Disclaimer: Duh. This is a fanfic, therefore I don't own anything besides the story itself - which is actually kind of taken from a TV show.

Summary: Why do I need a summary? Just read the story.

Don't get confused - it's Seamus and Dean talking in the beginning and the whole group at the end. Dean is in italics, except for the actual text.

> > > > >

THREE'S COMPANY STORY

with Tom, Percy, and Oliver Wood

It was a beautiful Tuesday morning. The birds were chirping. The sun was shining. The squirrels were doing... squirrel things.

And three young boys, fresh out of Hogwarts, were falling in love-

They weren't falling in love! They were fighting over the apartment we put on sale.

Excuse me, Dean. I prefer the romantic telling of the story.

What romance? They don't even like each other.

They do, too, Dean! You just don't notice because you're too busy watching Digimon!

It's a good show, Seamus! You should watch it, too!

I'm sick of you, Dean! This relationship is over!

Don't you walk away from me!

SMACK!

... silence... followed by soft weeping...

You hit me.

I'm sorry, Dean! I didn't know what I was doing.

I can't believe you hit me.

I'm so sorry, Dean. You know I love you and would never do anything to hurt you.

What are you talking about? You just hit me!

I said I was sorry! Geez, what more do I need to do?

I don't know. Maybe you could not hit me, again!

You started it! I was just trying to tell the story - but, no! You had to put your two-cents in! More like a freaking quarter!

What! That doesn't even make sense!

Ha ha! Cents - sense. That's cute.

Oh my, gosh, Seamus. Just stop talking.

But-

Just stop talking.

... 20 second pause...

Why were we here, again?

We were talking about the three boys in room 111.

Oh, right. Tom, Percy, and Oliver Wood.

The lovers.

Death Stare

I remember it like it was yesterday.

It was yesterday.

Shut-up, Seamus.

It was a Tuesday. I remember because that was the day Tai finally figures out his sister, Kari, is the eighth digi-destined.

I was sitting in my easy chair, wondering if I was out of shampoo, when this loud, annoying ringing was coming from the other room, followed by a rather annoying voice...

"Hello! Is anyone here? Someone should be here if someone owns this building! According to article 557, of the Wizard's Apartment Owners' Manual, issue 13, 'no apartment owners may leave their building unattended, when -' Ahh!"

A cow fell on the red-haired, former-prefect and silenced his complaints.

Dean walked out of his living room to see what all the commotion was.

"What's going on? I'm trying to witness the exciting conclusion of this week's Digimon!"

Seamus ran down the stairs.

"Oh, goodness gracious! Did that cow fall on anyone? I was just cleaning out the apartment for potential buyers."

Percy pushed the cow off of him - miraculaously recovered - and proceeded to complain.

"Why is there a cow in that apartment? Don't you know, that the Wizard's Apartment Sanitation Committee banned all farm animals in housing establishments, as of last March? You should, because you're an apartment owner and apartment owners should know that."

"Shut-up, Percy. What do you want?" Dean demanded.

(Rather rudely, I might add.)

(Shut-up, Seamus.)

Percy held up the classified section of the Daily Prophet. The ad said:

APARTMENT FOR RENT!

50 GALLEONS A MONTH; NO PETS; FAINT COW SMELL

"I claim this apartment."

Dean looked at the ad - but, he couldn't read, so it meant nothing to him.

"Okay," Seamus said and handed him a 90 page booklet. "Fill this out and the room is yours."

Percy took the booklet and left, Dean went back to watching Digimon, and Seamus took a long walk on the beach with his pet cow, Myrtle.

Just as Matt was slamming his head against the wall, that annoying ringing started up, again.

Dean stormed out, into the lobby area, demanding silence and french fries.

Sitting on the counter was a small brown package labeled: VERY FRAGILE! OPEN IMMEDIATELY!

But since Dean couldn't read, he picked up the package and violently shook it.

"Hmm... sounds like a book."

He hit it against the counter a few times.

"Yep. Definately a book."

Seamus walked in, and Myrtle was close behind.

