Summary: Burke's thoughts during "Save Me". One of my better ones.CristinaBurke
Author's Note: My third (?) Cristina/Burke, 5th Grey's Anatomy. I love this show, it's my obsession.
I went looking for her again today. Damn me and my weakness. I found her in her usual spot, but something was strange today. She wasn't lying there with her eyes closed, but sitting ramrod straight on the bottom bunk, staringcruelly at the wall. Apparently she thought I didn't see her, because the moment she noticed me, she moved to lay down, and it wasn't for the usual reasons she lies down around me.
"If you think you're going to get any, think again."
Well, well. Aren't we a little bitter today, Miss Cristina?
"I'm not in the mood."
That's understandable I suppose, she'd just gotten over the flu. And quite honestly, I had other issues to deal with. I told her so.
"I'm not in the mood either."
"Good."
She was staring off into the space above the bunk she was laying on. Something was bothering her, although I couldn't be sure. She's so hard to read.
"What do you want?"
Her question barely registered, I was too busy trying to figure her out, trying to think of something to say to her that had any significance whatsoever. I wanted to tell her that I'd love to see her away from the hospital, away from the illness, the disinfectant, the prying eyes of nurses and interns. I wanted to tell her that so bad...
"Nothing. I just haven't seen you all day."
Apparently that was as close as I was going to get for right now.
She didn't reply right away, but when she did it was with a sigh. I blew it.
"So. I'm working."
She didn't want to talk about her, that much I could tell. Today seemed to be my day for insecurities. I couldn't tell her that I wanted to spend time with, nor could I tell her that she looked gorgeous. Or that...
This is pointless. I can't do this right now. I should e thinking about this surgery. Damn it, yes, today was definitely my day for being unsure of myself. I bit my lip, debating what to say.
"I've never done a bovine replacement surgery before."
She shifted. Uninterested, maybe? She had her own issues to deal with I suppose, but I couldn't help it. She made everything make sense. Even when she didn't make any sense herself. Does that make sense?
"I don't know what I'm doing." I told her.
"Look it up, research it and get someone to assist you."
She said it like it was nothing. Like it took no thinking at all. But, you see, I'm not one of those people who asks for help. I'm not someone who admits that I'm unsure, insecure. Like the whole towel incident.
"It's not that easy."
She sat up pretty quickly right then.
"This is a problem that has a solution, Burke." she said it harshly, like whatever she was dealing with was one thousand times more important. Like she was the one facing a huge decision. Achallenging, arguabletask. And the possibility of a terrible fallout. "There are a lot of problems that don't."
She had this look on her face that scared me a bit. There's another emotion I wasn't familiar with fear. Timidity. Secrecy. Confusion. This woman was turning my life on its ear.
Author's Note: Ehh...not thrilled. But apparently I never am. Flames will be used to feed the psychotic Grey's Anatomy one-shot fire that will burn all summer long. Leave a review because I love when you guys do. Will stay a one shot unless otherwise requested.
Excuse the typos in my stories. I neglect to send things to a beta of any sort. I just wanted to put my stories up. :)
