Disclaimer: I own as much as I did last time.

Summary: See below - you know, under the title.

So, if you're reading this one, I'm assuming you've read the first one. If you haven't, READ IT! Everybody loves it. Ebert and Roeper gave it two thumbs up. Even the Daily Planet had a two-page, front cover article on the rave reviews it got!

Okay, I made that up. But you should still read the first one first. That's why it's the first one. This one isn't as good, but what can you expect from a sequel?

This time, Seamus is in italics.

> > > > >

THREE'S COMPANY STORY II

with Tom, Percy, and Oliver Wood

Some people suffer from alcholism. Some can't stop gambling. There are even some who are addicted to their work... (cough) Batman (cough)...

But, Percy Weasley, former prefect at Hogwarts and current resident in room 111, has the worst addiction of all - DDRism.

Yes, the ideal student, although, a tad bit annoying, of Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, suffers from the growing epidemic that is putting a crutch in today's society.

Dance Dance Revolution, originating from Japan, is taking this generation by storm, causing good, decent teens to dance like idiots. They are then subjected to a grading system based on how the computer rates your performance. Those with good grades may feel satisfied and stop playing. Those with bad grades tend to repeat attempts for an A, or commit suicide.

Oh, DDR is quite a dangerous game. Not for the weak at heart. I would say-

Shut up, Dean, and get on with the story!

(ahem)

Percy Weasley lives in apartment 111 with two others: Tom Riddle and Oliver Wood.

One day, Tom demanded Percy see help about his DDR addiction.

Percy denied it, of course, although all the classic signs were there: humming DDR music, lack of quarters, walking forward, backward, side-to-side, then jumping 90 degrees four times.

"You need help, Percy," Tom said, "This has gone on for long enough."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Percy said, landing a perfect spiral, one and a half summersault.

"All this dancing around! Yesterday, I was trying to work out a potion and just as I was adding the last ingredient, you started jumping, I put it in the wrong vile and-" Tom pulled off the nightcap he was wearing. "My hair turned pink!"

Oliver Wood, who was watching Saturday morning cartoons, started to chew on Tom's hair.

"Gross! What are you doing?"

"I thought it was cotton candy." He then went out for a hot dog.

"I can't be an evil genius with pink hair, Percy. It just doesn't work. You need to get some help."

"I'm telling you, Tom, I don't need help." He proceeded to do the Charleston.

"I didn't want to have to do this. Broccoli men!" Tom clapped his hands and three oversized broccoli men came out of the closet. "Seize the red-haired one and take him to Dance Dance Revolutioners Anonomous."

The broccoli men apprehended Tom.

"Stop! I said the red-haired one! I have pink hair!"

The broccoli men dropped Tom and went after Percy, who was "hustling" out the door.

Big and stupid, as broccoli men are, they got stuck in the doorway and allowed Percy enough time to get away.

Oliver Wood was upset. All the Saturday morning cartoons were reruns, Tom's hair tasted bad, and the hot dog cart ran out of hot dogs.

Actually, first he ran out of money, stole the hot dog cart, and then ran out of hot dogs. So, now he was stuck with empty pockets, an empty stomache, and an empty hot dog cart.

Oliver Wood didn't know what to do... until he saw Percy running down the street. Well, he saw Percy, but he was staring more closely at the three broccoli men chasing after him.

"Mmm... broccoli...," Oliver murmered before dashing after the big vegies.

Being as athletic as the young Quidditch player that he was, it took no time to catch up and devour the first broccoli man. Then the next. Then the next.

But still, Oliver's stomache was unsatisfied. He wondered if he was pregnant.

Snape had seen a lot of weird stuff in his life. He had been a teacher at Hogwarts, you know, before Harry Potter lost it and demolished the school - "it" of course being his prized Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.

But now, Snape had retired from that and was a licensed doctor, making his money by selling organs on the Japanese blackmarket, so he never expected a request this unusual to be asked of him.

"Excuse me? Dr. Snape?" Oliver Wood sat blinking at the paralyzed practician in confusion. "Don't you do pregnancy tests here?"

Snape recomposed himself by adjusting the Warner Bros. tie he got as an anniversary gift from Lupin.

"We do do that here, Mr. Wood. Although, it's... uncommon for... a being such as yourself."

"Oh, I see," Oliver Wood said, looking discouraged, "You don't test Scottsmen."

"No, no, no! It's not like that. We, uh...," Snape looked around his office for some inspiration during this brain numbing experience, "We need more information."
"Information?"

"Yes. Like the child's... other... parent."

"You mean my baby's daddy."

"Sure."

"Alright." Oliver Wood got up. "I'll come back when I figure out who my baby's daddy is." He left.

Snape rubbed his temples.

This was no way to recover from his temporary bout of insanity - curse that Harry Potter. The doctor said plenty of bedrest and a healthy supply of Gundam Seed. Not to provide medical advice to male pregnancy patients.

Maybe it was time to kick the bucket.

Snape pulled out a pail from his closet and kicked it.

The pail broke the window. Snape peered out to see if he'd avoided a lawsuit. Instead, what he saw was Oliver Wood. Snape nearly fainted when he heard him cheerfully ask, "Are you my baby's daddy?"

Percy was ready to admit he had a problem.

This problem was Tom.

Tom M. Riddle was the thorn in Percy's side, always complaining and nagging and sending broccoli men after him. Percy just wanted it to stop. So, he formed a plan: Get rid of Tom.

