Title: Johnny Survivor

Rating: PG (Features the first edited swear, courtesy of Spencer Armacost.)

Summary: The twisted brainchild of a weirdo in desperate need of new ideas for writing material. Lucky story doesn't know what hit it. What happens when Johnny Depp in a good deal of his incarnations get stuck on an island to play... well... Survivor? And more important... when those incarnations' Angels spur me on to greatness (cough)? Little less madness, a little more action this chapter. Lots and lots of dialogue too.

Disclaimer: Since I've neglected this the first 2 chapters, I figure I might as well get it out of the way. I own nothing whatsoever. I don't own the concept of Survivor, I don't own Johnny Depp, I don't own any form of Johnny and I don't own the Angels that make this possible. Except myself; I think I own myself. Maybe... Oughtta go check on that.

Author's Notes: Thanks for the fab reviews, kiddos! Indeedy, JA is full of friendly folk, the fact that a few of us are a bit off kilter not withstanding. That just means we're eccentric to boot, savvy? Well, we've had our first voting thingamabob; here is the result in the flesh. Oh yeah... and think of this as a sort of tribute to the real Survivor that started 9/16/04.


Chapter 3- Can't sleep, moai's will eat me

Last time

--- When we last left off, Hahaga's green flag was flying high and proud as could be considering how the tribe had gotten to that point. It was calm, sweet (for the most part) Inaga that had to brace for the guillotine that would relieve them of a tribe member. As much as they hated to admit it, this would be the easiest council they'd go through, not knowing exactly who was who apart from what they'd occasionally see of each other in Angel Adventures or DB's apartment.

Spencer

--- "Ichy... I don't know exactly how to say this but... I despise you. I utterly hate you and well, even if you aren't voted off tonight, I'll be sure to make it easier when the time comes to count all your previous votes. You just don't have what it takes to be a Survivor, boyo. You're getting my vote."

Donnie

--- "Spencer is a problem child. He doesn't get along with the others, he's moody, he doesn't like water... how did he get on this show if he hates water? I... I just can't deal with someone who's going to flout authority. I say authority with the best intentions of course; I just think Inaga would be worse off without some kind of structure. And with a bully like Spencer? That's why, if nothing else happens, I'll be happy to see Spencer gone before I am."

Inaga- Tribal Council

--- The outlook was grim for Inaga. Personal items were exhumed and replaced in worn knapsacks. The fire was left burning for the lucky 7 that would return and the 8 staffs were taken up for the trek to Tribal Council. If there was ever a longer walk, Inaga couldn't think of one.

They made it to the fiery clearing with some energy to spare. They lit their torches from the abundant flames and sat, 2 rows of 4, and waited for the grisly process to begin.

"Good evening to you, Inaga. Today must have been something of a trial for you all. How about some reactions? Donnie, what went wrong today?"

"Well... we were held up by differences of opinion and knowledge of the best way to keep a fire above water when swimming. They've got pirates, there was really no feasible way we could catch up. I'm not complaining, but that was Jack's element. There's no arguing with that."

"All right, so you think Jack just being an overall better swimmer is to blame. How about you Spencer?"

"The incompetence of some of our teammates, despite the fact that they claim to be scientists."

"Hey, watch it!" Ichabod interjected.

"Okay, okay, guys, be civil. Spencer, why the dislike towards Ichabod?"

"Because he's too predictable, precise and needs a good kick in the head."

"I never knew you felt that way. Good, maybe I'll be better off with Sarah-..."

"Guys, easy. No need to bite heads off here. Ichabod, what's your response to this?"

"Had I known I was so against Spencer's beliefs, I probably would have done something about it. Now, I just don't care. Let him try and vote me off. I'm going to be here for awhile yet, you watch, Mr. Armacost.," Ichy sneered, waiting for a reaction from Spencer. The alien in question simply yawned and turned a lazy expression to his nemesis.

"Getting cocky, are we?"

"I think things are a bit too intense right now. Besides, it's time to vote. Tobey, you're up."

Tobey levered himself to his feet and shuffled down the ramp to the special, ceremonial circle of voting. He uncapped the marker and stood thoughtfully before scribbling down something, folding it up, and stuffing it into the pot. He capped the marker again, and returned.

"Raphael."

Raphael repeated the process, as did Axel, Gilbert and Sam.

