The Side Road.
Come next morning Sanzo woke before the other two men. Goku was gone already; he usually was, some time during the night he'd wake and sneak off so not to face them in the morning. He wasn't sure why, but Sanzo figured he was ashamed of what he did and didn't want to even dare to look into their eyes.
Goku's emotions are usually worn either in his eyes or on his face, no matter what it was it was there and was easily seen. Then there was this sense he had. He could tell what others felt, and could usually pick up on anger and sadness, that and Sanzo's disappointment, which he showed at great levels when they had found out what Goku had done.
Sanzo sighed as he pulled out a cigarette for a morning ritual. He held his cigarette in his mouth then covered it and the lighter as the same soft glow from the cigarette was seen between his fingers. Blowing a puff of smoke he looked up, placing the lighter down. He saw Goku in the distance; he had returned to that same spot he had fallen asleep in the night before when he carried the monkey to bed.
Hakkai's eyes slowly opened and he sat up rubbing his eyes. "Your up?" Hakkai asked looking at Sanzo with little surprise. He smiled at the monk, soon afterwards he noted Goku missing as well. He glanced to his right to see the small boy's figure with his shadow crossed by the sunrise. "Yet an other day awaits…" Hakkai muttered slightly tired as he forced himself to get out from the warm blankets.
Sanzo grunted blowing yet another puff of smoke. As if he really cared, every day was the same to him… an endless journey with three annoying bastards. Sanzo nearly smiled at the thought but held it down. He didn't mind the company it was just…
"Hey ass hole, pass the lighter!" Gojyo's voice broke into Sanzo's thoughts and he grunted.
"Learn some manners…" Sanzo replied coldly.
"Your one to talk…" Gojyo muttered, getting up for it himself.
"What was that?" Sanzo quickly snapped, snatching the lighter out of Gojyo's reach.
"You heard me monk!" Gojyo yelled getting pissed.
"As I recall, this is my lighter…" Sanzo grunted, "Use your own…"
"I could if some one hadn't thrown it from the jeep!" Gojyo replied now hovering over Sanzo with a threatening face.
"I'm quite sure I have no idea what you're talking about…" Sanzo teased enjoying the torture he placed on Gojyo's shoulders.
"Asshole, you know damn well what I'm talking about!" Gojyo grabbed at the lighter trying to take it from Sanzo, but missed.
"It slipped…" Sanzo excused himself from throwing Gojyo's lighter away.
"Slipped my ass!" Gojyo yelled and was finally able to get the lighter.
Goku could hear the arguing in the distance, he felt a little better up until he went back into thought.
'They don't need me, they're getting along fine…'
'I'm nothing but a constant bother to Sanzo anyways…'
'Besides… after everything I had done, killing all those people… I don't think Sanzo has entirely forgiven me and…'
Goku's thoughts went on for almost five more minutes as he stared into the blank light of the sun. If not for Hakkai's soft hand catching his shoulder and scaring the heck out of him, he could have stayed there for the whole day before coming back to reality.
"Goku, its… time to go now…" a soft voice filled with kindness and concern said. Goku nodded. "Ill be there in a minute…" Goku replied not looking at the man. He didn't think he could ever look any of them in the eyes ever again, never again with that innocent look. He sighed and Hakkai left to prepare the awaiting jeep.
Sanzo glared at the boy when Hakkai returned with out the monkey. 'Leaving him behind? Finally…' Sanzo thought coldly but hadn't meant it. Hakkai and Gojyo settled down in their usual seats as Sanzo stood beside his seat's side door.
"Better not keep them waiting…" Goku muttered to himself, standing and turning towards the jeep. He kept his eyes on his feet or on the passing ground. A small chill went up his back and reached his neck. He wasn't sure if it was the cool breeze or Sanzo's cold, hatful eyes glaring at him.
Sanzo settled into his seat as Goku hopped over the side and plopped down, still keeping his eyes on the floor. "Its about time…" Sanzo bitterly replied to the deadly silence of Goku. "Sorry…" Goku replied with a hurt and slightly saddened expression. Sanzo closed his eyes slightly regretting the comment, luckily for him Gojyo chimed in.
"So where are we headed to now?" He asked Hakkai, leaning over his shoulder.
"Jinlu…" Hakkai smiled and started the jeep to a slow roll.
"Jinlu, heh?" Gojyo lent into his seat and glanced at Goku.
"It's said they have the best restaurants around there…" Gojyo smiled in Goku's direction.
Goku looked at him in the corner of his eye and sank into his seat with out replying.
"Maybe we can pick up some meat buns… huh?" Gojyo nudged Goku.
Goku looked away. He loved meat buns but he wasn't up for anything to eat, his stomach still turned at the random thoughts or visions of what he did. There he went again, his stomach jerked and he sank deeper into his seat staring deeper into space, becoming engulfed by thought.
Gojyo gave up. He couldn't cheer that damn monkey up even if he wanted that annoying smile and complaining back. He sighed with a shrug as Hakkai drove down the dirt path that was out lined on the map as their route to Jinlu.
…
'224…
236…
241…' Gojyo counted as he glared at the passing trees. 'I think I've finally lost it…' Gojyo sighed opening a pack of cigarettes and placing on in his mouth. He glanced around; Hakkai was driving with great concentration, Goku sleeping off his tired body. That left the monk. Gojyo lit his cigarette from still having Sanzo's lighter. He thought a moment, trying to think of something to get on Sanzo's nerves.
