When first hearing her say those words, a smile had crept to his face, but now Sirius regretted that nonverbal commitment he had made. Everyone else got over their shock of her total ease with the subject and seemed more than happy to share the secret. After having time to think about Sirius wasn't pleased. A few weeks later, giving her plenty of time to think it over and be positively sure, James brought his notes over to their flat one night.
"I changed my mind." Sirius confessed after dwelling on the thought for weeks. Maybe Ava had kept her mind, but Sirius had changed his. "It's too dangerous."
"Come off it." Ava laughed at him, flipping through James' old notes. They weren't as thorough as she would have liked, but honestly she was surprised he still had them. Better wait on Lupin, she mused. He would certainly have better notes from their adventure in Anamagistry.
"I'm serious." He set his hand over her notes.
"Yeh, you are." She brushed off his somber manner.
"Ava."
She looked up at him. For him to say her name and in that way, it must be important. Her eyes on his, waiting for an explanation. The blueness darkened as his pupils grew in earnest. He almost made her worried. "What?"
"Please." He didn't know how to say it. He didn't want to forbid her to do it, not that he could or would, but he also didn't want to lose her, or see her turn into a half-person half-creature. It had been known to happen. Then how long would take in St. Mungos? And the bills? He tried to relate all this to her.
"What?" She couldn't really understand everything he was saying, as it all came at once. After listening to it for a while, she began to decipher what he was really saying, or trying to. "Oh."
Lily and James sat awkwardly on the couch silently to the side of this conversation, neither saying anything nor interrupting. Lily knew how Sirius felt, one for worry after Ava, but also knowing she wouldn't want James to go through it again. James on the other hand couldn't quite understand his friend's change of heart. Hadn't they started on this idea when they were twelve, why not share it with someone, especially someone they trust.
"You were fifteen though when you did it."
"And it wasn't any less painful or dangerous."
"That's not the point." Ava tried to tell him. She didn't care what it took, but she wanted to do this. Something in her recognized the need.
"But that's my point!" Didn't she get it? She didn't need to put herself at risk like this-it was too hazardous. "I was fifteen and I was stupid!"
"Sirius." Ava didn't understand why he was being so protective. If it was ok for him it was ok for her, which she told him.
"Ava." He said her name in the same way she had said his. He cranked his head back in distress.
"Look," she tried to talk to him in a sensible manner, maybe to get across how she felt. "Maybe it would be different if it was a blind attempt. But you three did it, you know how. You know exactly what it takes."
"And you know exactly what and how it can go wrong. Don't tell me you've never seen the warning pictures in textbooks." He countered her just as fast.
"I'm a damn good witch!" her defenses leapt up.
"I'm not saying you aren't-"
"Basically you are," she cut him off right after he cut her off. Their eyes locked on each other again, in similar confrontational style. She softened up, after all she wasn't really trying to fight with him, she just didn't understand.
He abandoned all pretenses, laying his cards on the table. "Look, I'm just worried for you. I care about you and don't want to see you hurt."
A slight pink colored her face nearly unnoticeable. She quickly looked over to the where the others sat. "Lil? Potter?"
Both jumped at hearing their names. Trying to make themselves as small as possible hadn't quite worked apparently. Both shrugged most unhelpfully. Ava looked back to see Sirius' somber eyes on her. Feeling slightly smoked under the pressure, it intensified when the door opened and Remus walked in with a slight knock.
Remus could feel what he walked into, the tension that sat stale in the room. Not saying anything, he walked around to sit down. The unobtrusive entrance he had tried to make was shattered with the loud crack of Peter appearing in the open doorway. Remus grimaced at the thunderclap, knowing something was going to distort and unbalance. He didn't know what it was, but thanked Ava for the drinks she got up to get him and Peter.
"I'll go help." Lily got up with a strained smile, following Ava into the kitchen. Both Sirius and James fell back with exasperation.
Remus eyes them both before sitting down. Deciding against saying anything he knew if he wait long enough he would find out, and if not, he could worry about it later. Unfortunately, Peter had to stick himself in there.
"What's with the dramatics guys?"
