CHAPTER 3
2 WEEKS LATER
Sydney sits on the couch a cup of tea in her hands as she stares in the fireplace trying to organize her thoughts, 'Sark's been gone for a week. I wonder where he is. Is he going to tell them I'm here?' She inhales sharply at the kick, "Hey" she protests looking at her middle, "stop that." She smiles faintly reaching for the journal Sark had brought her from town before he left. She picks up her pen and begins to write.
'Sark's been gone for a week. I think I've gone insane... I actually miss him. He's supposed to come back sometime today. I guess I'll find out if he will be coming back. God I'm tired. The nightmares aren't going away. I remember when I was little and whenever I had a nightmare I'd crawl into bed with Mom and Dad. I always felt safe no matter what the nightmare was about. After Mom's 'death' I didn't have that anymore... or at least not that often. Dad threw himself into his work leaving me with the Nanny. I remember one time after Mom's 'death' I had a really bad nightmare and Dad was home. I woke up crying and he came into my room and picked me up and carried me into his room. I felt safe for the first time in a long time curled up next to him. I really miss my Dad.
A big part of me knows he wouldn't care about how this baby came about but then there's a part of me that wonders... would he turn my baby over to the CIA? Would he allow the CIA to take control of my baby's life? This is still my baby... despite how it came to be. He's not going to turn out the way THEY hope he will. He's going to be whatever he wants to be... but good. He's not going to be in the family business... on either side. He's going to be normal... even though he isn't.
I have to protect him. He's my baby... and I will take care of him. I won't let anyone take him from me... not even my own Mother.'
Sydney frowns hearing a car door close 'Sark's back.' She winces feeling a couple sharp movements. "Hey" she rubs her side. She looks up as the front door opens and Sark enters. She swallows heavily as a wave of lust hits her, 'I'm horny but I'm not going to screw Sark.' "How was your trip?"
"Fine." Sark sets the briefcase on the counter, "The books you ordered arrived. I'll bring them in."
"More reading." Sydney says happily.
"Finish everything here?"
"Nah." Sydney slowly stands carrying her mug into the kitchen.
"Mr. Tyler said he made a delivery the other day."
Sydney nods "Ran out of peanut butter and some other things. I had a craving for Doritos and peanut butter. He also brought up more magazines for me."
"Have enough to entertain yourself?"
Sydney shrugs "Enough."
"You OK?" Sark asks looking her over.
"Tired."
"Sleeping?"
"Not really."
"Nightmares?"
Sydney shrugs
"You have a check-up with the doctor tomorrow afternoon." Sark reminds
"I remember."
"Here" Sark tosses Sydney a bag then walks back into his room with his backpack.
Sydney frowns then opens the bag smiling when she sees a black and white stuffed dog with long ears. "Baby's first stuffed animal." 'From Sark.' She hugs the dog, 'That was sweet of him.' She looks up as Sark walks to the door, "Thanks Sark."
Sark nods walking out of the cabin, 'I'm getting to her.'
AFTER MIDNIGHT
Sark frowns when he hears a shriek closing his book he heads back to Sydney's door and knocks briefly then enters the room to find Sydney sitting up shaking. "Sydney you OK?" He questions sitting on the edge of the bed. When Sydney doesn't answer he reaches out touching her shoulder. Slowly she looks at him and he gently touches her cheek, "What was it about?"
Sydney shivers at his gentle touch and concerned tone as well as the wave of lust that hits her.
Sark leans in gently kissing her forehead then looks at her searching her eyes for any hint of anger. 'Oh what the hell' He kisses her gently then pulls back "Going to hit me?" He asks with a tone of teasing seriousness.
"No" She whispers
"And if I just happen to kiss you again will you hit me?" He asks as their lips are millimeters apart.
"No" Sydney says hoarsely.
Sark kisses her again mentally smiling as she gives into the kiss, 'Who cares if she slaps me later.'
Needing to breathe Sydney breaks the kiss and stares at Sark, 'He kissed me again... I know I should hit him but... I can't.' She looks away biting her lip.
"Going to hit me?"
"No." 'Oh god what have I done?'
Sark watches as a tear slides down her cheek, "Why are you crying?" He asks softly.
"Nothing."
"Then why are you crying?"
Sydney glances at him then looks away, "You made me forget."
