Thanks to all (two) of you who wrote reviews! It's much appreciated! I'll go skin a moose in your honor! Kind of a shorter chapter today, but hopefully still good. This all might seem random, but believe me! It's all working up to something. Yesss. There is method to my madness!

10-18-2004 edit -- Whoa! A kind reviewer pointed out a continuity error in the text to me. You were right; apparently the Massive HAS been the flagship for quite some time. No matter, a quick change to the dialog and all is right with the world again.

Special thanks to Invader Meow! I added a short little bit at the end just for you! Thanks for the head's up!


Chapter 3: The Mysterious Case of the Missing Stuff, Part 1

Meanwhile, on the other side of the galaxy, the a fleet of purplish ships was flying through the void of space. The fleet was dominated by the largest vessel seen in space; the Massive and the Irken Empire's flagship.

Inside this gargantuan spaceship, Tallest Purple snacked loudly on crunchy munchy chips as Tallest Red lounged on one of the comfy chairs, looking over various reports.

"Man, why do we have to read this stuff?" Red complained, waving the small computer console in his hands, "I mean, hey! We're the Tallest! There's important snacking to be done!"

Purple made a muffled sound of agreement from the mass of semi-chewed chips stuffed in his maw.

"I mean, look at this one!" Red continued, pointing at one of the random items on the list, "Some old junk left over from Operation Impending Doom One has gone missing on one of the scrap planets. Who cares! It's junk!"

Purple swallowed and nodded, waving the sack of chips at his co-leader, "Yeah! Don't they know we have much more important things to do than look over missing stuff? What's all that disappeared, anyway?"

Red narrowed his crimson eyes to peer at the console appraisingly, "Mm, not much. Some old power cores. A few of the old type of SIR units. A bunch of holographic junk. The Colossal--"

Both Tallest froze, Purple's food-stuffed gob hanging open as he stared at Red. Purple swallowed again then regained his voice. "The Colossal?" he asked, narrowing an eye suspiciously, "As in, the former flagship Colossal? The Colossal prior Tallest used to ride around in before we got the Massive? That Colossal?"

"That's what it says," Red confirmed, frowning, "But that can't be right. It has to be a mistake! The Colossal was over half the size of the Massive! How could it just disappear?"

As the two Irken leaders pondered how that was possible, one of the Irken soldiers piped up, "Incoming transmission... from Earth!"

Both Tallest sighed and groaned as the Massive's main viewscreen shifted to reveal a picture of Zim in his lab.

It was a rather disturbing picture of Zim as well.

For some reason, he was dressed in a suit reminiscent of a beaver, complete with flat tail. In the background, several real beaver danced amid flashing disco lights and funky music, with Gir leading the movements.

The Tallest were understandably horrified.

"My Tallest! I'm sorry for not calling earlier with a status report but – Gir! How many times must I tell you! The beavers must dance to this smelly 'country' styled earth aural filth if my plan is to succeed! No more disco! Ever!"

Gir immediately exploded into a torrential flood of screaming and tears which mercifully ended just a moment later with the small robot collapsing in sleep.

Tallest Red pointed a shaky finger at the screen and managed to choke out, "Why are you dressed like that?"

"It's all part of my newest ingenious plan to exterminate the humans, my Tallest," Zim reported triumphantly, "I'll tell you all about it in a moment. But first! I need some information. I encountered a strange energy signature recently, but my files have no record of it. I need to use the Massive's database to see if there is any similarity with other races. Since my database may be out of date, I need to use yours. I attempted to gain access with a level one security access, but for some reason it was denied."

Red's eye twitched. At least he was glad that the changing access codes to the Massive had managed to prevent Zim from doing something incredibly stupid to the flagship. Again. "Look, Zim," he said, "We don't have any more information than you do. You should get automatic updates to your database through communication channels. You're an Invader, Zim! Just do... whatever it is you do."

Zim blinked then pondered. "Yeeess," he whispered to himself, "You are wise, my Tallest! I will research this new energy signature and report my findings! No new alien race will get the better of ZIM!"

"You do that, Zim," Purple stated flatly before stuffing more chips into his mouth, "Now if you'll excuse us, we have to go. Now."

"Wait!" Zim screeched, "I haven't explained my amazing dancing beaver plan yet!"

"Sorry Zim! No time!" Red replied quickly, "We have a, uh... a mystery to solve! So we'll be out of communication for some time! Bye!" Purple made the motion to cut the line and a dutiful Irken Soldier did as ordered.

Purple sighed in relief as Zim's image abruptly cut from the screen, "Man, he's getting more and more crazy each time we see him. Imagine! Finding an unknown alien race out there. It's the middle of no where!"

Purple and Red began to laugh hysterically at the thought. One particularly unwise soldier made a poor decision and spoke, "But, uh... what about the humans? We didn't even know there was a planet there for sure until Zim was sent to earth."

The Tallest abruptly stopped laughing and glared at the Irken who spoke. "That does it!" Red declared, "You, soldier, are to be re-encoded as a... uh... I donno. A snack intern!"

"Yeah!" Purple cried out, "Snack Intern! Enjoy your time swabbing out the protein stacks!"

Red leaned back on the comfy chair as the protesting screams of the demoted soldier faded in the distance, basking in the afterglow of a job well done. "Well. What should we do now? Should we go and see what's up with this garbage that's gone?"

Purple paused then shrugged, "Yeah, I guess. There's nothing else to do, really. And hey! We can officially go on silent mode, thereby having an excuse not to talk to Zim!"

Red grinned brightly, "Hey! Great idea! Okay, then. Set a course for..." The Tallest looked down at the notes in his hands, "... Disposia seven! Activate silent mode! And bring some of those little oozing doodles I like so much."

"Yaay! Oozing doodles!" Purple cheered, tossing the remainder of his bag of chips to the four winds.

Back on earth, Zim stared at the blank monitor. Setting his lip less face into an expression of determination, the little Irken Invader whirled around and shed his amazing beaver costume. "Gir!" Zim shouted, "We have to put the dancing beaver plan on hold for a while. I have been given a special mission by the Tallest! YES! I must find the source of these anomalous readings before I can destroy all mankind! Come! We have work to do."

With that, Zim marched from the beaver containment area, the door closing behind him.

Gir stared after his master for a moment then turned back to the still dancing beavers. "I gotta go, beavers. Here! Tickle a piggie while I'm gone!" Gir squealed insanely, retrieving a small rubber piggie from his head and stuffing it between one of the beaver's teeth before turning and running for the exit. "The bacon! The bacon is after me!"