Pulling himself together, somewhat, Sirius wandered back to his bike-Ava's-he stopped himself. Kicking it up into flight, he looked down briefly at the house only to see Rubeus leaving through the front door. He hurriedly came down in front of the house to meet the giant. Hagrid had Harry bundled up in his arms silently sleeping.
"Rubeus," Sirius tried, but it came out in a cracked croak of a voice.
"Sirius Black!" Hagrid was stunned to see the dark man stand in front of him. This wasn't the happy-go-lucky prankster he'd seen run around Hogwarts and then the Order meetings with James. "Yeh musta heard."
Sirius shook his head as his eyes closed tightly, his face in a pained expression. Hagrid tried to talk to him, to soothe him. With a free hand he set his big palm on Sirius shoulder. Hagrid felt badly for the man, struggling with his demons, his best friends had been in there. He comforted him the best he could.
Sirius couldn't deal with all this. The death of his two best friends, the death of his brother, the death of-of-- all in one night. He couldn't even find the words to begin to tell the big man who stood before, slightly put off by Sirius' tremendous grief and sorrow. He didn't know about Regulus, poor naïve Regulus, and Ava, sweet, sweet Ava. His soul cried out in pain all over again as he swam in the bereavement, the mourning of his family-his only family.
He took a ragged breath, looking up at Hagrid. "Give Harry to me, Hagrid, I'm his godfather. I'll look after him," Sirius looked at the little mess in Hagrid's arms, his family.
"No," Hagrid sort of turned slightly drawing the young one away from the desperate looking man. "Dumbledore's orders- he's ter go ter his aunt an' uncle's."
"There!" Sirius burst out, his emotions were beyond his control as they flew about. "He's better off with that scum traitor Snape than with inane puckle muggles!"
"Sirius," Hagrid began, trying to calm the restless soul. "Dumbledore trusts Snape-Severus, an' me as well. 'Arry's goin' ter the muggles."
"I'm his godfather! Doesn't that mean something!"
"Black-"
"That's what bloody godfathers do!" Sirius shouted, but not at Hagrid. He walked around as he talked gesturing wildly. Moreover, looking as though he talked more to himself. "That's what I'm here for! I'm for Harry, I'm all he's got left, and-"
Sirius stopped before he finished saying what he felt. He's all I have left. He fell quiet staring into the face of the sleeping babe in Hagrid's arms. "Please, Hagrid, Rubeus." His voice was quiet as he pleaded.
"I'm sorry, Sirius." Hagird shrugged his huge shoulders. "Ifin' it were up ter me?" he shrugged again to show he might do it differently. "But Dumbledore be havin' his reasons. Sorry."
"Fine." Sirius voice sagged even as his shoulders did. He knew that Hagrid was right. Dumbledore would have his reasons, and Sirius intended to ask him later. He walked over to his bike and walked it back to Hagrid. "Take it." he looked down and away, avoiding the sight of the bike.
"Yer bike?"
"I won't need it anymore."
Sirius let his eyes finally look at the bike, the chrome seemed to gleam where Ava had just polished it not so long ago. The more he stared at it, it seemed to dull right before his eyes. It drearily met the black of the bike, the tires, everything faded into a shadow of bike before his eyes, the shine, the spirit, the love gone. Or so it felt.
He watched Hagird go, heading over to Surrey no doubt where Albus would be waiting. Sirius started walking nowhere in particular. He walked in the dark, walked and walked. If it were possible, the sky grew darker than it had been when he had shown at the house. He couldn't bear to think of what happened next, but it was all he had been doing for the hours.
Remus. The thought hit him like a branch in the face. He had to find the rest of his family, but he had forgotten Remus. Moony. He didn't even know that Sirius had talked Peter and James into the switch. Remus would help him, he knew it. he would mourn with him. For James. For Lily. For Ava. And even for Regulus. Remus would mourn. Moony would help him, could help him. His family.
Sirius started kicking his legs to get them to walk, and within a few moments he could hardly stop them. His mind was reeling, but his body had a mission. Although he didn't know which way he had actually gone, his grief still too near, he was at least moving forward. Figuratively it was slow, while literally he managed just fine.
The sky was dark and the clouds covered his beloved stars. His eyes only adjusted so far into the light, and his sorrow and anguish held more back. The shadows haunted him and his memories begged to be remembered as he shoved them to the back of his mind. His goal was to find Remus.
Stumbling into the woods slowed him down as he made his way through the brush, undergrowth and branches. The logical part of his brain, the voice that said to seek Remus, knew there weren't woods planned on the route, but the rest of Sirius was working on backup-drive, and lucky to have even thought of Remus and to be moving.