"Made you forget what?"
"About everything that has happened." She whispers
"And that bothers you because of our past." Sark runs his fingers through her hair.
"What bothers me is that it doesn't bother me." Sydney whispers "I just want to forget... for one night." She lifts her hand to his cheek and kisses him, "Help me forget... please." She pleads desperately.
'She'll hate me regardless of what I do.' Sark meets her lips in a passionate kiss.
MORNING
"Regrets?" Sark asks softly as they lie in bed facing each other.
"I know I should but" Sydney shrugs "I don't"
"Good. Regretting sex... especially great sex... is a waste of time." Sark brushes his knuckles down her cheek chuckling when she blushes. "Never thought you'd be the embarrassed type"
"Hello do you remember I'm carrying an extra 20 pounds?" She gestures to her middle.
"Didn't bother you last night when you begged for more." Sark smirks
"Two years without sex and pregnancy horniness." Sydney shrugs then inhales sharply her hand going to her side.
"You OK?" Sark asks
Sydney nods rubbing her side, "He just wanted to remind me he exists."
"You really love him." Sark remarks as he sees Sydney's expression.
"Despite everything he's my baby." Sydney shrugs "I tried not to feel anything for him but it didn't last. He's an innocent pawn in all of this. He needs someone to love him rather than to have everyone use him."
'Wonder what she means.' Sark looks at the clock, "Hungry?"
"Sure."
"What do you want to eat?"
"Surprise me."
"That I can do."
Sydney watches as Sark pulls on his pajama bottoms walking out of the room. She sighs 'I know last night shouldn't have happened but it did. He was right... can't ignore great sex. And that was incredible sex. I've never had such intense sex and it was with Sark of all people. I know I shouldn't want him but I do, probably because I haven't had sex in two years. He wanted me despite how big I am.'
HOUR LATER
"Oh" Sydney winces her hand going to her side.
"You OK?"
Sydney nods "He's in a good mood." She looks at Sark then moves closer taking his hand she presses it against her side. She smiles when she sees his expression.
Sark chuckles when he feels the sharp movement, "Definitely a Bristow."
"Yeah." Sydney tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "He is."
"Have you decided what you're going to name him?"
"No." Sydney says quickly. "I should probably go take a shower." She slowly stands walking away leaving Sark on the couch.
Sark closes his eyes taking a deep breath, 'Just when we're having a moment without fighting she shuts me out.'
Sydney leans against the closed bathroom door, "Shouldn't trust him Sydney. If he knew the truth..." she looks at her middle and smiles sadly, "No one will take you from me OK? You're safe."
LATE AFTERNOON: DRS OFFICE
Sydney steps out of the office where she finds Sark waiting in the car. She gets in.
"Everything OK?" Sark asks as Sydney buckles the seatbelt.
Sydney nods staring out the car window. After driving in silence she speaks, "It can't happen again."
Sark stiffens briefly then nods, "Fine. That is your decision."
"I can't risk it Sark. I can't risk the complications that come with us being involved... even if its just sex there's still complications."
"Fine."
Sydney closes her eyes feeling a strange sense of loss at the idea of not having that feeling of safety she felt the night before ever again.
LATER THAT NIGHT: CABIN
Sydney heads back to her bedroom curling up she silently cries.
Sark sits on the couch, 'You knew she'd be like this.'
'Why did I say never again?' Sydney asks herself as she wipes at the tears. 'He made me feel safe... but he's Sark. It can't happen again.' She tells herself.
CHAPTER 4
WEEK LATER
Sark frowns when he hears the sound of Sydney sobbing in the bedroom. He takes a deep breath and opens the door to find Sydney sitting on the bed crying. He sits on the edge of the bed and strokes her arm, "What's wrong?"
"I want my Dad." Sydney manages to get out between sobs. "I just want my Dad."
Sark strokes her hair as she cries herself back to sleep. 'She's been crying for him every night since we slept together.' Sark kisses her head,
'I'll talk to her tomorrow.' He stands pulling the covers up he quietly exits the room.
NEXT MORNING
Sark looks at Sydney as she picks at her breakfast, "You should eat."
"I'm not hungry." Sydney whispers leaning back in her chair she hugs herself.
"Want to talk about it?"
Sydney shakes her head trying to keep from crying again.