Sam

---"I'm sorry, Raphael. You probably are the Survivor, but this came at a bad time in your life. You need to be with SS. There might be a next time, who knows? But now's not the time to worry about this stupid game."

Sam folded the paper bearing Raphael's name and stuffed it into the pot.

Donnie

---"Spencer, you're a jerk. Pick on someone of your own caliber."

Ichabod

---"You know, I wasn't going to vote for you. But, you leave me no choice."

Spencer

---"I hope you enjoyed my little show at the campfire tonight. I sure did. I hope I scared you."

Inaga- Tribal Council

---"I'll go tally the votes," the host smiled a tight grin before going to fetch the ceremonial pot of votes. There were hard glances around the fire: mostly of people trying to avoid others' eyes. The tension was thick enough to make breathing a problem. The host returned, placing the pot on a pedestal.

"The first vote. Is Spencer."

Ichabod's untidy scrawl was presented.

"The second vote... Ichabod."

It was Spencer's vote.

"Axel."

Axel's eyebrows furrowed, wondering what he'd done to deserve his name on the parchment. Nobody would meet his gaze for a number of different reasons.

"Axel."

He swallowed, trying to contain his nervous energy.

"Raphael."

Raphael's face was pure stone. He gave no sign that he'd even recognized his name being announced.

"Spencer."

Spencer rolled his eyes.

"Raphael."

This warranted a slight sigh. Whether it was of relief or fear, nobody was quite sure.

"The first person voted off Survivor: Rapa Nui."

The host turned the parchment around, RAPHAEL displayed in barely legible, backwards script. Raphael nodded, not daring to say anything.

"Bring your fire."

Raphael took a last, lingering look at his tribe of 3 days before shouldering his pack and presenting his torch.

"Fire is a sign of life in the wilderness, as you learned in this last challenge. It signifies life, and it also signifies destruction in the purest form. However, as your life on Rapa Nui is extinguished, so is your torch. The tribe has spoken."

The host then placed the ceremonial putter-outter over Raphael's torch, thereby snuffing it out.

Raphael

---"This is... it's such a relief. I don't have to worry about SS anymore, I can try and make peace... I can make things better now. I know I didn't really get to win anything for her, but I can try again some other time. I just have to show her I'm better than James or... if it works out, she'll have forgotten him. It's a long shot but... I'm holding out."

Ichabod

---"I can't say I was surprised to get the vote. Scientific evidence seems to suggest that Spencer doesn't really like me. I don't know why it's me he's signaled out, but I don't much appreciate it one way or another.

Axel

---"I think I'm going to have to start getting things in gear. They probably voted for me because I haven't really done much. That will change though; I hear the fish out there. They're talking, trying to tell their stories. I'm going to listen. I think they'll have the answer I'm looking for.

Spencer

---"I'd say I thought the idiots that burned me was a two-timing son of a (beep), but I'll give the benefit of the doubt. After all, I'm still on the island, aren't I?

Inaga- Morning

---There was a loud crash as the metal, waterproof container clattered out of the tree and landed on a rock. Since no one had been placed on watch the night before, the whole tribe had to scramble to battle positions.

"All right, Inaga, this had better be your camp or I'm going to freak right out. Cuidado, piso-..."

"Mojado," several Johnnies answered.

"DB, how'd you get here?" Axel asked, taking the initiative. Unangeled Johnnies had been taught the Spanish code to better help their blind caretaker identify them.

"Long story, listen, I've been walking for a long time now, do you have any water to spare?" Donnie nodded at Ichabod who scurried off to fetch one of the water jugs.

"What brings you out here, DB?" Gilbert asked. Why would she seek them out on a remote Pacific island?

"Well, this whole deal with SS was bothering me, so I enlisted Gabe to help me go Raphael-hunting. Give it to me straight, am I in the right camp?"

"Er... yes, but-..."

"Gabe, we got it right this time!"

"The buffs helped a bit," Gabe blushed.

"So where's dear Raphael? Why can't I hear him?" DB queried, returning to the task at hand.

"I regret to inform you that we voted him off last night," Tobey remarked casually.

"You're kidding," DB's voice was carefully devoid of emotion.

"Afraid so, DB," Sam winced.

"All right. Someone is going to be in trouble. I track this crazy Native American to a corner of the earth only to find he's not here? This has gone way beyond a little learning-..."

"DB, no! You can't!" a faint voice crackled over the Ops Angel's communicator.

