Chapter Six: Truth That Hurts
"Ginny. Ginny, are you all right?" I heard Hermione's soft voice speak from behind my dorm room door.
"I'm fine Hermione. Just leave me alone."
"You're not all right. I could hear you crying from down the hallway for the last half hour."
She was right. I wasn't okay. But she was wrong about crying for the last half hour. It was more like a good portion of the day. There were moments during the last week or so where I was just fine. I would stop crying, go downstairs, and be able to stand being around other people, but that would never last. The mere mention of the Quidditch final would flood me with thoughts of Michael with that tart, and it would just send me into another depression. Then I would have to run back up to my room and mope to myself.
"Come on, Ginny, you have to be at least hungry," she pleaded. Then, with a slight teasing in her voice she said, "I have a plate of food from the kitchens for you. I know you have to be hungry, Ginny. No one has seen you since before breakfast."
Well, I couldn't deny that I was quite a bit hungry. Okay, a lot hungry. "Come in," I said, dully.
Hermione pushed the door with her elbow and walked into my room, carrying a tray with some beef stew and bread, a few pieces of fruit and some pumpkin juice to wash it down with. I was hesitant at first, just sitting there, as she silently watched me eat; it didn't take long for me to ignore her almost completely as I wolfed down my supper.
She waited until I was nearly done before she spoke again. "Well, now that you've calmed down a bit, why don't you tell me what has happened that has made you so upset lately."
I took another bite of bread. "It was awful, just awful," I said, pausing for a moment to swallow. "Michael and I got into a fight after the Quidditch final."
"About what?"
"Cho Chang," I sighed, grabbing the glass of pumpkin juice to keep myself preoccupied so I wouldn't cry again. "I think he's beginning to fall for her. What is it with guys and her, anyway?"
Hermione nodded her head and sighed. "I figured as much. It seemed rather obvious, with the way you had been acting after the match. So, did you try talking to him about it?"
"Of course. However, he's such a liar; he denied everything. I was so angry. I just ended up walking away. I couldn't deal with it. I can't believe he would do this to me! It's just so immature!" I took another swig of pumpkin juice, but I nearly spat it all over the bed after what I heard next.
"Ginny, if anyone is being immature, it's you."
Bloody hell, did I just hear my best friend correctly? Immature? Me? Now I know she didn't say that! I think the stress of studying for the O.W.L.S. is finally getting to her at last.
"Hermione!" I snapped. I could feel the tears beginning to well up again in anger. "How could you say that? Are you saying that you're on his side?"
Cocking her head to the side with her usual stern look, Hermione defended herself. "No, of course not. But it also sounds like you don't have the whole story either. I'm surprised at you, Ginny. You're much more sensible than this. You know that nothing good comes from miscommunication–believe me, I know this firsthand."
What she had been referring to was a no-brainer. Hermione and Ron had been studying more than any witch or wizard should for the O.W.L.S. lately. For once, they weren't biting each other's head off. In fact, they were actually enjoying each other's company. All that studying seemed excessive, even for Hermione, and especially for Ron, who could hardly sit down to study for anything as it was. But, neither seemed to mind it too much. In fact, now that I thought about it, they had been practically inseparable since the Quidditch final. Even before the match, whenever I asked either one of them about it, they both said they were helping each other study. Studying? HA! The only studying that had been going on there was of each other.
"But Hermione…"
Hermione pulled out a handkerchief and dried my already moistening eyes. "No buts, Ginny. Now I want you to finish you supper, clean yourself up, and come downstairs to relax a while. Tomorrow, you can talk to Michael tomorrow after the O.W.L.S.—sensibly this time. Give him the respect that he deserves. I think you will be surprised by the outcome."
I nodded in agreement. Oddly enough, Hermione did make sense. I should have listened to Michael. Though it might be the end of us, I couldn't just let it end in this manner. I needed to talk this out with him. He deserved that just as much as I did. Besides, the peculiar look in Hermione's eye, an almost frantic twitch, gave me the distinct impression that because it was so close to the end of the O.W.L.S., she might have hexed me out of nervousness if I hadn't said yes.
Without another word, she pulled me off the bed and shoved me towards the loo.
It took me all morning and a good part of the afternoon before I could finally face Michael again. Having been able to leave Charms class early, I waited for him to finish his History of Magic exam. I paced nervously back and forth in the foyer in front of the Great Hall, desperately trying to figure out what to say to him.