"Its really hitting you isn't it?"
"What?"
"The fact you haven't seen Jack in two years."
Sydney stands walking into the living room she sits on the couch hugging herself trying to keep from bursting into tears.
"Sydney" Sark sits on the coffee table across from her, "I know you miss your Dad. You've been waking up crying for him every night the past two weeks." He reaches out wiping away the tears that fall, "Do you want to see your Dad?"
Sydney nods "He wouldn't understand this" she gestures to her middle, "he'd freak out. He'd go on a rampage."
"He loves you Sydney. He's a wreck without you. Of course he'd go on a rampage... you're his daughter... all he loves in the world. Sure this will as you said freak him out but he loves you and he'll get over it. You miss him and he misses you." Sark gently brushes her hair back, "Do you want to see him?"
Sydney nods hesitantly wiping at the tears with the back of her hand, "Their probably watching him though."
"I'll figure something out OK?"
"He won't believe you... he'll probably kill you."
"Then write him a letter on something only you two know about. I'll give it to him."
Sydney looks at him, "Why are you doing this? Dad is more likely to kill you than trust you."
Sark shrugs "I don't like seeing you this miserable and its not good for either of you."
"He can't know we slept together."
"I'm sure as hell won't tell him." Sark says dryly. "The man would bloody shoot me for even glancing at you."
Sydney sniffles "I want my Dad."
"Then I'll figure out a way so you can see him."
"OK." Sydney gives him a faint smile.
Sark stands and leans down kissing Sydney's forehead then walks back to the kitchen. "You should finish your breakfast." He picks up the plate returning to the living room he hands it to Sydney.
"Thanks."
LATER
Sydney sits on the porch chair staring at the pad of paper before her.
"You've been staring at that pad of paper for half an hour." Sark says amused
Sydney looks up "Its kind of hard to write 'Hey Dad I'm alive'. You think it wouldn't be but it is."
"Well take a break. You need exercise"
"Are you implying I need exercise because I'm fat?" Sydney asks dangerously.
"No I'm saying you need exercise because the doctor told me to make sure you get some. Now come on." Sark takes the pad of paper from Sydney setting it inside he holds his hand out to her.
Sydney allows him to pull her to her feet. "Oh fine."
"And for the record..." Sark leans in his lips inches from her ear, "you aren't fat."
Sydney shivers then lifts her brow.
Sark smirks "You're the type of woman who looks incredible pregnant or not."
"And you pay attention to things like that?"
Sark shrugs "I pay attention to everything... especially things that involve you."
They walk through the woods occasionally talking but mostly remaining silent until they reach the lakefront. Sydney smiles sitting on a rock. She watches as Sark tosses rocks into the water. "Did you figure out a way for me to see my Dad?"
"Not everything. I have an idea. Don't worry about it. I'll figure it all out."
"Why are you doing this?" Sydney asks "And don't give me the bullshit line of my parents. What's the reason?"
"Because you asked me." Sark answers simply. He looks at Sydney, "I know everyone believes I'm a sociopath or psychopath, take your pick. I'm not... I'm just a guy who sees the world in gray. I don't choose sides"
"Yet you get paid by one side."
"I don't choose though. I just do what I am paid for."
"Don't you ever hate it?"
Sark sighs "The only time I ever hated it was the day I found out about the explosion."
"Why?"
"I'm not sure. Maybe because you challenged me like no one ever has, well except Irina. We were always at a draw and no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't get pass it."
"I wonder why we couldn't... I mean it's obvious we could have and would have but didn't." Sydney frowns "Does that make sense?"
"Some." Sark joins her on the rock, "I think we didn't succeed because we liked the challenge of fighting and outwitting each other."
"I did outwit you a lot."
"And you hit me a lot."
"Yeah." Sydney smiles "It was always fun... in a weird and twisted way." She tilts her head, "For a long time I tried to figure out why you did things the way you did."
"And what conclusion did you come to?"
"None. I stopped after a while."
"We're a lot alike Bristow. Our backgrounds are even similar."
"What your Mom tried to kill you too?"
Sark chuckles "No."
"Then how are we similar?"
"My mother died when I was a boy. My father... god knows who or where he is." Sark says bitterly.
"Who raised you?"
"Military school."
"Ouch."
