Review please!
Last time in Hobbiton, Merry and Pippin had confessed their love, as did Frodo, when Gandalf the Wizard walked in...
"What's going on in here" Asked Gandalf, in a surprisingly calm voice, since he had just heard two love confessions and had already noticed the fact that Merry had his hand up the back of Pippin's shirt.
"Erm...not…um…much...um...didn't expect to see you for a while...um …I'd have made more food if I'd known...um…" trailed Frodo lamely, going a slight tomatoish colour. Pippin and Merry removed their hands from various places on their persons and stood trying to look slightly innocent, but sadly, failing.
"What's this talk I heard as I walked though the door of love? Getting married to a nice young hobbit girl are we?' Bout time too, in my opinion, cause by the time I was your age Frodo, I had many a girl chasing after me!" Said Gandalf, making the poor hobbits even more uncomfortable at the sheer thought of Gandalf in any relationship…euch...
"Well...um...it isn't girls exactly...just um…well us...really..."Said Pippin meekly, as Merry nodded fervently along to his words.
"Yup, that's correct Pip, just us." Put in Merry, in agreement with his new-found-love and co-antagonizer. Gandalf pondered this quietly for half a second before realization dawned.
"My my! You two! It can't be done! It..."
But Merry interrupted Gandalf short and said"Oh believe me, it CAN" Said Merry with a look of pure love and lust at Pippin.
Frodo just stood there, waiting his turn on the rack. Gandalf looked shocked at the two smug lovers. They knew about something Gandalf did not, it was one of their great triumphs.
"Well...I never. Might have known some tomfoolery of this sort from you two Peregrine and Merriadoc" But now Gandalf's piercing gaze rested on the one hobbit not to say anything, Frodo. He loved Frodo like a son, and now seemed like a good time for a long and meaningful chat. He did not want those idiots to rub their low morals on to his ring bearer.
"Out of here you two. I need to speak with Frodo"
Frodo gulped and wondered what the hell would happen next, it's not as if only one elf in the whole of Middle Earth went under the name Legolas…hopefully...
Gandalf sat down heavily and looked at Frodo with caring eyes, he hoped it was not too late to save his friend. "Well, they will be in trouble, I should think. " He paused as he noticed just how uncomfortable the blue-eyed hobbit looked"Frodo, I must ask you not to go down the same path as that pair, please uphold your righteousness…"
Frodo tuned out the wizened wizard's words and hummed a tune in his head. Gandalf finished his speech on what was morally proper and then left Bag End and Frodo to his tune.
Soon, in the house of the Tooks, some way away, two young hobbits discussed their futures…
"We have to tell people, there ain't no other way Merry. I…" He stopped abruptly as Frodo, tears streaming down his face, burst through the door.
"He…He...He…He said…"Stuttered the inconsolable hobbit"He said I can't...he said he would be angry if...I...if...I…" He broke into another bout of sobbing. Pippin threw his arms around his cousin, and Merry patted his shoulder in an attempt to be consoling. He wasn't particularly good at these kinds of situations.
"If there is anything we could do to help…anything at all" Asked Pippin, trying to mop up his cousin's tears with a flower-patterned hankie.
"There is one thing...I wondered if...um...I could…well…I understand if you don't want me too…" trailed Frodo, as he sat up and blew his nose.
" Anything Hun, anything at all. If it makes you feel better we will do anything at all," promised Pippin. Merry was still patting Frodo's shoulder dispassionately.
Frodo looked up, a slight twinkle in his eyes, "Anything?" He asked hopefully, a small smile playing on his lips. Merry found this slightly disconcerting and immediately stopped patting his shoulder. Pippin also looked slightly shocked at his older cousin's sudden change.
" You're just looking for sex, aren't you?" Pippin cried incredulously.
Frodo's smile became wider and he replied in a quiet, calm voice, "Well, you did say anything to make me feel better. Or did you not mean anything you said?"
Pippin flustered for a moment, his mouth opening and closing. Merry thought he looked rather sweet, in a fishy sort of way. After about two minutes of Pippin floundering, Merry getting turned on and Frodo giggling, Pippin said in an exasperated voice,
"But…but…you were in emotional anguish! I was trying to ease your pain! Don't just sit there and giggle!" He cried as Frodo collapsed to the floor from laughing so hard.
"You…are…so…grown…up! You remind…me…of…my mother!" Gasped out Frodo in between laughs.
Pippin just gaped at Frodo some more before turning to Merry,
"Dearest love, I don't exactly see you helping any!" He said angrily.
Merry snapped out of his reverie in which various items of clothing were no longer on Pippin, and looked at his angry boyfriend.
"Frodo…um…well…" Merry gestured a bit and then said to Pippin, " I'm afraid I just cannot get through to him at all…maybe we should just…play along?" He asked hopefully.
Pippin threw up his arms in defeat and went to go put the kettle on. It was going to be a very long night.
lil' rook: thanks for the review, nice of you to say. I wrote that about a year ago, so if spelling is awful, then oh well. And about legolas and frodo, no idea is the answer. I'm yet to decide on that one.