Sanzo was in his own world, he was thinking about how long Goku had slept, how he hadn't eaten anything for some time, how his constant annoying complaints died before Sanzo could even notice… He thought about Goku and that raining night. 'Why did it have to rain?' he asked himself, 'Why did I tell Goku to wait in the next town for them… Why did Goku have to suffer more then those people? Why…?'.
Sanzo paused as a puff of smoke was blasted into his face. 'Why Do I have to be a target?' he asked again his eyebrow twitching. He didn't want to wake Goku up so he tried hard to stay calm. It was that damned purvey water sprite… Sanzo figured Gojyo was bored and didn't want to bother anyone… but him.
"Hey…" Gojyo grinned widely.
"What?" Sanzo gritted his teeth as Gojyo puffed another thing of smoke at him.
"How about a little bet?" Gojyo smiled.
"Forget it…" Sanzo coldly replied not wanting to know what he was talking about.
"What?" Gojyo replied, "You afraid you'll end up paying dinner again?"
"You little…" Sanzo clutched his gun. Last time Gojyo betted with him he cheated and Sanzo ended up paying for his room and dinner… not like it mattered, he would usually anyway.
Hakkai glanced over at Gojyo; he could tell without Goku he was bored to death. "How about we stop to stretch?" Hakkai suggested breaking the two full-grown men up from their bickering.
"Tsh." Sanzo grunted not caring, just as long as he didn't have to put up with Gojyo.
Gojyo smiled, "Why not…" he shrugged with a smile. It just wasn't the same without Goku to tease. Even if Goku was right beside him, he knew better then to bother him… at least not now.
With a sigh Hakkai pulled the jeep over to the side of the road, and slowed it to a stop. He turned about in his seat slightly looking from Sanzo to Gojyo. His expression said it all, even Hakkai was tired by the attempts to making everything go back the way it used to be… when Goku was in better shape.
At one point in time the thought had accrued to Hakkai that the reason why every one was in a good, or in Sanzo's case slightly good mood, was because they saw so much in those innocent golden eyes that made them feel as if there was nothing wrong. Even Goku's smile seemed to hold no worries.
'I guess everything must change some time…' Hakkai thought stepping out of the jeep. The other two men had already gone their own ways, leaving Goku in the jeep sleeping.
He looked at the boy, it was the most sleep he had ever had. He wasn't sure if it was from nightmares that he couldn't sleep or not. There was something in Goku he hadn't seen before, either he hadn't noticed it or the presence he felt was an emotion that consumed Goku when he came to in a pool of blood that hadn't belonged to him.
"Hakkai?" a small voice asked. Hakkai looked at Goku's face, his golden eyes slowly opening. They were golden all right, but there was no warmth or life to them. "Yes?" Hakkai asked sitting in the back seat with Goku. Goku still didn't look him in the eye but he guessed he had a good reason.
"Hakkai." Goku paused, "Is… is Sanzo mad at me for what I did?" the small figure curled into a little ball under the blanket nearly flinching at the thought. Hakkai sighed and lent back into the seat. "I don't think so…" Hakkai smiled, "Id say more or so worried…" he looked at the boy as he finally looked him in the eyes. Hakkai's heart slowly deepened as he saw tears swell up in them.
Hakkai wished he hadn't of met Goku's gaze. He could see how Goku would think that Sanzo would be upset, but he couldn't understand why he would ask him if he was mad. It wasn't just what he asked; it was more of how he asked it, as if… as if nothing he would or could do would make Sanzo forgive him.
"Goku…" Hakkai replied searching for the right words to comfort the boy. He couldn't find them, his own thoughts raced about on so many things. "You should get some rest…" Hakkai replied, "I'm sure Sanzo would feel better if you would eat something though…" he tried to convince Goku to eat. Goku nodded, "I guess…" his voice turned to a whisper as Goku quickly fell back to sleep.
Hakkai sighed relieved to not have to look into his eyes anymore. He glanced about with a blank expression on his face; it suddenly turned into shock at the pair of violet eyes watching him. The two men exchanged glances, Hakkai finally making his way over to the monk that leaned against the tree.
Hakkai sighed as he took a seat to the left of Sanzo. "You…" Hakkai paused remembering those eyes. "You should have a talk with him…" Hakkai rested his head in his hand. Sanzo glanced at him from the corner of his eye and exhaled smoke, a new cigarette in his hand.
"Tsh… as if that monkey would actually listen…" Sanzo grunted. His voice was harsh but he hadn't meant it to be. Hakkai new this but Goku… he couldn't tell if Sanzo meant the things he said or not and accepted it as he meant it. "Sanzo…" Hakkai complained worriedly, "Please, he thinks that you are upset with him…" Hakkai tried to explain not making it sound the way Goku put it. "So?" Sanzo muttered giving another puff of smoke. "So… are you or not?" Hakkai asked, his voice slightly rising.
Sanzo's eye twitched. He had known Hakkai cared deeply for all of them, and was concerned for Goku. "Ill talk to him…" Sanzo replied, thinking of how to approach Goku with the subject. "I'll get two rooms and you and Gojyo can bunk…" Sanzo muttered and walked away leaving Hakkai with a fake smile. Damn he hated that smile; even if it fooled the stupid monkey and purvey water sprite it didn't him.
'Its annoying…' he thought as Hakkai joined Gojyo and Goku along with himself near the jeep, reading to take off.