I looked at the clock on the nearby wall. Nearly four o'clock. The exams would be finishing, and, soon enough, I would face him. Oh, bloody hell! What am I going to say to him?
Suddenly, the doors to the Great Hall burst open with an old wizard carrying out someone I didn't expect -- Harry.
Jumping behind the railing of the marble staircase that led upstairs, I listened closely to the conversation. Harry, who looked absolutely horrible with sweat dripping from his brow and his hair in more disarray than usual, appeared to have passed out during the O.W.L.S., and was now trying to convince the professor that he was fine. However, as the man went back inside the Great Hall, Harry suddenly leapt up the stairs.
What was that all about? I wonder if Harry's okay. Perhaps I should go after him. What am I saying? I'm here to see Michael, not run like an idiot after Harry Potter! Focus, Weasley! Michael is in the Great Hall . . . perhaps he knows what happened to him–
The bell suddenly rang, and the doors to the Great Hall opened, along with the doors of all the other classes around me. A flood of students rushed into the hall, and I almost had to shove my way through the crowd just to find Michael. I noticed Hermione and Ron coming out as well, and as I waived to her and my brother, she regarded me, nodding her head towards the hall, and giving me a wink of good luck.
I walked into the hall. There were a few students left handing in their exams. Neville Longbottom, a friend since my first year, was at the desk, looking rather reluctant to hand over his exam. The professor I had seen earlier with Harry was standing over him pointing at the hourglass at the front of the hall.
Smiling inwardly at Neville, I glanced around the room. Cho Chang was standing in front of one of the desks, packing away her ink and quill. She moved aside, revealing Michael in the desk, talking up to her enthusiastically.
I stood there, paralyzed for a moment, staring blankly at the couple, until Michael stopped suddenly, noticing me standing there. He spoke a few more words to Cho and she turned around and made for the door, walking briskly past me. I was so nervous; my stomach felt like it was full of Doxys, and my legs felt like someone had cursed me with "jelly legs". If Cho had been petty enough to brush by me hard as she passed me, I would have surely fallen over.
"Can I speak with you for a moment, Michael?" I asked meekly.
"Why, come to find out what happened to Potter?" Michael spat back indignantly. "To tell you the truth, I don't know what happened to him—or care for that matter." I looked at him blankly, waiting for the next blow, but his face softened a moment. "Look, I don't want to fight with you anymore, Gin. Now if you'll excuse me, my friend is waiting for me in the courtyard." He walked past me out of the hall, and I followed him into the foyer.
Now what do you suppose he meant about Harry? What on earth does he have to do with anything? My temper flared, and I began to clench my teeth in anger. "I didn't come here to fight with you," I said, making it sound more like a hiss than I'd meant it to. "I just wanted to say…"
"No, Ginny. There is nothing more that you can say to me -- no more than what's already been said. Now please, Cho is waiting for me."
"The world does not revolve around Cho Chang!"
"Well it doesn't revolve around Harry Potter either!"
What? Revolve around Harry? "Michael, what are you talking about?"
"I know, Ginny. As I think about it really, I've always known. I see it every time you look at him. It's written all over your face."
I paused a moment to let his words sink in. And slowly, I felt my face begin to heat up. Michael continued as the blush spread across my face.
"I thought it was just the remnants of an old crush," he began as I looked at him in astonishment. "Yes, I knew about that. I remember what happened to you our first year, and I don't doubt that it caused you to have certain feelings about him. I thought that if I loved you enough, you would get over it. But even now you are thinking of him."
Not knowing what else to do, I tried to save face. "Michael, how can you say that? Harry is ancient history!"
"It's quite obvious to me how you feel about him, Ginny. In fact, it's quite obvious to everyone, except you and Potter. You love him."
"I do not," I said in vain. You don't know how I feel. How could you possibly know what I feel?
"Yes you do. And don't try to play it off," Michael said, looking right through me with eyes squinted in anger. "Look Ginny, let's be honest with each other for once. Yes, maybe I do have some feelings for Cho. And I know it's been very unfair to you the way I've been behaving recently. But let's face it, we haven't exactly been on the best of terms lately."
I felt my anger with Michael fade away, and a fair amount of guilt beginning to rise as a lump in my throat. "I know."
Michael looked like he wanted to cry too. "Ginny, I love you, very much. But honestly, I'm not sure that I can be with you. And as for Cho, she is like me in so many ways. More than you've ever been. Honestly, I know she'd be able to give me something that you will never be able to."