"SS, did you know they voted Raphael off? I was trying to do the right thing and he has to get himself voted off-..."

"Capítan, come on. So Raphael's not there, at least you got to see Easter Island!"

"Hardy har, Maravilla," DB grumbled.

"You're not allowed to mentally disturb the Johnnies, not even your own, savvy? If you have to take your anger out on something, might I suggest a stress ball or something of that nature? Or even target practice if you return ASAP. Just don't do anything stupid," Arenas half ordered/ half pleaded.

"All right, all right, fine. I'm going," if DB had had the ability, she would have rolled her eyes. There were 3 audible sighs of relief over the communicator: one masculine computer, one very concerned angel, and one former Cantina kick. There was also a suspicious comment that sounded like someone saying that there was no learning to speak of, but that won't be thought over in great detail.

"Sounds... fantasmic... Capítan. I'll hand you back to Gabe. Over and out."

"DB, Arenas will have a plane ready for you upon your arrival back to the airport. Are you ready to start back?" Gabe asked politely.

"Yeah, I suppose. Be good you guys, and good luck," DB called as she hauled her pack to her shoulders and took a swig of water. She disappeared into the brush, leaving 7 Johnnies a little more confused, but otherwise okay.

"That's not something you see everyday," Axel shook his head.

"Nope," Spencer agreed.

"Now why don't you harass anybody else, Spencer, why just me?"

"Shut up, Ichabod."

Hahaga- Morning

---It was Jack who roused first with an insatiable hunger who in turn woke Sands (a light sleeper). When scavenging brought up nothing of value besides 3 different kinds of berries and a bunch of plantains, Jack settled for rice.

"Who do you think they voted off?" Sands asked after swallowing a mouthful of the sticky, but filling breakfast.

"Th' fire one."

Sands sighed, "They all had the fire at one point in time. Care to clarify?"

"Y' know... th' last one. Lit th' tower on fire."

"Oh, him," Sands fished for a name. "Raphael. Why him?"

"'E looked lost."

"And you had time to notice this when you were swimming?" Sands remarked wryly.

"No, mate, when you were climbing th' tower."

"We ought to think of who we'll want to vote off," the pale man mused.

"Are ye suggestin' that I plan who I stab in th' back?" Jack asked seriously.

"You've got to make it so blunt, don't you? You remind me of a guy I once knew. Big, slow, guitar player...?"

"An' ye have t' dance around th' subject. Like me former evil, double-crossin' first mate," Jack countered.

"Okay, amigo, I'm sorry I brought it up. Just keep in mind that you'll have to vote sooner or later, and hope your head's not on the chopping block," Sands shrugged before lighting a stick on fire. As soon as he had been able, he'd reverted back to his own cigarettes. He hadn't gotten rid of the candyettes though, knowing he'd probably need them again when his reserve of nicotine ran dry. So he lit the cigarette with the stick and scooted away from Jack. No need to agitate him further.

Jack

---"Th' lad's completely insane. I'm not going to be thinking about that grisly detail until I'm forced to. Th' fact th' man's a rat doesn't help his case any either.

Sands

---"Can you say, 'sensitive?' Jeezum... and I never say Jeezum. Ever. Savvy?

Inaga- Late afternoon

---"I want meat. I'm sick of this rice," Spencer grumbled.

"Go catch something yourself," Ichabod glowered.

"Now see... if I lived in the middle of nowhere... I'd be tempted. As it is, I'm wilderness challenged," Spencer shot back.

There was a moment of silence as Ichabod tried to think of some cutting remark. He was saved by Axel's loud cry from down by the beach. Johnny's scrambled to the beachfront to find out what had happened. There was Axel, squatting on his haunches in nothing but a pair of swimming trunks holding a squirming fish in his grip.

"Easy, easy. Come on now, what's your trouble? Tell me, I'll listen," he tried to soothe the fish to the point of peacefulness and tranquility. The fish began to gradually slow its frantic flopping and was soon lying quietly in Axel's hand. The only indication it was still alive was the sucking of dry oxygen in through no doubt burning gills.

"Would you give your life to help ours?" Axel asked politely.

Eyes wandered through the group, wondering if the fish would really answer. Axel nodded slightly in recognition and placed the creature back in its habitat, with a slight nudge, the fish darted through the water and out of sight.

"Did you just catch a fish?" Donnie asked.

