Second Chances: Part 3

His optics snapped open and he nearly went flying off his recharge birth as he woke up for the fifth time in as many days from yet another nightmare. When he finally managed to get him self calmed down some DC swung his legs around off the side and put his face into his hands trying to make what he had seen in his mind make sense. There was a lot involved in the images but most of it seemed to be just that, random flashes of things and people that he realized he should know but didn't. The most disturbing of all of them was the girl; some one he knew he had once loved, having something horrid happen to her and the feeling that he was helpless to stop it.

Ratchet had told him that his memory would restore its self given enough time but this wasn't what he had been expecting to happen. He had thought that the information would just come to him one day, or that he would gradually get the feeling of what he had been back. Instead, night after night he fought the dreams and spent the day distracted trying to make sense of what was running loose in his mind. To be honest everyone around him had been a lot more compassionate about it than he had expected. Optimus him self had informed him that until things were clear in his mind that he was to be left on the light duty roster. Ratchet agreed with this and he had been assigned mostly to keeping the monitors company.

He should have been happy about that but for some reason that irked him, he came to the conclusion that he was the type that was normally out there in the thick of things, not staring at a screen. Orders were orders though, and he had done his best to follow them. The two twins had come by on occasion to keep him company, two people that he still looked at with almost awe for some reason. Jazz and most of the others had been nice to him as well, making certain that he knew he was welcome.

The one that had been the most helpful however was his across the hall neighbor, Upsilon, the mech who seemed to be going even more out of his way than others to help him get used to both his new surroundings and body. Learning the new transformation had been a lot of fun, apparently Autobots didn't require a code to transform. They just decided that they wanted to change to their alt modes and away they went.

Despite everything though, the friendship, the light duty, and every thing that was being offered to try and make it easier, things were getting harder. Besides all of the night mares for some strange reason, he had the worst feeling of guilt. Like he was betraying someone every time he tried to get himself back into normal life, he got the impression that he was wrong. The times that this feeling was the worst, were concerning the person who had been the kindest to him. But for unfathomable reason every time he was around his black and red friend, something inside screamed that he should be doing just the opposite.

So here he was, once again waking up from recharge and heading down to the commissary and the crack of dawn. Most of the others, except those on the night shift were still asleep so he had the place to himself. He had just settled down with his energon and was thinking when he heard someone walk up behind him.

"Well looking at it isn't going to make it liquefy you know?" the pleasant voice told him, "You actually have to drink it."

"Good morning Ups'" DC told him half heartedly.

"Okay what's the ma…?" He stopped in mid sentence when he got a look at him, "Primus man you look like death warmed over? What's wrong?"

"I didn't recharge well last night." DC muttered at him.

"Again?" Upsilon popped the seal on his own cube and shook his head, "Okay that's it. I told you if you had one more I was going to drag you off to see the medic and I will."

"No thanks," DC looked up at him and made a face, "Besides, I don't think he can help me with this. This is some thing that I need to work out on my own, something to do with my memories."

"Ain't amnesia fun?" Ups' grinned. "Seriously, if you wont let me take you there then at least let me take you someplace that you can work off some steam at okay?"

"Do I even want to know what you have cooking in that devious lil' mind of yours?"

"Trust me you will like it! It helps me out when I get that way." He assured DC as he started in on his own breakfast.

The blue and sliver mech finally gave in and started working on his own. He was pretty impressed actually. He remembered vaguely what it was supposed to be like, energon, and this was nothing like what he remembered. No this was some how more than any he some how knew that he had ever had. Not to mention the fact that he actually liked having something besides just a face plate. This of course led him back into thinking about his past. He could come up with an image of what he had once looked like, specifically facially, again however, there were more holes there than there was information and it once again led him down the road of trying to get to the part that was blocked off.

"STOP THAT!" Some one slapped the table and proceeded to snap him out of his gloomy reverie.

"Huh?" He looked up to find and irate Upsilon glaring at him. "You were doing it again, weren't you?"

"Eh, I guess so." DC admitted sheepishly.

"You know what I think your problem is?" The green eyed mech told him, "I think you're trying to hard."

"Trying to hard?" DC shook his head, "What do you mean?"

"That's why it won't work, you're trying to hard to make the connection and your mind is fighting against it."
"I…" DC trailed off, "I hadn't thought of it that way."

Upsilon looked him over, "Look in my experiences, the mind of any thing organic, cybertronian, any thing, is pretty hardy. That, and it usually knows what its doing weather we want to admit it or not."