"It wasn't so bad." Sark shrugs "More structured than bloody American schools."
Sydney grins "Probably."
"Daddy Dearest sent me there with orders that there be no record of who he is."
"So he's not in any of your school records?"
"No. I doubt they ever saw him in person."
"And you aren't curious about him?"
"He sent me there." Sark shrugs "If he has a better chance of finding me than I have of finding him. I learned a long time ago that blood doesn't make a Father."
Sydney nods "What was your Mom like?" She asks curiously.
"I don't remember much about her." Sark admits
"Oh." Sydney rubs her side, "How'd you meet Irina?"
"When I was fifteen she showed up at school looking to find two protégés. Alison, Thomas and I were the highest ranking students. She decided to train the three of us and we left school. Thomas was killed two years later in a car accident so Ali and I became the heirs."
"Who wanted it more?"
"Alison. I'm not the boss type. I like having my freedom."
"Did you love Dorne?" Sydney asks curiously.
"Not really sure. If I ever gave thought to things then maybe I was but I never was much for thinking about feelings. Always found they complicated things."
"That they do." Sydney sighs.
"If you're alive I wonder if Ali is as well." Sark says thoughtfully.
"If she is she'll probably want to finish what she started." Sydney says dryly.
"She doesn't know about this place." Sark assures "I never told her about it."
Sydney nods "There's not a lot written about you." She remarks
"The past is the past... I like to keep it there."
"So what is the biggest thing they don't know about you?" Sydney asks curiously.
"Since you told me this one then I'll give you one of mine."
"Good. Make it a good one."
"A good one huh... all right." Sark looks at Sydney, "Irina is the only one who knows this one."
"What?"
"I have a seven year old daughter... somewhere."
Sydney starts in surprise, "OK that is a big secret. Where is she?"
"Not sure. Her mother died when she was six months old in a car accident. She lived with her Grandparents until they died when she was four. I'm not exactly father material so she ended up being adopted by some distant relative of her mother's somewhere in the States. I haven't seen her since she left England and even then I only saw her a few times and always at a distance."
"What's her name?"
"Faith."
"So you were a teenager when she was born?"
Sark nods
"Are you going to look for her?"
"Perhaps when she's older I will but now... she's a kid who doesn't need the hassle of me being in her life. It's better that I don't know where she is and she doesn't know who I am."
"Does Mom know where your daughter is?"
"Probably. If she knows she won't tell me... unless it's an extreme situation."
"You aren't curious about her?"
"Truth is I do think about her from time to time. But I know she's better off without me. If her mother was alive I'd still stay away."
"Did you love her mother?"
"In a way" Sark admits "She was my first, and pretty much only, friend outside of this life."
"Did she know what you did?"
"She knew enough. Her parents kicked her out when they found out she was pregnant so Irina arranged for her to live with some associates of hers."
"Do you miss them?"
"There are times I do." He admits "But like I said... I'm not exactly the father type." He looks at Sydney sadly, "Wherever Faith is she's better
off." He looks back at the water.
"I won't tell anyone." Sydney promises
"I know."
Sydney runs her hands over her middle, "I wish I could give him a normal life but it won't happen... whether or not he's with me he won't be normal."
"Are you ever going to tell me the truth behind him?"
"I guess we'll have to see."
"Still trying to decide whether or not to trust me?"
"Trusting you isn't that easy... not after all that's happened." Sydney says stiffly. 'Especially if you found out the truth.' She stands walking a few feet.
"You'll tell me when you feel like you can trust me with it."
"I don't want him hurt. The more people who know the more chance he has of being hurt." She bites her lip, "I don't want him to be hurt and I know he will be."
"You can't protect a child from everything in the world Sydney."
"I can try to protect him from a lot of things especially those who would hurt him."
Sark joins her as she stands a few feet from the water, "You'll tell me when you are ready." He kisses her temple "And despite how you feel about me and what I've done I will keep my promise and help you protect him." He looks at the water, "How about a swim?"
"Its too cold." Sydney protests
Sark steps away from Sydney "Come on Bristow, where is the Bristow spirit?" He asks pulling off his boots and socks.
"Are you insane? Its not even 65 degrees out and the water must be cold." Sydney points out as he strips down to his boxer briefs and wades out into the water. "Sark you have completely lost it." Sydney laughs as he dives down then comes back up.