"And let it go?" Spencer gaped.

"He didn't want us to eat him. It wasn't his time to go. So I let him swim home," Axel said simply.

"The fish told you this," Gilbert stated.

"He did," Axel replied, starting to get defensive. So what if he talked to fish?"

"You let it go?" Spencer whimpered.

"If someone reached out and caught you, would you like them to eat you?" Axel shot back.

"No, but you're missing the point. It was food. I'm sorry, but I'm siding with Spencer on this one," Tobey shook his head. Spencer started slightly, wondering who exactly would try to help defend his side. Tobey simply shrugged.

"All right, you know what? Next time, you can talk to the fish!" Axel yelled before leaping up and stalking off into the brush. Spencer made the universal sign of the wacko while Donnie and Gilbert both looked sympathetic.

"I'll go look," Donnie acknowledged. Gilbert nodded, watching as Donnie too disappeared.

"Way to go, you two," Gilbert muttered a minute later.

"Oh, like you didn't help instigate it." Tobey rolled his eyes, "Don't act so high and mighty." Gilbert was about to launch into an inspired rant when Donnie popped back.

"I found him, but he's still peeved. Don't complain about dinner," he warned.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Spencer sneered, leaving the 3 alone. It was Donnie's turn to roll his eyes before gesturing for Tobey and Gilbert to return to camp.

Tobey

---"Axel's a strange boy. I don't really believe his whole talking with the fishes thing, but if it makes him happy, I can't complain. I just think he should add more to the group. Maybe this is the pot calling the kettle lack. Who knows? It's just going to come down to him or me and after today, I'm pretty sure nobody's going to forget what Axel did."

Spencer

---"Why is everybody on this team so incompetent? He catches a perfectly good fish and throws it back? No way. Nuh uh. It's definitely Axel or Ichy this time around. I think I'm starting to get some kind of a bond with Tobey, though. Anybody willing to defend a murderous alien is good in my books."

Axel

---"I tried being nice, and it didn't work. I can't eat what I can talk to unless they give their permission. Why... it's cannibalism. It's just cannibalism and a massacre of ethics. I don't care what they believe. They can catch their own fish."

Hahaga- Next afternoon

---The sun was beating down through skimpy trees upon lazy Survivors; all were in various states of undress. Captain Jack was still clad in a shirt and pants, being used to island heat. Several others, Sands, Raoul, Abberline and Cesar, had relieved themselves of their shirts. Mort, Fred and Edward were still fully clothed (though not very comfortable) while Bon-bon was... free. Hahaga was trying very hard not to notice.

"And to think you thought it was cold, Duke," Sands commented offhandedly. No one bothered to look at Bon-bon's attempts to come on to Mort.

"It was," the journalist replied stubbornly.

There was a period of silence that was occasionally broken by a yelp or giggle by Mort and Bon-bon respectively.

"That's it! I'm going to check the Moai mail! Keep... her here!" Mort yelled before stomping back into the brush. Fred rolled his eyes and aimed a pointed glare at the transvestite.

"There's just no chance of you behaving, is there?" he grumbled. Bon-bon looked affronted before he huffed and dropped into the warm sand.

"No need, t' be so harsh, mate. 'E's just bein' himself," Captain Jack leaned close to the miffed Abberline.

"He's being distracting is what he is."

"You've clearly never been to Provincetown, Massachusetts."

"Clearly."

"Oh come one, you call this haiku?" there was a stumbling and cracking of twigs before Mort reappeared, a scroll clutched in his fist.

"What about haiku?" Sands drawled, neither looking at Mort, nor removing his sunglasses.

"The clue's a haiku, and a dumb one at that."

"I will read it," Cesar said, speaking up for the first time. Mort shrugged and handed the scroll over.

Into deep water

Dive far and fast and retrieve

To win new food source.

"Doesn't it sound suspicious?" Mort asked. He'd developed a healthy, though a bit premature, fear of challenges. He didn't like having to adapt to some strange and evil competition.

"I'll protect you, sugarbutt," Bon-bon purred.

"Okay, coming from you, sugarbutt just doesn't sound wholesome anymore. I renounce all claims to 'sugarbutt'," Sands shuddered, despite the warn heat of the day.

"I... think I'll go swimming," Mort began to inch sideways towards the Pacific.

"But sugarbutt!" Bon-bon cried, "Don't you want me to swim with you?"

