This couple doesn't get enough love. So yes, rated..lets say PG for shounen-ai. I'm not sure if this is a short one shot or the beginning of something bigger.
"Why do you continue to bother with that?"
Eyes left the page for a moment to glance out into the real world, to meet other iris as cold and clear as ice. "What do you mean?" He held the other's gaze before it fell and his own returned to the black words on a page. He could hear the soft, empty sound of Marco's head resting against the ship's steel wall.
"I've seen you read that book countless times, and it looks like you're only reading that certain section near the end of it again. Why?" A gloveless finger adjusted his glasses, his eyes closing as he took the rare moment of the day to actually clear his mind and relax.
Tearing his gaze from the pages once again, Lyserg gave a lazy shrug. "I don't know if I have a real reason for it." He smiled absently and turned the book for a moment to admire the cover and it's torn, dog-eared edges. The book was older than he was, and he had had it for as long as he could remember. It was like... "..comfort." The thought continued itself aloud.
The man looked over again, brushing flaxen hair from his face to get a clearer look at the boy. "What?"
"It's like comfort." Lyserg smiled again; his odd, sad little smile. He did that so often. "It reminds me of home⦠and my family." The words clearly upset him, but his smile remained just the same. "I know this book by heart, but I never get bored of reading it." He opened it again to a spot he could find without any marker. "My mother would read this paragraph to me before I'd go to bed almost every night. I my mind just began to make a connection with the words and sleep, to the point where even to this day, I have trouble staying awake. But it also reminds me of her." He looked up suddenly, almost afraid. "I can't forget. Without the memories of them... I'm empty." He eyes lowered again as he closed the book and ran his fingers over the spine. "I'm not complete."
Complete.
A word not unfamiliar to Marco, but a feeling that was foreign all the same. He had found plenty of what he searched for with the X-Laws...revenge...justice...purpose...but completion? No, he had yet to find that. He understood the emptiness Lyserg spoke of with stunning depth; so much is almost made something inside him ache. But no, not even pain. A dullness...a hollow, dull echo of pain he should have felt at the realization of his lack of fullness.
He fought for what he believed in, had felt plenty of sorrow, had sacrificed, won and lost. What was missing? It could have only been happiness, but he knew that his life and future would not be one of easy love or joy. And yet, Lyserg could still smile, even through his pain, for he had a memory of a time when he was, truly, happy. But the boy was also stronger than him, and could keep living, even with the constant reminder of his loss. Marco had shielded himself from his past, made himself look forward with bitter indifference. He was a follower and servant of Jeanne-sama now, and whoever he was before didn't matter and was officially dead.
Still, the empty feeling would not be shaken.
"How do you do it?" Lyserg whispered so quietly Marco barely heard him. He looked up, his eyes already wet even if his cheeks were not. "How do you forget the hurt?" Apparently they had been on the same wave length without knowing it.
"You don't." The Italian stood and joined the boy's side. It had been a long time since he felt it fitting to hold him, but he did not mind opening his arms to comfort his partner when he was frail like this. "It will never go away...one just learns to accept it until a stronger wall is built in front of it." It was a lie, for he had forgotten his pain. But it was useless to tell the other that, for he still had no idea how he had done it.
"I don't want to live Marco. So often I just want to end everything and give up." He broke down further, his voice choked. He feared being punished for giving into his feelings and weakness so easily, but it was such a dim thought at the moment that he didn't stop. He rested his head against Marco's chest, his fingers gripping the material of the other man's shirt.
"But you cannot Lyserg." Marco's voice softened unexpectedly, and he lifted his chin, meeting his eyes. "You have a purpose now, here with us. We need you." Flashes of Meene, Cebin and Venistar tore though his mind without notice. The memories burned like fire. "...Lord do we need you..." His own gaze wavered as he looked to the side, closing his eyes as he pushed down the pain of losing 3 of his teammates, his partners, his friends. He thought he had dealt with this already...he thought he had won over the agony.
"Marco-san...?"
The worried, broke tone brought him back to look at Lyserg again. He was still upset, but his eyes showed more concern then sadness for the moment. He managed to smile softly, wiping the boy's left cheek with his thumb. "Can you live for us?"
"I'm not strong." Was all he could manage as he looked down again. The words, although still filled with tears, were spat out with hatred and self-loathing. He looked up again when Marco's touch beckoned him to do so.
"Then let us be your strength." A simple phrase, spoke directly and without much emotion, but Lyserg could see the inner feelings behind it. Marco was offering himself as a stand, a support...something, anything, for Lyserg to lean on. "Could that help?" His green eyes widened slightly as he fought take in the new strength given as best he could. Marco was always so...strict and apparently heartless, and even that was a clear understatement. He hoped the man meant this.
As he nodded, Lyserg leaned in close again, closing his eyes. All his devotion to the X-laws could not have been constructed from respect and idolism alone. But with Marco...something else was there and it pulled at him hard now. The closeness and the security he was feeling pulsed within him to the rhythm of the other's heart. Within time, that heart would be destroyed and reconstructed...so it was fortunate Lyserg acted when he did.
It took no more than a second for him to jerk back when Lyserg's lips brushed his own. Marco's eyes widened slightly as his hands held the boy by his upper arms. He voice wasn't angry, but didn't take on a pleasant tone. "What are you doing?"
Clearly Lyserg hadn't caught the action in time, and had surprised himself as well. Then, his expression twisted to one of fear, no, complete and utter panic. What had he done? He eyes closed and he broke down again in record time. Frightened, rushed apologizes escaped his lips as he begged for forgiveness. But Marco knew that what he did had meaning and was not just a simple slip. And although surprised, Marco still was not angry. His grip eased and he covered the boy's lips with two fingers. Lyserg hiccupped as he opened his eyes and tried to slow his breathing.
"I don't want to be alone..." He whispered hoarsely, pressing to the other man's chest again when the loss of Marco's grip allowed him to. "I'm sorry...please just hold me again. We can pretend it didn't happen Marco-san." He almost cried again when he felt the man's arms curl around him, and tried to thank him... but the words caught in his throat.
As Marco closed his eyes and leaned back, he held Lyserg gently against him. He did as suggested, and pretended the prior had not happened, yet this thoughts swirled. And something else...a strange warmth. As the other started to calm, Marco realized his fears and pleas could, in someway, mimick his own. Perhaps the emptiness in him was in direct relation to his solitude. He was sure he had come to that conclusion before, but likely threw it away when he knew that solitude was the only option he had. Could Lyserg be what he needed to be complete..or would the closeness of the two even become a reality? This shield stood in the way again. He had considered the other X-laws friends, and the pain was already deep at losing them, no matter how well he hid it. If Lyserg did mean more to him than a partner, then how would he possibly handle losing him?
The answer was simple.
When Lyserg looked up again, Marco pulled him closer, returning the feather light kiss that had happened only minutes earlier. The surprise was short lived, and it was returned within seconds.
He would protect him.
snaps for Prisma, since there exists not enough MarcoLys ANYTHING. is so your seme bitch If inspiration comes to me, I will add Chapters to this.
