to go back and check that out.
The Drewfus- Sorry, no plans for J'onn I'm afraid, I'm done with guest stars for now.
Keystone City-
The stretch limousine containing Harley and Ivy pulled up outside on of Keystone City's more prestigious hotels. The chauffer stepped out of the car to let the passengers out. Unfortunately, the press had got wind of the arrival of the former villains and were fighting to get a picture of them.
'Geez, make a gal feel claustrophobic, why don'cha?' Harley muttered as she linked her arm in Ivy's and walked into the hotel lobby.
The pair's fame had spread pretty much instantly, not because of the pair's more… illegal work that they once did, it was all because of Harley's paintings, everybody was anxious to see to her every wish in hopes of getting a whopping big tip. One such clinger-on was the hotel manager, her ushered Harley over to the reception desk, cutting past several other couples.
'Fame has its perks, huh Red?' Harley asked her companion.
'Can't say I like all these hangers-on.' Ivy sniffed in reply.
'You just give the word and they're gone puddin'.' Harley replied.
'If you would.' Ivy nodded.
Harley turned to the hotel manager and told him to get lost. The hotel manager just sniffed snootily and slunk away.
'Witch.' He muttered.
Harley glared back at him and snatched up a poodle from a nearby woman. Before she could throw the dog at the hotel manager however, Ivy grabbed her hand, preventing her form doing so.
'Cut that out, we don't do stuff like that anymore, remember?'
Harley just muttered under her breath.
'You know what'll cheer you up.' Ivy said as a cheeky smile spread across her face. 'How about a sensuous massage?'
Harley's eyes lit up and an equally cheeky smile spread on her lips.
'Sounds like a plan puddin'.'
Later-
After unpacking their stuff and the scheduled massage session, Harley and Ivy both decided to explore the city. Harley was rather insistent on visiting the Flash Museum, the museum devoted to the legacy of the city's own scarlet speedster, the Flash!
'C'mon Red, you never get this kinda stuff back home.' Harley said as she flicked through the guidebook.
'That's most probably because Batman's got the whole urban myth thing going on.' Ivy replied. 'The day that Batman opens a museum devoted to him and his annoying sidekicks is the day that monkeys fly.'
As if in reply, a rather large gorilla flew across their heads wearing a jet back.
'Looks like your wish has come true, Red.' Harley replied with a snicker.
Ivy wasn't really listening, as she was more concerned with the army of gorillas that were starting to congregate around them.
'Since when did we get transported into Planet of the Apes?' Harley asked. 'Hopefully it ain't the crappy remake with Mark Wahlberg.'
'Umm Harley, I'm not sure now is the right time to be referencing pop culture.' Ivy replied as she looked around fearfully. 'Perhaps we'd better make a hasty retreat.'
'There is no use running human, you are surrounded.' A deep, evil voice said from behind them. Harley and Ivy turned around and saw the fearsome form of Gorilla Grodd standing there. 'This is an invasion and all humans must be crushed.'
Harley looked at her red-haired companion for help. Ivy just winked in reply and Harley saw why her friend was so confident, while Grodd was busy posturing, Ivy had dug her nails into her hand so hard that she had drew blood, said blood then began to trickle to the ground.
'Do you have any last words?' Grodd asked as he signalled his troops to shoot.
'Just one.' Harley replied. 'Cheese it!'
Grodd and his troops looked around dumbfounded as Harley made a break for it with Ivy fast behind her.
'Get them!' He bellowed.
However, before the gorilla troops could even fire one shot, huge vines burst out form the ground and entangled them in their clutches.
'Bah, fools!' Grodd snorted at the worthlessness of his troops. 'I shall crush them myself!'
Several yards away-
Harley and Ivy ducked into an alley to catch their breath.
'Where the hell's the Flash?' Harley panted. 'This is his city; he should damn well be protecting it. You wouldn't get this crap in Gotham I can tell you.'
'Uhh, Harley…' Ivy replied. 'Less talking, more running.'
Harley spun around and saw Grodd charging before them. She snatched up a garbage lid and swung it at the gorilla with reckless abandon.
'Ha, that could not possibly hurt me!' Grodd snorted. 'I mere garbage lid to the head cannot harm me!'
'Who said I was gonna hit you on the head?' Harley replied as she threw it like a discus, hitting him in the groin.
Grodd let out a bellow of pain and fell to his knees.
'You shall pay for that woman!' He hissed.
Harley was about to reply when she clutched her head with pain.
'I am no mere gorilla.' Grodd said as he tapped his temples. 'I am sure that your brain leaking out of your nose can attest to that.'
'Get your stinking mind powers off her, you damn dirty ape!' The Flash said as he zipped forward and punched Grodd squarely on the chin.
'Curse you Flash!' Grodd bellowed. 'I'll tear out your heart and fashion a crown form you intestines!'
'Ivy, you wanna take care of this?' Flash asked as he turned to the redhead.
Ivy just shrugged and placed her bloody hand onto a nearby weed. Ivy's hybrid blood caused the lowly weed to mutate into more killer vines, which whipped around Grodd and bound him to the wall.
'These plants cannot harm me, I am Grodd!'
'Flash is right, you do talk too much.' Ivy said. 'Perhaps my pet should put you to sleep now.'
Right on call, a pink flower sprouted form the vine, unfurled and sprayed pollen into Grodd's face, knocking him out.'
'And you couldn't just kiss him?' Flash asked curiously. 'It woulda been less fuss.'
'No thankyou.' Ivy replied as she helped Harley up. 'I do have some standards you know. Where were you anyway?'
'Tidal wave in Florida.' Flash replied. 'Got here as fast as I could.'
'Well, thanks anyway.' Ivy replied. 'I'm sure that Harley would thank you as well but she's… rather indisposed at the moment. Perhaps there is someway we could repay you.'
A lecherous smile spread on the Flash's face as he got an idea.
'No, we're not going to make out for you.' Ivy said with a roll of her eyes.
'Aww man…' Flash groaned. 'I guess I'll have to settle for free tickets to your art show, my girlfriend's kinda hoping to go see it.'
'We'll see what we can do.' Ivy replied. 'Shall I make them out to the Flash or…?'
'Just send them to the Keystone Gazette, my girlfriend's a reporter there, she'll know who they're from.'
Ivy just nodded and made a mental note to scrounge up some free tickets.
Once the Flash had bidden them goodbye, something unusual struck Ivy.
'What's up with superheroes having reporter girlfriends?'
TBC…
Next: The One With the Bat
With the art tour over, Harley and Ivy head back home to Gotham. First things first though, they have to buy a new home. The house that they do buy seems fine enough except, there's something rather nasty living in the basement.