Sirius hardly noticed the scrapes and bruises he acquired. Somehow, it didn't hurt when a branch would snap past him and leave its bloody trace. His emotions were hurt far worse. But he kept ignoring the memories that demanded to be dealt with. Meeting James for the first time-first year. Lily bringing Harry home. Ava. Just the thought of her was so painful that he didn't even a specific memory that wanted to be seen. He hadn't even been able to say goodbye. Didn't get to. Ripped.
For hours he walked. He came out of the woods and headed on his way. Sooner or later he was led into another forest, but didn't care. His driving force was his friend, family, brother--Remus. His eyes tired, and his body followed, but he kept on. The night still hadn't let up when his body fell down in exhausted fatigue.
It is said the darkest hours are before dawn and in that hour he slept and dreamt, unaware of his dream and took it for reality.
...-
Sirius sat in an uncomfortable chair, surrounded by people he knew. At first he didn't know where he was, confused, but awareness s came as he looked around, seeing his friends and acquaintances in black. Remus, dear Remus was by his side. They were at Ava's funeral.
He seemed to have some recollection of just having gone through this for Lily and James, looking over to his friend confirmed this, his sorrowful face. Things seemed blurred as she looked around, recognizing a few faces, but they didn't have an impact on him.
Various people stood up, saying a few words about their departed friend, but Sirius did not hear. By her casket, some drifted by, as if saying their goodbyes and some laying flowers on the half-covered top. The open coffin seemed the only choice, as it had for James and Lily as well, their friends had yet to say goodbye with their unexpected demise.
With Remus hand on his shoulder, Sirius watched as they walked on by, many murmuring parting words and comfort to him as well. He watched on as their friends from school drifted through, Isobel, Devon, Heath, and many others. Her coworkers came by, From Sven to Dale, the latter who was propped up by his wife, though pain etched on his usual composed features. Even Cain, Ava's long forgotten heartbreaker, deemed it worthy of his presence. The grind of Sirius' teeth made Remus look over.
Sirius remained quiet though. He knew the man regretted letting this woman go, how could he not? But Sirius knew this especially from the day he met him, or he should say, the day he met his daughter, Eve. The resemblance of names, moreover the regret was obvious.
Everyone trickled out, leaving Sirius alone, as he preferred. All save Remus, whom Sirius knew to be in the back of the room now, giving Sirius time to himself, but keeping him within sight. Remus felt his pain, for he loved Ava too, Sirius knew this. His brother was there for him, but not impeding him.
He walked up to the pictures, propped up on easels, and studied them. They were the pictures that Lily had taken with a muggle camera a while ago. It didn't seem that long ago to him, but in the same stance, it felt like ages before. There were three and they almost looked in successive order, more than they actually were. Looking at all three in a sweep of the eye it was almost like seeing them as a wizarding picture.
It had been so hard to get those pictures of her, but they showed Ava for what she was. Mystery. Striking. Unique. Natural. 'Elusive and exclusive' Lily had called it. Sirius couldn't look at them for too long, the pain was still too near. Collecting himself he walked toward the long daunting box.
People always say the dead look peaceful and asleep, but Sirius didn't believe it. He knew Ava was gone and he was just staring at an empty shell. That didn't make anything better, for it still hurt. He knew it, she wouldn't come back to him.
He reached forward, wanting to stroke her, but pulled back before touching her, self-conscious. Sliding his hands into his pockets he almost cried out in pain, emotional and physical shock. He pulled out the object hiding carefully.
It was the ring he had bought for her. Spinning it around, it caught the light in the stone. The silver circle supported a black diamond, cut into a star. He had thought it amusing and knew she would also. The diamond was black, a small tribute to their name, as was the fact it was cut from one stone into a star, again like their names. It met at a slight point, and was a very unusual ring that suited them. He couldn't hold back his emotions.
He had meant to give it to her that night. He had been fiddling with it all night and been on the verge of saying something when Regulus appeared. Remembering the feel of it then, aching to be worn, he reached down and slipped it on her finger carefully. It didn't bother him if it was slightly morbid, the ring belonged there.
Ave Maria Black. The words echoed through his head. He knew she would have agreed, but that didn't stop him from being nervous that night as he fidgeted with it. But it looked at home on her now. Ava Black. His Ava Black.His world seemed spent out in front of him, and he was unsure of what next. Remus walked up and placed a hand on his shoulder.
Sirius, completely in his dream, was unaware of how the real world went on. That he was being branded a traitor, and that things were chaotic. Harry had suppressed Voldemort's up rise, and the Death Eaters had yet to regain control of their own. He dreamt on, sadly a comfort, for it held Ava, but also a torture for the same reason. The ring in his pocket, the same one he dreamt about and truly had, slipped from its hide and was lost to the earth.
