Harley and Ivy
Chapter 9: The One With The Ass-Kicking
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to DC.
Shout Outs-
Daryl- Oh yeah, you can bet the Joker will get a whuppin'.
The Drewfus- Hurray for Bats! Woo!
Agent-G- You're not all that far away for your description of a pre-Joker Harley. She was indeed a cute doctor. As for what the Joker does to Harley, you'll just have to wait and see…
The streets of Gotham-
The mood inside the Batmobile was a sombre one, not that the mood there was ever known to by a good one. Batman concentrated on the road as Ivy planned how she could best pay the Joker back for hurting Harley.
Ivy was the first one to break the silence.
'Are you going to tell me where the Joker's holed up or are you planning to make me guess?'
'I have several ideas where the Joker may be hiding.' Batman replied. 'My first guess is in the old Wacky Land toy warehouse.'
'You'd better hope that you're right.' Ivy muttered.
'Ivy, I…'
'Save it.' Ivy sighed. 'I don't need your sympathy. It won't get us any further in finding Harley so don't.'
Batman chose to shut up and turned back to driving.
Wacky Land Toy Warehouse-
Harley was still tied to a chair with the Joker standing before her. Harley was a little worse for ware as the Joker had decided to partake in a little bit of torture before he did away with his former side-kick.
'Now, we've already took care of pointy and cold. We've still got hot, and blunt left.' The Joker said. 'Any preferences?'
'Kiss my a…'
'Tut tut, Harl.' The Joker tutted as he placed a hand over Harley's mouth. 'There are women and children present.'
Harley's eyes widened in shock as she saw an obviously dead woman and child lying on the floor towards the other end of the warehouse.
'You're sick!' Harley hissed.
'It always used to turn you on.' The Joker shrugged. 'I guess all that red-hot lesbo action took up all your time, huh?'
Harley snarled and let of a stream of explicit curse words at her ex.
The Joker just sighed and shook his head.
'If you're going to carry on cussing up a storm like that, I'm afraid that I'll have to punish you.'
'Give it your best shot!' Harley hissed. 'You're such a badass that you had to tie me up to stand a chance against me.'
'You women are all the same.' The Joker sighed. 'You never know when to SHUT THE HELL UP!'
Harley wasn't even phased one bit as the Joker brandished a flick-knife in front of her face. As a matter of fact, she had an evil grin on her face. Unseen by the Joker, she was carefully cutting away at her ropes with a discarded piece of glass from the pointy section of her torture.
'What's so funny?' The Joker asked.
'You're bleeding.' Harley replied nonchalantly.
The Joker just blinked in confusion.
'I'm not bleeding…'
Harley leapt up out of her chair and dealt the Joker a vicious head butt to his nose, breaking t with a nasty crack and creating a nasty jet of blood to spurt out.
'You are now, puddin'.' Harley hissed.
'Oh you are so going to die for that!' The Joker growled as he held his broken nose.
Harley just sneered back at him.
'Let's see how much of a badass you are when your victims aren't tied up, eh Mistah J?'
The Joker just charged at Harley with a vicious battle cry. Harley was ready for him and used The Joker's own momentum against him and sent him crashing into a wall.
'Not so tough now are ya?' Harley yelled as she savagely kicked the Joker in the ribs. 'Huh? You gonna answer me or what? C'mon! Be a big man and hit me back!'
Harley went to kick the Joker in the ribs again but he stabbed her in the leg with his flick-knife. Harley let out a yell of pain and the Joker leapt on her and grabbed her around the throat, throttling the life out of her.
'Not so cocky now, are we Harley?' The Joker taunted. 'C'mon Little Miss Big-Shot, get out of this one!'
'Well you did ask.' Harley gurgled.
The Joker's eyes shot wide open as Harley gave him a swift kick to the groin.
'Ooh! That's not fair!' The Joker winced. 'Low blow. But that won't stop me form using… this!'
The Joker whipped out a gun and pointed it at Harley.
He never got a chance to use it however as something burst form the ground below him.
'Get the Hell away form her!' Ivy yelled.
'Don't you people ever stay dead?' The Joker sighed. 'Oh well, more people to kill I guess.'
'Not today, Joker!'
'Aww fer crying out loud!' The Joker groaned. 'Not the flying rat as well!'
'The one and the same.' Batman replied.
'I guess this makes it a hat-trick.' The Joker snickered.
Harley noticed the Joker put a hand under his jacket to reach for something. She dived for the Joker's discarded gun.
'Don't even think of it!' Harley bellowed as she pointed the gun at the Joker.
'I was only gonna grab my hankie.' The Joker replied. 'My nose is bleeding quite a lot you know.'
As if to show his point, the Joker pulled out a knotted a white handkerchief. That was tied to a yellow one, and a blue one, and a red one...
Finally, the Joker got to the end of his hankie chain. At the end of the chain was… a grenade!
'Wanna see who's fastest?' The Joker asked. 'Me pulling out the pin, Batsy here, the bullet or Plant Gal's li'l pets?'
BLAM!
The Joker let out a scream of pain as Harley shot him in the knee, making him drop the grenade, which landed harmlessly on the floor.
'I guess that answered your question.' Harley replied as she threw the gun away. 'I'm through with you Joker. If you ever hurt my friends again, the next bullet will be in your brain, we clear?'
The Joker didn't reply, as he was too busy cradling his bloody knee.
'Owie, owie, owie!'
'There was no need to resort to deadly force.' Batman said as he cuffed the Joker. 'There were other ways to disarm him.'
'Oh spare us the crap, Batman.' Ivy groaned. 'The cops use deadly force every day and I don't see you bothering them. Are you going to take us in now?'
Batman sighed reluctantly and shook his head.
'No, you're free to go.' He replied. 'Don't make a habit of this.'
'Don't worry, we won't.' Harley replied. 'I'd be glad if I didn't ever see your face again after this.'
Something then clicked in Batman's memory.
'Superman told me to give you this.' He said as he held out a card.
'Oh, so you're taking orders form the Big Blue now?' Haley snorted. 'That's not your style.'
'Harley, it's an invitation to join the Justice League.' Ivy said as she looked at the card.
'Say what?' Harley replied. 'You can't be serious!'
Ivy just passed Harley the card so she could look it over.
'Holy crap!' Harley gasped. 'You're serious!'
'We could use somewhere to stay until the mansion is rebuilt.' Ivy said. 'I say we go for it.'
'Meh, what the Hell?' Harley shrugged. 'We should be safe form the freaks like him for a while.'
'Did you mean the Joker or Batman?' Ivy asked.
'Both.' Harley replied.
TBC…
Next: The One With The Justice League.
Harley and Ivy stay at the Justice League Watchtower until their mansion is rebuilt. Will they get on well with Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and co? You'll just have to wait and see…
