Harley and Ivy
Chapter 7: The One With The Bat
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to DC.
Shout Outs-
Showstopper- You're right, what's up with superheroes and reporter girlfriends? Is there some kind of unwritten law? Yup, Man-Bat is the thing in the basement.
Daveykins- Yup, Harley and Ivy are awfully cute together, aren't they?
Agent-G- So be honest I don't have all that much experience with Grodd in the animated universe, I mostly know him form the comics universe. You can bet that certain people will want to see Harley and Ivy. CoughJokercough.
Harley and Ivy's old apartment-
Harley and Ivy had just arrived home from the last leg of their art tour and looked around their old apartment.
'Y'know puddin', this place looks kinda crappy after all the swanky hotels we stayed in.' Harley sniffed.
'I'll let you know that I bought this apartment all by myself.' Ivy replied, somewhat hurt. 'With clean money might I add.'
'I'm not saying that I don't like it here…' Harley said as she gave her friend a quick hug. 'It's just that… Don't you think it's about time we moved somewhere else? This area isn't all that safe y'know.'
'What part of Gotham is safe?' Ivy replied wryly.
'Touché.' Harley nodded as she threw her suitcase into the bedroom. 'But what do you say we go reacquaint ourselves with the bed, huh?'
Ivy chuckled softly at her friend's lecherous expression.
'You're shameless, you know that?'
'Don't pretend you don't love that, puddin'.' Harley winked as she sauntered into the bedroom. Ivy just shook her head good-naturedly and followed her lover into the bedroom.
The next morning-
After a quick bout of smoochies, Harley convinced Ivy to come house shopping. Most of the houses seemed like complete piles of crap, even those in the more classy parts of the city.
'What is it with houses in Gotham?' Harley thought out loud. 'I swear, it's a conspiracy with the damn realtors and the building contactors.'
'Yes dear, that's exactly the case.' Ivy sighed as she drove up the driveway of their last prospective home.
Harley's eyes lit up as she saw the size of the place.
'Great Zombie Jesus!' (1) Harley gasped. 'This place is frickin' huge!'
Ivy stopped the car and the pair stepped out and looked up at the foreboding structure.
'Geez, this place looks like something the Addams Family would use as their summer home.' Harley said as she looked at the huge spires on the roof. 'Kinda groovy, in a scary, gothic kinda way…'
'I just hope that it has room for a greenhouse.' Ivy replied. 'Those last few places hardly had enough plant space to swing a Batman.'
'Wishful thinking puddin'.' Harley said as she walked inside.
As the pair walked in, they were met by the realtor people and were shown around. All in all, the place seemed pretty homey, if a little spooky. But that's what you got when you went shopping for houses in Gotham City; it was buy gothic or nothing.
Later-
Harley and Ivy had signed all the necessary paperwork and were moving all their stuff in.
'Nice of our friends to help us.' Harley sniffed as she lugged a heavy case through the door. 'They're nothing but a bunch of lazy schmucks.'
'To be fair, all our friends are nuts and locked up in Arkham.' Ivy replied.
'Buncha frickin' free-loaders if you ask me.' Harley sniffed.
Ivy carried her plants into the large greenhouse out the back and began to arrange them about the room. She had just placed a hybrid rose/Venus flytrap plant beside the window when she heard something scratching inside the room.
'Harley, is that you?' Ivy called, but nobody answered. 'Hunh, must be hearing things.' She shrugged.
Later that night-
Harley and Ivy were lying in bed together. Harley was fast asleep, snoring so loud that it could wake the dead while Ivy was still awake, she kept on hearing the mysterious scratching sound.
'Harley, wake up.' Ivy said as she shook Harley awake. 'I keep on hearing that freaky scratching sound.'
'Hmm, don' wanna go to school today…' Harley murmured.
'Harley, wake up!' Ivy said as she shook Harley a bit more.
'The sea monkeys have my money…' (2)
Ivy just groaned out loud and flung the sheets from the bed. Harley fidgeted uncomfortably in the cold air.
'Meanie…' Harley muttered as she burrowed her face in the pillow.
'C'mon, I'm going to investigate.' Ivy said as she threw on a robe.
'S'probably nothing.' Harley sniffed as she begrudgingly got up out of bed and threw on her robe. 'Just the trees outside.'
'But there aren't any trees near the house.' Ivy replied. 'The only trees that we have are by the front gate.'
'It had better be something.' Harley growled as she put on some fluffy bunny slippers. 'I was having a dream about you, Batgirl and a vat of strawberry ice-cream.'
'Perverted fantasies can wait, my Spider-Sense is tingling.' Ivy said as she grabbed a torch and walked out of the room.
Later-
Much to Harley's consternation, their search had become pretty unfruitful. That was until the reached the basement.
'Okay, this is getting boring.' Harley sighed as she followed Ivy down the steps. 'I got kinky fantasies to get back to, y'know.'
Ivy just ignored her friend's comments and looked around the basement, illuminating her way with the torch. Then, she suddenly stopped as she stepped in something unpleasant.
'Oh God, what now?' Ivy muttered as she looked at her foot. The sole of her foot was smeared with some kind of brown substance. 'Oh great, I just trod in some guano.'
'Why would we have bat poop in our basement?' Harley asked as she looked at her friend's poop-covered foot. 'You don't think we've got bats, do you?'
'It'll be just our luck.' Ivy sniffed as she scraped the poop off her foot. 'They've most probably got themselves some feathered sidekicks too.'
Ivy looked above her head and shone the torch at the ceiling; there was indeed a small colony of bats nesting on the basement ceiling. That wasn't what freaked her out however; it was the rather large creature that was surrounded by the smaller creatures.
'Don't move…' Ivy hissed. 'He'll be pissed if he wakes up.'
Ivy turned and saw that Harley was armed with a small stick and was poking at the large bat creature.
'Aww, he's so cute!' Harley cooed. 'Cane we keep him? Huh, can we?'
Ivy sighed reluctantly.
'You're cleaning up after him, and you're the one that gets to feed him.'
Harley gave a little squeal of glee and grabbed Ivy in a huge hug.
'Oh wow, thanks Red! You're the coolest! I shall call him Squishie and he shall be my Squishie and Squishie shall love me!' (3)
Unfortunately, Harley's squeal of joy had awoken the bat creature and it hissed in anger at being woken form its slumber.
'Uh… Nice Squishie?' Harley asked innocently.
TBC...
Next: The One With The Clown
You knew that it would be only a matter of time until I got to this, the return of the Joker! 'Nuff said!
Notes-
(1)- Gratuitous Futurama reference. I believe it was Professor Farnswarth that said this.
(2)- Finding Nemo reference. Dory said it while she was sleeping.
(3)- Another Finding Nemo reference. Squishie was the name of the baby jellyfish that Dory found.