When Sirius opened his eyes he didn't know he had dreamed. He knew what had happened, but he didn't know it was all in his head. Stumbling around, he started on walking along again. Where had Remus gone? He really needed him now.
His heart was downcast, as were his eyes, which kept trained on his feet kicking along in front of him. Automatically, without even being aware, he changed into a dog. The feelings were far less intense, and he could continue walking without tripping over his heart.
He ran through the rest of the woods, almost dropping as he staggered into the plaza before him. It looked familiar, but he couldn't place it, nor cared. He wandered about, trying to mind his bearings. People seemed to move out of his way without any sign from him. He smelled as bad as he looked, twigs and leaves in his once beautiful hair. It seemed horribly long again and able to catch anything in its web and mess. Catching his reflection in a window he grimaced. He looked like shit. Refried.
Looking away from the glass and Sirius found himself somewhere he didn't recognize. He had let himself wander into an alley of small shops. Looking either way yielded no hope. Shrugging he picked a way and walked out. Only through luck was he able to avoid falling on his face when he bumped into a mass before him.
"Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?" he heard a voice and looked down to see that rat in front of him.
Fury stole his voice as he glared at the man. He fumed. His smoldering gaze melted the man in his eyes. He hated him.
"Traitor!" Peter howled at him.
He tried to say his name, but it came out broken and roaring. It was as if he were an uncaged animal. And Peter his meat.
"Wha-what are you doing?" The trash screeched at him.
Sirius face fell from a growl into confusion, he didn't understand until it was too late. Peter had slipped his hand up his sleeve, and even had the gall to smile wickedly at his once-friend. The scum continued with his act, screaming and howling like Sirius was in control. Before Sirius could even lunge for him, he was gone.
Within seconds he was blown backwards by the huge spell Peter had cast. Sirius shook his head rid of the smoke and magic, only to see the enormous crater and bodies scattered. He saw Peter's robes lumped in a pile and stained red, as were his own stained with others' blood. Voldemort gave him that power; Peter could have never managed that on his own. Sirius burst into maniacal laughter.
It all made sense. Wild sense. Nothing. Nonsense. Voldemort had gotten to Peter long ago. Sirius nearly vomited when he thought of how he had handed the prize to them. James and Lily. And he had been punished in his own way. The price had been high.
He couldn't help but laugh. The emotions poured out in this form as he laughed at the muggles crying about him and the police grabbing him. Even when the Magical Law Enforcement Squad came, he couldn't stop. His pain was coming out and it wouldn't go back. Nor would it be calmed. None recognized his anguish, his pain, his torment. The tears that accompanied the laughter didn't confuse any, for they took it as laughter in its highest grade. But they were tears of his heart, shards coming out, aching for sense to be made. It took twenty guards and hit wizards to drag his cackling and flailing, thrashing body away. None listened. All they heard was the laughter.
His laughter finally died deep in his dark damp cell. The rats disgusted him bringing the memories of Peter, and with that, the memories of his family. The dementors swarmed on him.
After they had fed for the night, and Sirius had cried out his tears and insane crows, he gave himself up to the gloom that he knew would take over his life. Sadly, at the dementors' will, his memories searched him out, and where in turn stolen from him.
A part of Sirius, still alive in the back of his mind, remembered words someone had once told him. Something about meeting someone in seconds and loving them in minutes, but needing a lifetime to forget them.
Sirius had it only partially right. Yes, it takes a minute to find someone special, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, and a lifetime to forget them-seconds, though if Dementors have anything to say about it. They thrived on his memories for sometime, his lovely, happy memories fed them. Ava was lost. He only had happy memories of her.
Parts of James, Lily, and Remus were lost as well. Peter was not lost, for it fed his anger. He was left with the memory of the traitor. It was not happy so they could not take it. He was left with the truth.
-'Fin'-
-'Perfectus…Latin for Finished!'-
:Okay, those that have made it this far, I will end it there. Sirius is certainly a dog whose bite far surpasses his muted bark. It was a loud bark though back in his Hogwarts days though! Peter better watch out, eh? Though for now, he is trapped, hence the muted bark. But then, we all know what happens don't we?
That is why I would like to offer, to any who wish, that I will write a final chapter on Sirius and Ava meeting again on the other side of the veil. But it will not be posted. It is just a personal thing. So if any want to see it, please email me, and I will send it your way.
(Is this better left as 2 stories or should I converge it into 1--i.e. attach thorned roads to the end of thorns?)
Thanks for the ride all, it's been great. To all you loyal readers out there -crickets chirp- thanx again.
Hope to see ya soon.
'Til next fic….