"What's that?"

Dean tossed him the package, but Seamus doesn't catch well, and he dropped it. Myrtle freaked out and stepped on it.

"Whoops." Seamus bent down to pick it up. "It says to open it." So, he did.

It was a leather bound journal, horribly smashed up, now.

Seamus opened it and black ink magically scribed on the page.

"Eww... there's some gunk on the page." Seamus ripped out the first page and ink magically appeared on the next page. So, Seamus ripped out that page, too.

"What's wrong with this book? All the pages are icky."

Eventually, Seamus ripped out all the pages and Myrtle was eating them off the floor.

"Stop! Stop!" screamed a voice from no where in particular.

Tom Riddle, looking more evil than usual, charged in, spittting mad.

"You idiots! Can't you read? I said to handle it carefully. Not feed it to your bloody cow! I was trying to make a cool entrance, but now the portkey is probably dissolved in stomache acid!"

Dean wiped the spit off of his face.

"Did you want something?"

Tom pulled out the Daily Prophet, showing the same ad Percy had.

"I want it." Before they could reply, Tom added, "I'll take it. It would perfectly suit my evil, secret lair."

Tom left the soggy landlords to check out his new hideout.

Suddenly, Oliver Wood, trailed by three Bond girls, sashayed his way in.

"I understand there is a room available?"

Oliver flashed his brilliantly handsome smile, causing Seamus to get a nose bleed.

"Uh... actually, two buyers have already asked for that room," Dean said, "But, if you'll leave me your phone number-"

Seamus gave him the Frau look.

"I mean, I'm sorry. That room is taken."

Oliver put his hands on his hips and stuck his jaw out.

"I'm ready for a challenge. Who are my opponents?"

"Well, this isn't really-"

"I've finished the paperwork," Percy announced, coming in the door.

"Eww. It smells like cow up here," Tom said, racing down the stairs, "Who are these people?"

"I am Percy Weasley, former prefect of the House of Griffindor, in Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and current tenant in this building. Who are you?"

"I am Tom Marvolo Riddle, former prefect of the House of Slytherin, in Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, evil-genius extrodinaire, and current tenant in this building."

"I am Oliver Wood, Quidditch super star, really hot guy, and currently gonna cream you guys for this apartment!"

The Bond girls proceeded to cheer Oliver on and misspell his name.

Tom and Percy turned to Seamus and Dean.

"So, who's apartment is this?"

"Yeah! Who's apartment is this?"

"Don't repeat what I said."

"I'm not. You repeated what I said."

"That's impossible. I said it first!"

"Well, you've obviously got that hourglass thing Hermoine had in the third book."

"Do not!"

"Do, too! What is that necklace you're wearing, then?"

"My mom gave this to me!"

"Oh, yeah? Right before you killed her?"

All was silent, except for Dean chewing popcorn.

The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife - which is what Seamus did so he could keep watching.

Tom let out a battle cry, similar to Xena's, and pounced on Percy with the ferocity of Amy's cat, Cody.

Percy let out a girly scream, as Tom continued to slap him.

"Hey, I want in on the action."

So, Oliver tackled both boys and started to beat them up.

"Oliver! Oliver! He's our man! If he can't do it... we're screwed! Yay!"

Oliver paused in his violence to blow a kiss at the Bond girls - who promptly fainted - and continued with is demolition.

Nicole stood in the background taking pictures.

After an hour or so of this, Dean felt it was time for him to step in.

"Alright, alright. Break it up."

Once the three were up and standing, Dean went on.

"Now, we've got a situation. You three want the same apartment, but there's only one apartment for rent. Who should get the apartment?"

"I should. I got here first and filled out all the paperwork," Percy said, holding up the 90 page booklet.

"Oh, thanks," Seamus said, taking it from him, "That wasn't actually for the apartment. I just needed someone to do my taxes."
"I should get the apartment, because I'm smarter and I'll pay more," Tom said, flashing some coin.

"I should get the apartment, because I'm dreamy," Oliver Wood said.

