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We begin today in one of the many glades of Mirkwood, where an elfish prince was entertaining some special guests…
"And then I smashed in his head with my fist and ripped out his insides with my knife. After that all the Orcs were too afraid to come anywhere near me, so I just took out an oliphant in thirty seconds flat for fun."
"Oh Legolas, you are soooo brave!" Squealed the blonde girl to his right, while the brunette to the left looked on adoringly.
"Don't forget handsome," added Legolas happily. The ring thing had really paid off. Now he was an internationally renowned pretty boy and hero and he had all the girls he wanted, which was currently about twenty. They were all seated together in a natural hot spring. Several of the girls had protested it was too hot for their swimwear even and had stripped off. He had to do this more often.
Suddenly, a sturdy mass of ginger braids and iron stepped into the glade.
"Bloody hell Elf-boy, where the hell did this lot come from?" Asked Gimli, eyeing the sea of naked and nearly naked bodies before him. "Ye in there somewhere Elf? I can't tell 'cause to me you're as a big a girl as the rest of them."
Legolas huffed in indignation and thought about shooting Gimli. It might scare off the ladies though, so he just climbed out of the pool in as haughty and annoyed a manner as possible.
"What do you want Dwarf, I haven't got all day…" Legolas drawled unhappily.
"Sorry to take ye away from yer duties as 'pimp'," said Gimli, trying not to laugh. "Its Aragon's birthday next week and I was wonderin' if ye were goin' to grace us with yer presence or no."
Legolas turned to his devoted girls and asked loudly, "Up for a party ladies?" They chorused a 'yes' as one and then turned to each other to discuss what they should wear.
"I'll come, can't disappoint my girls, can I?" Said Legolas with a smile. He had more women than Gimli and he was proud of it.
"Eh…one more thing Elf," said Gimli just as he turned to leave. Legolas raised a questioning eyebrow. Gimli leaned forward conspiratorially and asked in small voice, "Why have none of yer women got any hair? They look a bit weird t'me and they say hair is a sign of virility these days. Just to mention, ye know?" And with that he turned and strode purposefully out of the glade.
Legolas climbed back into the pool and while one of his women massaged his feet and another braided his hair, he pondered Gimli's words. He looked about him at the mass of beautiful, shaggable women before him and shook his head. He was just jealous of all my babes, thought Legolas, and he relaxed inside.
One thought kept permeating his mind, demanding to not be ignored any longer: 'What if that means I'm uncool?'
