Love Letters are all from Draco Malfoy.
oOo
So you're back from the dead and your friends get all the credit. And why not? They were there for you while I was alone in my bed trying to avoid being hexed every ten seconds for hurting the Boy Who Lived and all that. And the howlers were no picnic, either. But I kept my mouth shut and that should count for something, right?
Do you think you ever might really love me? Merlin, I've been spending too much time alone. Draco Malfoy, lonely enough to day dream about Witch Weekly's favourite wizard. Pining over a pinup. Ridiculous.
I know one of your secrets, so it's only fair that I tell you one of mine. I've been lonely my whole life. No one around me ever looked at me the way you did, like I was worth something besides my name, beautiful in a way that had nothing to do with my hair or my skin. You told me I looked like an angel, and it wasn't creepy like all the times my father's friends said it.
So now you know my secret, too. I miss you. And now you're back and you look at me across the room, sometimes, just like you used to and for a minute I feel like the only person in the world, and it isn't lonely at all.
oOo
I'm a coward and I always have been. Self preservation is one of my most valuable skills. I'm a Slytherin! You've known me forever; you should have known that I'm no bloody Gryffindor brave in the face of fear. But it wasn't just fear, it was terror, and I had to. I couldn't just stay there like that and then you said I could go if I wanted to, and I'm sorry I ran, but I had to get away.
A good thing I ran, too, because I spent the next hour puking in the bathroom like I'd taken one of those disgusting Skiving Snackboxes, listening to the most annoying ghost I've ever met. She was worse than Peeves. And my hair was all stringy and my face was all red and blotchy and I was sweating from everywhere and there were boogies running down my face and my eyes were watering so hard I couldn't see. I was repulsive.
I tried to be brave, be like you, but it just isn't in my nature and I panicked. I thought it would be alright, there were all those other people around and you were smiling and laughing, even and for a minute I was happy. And then the bell rang and everyone went off to class and then we were alone in the staircase and I haven't been alone with you in so long. Granger and Weasly are always flanking you and it's not like we were ever friends, not really.
You can't just go from laughing and smiling to looking at people like that. I wasn't ready and you looked like you were going to devour me and then you were standing so close and I thought you were going to kiss me again and I remembered what it was like to have your whole body pressed up against me and then everything was throbbing and I was dizzy and I thought, if I just held my breath and closed my eyes it would be okay.
But you wouldn't let me close my eyes and then you brushed up against me and I flinched. I didn't mean to do it, but I've never felt anything so hard in my life. I know you could see it in my eyes, like a frightened animal trapped in a corner.
Why do you have to be so bloody noble all the time! If you had just kissed me it would have passed and everything would be okay, and you wouldn't hate me now. Again.
oOo
I know I should hate you right now. I should be planning your untimely death with glee bordering on psychosis, but I'm too tired. I should be bubbling over with rage and shame and humiliation but all I feel is this sick numbness. I'm cold and tired and all I want to do is sleep, but when I dream I dream I'm drowning.
You let me hear it from Hermione, Granger, the Mudblood, whatever. She's not even my friend, she hates me, and even still she feels bad enough about it to come crying to me begging for forgiveness, or penance or something. Like she has betrayed me and couldn't tolerate that, even if it is a prat like me who doesn't deserve it.
She told me everything. That it was her that kissed you. That you kissed her back. That you kissed for hours. She told me that she knew I had run when you tried to kiss me. Didn't say that you told her, but no one else knew, so her loyalty made little difference.
I asked her what it felt like, because I can't remember. She told me. It wasn't enough, but she's a clever witch, that one, and she found a way to give it all to me. A nasty little charm. I should never have taken it, but I did, and now I know.
I'll never be able to make you happy, but she's just what you need. She loves you, and she's your friend and she'll make you feel better and never run away from you or let you down. Besides, she's suitable. No one could possibly object to her, not even me.