"No! No, no, no, I'm fine. I'm... practicing my diving! For the challenge, you understand," Mort stuttered.

"We don't have time. Why don't we get going instead?" Cesar suggested. It was a good way to keep Bon-bon from openly going after Mort.

"I can't," Edward shook his head furiously. He had been thinking about the riddle and came to the conclusion it simply wasn't the challenge for him. Metal and water didn't seem to like to get alone a whole lot.

"Well, uh... the other guys had to... uh... kick off a person yesterday. We'll have to have someone sit out... at least, that's my understanding," Duke pointed out.

"All right Edward, you'd be our best bet to wait this one out," Fred nodded, clapping a hand on Edward's shoulder. Edward didn't meet the inspector's gaze, simply stared at the sand at his feet.

"Don't feel bad. You do what you can and nobody can think any less of you," Fred gave a last squeeze of Edward's shoulder before moving towards the camp, stripping out of his suit and down to a pair of swim shorts. To the raised eyebrows among the group, he rolled his eyes as if to say, 'So I'm anachronistic, sue me." He turned on the bunch and marched steadily inland.

"What are we waiting for, mates? Let's get a move on," Jack announced, standing up and stretching before he too disappeared into the shady area beyond the beach. There were collective groans from the rest of the tribe as they began to prepare for their next challenge.

Inaga

---Inaga was the first to arrive at the challenge area and they were able to get an idea of what they were doing. A section of the ocean had been roped off and there were 2 separate benches set up, one green, and the other orange. Aside from that, there was nothing spectacular about the challenge. Inaga could only image what was going on under the tranquil surface.

Hahaga arrived finally, mostly in assorted swimming gear. Edward was still sporting his leather and Jack had stubbornly refused to strip further, but the rest were a mass of shorts and Speedos.

"Spencer, maybe you ought to look into a Speedo. Abberline wears his quite well," Axel murmured appreciatively. Spencer looked about to take a bite out of Axel as Gilbert had to hand onto the alien's upper arm.

"Cool it," he hissed. Spencer's jaw tightened, but he said nothing.

"Survivors! Welcome back! Take stock of who's missing from Inaga, Hahaga. Think it will help your cause?"

"I was right," Jack grinned, every gold tooth gleaming. Raphael was indeed gone.

"Today's challenge is for something I'm pretty sure you'll like. I bet you're getting sick of your rice." The host paused for the customary nods and affirmatives, "Today, you're playing for fishing gear. Line, poles, hooks... the whole bit. I'm sure a bit of seafood wouldn't go unappreciated."

Spencer uttered a groan, remembering the last time he'd almost had fish.

"Today's challenge is this. Individual team members from each tribe will swim out into the ocean to retrieve a panel. These panels have numbers on them. They must be retrieved in order: 1, 2, 3, 4, and so forth. Whichever team returns their panels first and puts them in order on the benches first wins the reward. Now, Hahaga, there are only 7 panels. One of you has to sit out. Who is it?"

"Edward," the tribe replied, in a jumble of voices. Edward nodded, and moved to stand beside the host.

"All right, Survivors! Get an order, and be ready to go. On your marks!"

The assorted Johnnies were placed in a roster order, the strongest swimmers going the last leg for the deeper panels.

"Survivors ready! Go!"

Ichabod and Cesar dashed for the water, Ichabod in a shirt and pants, Cesar in shorts. As the water dragged at Ichabod's excessive dress, Cesar was able to gain a slight upper hand, ducking under and searching for the magic, first panel. He surfaced, clutching in his hand a board with a white 1 on it surrounded by a border or green. Ichabod was but 3 seconds behind in the swim back for shore, but found he still had trouble slogging back to the starting line.

Mort in swimming shorts was already wading out as Ichy collapsed on the sand, trying to catch his breath. Sam, sympathetic, tried to meet him halfway, stopping when he'd gone as far as he was allowed. Ichabod crawled over to Sam, managing to slap his hand before curling up on the sand to recover. Sam darted into the water a lot faster than anyone gave him credit for. By the time Ichy managed to place his panel on the bench, San was already beginning to start back, neck and neck with Mort. He managed to pull ahead as the slow lumber onto dry land began. Sam slapped Tobey and wobbled up to the bench to place his own orange plank next to Ichy's.