James was on edge from trying to stay out of the whole encounter and left it up to Sirius. Sirius stood up from the floor, running his hands through his hair shaking it about.
"Aves wants to be an animagus."
"Yeah," Peter knew this she said it weeks ago. "So?"
"So," Sirius turned to him letting some of his tension out on Peter, the poor scapegoat. "She doesn't need to risk her neck like that. She doesn't understand how unsafe it is."
"Never stopped us." Peter said truthfully.
"Yeah, well that was years ago." Sirius had to gripe. That was then, the past.
"Well, I don't regret it."
Remus moved out of the way, so in case it happened, Sirius could pounce on Peter, with himself out of the line of fire. By the look in Sirius' eyes, it was obviously in his thoughts. Sirius stared down the small man-how dare he say that? It was Sirius and James' work that let him change, the little leech. James looked as if the shit had hit the fan, and turned to distract Sirius from going postal on Pettigrew.
"Hey Padfoot," he hit his shoulder so Sirius spun around to him, looking at him like he was crazy.
"Yeh?" Sirius asked with bafflement.
"I-" the sound of something breaking cut James off. He jumped up saying he'd take a look with his hand stopping the rest. Entering the kitchen he found out what was going on.
Ava was bent over on the floor picking up the pieces while Lily was getting the broom and pan. She was apologizing. "Sorry, Avie, I," she saw James come in, so did Ava.
"I don't see the trouble?" Ava picked up talking to her again, ignoring James.
"The trouble is that none of us want to see you hurt!" Lily said a little louder than she needed to.
"So you're telling me you have no inclination to even know what it's like?" she stood up and dumped the big pieces of glass into the rubbish bin that was out. She bent back down to hold the pan for Lily.
"No," Lily honestly told her. "No I don't."
"Well I do." Ava groaned. "Why can't you understand?"
"Why cant you?" Lily stressed. "There are people who care about you. Deal with it."
Ava looked at Lily strangely. Slowly she dumped the pan of shards into the rubbish, then putting the bin back under the sink. With her back to the two she stood still against the counter, finishing up the drinks they were messing with. "I still don't see." She finally said.
"You think that you can risk yourself," Lily was getting shriller by the second, James put his hand around her mouth and pushed her out of the kitchen. Ava's back still to him, he knew she was rolling her eyes at Lily's muffled voice through the door still talking, "Jeopardize everything."
Finally Lily was quiet, and James, shrugging off his love's voice, walked over to Ava. She stiffened when he stood next to her. "I don't want to hear it. 'I'm jeopardizing everything.' 'He only cares about me and my safety.' 'Don't hurt us all.'"
"Get over yourself." He laughed at her, giving her a slight shove. "Think I should propose to Lily?"
"What?" she turned and looked at him, totally perplexed.
"Just trying to throw you off." He smiled at her.
"It worked." She laughed t herself too.
"Listen," he turned serious on her. "I'm probably one of the only ones on your side." he paused a minute. "Considering I didn't want to tell you."
She looked at him, not saying anything. So he finished up what he wanted to say. "But I'm glad we did if that helps. What I mean is don't let other people make up your decisions for you.
"The first time I ran through the woods…was indescribable. And I know neither of them wouldn't trade it for anything." He referred to Peter and Sirius. "He's just," James almost said 'in love' but was certainly glad he had amended it in time, "worried for you. It is a long and painful process, which you are more than capable of doing."
She gave him an appreciative smile. Honestly not expecting this from him. In school they had always gotten along just fine, but she thought he might have taken Sirius' side. Not that there were sides to take she reminded herself. He gave her a pat on the shoulder before heading back out the kitchen. "You know your own heart and talent, I don't think you'd make a mistake."
She stood for a minute thinking about it, but ended by picking up the tray, and walked out to the rest. She knew her mind, and it couldn't be swayed. It would just have to be explained, as long as it took.
She sat down the tray on the coffee table, sitting down on the floor and picking the notes back up, she stacked them with the ones Remus had brought over and set them down. Everyone now seemed to have calmed down and were talking about the latest Quidditch gossip and games. She wouldn't say anything until it was asked of her, and she would read those later.