The details hadn't been created yet, but Percy was proud to have the general idea down. So proud, in fact, he decided to celebrate with a game of DDR.

Percy grooved on down to the arcade, where he was ambushed!

!GASP!

A blue-haired evil-genius walked into the dim glow of the streetlight - which was unnecessarily lit, since the sun was out.

"So, Percy. We meet again."

"Tom," Percy said, from his hanging position in the net, "Imagine running into you here. What can I do for you?"

"These gentlemen," Tom gestured to Percy's ambushers, two hulking bananas-

B-A-N-A-S-N-A-

Shut-up, Seamus!

Anyway, Tom said, "These gentlemen will take you to DDRA, where you can get better."

"Knoooooooooooow!" Percy screamed in the wrong context.

"I know you hate me now, but wait till you get better." Tom patted him on the back. "Then you'll hate me even more."

The bananas carried away the pathetic former-prefect to the dance treatment center.

Tom looked around and spotted a Tetris machine.

Well, while I'm here, Tom thought to himself, inserting a couple quarters.

"Are you his baby's daddy?" Snape asked, with shock.

"I think so. It was crazy that night. I don't who I impregnated," admitted the friendly, neighborhood Spider-man.

"Can't you do a test to check if he's my baby's daddy?" Oliver Wood asked.

"Um... yes. Let's just run those tests. It will take a couple hours, so maybe you two should discuss legal guardianship, child support, maybe... marriage."

Oliver Wood and Spider-man looked at each other, obviously thinking the same thing.

"I'm too hot for him," Oliver said.

Spider-man nodded. "It's true. There's a reason I wear this mask."

"Okay, then. You two can discuss things further in the conference room across the hall." Snape pointed out the door.

Oliver Wood and Spider-man headed into the conference room discussing babies, bottles and the last episode of the O.C.

Snape sighed with relief and began spreading peanut butter on his desk.

(filed at the Critical Video Gamers Institue, by Dr. Pepper):

Patient 8675309 has exhibited a severe addiction to the Japanese game, Dance Dance Revolution, also referred to as DDR.

I first psychoanalysed the patient in an hour long therapy session to determine his relationship with his mother.

He was then subjected to shock therapy conducted by myself. (heh, heh)

The patient was becoming hysterical, so I allowed him to be tranquilized.

There was a mix-up with the darts and now the patient is in a comatose state. No word has been reported on his recovery. We can only hope his condition improves - or his insurance clears.

Grocery List:
- milk

- eggs
- bread
- cheese
- those cute little koala bear yummies

(end of document)

It was a hard day for the tenants of room 111.

Percy was put in a coma, Tom's hair keeps changing colors, and Oliver Wood got the most upsetting news.

Snape tried to explain to him how Oliver's physique could not possibly handle a child. Oliver retorted with, "Are you kidding? Didn't you see me last year? We won the Quidditch Cup with me!"

Snape then tried to explain the differences between males and females, but Oliver plugged his ears, shut his eyes, and chanted, "happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts," so, Snape stopped.

Finally, Snape just told him he lost the baby. Oliver started to cry and muttered, "What?... When?... Was I out of the room?"

Snape finished off his bottle of aspirin and called Tom to pick Oliver up, but Tom was still at the arcade.

It was sadly ironic, but as Percy was being treated for his addiction, Tom was developing one of his own - to the fast-paced world of Tetris.

Yes, the hair-color-changing, former-Slytherin-prefect, evil-genius of the 80s, 90s, and today, became hooked to the block-dropping phenomenon.

He was promptly picked up by the same mental institute he'd sent Percy to.

Now, with the combined efforts of Tom and Percy (Tom woke him up by singing the Gilligan's Island theme song), they managed to escap the clutches of Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb (Dr. Pepper's alter-ego). They, then, swung by Snape's office and picked up Oliver Wood, who was still muttering about his miscarriage.

The three returned to the apartment, where they've locked themselves in for three days past their rent due date.

They are fortunate to have such a kind, gentle-hearted, understanding landlord, whose most handsome and attractive-

Shut-up, Dean. You tried to "smoke" them out. If I hadn't stopped you, you'd have burned down the whole building!

It would've worked, if you hadn't put the fire out right away!

I was trying to save the building!

Liar!

What did you call me!

A liar! Liar, liar, liar! Liar!

(sob) Why are you yelling at me? (sob)

Gosh, I'm sorry, Seamus. I didn't mean it.

Yes, you did. You hate me!

No-

It's because I'm fat!

No! You're not fat.

I am! (sob) I wish I were dead! (sob)

(Chuck Norris walks in)

You're not fat, or at least you won't be once you buy the Total 1,000,000! Turn that blubber into rock-hard muscle! See how easy it is.

(Chuck Norris begins using the Total 1,000,000)

As... you can see... this machine... works your abs... and your biceps-

(Tom sticks his green-haired head out the door)

Shut-up! We're trying to watch Digimon in here!

What? Digimon!

(Dean crashes through room 111's door)

So, you work your abs and your biceps?

(Walter Cronkite walks in)

And that's the way it is.

> > > > >

Is that what Walter Cronkite says? Is that how you spell Cronkite? I'm not sure but it sounds good so I'm leaving it.

What'd you think of this one? Yes, it's lesser than the first, but how do you top that? I mean, come on, that was a masterpiece.

Okay, I'm done inflating my ego... but you're welcome to in your reviews!

Thanks for reading. : )