Seamus and Dean exchanged looks.

"Okay, Oliver wins."

"Wait!" Tom stepped in. "Oliver, you said you wanted a challenge?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, let's have a race! Winner gets the apartment."

"Okay, I'll give you guys a head start," Oliver, very kindly, offered, "1.2.3.4.5! I win!"

Oliver had his hand on the cow.

Tom and Percy looked at him, dumbfounded.

"Why do you win?"

"I touched the cow first."

"Who said the cow was the finish?"

"No one."

"Exactly."

"But, no one said it was anything else, so, logically, it was the cow."

Seamus and Dean nodded in agreement.

"Oliver Wood wins."

The Bond girls cheered.

"No! I demand a rematch!"

There were groans from the Peanuts gallery - but not from Snoopy, because dogs don't groan.

Percy glared at them.

Oliver Wood grinned, happily. He liked competition.

"Name the game."

"I choose... Clue!"

Everyone gasped. Dean, too, causing him to inhale a popcorn kernel.

Seamus brought out the board game and set it up.

"I'm Professor Plum!"

"I'm Col. Mustard!"

"I'm Mrs. White!"

Everyone started at Tom.

"What? I like aprons. Is that so wrong?"

The three began the game and it carried on for several minutes, until...

"Miss Scarlet, in the lavatory, with the spork," Tom correctly surmised.

"So Ein Mist!" Percy said, throwing down his cards. "I want another rematch!"

"What? You mean a re-rematch?"

"Yes. A re-rematch. This time, I choose Dance Dance Revolution."

The gang went down to the local arcade where more Bond girls gathered, and some asians.

First up was Tom. He danced so stiffly, he made the machine break down.

After the machine was repaired, Oliver Wood took his turn. His moves were super saavy, but he had terrible coordination and never hit any of the right buttons.

Last up was Percy. The boos quickly became cheers as he managed to nail every move perfectly. He finished with a score of 100 - A.

"Wow, Percy. How'd you do that so well?"

"He practices every day, for hours. It's why he lost his job and can't afford a better apartment," Ron said, randomly appearing in this story.

"Shut-up, Ron. It doesn't matter, because I won, so I get the apartment."

"But I won at Clue!"

"And I won the race!"

"I have a perfect solution to your problem," Seamus cut in, "Why don't you all live together?"

"Yeah! And so you don't have to figure out what 1/3rd of 50 Galleons is, I'll just triple the rent!"

"Wow! That's a great idea!"

"Yeah! You're so smart, Dean."

"And really handsome-"

Okay! Cut! We never agreed to that!

Yeah! There's no way we're paying three times the rent.

But you guys signed the contract.

What contract?

The one I gave Oliver.

(Tom and Percy look at Oliver Wood, who is eating a pie.)

What?

Oliver, did you sign a contract?

Maybe.

Where'd you get that pie?

He said I could keep it, if I signed the contract.

What!

... choking noises are heard...

How could you let Dean triple our rent for a pie!

I... like... pie... (choke)...

Don't kill him! Then we'll have to pay even more!

Fine. But, I get dibs on the bedroom!

No fair! I wanted the bedroom!

First one there, gets it!

There!

What?

You're touching the cow, again, Oliver.

You never said where "there" was.

Oh, no. You're not pulling that crap, again.

What crap? It's completely valid.

No, it's not!

(Bickering continues in the background.)

And that concludes the tale of the boys in room 111. This is Seamus and Dean, and these are the days of our lives.

> > > > >

So, that's it. Did you like it? I like it. A couple of my friends liked it. You should like it, too.

Oh, just to clarify, Nicole is my friend who likes to take pictures of boys going at it - just a hobby. And Amy is my other friend who had a lot of cats - Cody being the only one she likes. The Bond girls are from James Bond - duh. They hang around Oliver Wood because he's hot. Myrtle isn't from The Great Gatsby - because she's not cool enough to be a cow. Myrtle is just a really good name for a cow - sure beats Betsy and Rosey and Fatso, etc.

Thanks for reading. : )