It wasn't until alter, when Sirius was lying on her bed next to her, that the subject was brought back up. He kicked off his boots as to not get her comforter dirty, and fell back on to her pillows, inhaling her scent. He played with her hair; he loved playing with her hair for an unexplained reason. She shook up his own hair, laughing with him. They stared up at her ceiling, which had been enchanted to mirror the night sky. He turned on his side, looking at her.
"I can't change your mind can I?"
His sweet voice broke into her thoughts. Biting her bottom lip, she looked over at him, feeling the weight of those blue eyes on her soul. Honesty slipped out of her lips. "Sorry."
"I trust you." His smooth voice soothed her worries. She was secretly pleased that he had given his approval. It wouldn't have stopped her if he didn't, but it calmed her qualms to know he supported her. She smiled her thanks.
"If I could do it at fifteen," he shrugged, "than you are more than capable of doing it." it took a lot to admit it, but it was true. He didn't want to let it be out of control, but it already was. Most adults couldn't get it right, and a fifteen year old could? She could do it by herself, but if he was here to help, he would.
The good broomstick only knows how long it took to get the potion and charms right. With all of them helping her, it didn't take as long as it had taken the marauders, but it was arduous, with many a fight between everyone. A potion for an animagus needs to be just right. The right amount of ingredients, the right charms, the right volume of blood from its caster, the right time, the right everything. Ava went through her cash very fast as she kept buying ingredients, grunting that the rest had had the unlimited supply from Hogwarts and Raddick's pantry.
Each potion was different as each caster. All had different attributes and different abilities, which is what made animagus a hard skill to attain. Ava had to trust her friends a lot and let plenty of information of herself out. In the end it had been worth it. The final product sat in front of them.
"So what do you think it'll be?" Ava held the flask with a certain care. She wondered at it herself. An anamigus wouldn't know their animal until the time came, people were different, and choosing was not an option.
"I have a good idea." Remus smiled slyly. Ava scrutinized him up and down. Raising an eyebrow she waited. He laughed at her. "I'm not going to tell you."
"Then how will I know if you're telling the truth?"
"I'll tell Evans, and we will see." He leaned over and whispered in Lily's ear. She nodded and looked over to Ava patiently waiting.
"So you have a lot of faith in me?" she turned to Sirius. He looked less than amused at her joke.
"I'll pick up the pieces yes." He smiled back at her mirthlessly. "St. Mungo's on hold?" he looked over to James, who gave a nod. He turned and gave a nod to Ava.
She knew he was okay if he could joke about it with her, that was how their unique relationship worked. Her audience sat down on the couch and surrounding chairs, she took up her usually seat on the rug, her homey floor. Which made sense due to the fact that she was going to be putting on a show any minute. She set the flask on the table in front of her and sat cross-legged waiting. Their eyes on her, she felt nervous.
With a sigh, letting out on her breath and bad vibes, she picked it up and uncorked it. "Cheers," and she gave a toast to them and swallowed.
She set the empty flask down, waiting, not knowing what to expect. She had enough time to wonder how she would change in the future, and then it happened.
Sirius winced seeing the pain that took her face and body. Fighting every instinct to jump up and run over to her, he held a hand out to hold Lily back, James did the same. Lily was bewildered to see her friend in such pain. She hadn't known it would be like this. They said there was pain involved, but she thought they meant the process-all the blood the seeped from her. But this? This was agony. She tried to hop up but James and Sirius held her back.
Ava doubled over in suffering anguish. She fell down to the floor and out of their view, which is how they would all have had it, they didn't need to see her personal battle. Cringing, they all waited, eerily, Ava didn't make a sound. Finally a shrill cry shattered their hearing. All hands flying up to cover their precious ears. As they did so, this left Lily free who was mid-covering, and leapt up.
Throughout the cry, a hawk took flight and flew haphazardly through the small flat, knocking into cabinets an avoiding the fan, which was on. She went in and out of the rooms calling randomly. Lily, who was on her feet, fan over to the balcony door and slid it open. Ava flew through and out into the night sky. The rest came out to watch, as she happily circled about. They couldn't quite see her, but heard her and saw the livid pigeons flap about when she darted through them.