"And what is that, precisely?" I said sarcastically.
"Your heart, Ginny."
Hey, there's no need to lay on the guilt any more than necessary, I have just enough of my own thank you. "That's unfair Michael, and you know it."
"Is it unfair? Is it?" Michael said with a bitter tongue. "Is it unfair that you always seem to have a reason not to be with me? That you have more fun with your friends and family than you do with me? Why should I have to compete with someone who quite obviously isn't out of your heart? You know, I can't even remember the last time I saw you smile?"
"You've seen me smile, Michael."
"Well if you have, it certainly wasn't because of me," Michael snapped. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself. He sighed deeply and said, "Let's just face it; we've been living a lie for months. Ginny, it's over between us. The sooner we both accept that, the better off we'll be. I'm sure of it.
And with those words, Michael Corner walked away from me forever.
Never, since the Chamber of Secrets had I felt such a loss of control in my life. In fact, I'd taken measures to structure my life in order to prevent this from happening.
Michael was a safe, reliable bloke that I knew would never hurt me. But now, his relationship with Cho had become all too unbearable, and I felt as out of control as I did with Tom Riddle.
I pushed open the large doors to the castle and I walked outside onto the stone steps, feeling the sun on my face. I wanted to run away - away from all the hurt and pain - away from Michael, Cho, and Harry. But I just stood there, looking out towards the lake, feeling helpless and wondering how, with everything that had happened, it had all come to this.
Sitting on the steps for some time, I waited for the tears to come, but they wouldn't. Strangely, I felt more relief than anything. I actually felt okay. It was just plain odd.
"Oh, hello there Ginny," Luna said without surprise in her voice, as usual. "I thought I saw you out here."
At first, I wanted to tell her to go away. Luna was the last thing I needed at the moment. But I allowed her to sit beside me, realizing that as bizarre and complicated as life can be, there is nothing like a little Luna Lovegood to put things in perspective for you -- well, it couldn't hurt anyway.
"I never mentioned how wonderfully you played in the Quiddtich final, Ginny." Luna said, still staring up at the towers of the school. The compliment took me by surprise. I spoke softly as I continued to stare at the glistening still waters of the lake.
"Oh . . . thanks, Luna."
"I've never seen Cho Chang so unfocused." Luna continued on without any regard to me. "I can't imagine how simple it was to catch the Snitch from right under her nose. Very impressive."
"Yes, I suppose it was," I said with another sigh.
Luna giggled. "For a moment there, I thought you were going to kill her for flirting with Michael like that, before I realized it was the Snitch you were after."
"Believe me; I wanted to, but…" I looked up from staring at the lake. How did she know that? Was it that obvious? "Luna," I began slowly. "Did you see Michael and Cho flirting together?"
"Of course, didn't you?" Luna said as though it were common knowledge. "But I don't understand why you would be crying so; you'd think you'd be happy for him after all."
Happy? "I confronted Michael about Cho, but he denied it all." I said. "Why on earth would you think I would be pleased about that?"
"Well, now you are freed up to seek other interests."
Other interests? Maybe she really is loony. She sounds like a salesman!
"I don't know what you might be referring to, Luna," I said hastily. What else could she be on to?
"Sorry, it's just that I never felt like you and Michael ever made a good match. I merely meant that there are plenty of other players on the pitch for you to choose from." She got up from the bench and brushed herself off. "Well, I must be off now. I have an essay to finish for Potions. For some reason, Professor Snape is not too keen on love potions, and he wants me to rewrite it. I can't imagine why . . ." I watched Luna walk away in her usual way, as though she was staring off into a dimension wholly unto herself.
I sat there looking up at the sky, pondering Luna's words. Seek other interests? Other players on the pitch? What is she playing at? Now wait a bloody minute, she can't mean—
Bloody hell! Isn't' there anyone at Hogwarts who believes that I'm not in love with Harry Potter? I got up and started off behind her. "Hey Luna wait up!" She stopped and waited for me to catch up to her. "Luna," I started, unsure of what to say and how to say it. I walked with her quietly upstairs, trying to muster up the courage to ask a question I already knew the answer to.
All right, I admit, perhaps I have some residual crush feelings left, but I'm working on getting that out of my system. I'm not totally obsessed or anything like I used to be. I've grown up since then. I mean it's not like I can hear his voice in my head like Tom Riddle. I'm not nutters, you know!
So why for Merlin's sake can I suddenly hear Harry's voice? And screaming, at that?
Damn.