"So what you're saying is…"

"What I'm saying is you can't remember yet because you aren't ready. When your mind knows that you can actually handle knowing the things that are in there, then…" Ups' stopped and raised his hands in a shrug, "who knows?"

"I guess you might have a point there," the blue truck finally admitted, "Any how what is this thing that you said you wanted to show me? You know that said might help me relax?"

"Finish your breakfast," Ups' nodded at his barely touched energon, "Then I'll show you."

About ten minutes later both of them showed up in the sparring area and found it already occupied.
"Hey guys!" Sideswiped waved at them from where he was in a head lock compliments of his twin.

"Hi there," Sunstreaker added as he let his brother go, "So you finally got him down here huh?"

"Yep," Upsilon grinned then turned to DC, "So you wanna spar first or you wanna watch first."

"Well I think I will try the sparring," he looked around, "Which of us spars with who?"

"You can go with either of the twins, or I can spar with you."

Dc thought about that one for a second and then shrugged, "How about you and me fist?"

"That works," His friend told him and he hopped into the ring, "You want to go hand to hand or with weapons first?"

"Hmmmm…I'm…"

"Let's try it hand to hand first then." Ups' told him as the twins gave him a shove into the ring.

The match lasted about ten minutes and the two of them found out that the other was very good at this kind of fighting. DC seemed to take real pride in working through the routines and the more he did this, the more familiar it became to him. When the match was finally over and it was the twins turn to go again, DC sat down on the side of the ring and realized that he was enjoying the first few moments of peace that he had been given in almost a whole earth week. He would have enjoyed it if it had kept up but his mind had other plans for him right then. Just as predicted the moment he wasn't worrying about trying to bring his past back to the surface it came plowing into him.

One moment he was simply relaxing and the next the memories started hitting him in unmerciful flashes. He suddenly grabbed his head and doubled over trying to cope with them.

FLASH: A city, a colony some where in complete ruin

FLASH: A war between monsters and warriors unlike any that had ever been seen.

FLASH: Something utterly depraved and merciless laughing at him as his whole world came crashing down around him.

FLASH: millions of years trapped on the bottom of the ocean, stuck alone with nothing but the very thing that had ruined his life.

What every one else who was around him saw and heard, consisted of him grabbing his head, doubling over and falling off the side of the sparring ring. A few moments later he came around and realized with great embarrassment that he had fainted and those who had been there with him. Had wound up having to call in the medic to make sure he wasn't about to die.

"You in there DC," Ratchet asked him.

"Unfortunately," He groaned and sat up. "I think I'm going to barf."

"What happened?" Upsilon asked.

"His memories have started coming back," Ratchet told them, "Forcefully it seems."

"What was all of that?" DC demanded.

"What did you see?" Ups' looked down at him, his face covered with a slightly strange expression.

"Images, flashes," DC shook his head. "I can't explain any of them. The feelings are there, just no…"

"Context for them right?" Ratchet finished.

"Right," DC confirmed.

Ratchet thought about this for a second, and then nodded to him self.

"Well what I can tell you is that this probably isn't going to be the last thing that happens like this, so be ready. Thankfully the second time usually isn't as bad, so hopefully you will be able to start sorting them out soon."

"I hope so."

"In the mean time," The medic told him, "I want you to keep it simple to day. Don't over do it, put any more stress on your cerebral circuits okay?"

"I can do that." DC agreed.

"Good."

The fiasco finally over it took him a few minutes to get organized and head back but DC eventually made it to his post and wound up staring numbly at the screen. He was half way to La La land when he heard some one come up behind him.

"Hey Ups," He told the person.

"Hey you're self," Upsilon pulled up a chair and sat beside him, "You sure you're okay?"

"No," DC answered, "But there isn't a whole lot I can do." He paused for a second and then looked over at him. "By the way, thanks."

Ups' looked shocked for a second and then asked, "For what?"

"You were right; getting my mind off things helped me remember some. As confusing as it was it was a step in the right direction."

Upsilon looked at him for a second, "Well that's your right my friend. Any way, you need any help with any thing else let me know okay?"

"Thanks I will," DC looked at him as he walked off and stared.

His memory was starting to come back, but it had a weird side effect. He had felt guilty for some reason when he talked to Upsilon before. Now he didn't know what he was feeling. Still this was the first thing that could be done in order to sort out his life. Hopefully, the time would come when the rest of his mind made as much sense now as his thinking did.