"She's going to be exhausted." Peter told them as she flew out of their sight and their hearing range.
Sirius' face fell as he looked over to James and Remus, whose colored had drained from their faces as well. They all shared a look of sickening shock to remember how it feels to change back the first time. She would drop!
Sirius bolted to the wall of the balcony, scanning the sky. James head cranked back to look above them, Remus to the sides. Lily looked at them shocked as well to find this out.
"Why did you open the door?" Peter scolded Lily. She looked at him as if he just shat fire.
"I didn't know." Lily took a few breaths of fresh night air, and trying to let her common sense return. She knew Ava, the girl could take care of herself. "She'll be back."
Sirius looked over at Lily to see her nod confidently at him. "If the girl knows anything, its how to take care of herself." He admitted, not that he wanted to. But he knew she still needed him, he hoped anyway.
Within a few more minutes, she came flying back at them and into the flat. They hustled in closing the door behind them. Ava headed straight for her bedroom where she left their sight again. Before they could get there, they heard a loud thump inturn with the noise of the springs of the bed-she had fallen straight down on to it. Lily opened the door slightly, which the others ripped open, and Ava lay on the bed in a mess of limbs, completely dead to the world. Lily kicked them all out and shut the door.
Waking up early the next morning, Ava was surprised at the lack of hangover she had. She felt great. She and Lily met up with the boys for a picnic in the park on that Saturday morning. Lily laughed at Ava and the grin she couldn't wipe off her face. Happiness plastered all over it.
On arrival, they found James, Remus and peter in the designated meeting grounds. Ava cocked her head to the side, wondering after Sirius. She was answered when a big black dog came bounding out behind Remus and James' legs.
"Snuffles!" she cried after him. She hadn't seen 'Snuffles' since the night at Hogwarts, when she thought him just a dog.
The dog darted to her jumping up carefully and licking her face. After ruffling his fur, he ran off to find a stick for someone to throw as the rest sat down on a blanket Lily had laid out. They sat down to eat and Snuffles dropped his stick on the ground near the blanket and went to beg at Lily. She shooed him off good-naturedly. He went around visiting the rest, before taking solace on Ava lap where he rest his head on her thigh, as she fed him scraps of the chicken Lily made.
"Snuffles is going to get fat." Lily mumbled at her. Ava grinned at her as the dog howled.
James rolled his eyes at the two, enamored in their own fun. Ava hopped up, grabbing his stick and ran off, her doggy friend not far behind, barking all the way. James shook his head. "Two of a kind."
After eating and digesting, the others found that Ava and Snuffles were still playing, so they joined them eventually. Playing keep away seemed to keep Snuffles entertained for some time. A couple of times he would actually get the stick when someone threw it too short or too far. James chucked the stick at Lily, who reached for it but watched it going flying out of her reach above her head. She went to go get it, but Snuffles beat her to it. She had to play tug of war to get it away from him. Once she got it and turned to walk back, she was interrupted.
"That's a big dog you have there." A tall blonde man smiled at her, green eyes that shined. "Have any troubles with him?"
"No." Lily shook her head politely. She pat the dog on the head.
The cute guy tried to reach over to pet him. "His breed a mix?" he looked up at her, smiling, and away from the dog.
Snuffles, very unimpressed with the young man snapped at his fingers, just making sure to miss them, and barked at him. The man pulled his hand back quickly, looking back at the big black dog who had his shackles up. Lily excused herself and her dog and headed back towards their friends, laughing.
She told the rest of the encounter and kept them all amused as Snuffles strutted about with his prize stick. Bearing course back to the blanket, they all collapsed once there. Snuffles trotted off to the woods without so much as a bark of goodbye. Minutes later, Sirius came strolling up, flowers in his hands. He separated them, taking a bunch in each hand. He gave some to Lily and some to Ava, a wicked smile playing on his lips.
"Stole these from the Queen's garden did you?" Ava played coy. Lily found a blush and a trifle giggle to pretend to be girly.