Tobey began with a slight lead over Bon-bon which soon grew as Bon-bon began to shy away from the water. Salt water didn't seem to be something that would be tolerated willingly. He'd already been stuffed into a Speedo, wasn't that enough? Tobey took the initiative to widen the gap. He managed to grab his board and surface before Bon-bon had gone halfway out. Tobey tagged Gilbert and went to sit behind a still panting Ichabod and silent Sam.

Gilbert managed to lengthen the time gap as he too ran up the beach with the number 4 board and slapped Axel's palm. Finally, Fred was able to dive into the water and paddle for all he was worth. Axel's time with the fishes helped him a great deal, but not so much that it prevented Fred from gaining back some of the lost time.

The two managed to run up the beach together, Inaga still ahead by one plaque. Duke, a powerful swimmer was pitted against number 6, Donnie. Duke was gaining on Donnie steadily, but the teams still weren't even. Duke was back on the beach as Donnie came up for air. Hahaga was only half a trip behind.

Sands dove out next, trying to help finish what Duke and Fred had started. They were so close, he could taste it! It was almost more prominent than the great amount of salt water leaking into his mouth. Donnie managed to tag Spencer before Sands had gotten halfway out and things were looking good for Inaga. Until Spencer made his weakness blatantly obvious.

"I hate water..." he moaned.

"You said you'd go last, you can do it! Swim, Spencer! Do it for the fish!" Donnie yelled.

Spencer gritted his teeth, hating the situation immensely. What was that phrase? C'est la vie? Curses. Let it sink to the vile pits of Hell. He took a deep breath as Sands did like wise out in the ocean and plodded purposefully into the water. He ignored the immediate feeling of fear and dislike of hydrogen dioxide and continued, beginning to doggie paddle as the situation called. He passed Sands who was racing at a fast clip. He passed the resting place of the number 6 plank. He treaded water where the last board should be as Captain Jack dove neatly into the water. It was do or die. He clamped his moist fingers over his nose and swam as far down as he could. He squinted at the floor, trying to spot a flash of orange...

Spencer came up gasping for breath and began the long doggie paddle back. Jack was just starting his dive, Inaga didn't have as much time as they'd originally thought. He heard a splash behind him and began to paddle faster. The fear of water and the hatred of losing began to mount, empowering him to move faster, try and keep some distance between himself and the swift pirate. His foot touched the bottom and he scrabbled for all he was worth for some purchase. Jack and he were now tied; Spencer had to get there first! Glancing at Jack, he made a mad lunge for the bench, shoved his plank in place to reveal the Survivor: Rapa Nui logo...

"Inaga has won the reward challenge!"

Hahaga- Night

---Bon-bon was subdued that night. No amount of cajoling or suggestive phrases could make him get out of his funk. Guilt was not an easy thing to deal with when food was on the line.

So the tribe cooked up another batch of rice and at in silence. They all went to bed early, anticipating a not so fun immunity challenge.

Inaga- Morning

---Tobey had woken up early as everybody knows the best time to catch a fish is earlier than anybody cares to be up. Besides, fried fish isn't exactly the worst smell to wake up to. Maybe the others would appreciate the gesture. Axel was still iffy, but as far as Tobey was concerned, it was the majority that mattered and they didn't work to win this gear for nothing.

By the time the rest of Inaga roused from slumber, Tobey had 2 fish gutted, boneless and sizzling over the fire.

"That was so worth it," Spencer hummed happily as he sat in front of the conflagration. Donnie, Ichabod, Gilbert and Sam soon joined the duo while Axel took a bit more time. He didn't like the idea of eating fish, but maybe he could just have plain rice. He sincerely hoped Tobey hadn't managed to catch the same fish he'd talked to yesterday; that would have been too disappointing.

Tobey doled out the fish and made a silent gesture as if to ask if Axel wanted any. Axel shook his head and got up to take a walk instead. He'd let the tribe eat first. Their comfort was paramount to his own. He couldn't impose his ideas on them; after all, he'd tried that already.

On a whim, he took a meandering route to the moai that was guarding their mail. Sure enough, the little arm of the tiki idol atop the box was raised in friendly salute. Axel reached in and pulled out a piece of ceramic in the shape of a plate.

Out in the bush

The cuisine isn't appetizing,

The Survivor often requires a push

You may not be starved

But should you not partake

So shall your fate will be carved.