"Come on Bristow. You know you want too." Sark calls as he treads the water. "Don't be a wimp. No ones around."
Sydney shakes her head, "Nope not going in there."
"I guess I best you again."
"You've never bested me Sark." Sydney argues
"Oh I have... many times. This is just another one of those times."
Sydney scowls
"Come on Bristow you aren't going to let me have the last word are you?"
'Oh I can't let him win this one.' "Fine." Sydney strips down to her tank top and panties and removes her bra then wades into the water. "This water is freezing." Sydney yelps
"Suck it up."
Sydney ducks under the water then comes up to find Sark a few feet away. "I'm not a wimp." She sticks her tongue out at him.
"Good to know."
Sydney splashes him, "Don't pick on the pregnant lady."
"Who says I'm picking on you?" Sark demands as he treads water about a foot away from Sydney. "You wanted to swim... just didn't have the guts to do it without some motivation."
"Its not a matter of guts its a matter of its freezing cold and I'm pregnant."
"You won't drown."
"I know I won't. I'm just saying its cold." She splashes him.
"Hey stop that."
"Nope." Sydney splashes him again grinning at his annoyed expression. 'He looks so cute when he's annoyed.' Sydney stops thoughtfully, 'Damn I just said he's cute.' She frowns, 'Oh hell.' "So why do you like to annoy me?"
"You amuse me." Sark shrugs "Constantly challenge me." He swims closer "Make me think."
"And?" Sydney tilts her head.
"You frustrate me." Sark swims behind her "I've wanted you since the moment I saw you." He murmurs his lips inches from her ear.
Sydney shivers at his close proximity "Sark don't"
"Why? This isn't a one sided attraction Sydney... never has been."
"Us involved even just as sex results in trouble. I don't need the hassle of it."
"You're scared."
Sydney turns to glare at him, "I'm not scared!"
"Yes you are. You're scared because that night was more intense than you ever had with the Boy Scout. The fact that the passion we have in going head to head in the field would also occur with sex shouldn't be a surprise."
Sydney turns to swim back to shore when Sark pulls her back against him, "Sark let me go!" She struggles against him. "Sark let me go!" She hisses
"Passion is needed in life and we have it." He slides his hand down her front.
"Sark do" Sydney gasps as she feels his hand slide inside her panties and her struggle stops as he gently caresses her.
"You feel it Sydney..." Sark murmurs "you just can't admit it." He smirks faintly as she lifts her hips.
"Sark" she moans
"Julian" Sark murmurs "My name is Julian."
"Sark"
Hearing that Sark stops his light caress
"Don't stop" Sydney whimpers lifting her hips.
"Say my name. I want to hear you say my name."
Sydney whimpers "Julian, don't stop" she pleads then whimpers as he continues his wanted... yet unwanted assault.
Sark buries his face in her hair as she cries his name in pleasure. 'She cried my name... my real name.' He smiles faintly. 'It sounds good coming from her.'
"I hate you." Sydney chokes out.
Sark forces her to look at him, "You want me." He says fiercely. "You want sex without limits or boundaries."
"I want to rip you into pieces." Sydney hisses
"No you don't." Sark gently brushes her damp hair back as it starts to rain, "You want uninhibited passion. You want to give into your darker side... the side you hid from Vaughn." He kisses her brutally tasting the anger and fear as the tears fall. "Admit it Sydney." He murmurs against her lips.
"Yes" Sydney whispers pained. "I want it."
Sark wipes at the tears streaking down her face then kisses her lightly. "It stays between us." He assures
Sydney nods
Sark looks up at the mid afternoon sky as the rain falls. "We should get back." They swim to shore and dress in silence ignoring the damp and uncomfortable feeling of their clothes. Sark holds his hand out to Sydney once she's dressed.
Sydney tentatively takes his hand and allows him to walk ahead of her helping her step over rocks and debris as the rain starts to pour down. 'I want him so bad. I want to curl up in his arms and feel the safety I get with him. I want to trust him. I know he wants to be able to trust me yet I have this secret.' Feeling a sharp kick in her side Sydney stops in her tracks her free hand going to her side thoughtfully, 'You want me to tell him.'
When he realizes Sydney has stopped Sark stops and looks at her, "What's wrong?"
Sydney looks at him through the rain, "I want to tell you."