Sirius grinned with a tilt of his head. He fell on to the blanket next to Ava. "So, how was it?"
Ava fell back on to the blanket, basking the sun, a smile on her face to match. "Amazing. Remarkable. Inexpressible."
"In a word." James laughed. "Or two, maybe three."
"I just have to start thinking like," Peter hesitated to say 'a rat', "A critter, and I feel it too."
"Feels great," Sirius nodded to her, "doesn't it?"
"Like nothing I've ever felt." She looked up at the sky, contented. "How could you not want to feel it Lils?"
"As much as you felt the need, I felt the need not to." Lily told her honestly.
"I'll enjoy it for both of us." Ava laughed.
Remus tossed a towel at her, which she caught as it hit her face, and she wrapped her hair up in it, looking pretentious. She tossed it over to Peter, who wrapped it around his neck and pulled one end, flinging head to the side like being hung. In turn, it went flying over to Lily. She folded it up very carefully getting boos from the crowd. When it was in a tight square, she stuck it down her shirt, padding her bra. Pulling it back out she chucked it at James head, who left it there, and wiped his face, which amused the crowd.
"So what's the name going to be?" Peter suddenly wondered, asking Ava.
"Hadn't thought about it." she shrugged.
"How 'bout birdbrain?" he laughed. Ava, although somewhat amused, glared at him.
"Don't hawks eat rats?" she leaned over him intimidatingly.
"You wouldn't, ya liar." Remus called her bluff. She looked over at him. She crawled over Sirius and sat in Remus' lap.
"Dearest Remus," she drawled. "Doth thee knowest mine mind? It speakith unto thee. Nye, I shall wither erest thee depart, and leave thy humble memory fixed everso on my beloved, and yet wretched, dismal heart. Be gone and impair my soul no more, for thy presence still lingers and will ever haunt mine dreams, I shall look for thee on the morrow's dawn." And she died on his lap.
Lily gave a single, pity clap on her weak performance. Sirius walked over and plucked her from his best friend's lap. "Wings, what have we told you? Stop dying on people."
He dumped her back on one of the blankets where they sat before. He fell down beside her with his unconscious grace that Peter envied. Peter didn't want to watch, but couldn't look away. The bastard, a voice crept about inside him. He tried to think of something interesting to say.
"Were you right, was she the animal you thought?"
Ava smiled, looking up from where she had been flirting with Sirius. Her eyes turned to Remus, who nodded to Lily looking over at her. "Was I?" he smiled at her.
"Yeh," she gave a small nod. "Sort of. He said you would be a bird of prey."
She looked at him, he starred back and shrugged. "It was obvious." She nodded at him slowly.
"What kind are you any ways?" James asked, leaning over Lily.
"I don't know, I've only changed once. Haven't checked myself out in the mirror. What do I look like?"
"Colors? Uh," they all could only give her half-assed descriptions.
"I'll let you know when I look at my reflection." She nodded, sorry she'd asked.
"What's the difference between eagles and hawks and all anyways?"
Her eyes looked them over, surely they didn't really want to know and were just being polite. So she tried to keep it short, "In general, the difference between the two is size, the larger birds being eagles & the smaller hawks, but, there is an 'overlap' in sizes. For example, some of the smaller eagles are smaller than some of the larger hawks."
Obviously that had been too much by their blank stares on her. She let it go. Remus grinned as he let them in on a secret.
"It's time." He waited as they all looked at him. "Time for what, my little doves? Time for me to tell you about Albus plan!"
He told them to meet him at a certain place where they could talk safely, and there he told them about the Order of the Phoenix that Dumbledore had recruited them all to. Remus knew how they felt, having had the same stunned silence when Albus had told him. Rumours were flying around, something was coming and they all had to be prepared.
::Okay, so I didn't know whether to make her an eagle like her name suggests, or a hawk, falcon, whatever. Not tons of choices in the U.K. for what I had in mind. So I just went with a hawk, she's not trying to stand out in bird form or anything so don't go picturing a bald eagle or something that trite. Think brown. Simple.
Next Chapter: We deal with the Order, business as usual…Maybe James and Lily will get married soon……