"A food challenge?" Axel murmured. He didn't like the implications, but he couldn't complain. He'd pull his weight like Spencer did yesterday. Spencer was not going to make him feel inferior. He started back to camp, with his jaw set and determination shining in his eyes.

"He guys, we've got mail."

Hahaga- Afternoon

---It had been an uneventful morning at Hahaga tribe. The rice was getting to be a dreary routine, but it was food. Besides, they'd had a reasonable chance of winning a chance to have fish. Nobody was allowed to complain.

Jack had fetched the plate clue about the same time Axel had, and had made about as much out of it. There was going to be food, and it was going to be inedible.

"Mates, we're popular! We're still gettin' fanmail!" Jack grinned, waving the ceramic. Sands perked an eyebrow, remembering their exchange about voting. If somebody didn't do this challenge, the noose would tighten sooner than they'd expected.

"Oh boy, a challenge we'll enjoy," Fred sighed.

"Well, maybe we'd better skip lunch and start packing. Starving oneself to the point of delirium does amazing things to one's judgment," Mort nodded.

"How do you know that?" Cesar asked, having known hard times, but never that bad.

"The day I ran out of Doritos," Mort quivered slightly in memory. "I had to eat... celery and peanut butter."

Duke declined comment for the horror story and instead stood up. "We'll just have to arm ourselves to the teeth... Catch anything those swine throw at us."

"Aye!" Jack cried.

"Mhmm," Sands muttered.

Inaga- Afternoon

Two picnic tables had been set up in the middle of the clearing. On it were all kinds of gelatinous, slimy, sticky, bug-infested food imaginable. The smell wafting through wasn't too pleasant either. The 7 remaining members of Inaga had to fight not to throw up, but received a certain twisted pleasure in noticing Hahaga had a similar issue.

"Welcome back, Survivors, grab a seat," the host gestured to the fringes of the tables where they were expected to sit. Inaga moved wearily towards the orange settings, as Hahaga prowled towards the green side.

"As I'm sure you were able to guess... this is a food challenge," the host wore a devious smile as he surveyed the uneasy campers. "I hope you've brought a healthy appetite." With a flourish, his gestured to the food.

Everybody had to stifle a feeling of nausea. The bowls themselves didn't hold actual food, just very unappetizing animal products. The least assuming bowl held several sweet potatoes. The potatoes seemed to be more feared than the fish guts, eyeballs and maggots combined.

"We borrowed this from Fear Factor. Kind of," the announcer shrugged. "At any rate, you'll be having a smoothie of sorts. An unusual kind. It'll be made of the products you see before you. It's a friendly game of chug-a-lug. Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is the drink an entire mug without puking or spitting up. The first team to chug theirs entirely wins. Bring in the smoothies!"

Before the poor, distraught Johnnies had a chance to glance towards the forest, a hoard of natives swept by and deposited their catches in front of each one. As quickly as they'd come, they were gone again, with nothing but a slight breeze indicating their presence. Their offerings were clay mugs filled with a peach colored, viscous liquid; it was nothing they'd ever dreamed of bringing to their lips, let alone ingesting willingly.

"Hahaga! Who's sitting this one out?"

Bon-bon raised her hand quickly.

"All right, Hahaga going without the aid of Bon-bon. Bottoms up. Survivors, are you ready? Chug!"

The first intrepid Survivors to take a swig were Sam, Captain Jack, Donnie and Duke. Their reasons were varied, but the 4 did spur on more team mates. Sands was heard to be muttering about tequilas with limes around gulps of the terrible stuff as Gilbert simply held his nose. After several tries, even Edward began to get into the rhythm. Soon, only Axel and Mort hadn't touched their drinks.

"Time I listened to my own advice," Mort sighed, and tilted the mug to his lips.

"C'mon, Axel," Gilbert hiccupped. "Drink."

"I won't. I... The fish is in it."

"Fish?" Spencer's jaw dropped.

"The fish I talked to yesterday. They caught him. I can't drink this," Axel shook his head vehemently.

"No, come on, Axel! You've gotta!" Tobey moaned.

"No, I won't."

"I think if I try hard enough... I can get by the fishy, nasty taste... I can almost pretend it's Mountain Dew," Mort smiled blissfully. He drained the last drop and set the mug upside down on the bench. The rest of Hahaga, for symbolism purposes, upended theirs as well.

"I'm sorry to say this, Inaga, but Hahaga wins immunity again."