"Tell me what?"
"The truth about him."
"You can tell me at the cabin. Now come on we need to get out of the rain." Sark turns to walk only to have her not move. "Sydney"
"Now while I have the nerve." She says stubbornly.
Sark looks at her and knows she won't move until he knows, "All right. What is the truth?"
"He's Rambaldi... at least that's what I was told."
"What do you mean he's Rambaldi?"
"The prophecy said I'd bring the second coming of Rambaldi. I don't know the full story but apparently they found some hidden tissue of Rambaldi and found a way to supposedly clone him."
Sark stares at her, "You're bloody serious."
Sydney nods, "Now do you see why I ran and why I didn't tell you the truth?"
"I promised you nothing would happen to him... and I'm going to keep that promise... regardless of who he is." Sark kisses her forehead, "Now come on let's get inside."
WHILE LATER
Sydney sits on the couch in warm pajamas and robe before the fireplace. 'I told him. God I hope I didn't make a mistake.' She strokes her middle.
"Here" Sark hands Sydney a mug of tea.
"Thanks" Sydney takes the mug wrapping her hands around it she stares into the fireplace.
Sark sits next to her with his own mug of tea. "How is this possible Sydney? I know some organizations are working on cloning but as far as I've heard no one is this close."
"I don't know how but they did it." Sydney shrugs
"How sure are you that he is a clone?"
"I feel it." She bites her lip, "It's hard to explain other than to say I feel it."
"And why are you telling me? You did say less than an hour ago that you didn't trust me with this secret."
"I know it sounds weird but he trusts you."
"Do you?"
Sydney bites her lip, "I guess I'm going to have to trust you with this."
"You didn't want to tell me because of the Rambaldi artifacts."
Sydney glares at him, "He's not an artifact." She says angrily. "He's going to be a normal child."
"He won't be one Sydney" Sark says gently. "Especially if he does have the traits the original had."
"I don't care." Sydney says stubbornly as she hugs her middle protectively. "He's a baby not a science experiment or artifact."
Seeing the flash of anger in her eyes Sark winces 'Motherly instinct tenfold.' "I didn't say that. Look I'll see what I can find on their plans for him. It would be easier if you told your parents as well."
"But"
"Irina has the sources to find out more." When he sees her expression he sets his mug down and reaches out brushing her hair behind her ear, "Irina wasn't the one who had the obsession about the artifacts. She wanted to know about the prophecy."
"And he's part of it."
"So are you."
"I need to tell Dad first. As hard as telling Dad is its still easier to tell him than it is to tell Mom."
"I bet." Sark runs his fingers through her hair.
"God, Dad is going to freak out that I didn't call him when I got away."
"How do you think he's going react when he finds out you called me?"
"Angry... confused... pissed off... so many words." She sighs "Hopefully he'll get over it and understand."
"It might be better if we go to a neutral area so he doesn't find this place."
"Dad wouldn't tell."
"If something happened to you he'd blame me and he'd go anywhere he could think of to find me... and this would be one of the places."
Sydney nods "So where do we go?"
"I'll figure something out."
"OK" She takes a sip of her tea, "I'm trusting you here Sark."
"And that trust won't be broken." Sark picks up his mug taking a sip. "Despite how I am I don't break promises"
"Yet you've sold out Sloane and Mom"
"Survival. Irina knows I'd do anything to survive and she forgives it because she's the same way."
"And if to survive you had to tell about him would you?"
"No. I promised I wouldn't. I never promised Irina anything but my loyalty."
"Yet loyalty equals promises."
"Not always. Not in our world."
"So does that apply to him as well?"
"No... for the first time in a long time I'm going to be loyal and not break promises."
Sydney nods taking a sip of her tea.
AFTER MIDNIGHT
Sydney notices the scratches on Sark's back as he reaches over to turn off the lamp, "Sorry" she gently touches one of the scratches.
Sark turns off the lamp and settles facing her, "Pain and pleasure go hand in hand love."
"You have a warped sense of outlook." Sydney remarks sleepily.
"We'll talk about that in the morning." Sark chuckles as he pulls the covers up, "Going to regret this tomorrow?"
"I didn't regret it last time Sark."
"Yet you said never again."
"I can change my mind." Sydney yawns
"Get some sleep."
