Who liked waiting? As impatient as we are we are always waiting for something, whether it's waiting for our coffee in the morning or waiting for your dry cleaning. We wait. Most people don't realize it but every now and again some one will realize- Hey why are waiting? There were also different kinds of waiting. The first you didn't even realize you were doing like cooking supper or reading waiting for the chapter to be over. No one seems to care about this one although people do get impatient we still have to wait. The second wait is good like waiting to see what you got for Christmas or a birthday, filled with excitement and anticipation seeing if you got what you wanted. But what happens if you have no one to receive presents? She'd been like that for several years only receiving a few Christmas cards from the people she worked with and the seldom time that Lettie had remembered a holiday. The third type of waiting is the worst. The results could be life altering and you are powerless to stop it. You can't change destiny. But could you tempt fate?
Have you ever been in a roomful of people and yet they seemed a whole world away?
You could see everything but you couldn't hear anything they were saying? What would you call that? An out of body experience? Is there really a word to describe what she was feeling?
It was weird how a tragedy brought people together; everyone was actually being nice to her and offering her things. She didn't want food or water what she wanted was too feel safe his arms tucked around her. Telling her how much he loved her and the life they were bringing into this world. She feared she would never have that again.
She didn't know if she was the first who realized it when the doctor walked in or they were letting her get the information they feared and hoped for. She also didn't know why the doctor came directly to her not stopping and asking whom his wife was. He stopped in front of her and she stood up, she had to prop her self-getting up, the chairs were deep and she wasn't exactly what she used to be.
"Could we speak outside for a moment?" She tried to read his eyes to see if they held what she hoped for. She couldn't they were emotionless; she guessed you had to be if you were a doctor seeing things no one wanted to. He helped her out the door. This was often where they tell the family he was sorry but he did everything he could but they lost him.
Here she was again waiting. Why wouldn't he just say it?
"We did everything we could but he failed to remain conscious"
She didn't understand was he dead?
"When the debris fell on him he broke a rib and it punctured his lung"
"It's touch and go at the moment for the next twenty-four hours"
"What are the chances that he will make it?" She held back the tears now not the time.
"50-50" He wouldn't look at her again, maybe he felt what she was feeling. How could medicine not help him? It helped her why not him? He knew she wanted answers but he couldn't give them to her. He did however hand her a manila envelope, his personal affects. The awkward silence had set in. Both were spared by his name being called over the PA. He said he was sorry and left.
It was up to her to let everyone know how he was going to be. She put on her battle face the best she could. She prayed they couldn't see through the face how much she hurt inside. She took a deep breath as she went inside.
All eyes were on her as went in. This was harder than she thought it would be. She tried very hard to swallow the lump that had just magically appeared. Her voice came out shaky as she tried her hardest to keep the tears at bay.
"He's in a coma" was all she could say before the tears spilled down her face. She didn't say anymore she left, the need to be alone overwhelming her. No one questioned her or where she was going as if sense the need for her to be alone.
She thought it was funny how one spot can make you remember so much. It looked just the same as it had been years ago. During her chemo treatment she came her and sat just thinking about everything. Why would she come here if it only brought pain? Because he had been with her. It was the day they had first been together both comforting each other in the only way they knew how.
This was the best time as any; she sat in her usual spot leaning against the wall. How many other people had sat there suffering from pain and heartache. She didn't want to but her hands had other ideas they slowly opened the envelope, could he really be put into one little envelope? She took one piece out at a time.
First came his wallet. He would actually rank in the less than one percent of people who actually look good in their license. This was his and she would respect his privacy she closed it back up and sat it beside her. His badge came next, the thing was still shiny, her fingers traced over the numbers. Had it only been hours since the explosion? She put it aside just like she had with his wallet. Her fingers warmed the cold ring as she took it out. She stared at it not knowing what to do with it, she felt like the right thing to do was to keep it on her so she placed it on her thumb it was a little big but it stayed. She looked into envelope seeing if there was anything else, it didn't feel like it.
She choked back a sob as she saw why the doctor had come to her and not asked.
It was a worn picture of her.
